Work Text
Ghost was in a battlefield. One he knew quite well from his past. It was the dirt and grime he knew from Mexico, and the same familiar
awful
voice in his ear. Manuel Roba was there, and e realized the dirt he was standing on was the dirt he’d soon be in
“
It’s okay, English. Just go to sleep.”
A pinprick, one Ghost could feel, and the next thing he knew, he was once again in that ground. A few steady breaths, and he began to hear a voice beside him. One that was familiar and should have been comforting in any other circumstance. A voice that was anything but comforting here. The voice of one
John “Soap” MacTavish
.
“Simon? Simon? Where are ye?”
As Simon took in his surroundings, he saw Soap lying in the coffin, right next to him.
Johnny isn’t supposed to be in here.
Simon knew Soap, he knew
Johnny
. Soap was light, the light of fire in eyes, somebody that could brighten a room, just by stepping into it. But
Johnny
, Johnny was
life
. Was all things moving, and green, and
breathing
.
Johnny wasn’t supposed to be in a coffin,
alive
.
Simon began to feel the bugs crawling on him. They were getting everywhere. When he tried to open is mouth to respond to Soap, to
Johnny
, the bugs crawled out of his mouth. Ghost began to fight. Began trying to brush the bugs off of him, off of Soap. Like a hydra, they would come back. At some point, Johnny’s body stopped moving. The bugs ate him quickly, leaving nothing but a skeleton.
Ghost woke up with Soap almost halfway across the room, empty trash bucket at his side. The visual in front of him plus the feeling of wet dripping off his mask gave Ghost a pretty good indicator of what had happened here, in the waking world. However, Soap must have taken his silence for anger, as he began to stumble over his words.
“Ye weren’t- ye weren’t wakin’ up, sir. So Ah thought- Ah thought that dousin’ ye wi’ water could help, cause it’s wha’ me mam would always do when Ah was a wee youngin’. But ye still didnae wake up, so Ah got yer can and - ye really do keep nice ‘n here, glad it was empty - but ye needed to wake up, clearly. So Ah got yer can and completely soaked ye wi’ water Didnae mean to do so much but ye were just tossin’ and turnin’ an’ yellin’ and were near gettin’ to screamin’ an-”
“Shut the fuck up MacTavish.”
Ghost could only rub his eyes in annoyance. Of course he knew why Soap of all people saw him this torn apart, they had fallen asleep in the same bed for chrissake. And of course Ghost felt bad for waking Soap up with his nightmare, but hearing the circling rant was too much for Ghost’s still fucking rattled brain.
“Simon if ye wanna talk about it-”
“I don’t. Now go back to sleep.”
Soap gingerly got back into the bed, carefully trying to avoid the massive wet spot that encircled Ghost. Ghost himself did not move an inch to make himself more comfy.
If I scared Johnny, hen i’s only fair to be uncomfortable for the night. I’ll clean it tomorrow,
he rationalized. He knew Soap was only trying to help, but “talking about it” was the last thing he ever wanted to do. So, when Soap laid down in bed, Ghost couldn’t fight his own feeling of relief that plowed through him. Ghost didn’t sleep at all for the rest of that night.
The next morning dawned way too slowly and way too calmly for Ghost. He usually preferred to be up and moving before the dawn broke, but with Johnny asleep beside him, there was no way he could force himself to leave. Not because he wanted to stay in bed, but because it was Johnny in the bed with him. Ghost didn’t want to leave because he knew Soap needed all the sleep he could get, especially after dealing with Ghost’s night terrors.
So Ghost didn’t move. He stayed in his bed until Soap woke up, and even then, didn’t move until Soap did. Soap was always one to wake slowly when he was able to, and with the alarms not going off for another fifteen minutes, Soap was able to wake as slow as he wanted. Ghost loved the sight of a still-sleepy Johnny, though he currently felt too awful to do anything about it.
“Mornin’ Lt. Ah’d ask how ye slept, but Ah think Ah ken already.”
Ghost’s responding hum was enough for Soap, who got out of bed just as slowly as he’d awoken. Ghost didn’t allow himself to stare too long. Ghost followed Johnny out of the bed, and got dressed quickly, clinically, like he wanted to be anywhere else than right here, in his own room.
Soap, seeming to feel some sense of urgency in Ghost’s actions, got dressed just as quickly. His movements were smoother though, not as angry and harsh.
“Ah ken we’re goin’ for breakfast then? Ah hope they got bacon, Ah’ve been starting to miss it a wee bit. Ah’ve got a few rookies to train later today ye ken, but other than that Ah’ve got nothing to do, so if ye aren’t doin’ anythin’, we could go on a small walk around base. Could help ye out.”
Soap kept rambling, and Ghost eventually tuned most of the words out. He liked the sound of Soap’s voice, but there was just something in the morning air that pushed all of Ghost’s rationality out the window a bit.
“Goddamn Soap. I’ll take the fuckin’ walk, let’s just start by getting something to eat, yeah?”
“Och. Ah, yeah sir. Let’s do tha’ first.”
“It was your idea. Let’s go.”
The pair walked to the mess, Soap still talking a mile a minute about everything and nothing. Ghost didn’t say a word. Breakfast was much the same, with Ghost completely silent, and Soap doing all the talking. Price seemed to raise an eyebrow for a second, when Ghost didn’t rise to the obvious bait that Soap had set up for a truly
heinous
dad joke, but went right back to his coffee right after. (Soap himself had faltered after Ghost didn’t respond to the joke, but made a note to go back to it later.) Gaz didn’t seem to be fully awake at all, staring at his breakfast like it had wronged him personally.
Clearing their plates was quickly becoming something that Ghost greatly appreciated, simply because it meant getting away from the
incredibly loud for 6:00 am
rookies. Soap didn’t seem to have any issues about any of it, seeing as he was also being incredibly loud, but for six in the morning. Any other time of day, and his voice level would have been normal. But at six am, every voice was much too loud for Ghost’s liking.
Voice too loud or not, Soap managed to pull Ghost onto their usual walking path for the night patrol. With it being the regular daytime hours, patrol would be stationed up in the towers, meaning the pair wouldn’t run into anybody. It took only two minutes of walking in silence before Johnny started to talk again.
“About last night. Ah ken ye get nightmares a lot, but this one seemed worse than the lot of ‘em. So. Kinda sorry about wakin’ ye, but also, Ah’m no’ really sorry at all. Either way, the water probably wasn’t a good idea, in retrospect. Ah’m sorry about tha’ at least.”
“Johnny. It’s fine. You didn’t know what to do. It was effective, and did the job well. Just, yeah, we should find a way to keep the water out of it from now on.”
“Okay.”
The rest of the lap was completed pretty quietly, with random “hellos” thrown out by Soap whenever the pair passed another individual or group walking by doing their own morning walks. Something that was fine with Ghost, because he wasn’t the one that had to do the talking. Call it a win for him.
Nearing the area where they had started their walk, Soap started fidgeting more, rolling his shirt between his fingers, or tapping said fingers in the air like he was playing some sort of invisible piano. Either way, it was clear to Ghost that something was eating away at the other man.
“Look, Ghost, Ah haveta get goin’ so Ah can train the rookies, but if ye need anything, ye ken ah’m just in the trainin’ field, okay?”
“Sure Johnny. You solid?”
“Aye sir. Just worried about ye and how yer doin’. Ye seemed rattled.”
“I’m solid. Go get to your training. You’re gonna be late soon.”
Ghost watched Soap walk away, and couldn’t shake the feeling in his chest that he had somehow said the wrong thing. As he turned around to head inside to his own office, Ghost didn’t miss the way that Soap turned around one more time to glance at him.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
It had been months of the same shit now. Every night, Ghost would have some nightmare that ended in him watching Soap die in various ways. Johnny kept trying to convince Ghost to let him stay for the night, but after the nightmares continued for over two weeks, Ghost began to refuse to let Soap in. Literally, Soap stopped being allowed in his room, which was always supposed to be their space that they shared.
If he’s not here, listening to me scream myself awake, then he has to be getting some sleep.
Was Ghost’s argument, both to himself, and to Johnny. Johnny, for his part, was trying to fight that logic, saying that he wouldn’t sleep well in his own room either, knowing that Ghost was more than likely screaming himself awake every night.
Ghost would also like it recorded to anybody that would care, that he was not screaming himself awake
every
night. That had actually stopped after the fourth week of nightmares. From then on, he’d just been waking up silently, at 2:28 on the dot, drenched in a pool of his own sweat, and immediately running into his en-suite bathroom to have a fun little panic attack. He got used to only getting maybe two hours of sleep a night, and having to take some tiny power naps while secluded in his office trying to fight through paperwork.
He still even was able to attend all three meals during the day. It was always during those meals too that he was able to silently watch Soap. He’d been looking like he was doing okay. Maybe a faint shadow under his eyes, but that was par for the course, knowing him. It was likely that he was simply losing sleep through his own ADHD-creating-insomnia energy that he’d always had.
Ghost never really spoke during those months either. He’d remain silent during meals, trying to eat and get out as quickly as possible. Then, at night when Johnny would
try
to be allowed in, Ghost would go through the same song and dance of denying the other entry, until Johnny seemed to just. Give up. Then Ghost would only talk if somebody spoke to him first.
Every other aspect of their schedules was still the same. They trained at the same time that they usually did, just without the same banter that they usually had. They even went on a couple easy missions, where Ghost never spoke unless he absolutely had to, and Soap was still attempting to reach out, make jokes.
The pair were going on month four of not really talking to each other, when Price stepped in, and cornered Ghost in his office, where he’d been hiding since breakfast.
“Look. Whatever you two muppets have going on here has to stop. Soap isn’t looking good, and you’ve had your head too far up your own arse to see it. So, you two are going to talk. Properly. By the end of this week, I either want you two to have made up, or for you two to request leave so that you can make up off-base. Either way, this has to stop.”
With his rant over, and giving Ghost no time to respond, Price left again, leaving Gaz standing in the doorway, looking a little shocked. The stack of papers in his hands begins to slip a little before he snaps himself out of his shock and holds the stack out.
“I just wanted to give you these. It’s all mine and Soap’s paperwork. He said he’d give them to you yesterday, but got caught up in the motor pool working on the cars. He’s been there all night actually. Anyway, I was just gonna put these on your desk and head out.”
Ghost just nodded silently, as Gaz stepped in, put the papers down like he said, and headed back towards the door.
“Actually, sir. Um, if you could go and try talking Soap into resting a bit, that’d be great. He’s been working himself to the bone.”
“I’ll go Gaz. Thanks.”
“Course sir. Best of luck.”
Ghost saw that as the best permission he was going to get. Standing up from his desk caused his knees to pop, and as he stretched, he briefly lamented how old he was beginning to sound. It was then that Gaz’s comment had struck Ghost. Soap had been in the motor pool, apparently all night working on the cars.
They definitely had mechanics for that
.
As Ghost stalked the halls, he started to hear loud clangs coming from the door to where soap was supposed to be, and even hearing muttered curses. Opening the door found Soap, with his hands and arms dirty with motor oil and dirt, and his face showing streaks where he tried to wipe his sweat away but ended up just spreading mess around.
I miss him
, thought Ghost, before quickly shutting that down fast.
“Alright, Johnny. Take a break for a minute.”
“Steamin’ Jesus, Ghost! Fuckin’ warn a man would ye?” Johnny didn’t yell but it was a near thing.
“Gaz said that you’ve been here all night. Wanna explain why?”
“Aye, well, it could be cause some bawbag decided that Ah should stay away from him because he doesn’t wanna ruin my sleep schedule or some shite. And Ah can’t get him to see reason that Ah’m not sleeping well either way.”
“Okay. But you’ve got more chance sleeping in a different place than me, than having to listen to me panic every night.”
“So fuckin’ what Ghost? Ye ken Ah don’ really give a shite about ye needing some help to sleep. Ah’ve needed help, it’s only fair that Ah help ye too.”
“So it’s some sort of trade-off for you, MacTavish?”
“No Ghost. Of course it isn’t. But Ah’m just sayin’, if ye are awake, Ah wanna be awake with ye.”
“I’m not letting you ruin your sleep schedule just because I can’t stay asleep.”
“And so yer solution is, what, to separate yerself from me, so ye don’ have to watch me stay awake? We both know that neither of us have been sleepin’ well. We’ve been over this time and again by now, Ghost. Just man the fuck up, and let me try to help you sleep.”
Ghost simply sighed, understanding that neither he nor Johnny were going to give up their stands.
Stubborn bastard
, Ghost thought.
“Look, Johnny. At least
try
to let yourself sleep, and don’t stay here all night again. I don’t want to make it an order, but I will if I have to. And promise, I
will
be checking that you’re in your room tonight.”
“And now yer treatin’ me like a misbehaving child. Make up yer fuckin’ mind, Ghost. Do ye care about me or no?”
“Of course I fucking care Johnny,” Simon hissed, understanding fully that this is a conversation that he does
not
want to be having in a frequently-visited area of the base, like where the pair are at now. “It’s because I care that I want you to get some sleep. And getting any sleep at all means not sleeping in my bed. It’s because I care that I’m telling you to not stay in here another night.”
“You’ve got a real funny way of showing ye care, Lt. Now, if ye don’ mind, I’ve been asked to attempt to fix a few more cars. I’d like to get back to it, if ye’d let me.” Soap’s voice was so cold, so detached, so unlike the Johnny MacTavish that Ghost was used to, that Ghost had to take a step back and sputtered for a second.
“Yeah, sure Sergeant. Have fun, and hope you get it done soon.”
Ghost walked out of the motor pool, and made it back to his own quarters in record time. He took only a second to realize where he was, before everything came crashing down around him. Somehow, he had not only
not
fixed whatever was going on between him and Soap, but he’d somehow made it way
worse.
Soap didn’t even know that there was an ultimatum placed above them.
Ghost, despite knowing that there was still time for him to attempt to be productive, or at least appear to be, began to feel like there was
too much.
There were too many things touching him, too many things that were incredibly uncomfortable, too much sound and light and noise and thoughts.
Hastily, and not fully realizing what he was doing, began to remove the worst offenders for his discomfort. The boots and socks were the first to go, followed by the minimal amount of gear he always wore. The cargo trousers were removed, quickly pulling a softer pair of sweatpants on. The shirt was discarded, thrown somewhere unknown, before a jumper was thrown on over his bare chest. The mask was the last thing to go, and the last thing to disappear into the growing mess on the floor.
Simon himself didn’t really know where to go to hide from all that was happening. Scanning his room, his eyes landed on the bed where he usually slept. More specifically, on the limited amount of space
under
said bed. It would be a squeeze to fit all 189 centimeters of person under the bed, but goddamnit, he didn’t have a choice. It was either he hides under the bed, or he has his emotional breakdown in the middle of his room, where anybody that gets in could see him immediately.
As he thought, it was a tight fit, but fit himself Simon did. Once he was fully under his bed, he felt the tears begin. There was no stopping them, though he definitely tried. Sniffles could be heard echoing around the room for a good long while. Ten minutes passed, though Simon wasn’t aware of them, then twenty, then thirty. At minute forty-five, Simon felt his body begin to protest his sudden onslaught of emotions, and demand to rest. Simon couldn’t fight back before he fell asleep.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
When Simon opened his eyes, he was still under a bed, though there was something different about it. There wasn’t as tight a fit between his body mass and the metal bars of the bed above him. He was even able to stretch his feet out and not his the wooden edge of the bed that he knew should be on every military bunk.
Then he heard the footsteps. The ones that made his body tense with some instinctual fight or flight. The ones that he’d caught himself listening for every time that Price would get a little too angry after a mission gone bad. The footsteps of his father, coming home already drunk, already looking for the son still at home to lash out at.
Looking around, Simon could find nothing that he could even try to defend himself with. Though he did see something out of place. Another child, one that he’d seen before, but only in photos. A young John MacTavish, huddling in a corner, looking the same age as the young John MacTavish that Simon had managed to catch a glimpse of from one of the childhood photos that Soap would have in his room.
Simon couldn’t even try to speak, to call out for Johnny, before his bedroom door opened, and the smell of cheap alcohol and cigarette smoke wafted in. The sound of hissing accompanied the sound of the hinges creaking, and his father chuckling.
“Simon, I always knew you were stupid, but I didn’t think you were
this
stupid. I should have known you were a fag. Always too caught up in girly shit. Guess we should give your
boyfriend
a proper greeting.”
Every word was said with such an audible sneer that Simon felt himself backing away, further and further into the wall of his room, away from where his father’s voice was originating from. Simon’s view of Johnny was blocked off by the legs of Simon’s father, and then his body as the man bent down to a kneel in front of the child cowering in the corner. Simon couldn’t see what was happening, but could definitely guess, based off the screams that began to originate from the same corner Simon couldn’t see.
***
Ghost’s eyes flew open so fast that it took him a second to realize where he was. He was still under his bed, on base. There was the wooden beam at his feet that he could hit if he moved the slightest bit, and the pressure on his sides was almost bruising into his ribcage. And the screaming he’d heard was his own, muffled by the floorboards below him, and the bedding that had wound up on the floor in front of him.
Crawling out from his self-made cocoon, Ghost noticed his clock on his bedside table. 2200 hours, and no sound of anybody out in the halls. Rooting around the room for his mask, Ghost recalled his threat to Soap to make sure the man was in his own quarters. Pulling on the mask he’d found on the floor (the one he barely remembered throwing off his face in the first place), Ghost left his room and went straight for his Sergeant’s. Noticing the light on through the crack at the bottom, Ghost dared to knock, knowing that Soap was often forgetful of things like turning off lights.
That did not seem to be the case this time though, as the instant his fist connected with the metal of the door, feet shuffling could be heard inside.
“Ah’m almost there, don’ get yer knickers in a twist.”
The door swung open much faster than Ghost anticipated, bringing him face-to-face with Soap before he could really settle on what he was going to say. Thankfully, Soap beat him to it.
“Lieutenant. To what do Ah owe the pleasure?”
“Following through on my promise from earlier.”
“Aye, right. Should’ve guessed ye were serious about tha’.”
“When have I ever broken a promise before, Soap?”
“Guess yer right again.”
Ghost took a second to study the man before him, and study him like there was a test the next day and Ghost wouldn’t be able to see Soap for it. Something in his eyes wasn’t matching up fully with the smile that Soap was trying to force onto his face. The darkened circles under his eyes were still there, of course, but Soap’s eyes themselves were bloodshot, looking like the man had been crying. The puffiness around them didn’t help either, nor did the obvious tear tracks, now that Ghost was really looking.
“What’s going on with you, Soap? You look like shit.”
“Nothin’s wrong with me, sir. Ah’m right as rain, and solid as can be.”
“Sure. Now try saying it again, but more convincingly.”
“Ghost, there’s nothing wrong with me now, that wasn’t already discussed previously in the day. Ah’m as solid as Ah’ve ever been, and all is good with me.”
Ghost simply hummed, deciding that letting the matter drop was likely the best course of action while he and Soap were already at slight odds with each other, though he didn’t like the idea.
“Anything else you need Lt? Now that yer honor is upheld.”
“No, guess that takes care of everything I need. Have a good night MacTavish.” Ghost took a step back.
“You too sir.”
The door shut in Ghost’s face. It wasn’t as though Soap slammed it shut, but he simply hadn’t cared enough to let it close quietly like he normally would. And the instant Ghost heard the lock click back into place, all his anxieties began to rush back.
What if something happens to Johnny? Maybe I was right to keep him close, cause then I could protect him
. Ghost’s mind was a tricky place for him to navigate usually, but this time, all of it was straightforward. Ghost could not let anything get to
his Johnny
Sergeant MacTavish. Thankfully, the man’s room had no windows, so there was no threat from anything on the outside. However, there was still the threat from everybody that walked through the hallway.
Setting up a silent vigil at Soap’s doorstep, Ghost could only thank whatever lucky stars he had left that all the other people had either gone to bed, or decided that they’d take a longer way back to their rooms, as he wasn’t sure how he would be able to explain his hovering at Soap’s door to anybody who would ask. Either way, he readied himself for a long night. Thankfully, he was excellent with patience, and was able to let himself remain alert, but drift away the slightest bit from his standing on a hard concrete tile flooring.
Some time around 2 in the morning if Ghost had to hazard a guess, he began to hear the slightest of sounds coming from the room in front of him. The bed creaked, as though somebody on it had removed themselves, and incredibly quiet feet padded across the floor into what Ghost could only guess was a different, connected room.
Bathroom, probably, had to piss
Ghost thought before he could faintly hear retching coming from the room.
Johnny was clearly not doing well with whatever was happening in there, but Ghost remained stubborn enough to not enter and check. Everything went silent again for a second, and just as Ghost’s resolve against breaking in and checking on Soap began to waver, the man himself threw the door open and blinked confusedly up at Ghost.
“Ghost. Wha’ the fuck are ye doin’ here again.”
“Still wanted to make sure you were gonna actually spend the night in your room. I guessed you would have just left as soon as I was gone earlier.”
“It’s three in the bloody fuckin’ morning. Ah don’t really have the kind of patience fer this. Get ta fuck in here, before I close the damn door again.”
Ghost, always one for following orders, did as he was told. Didn’t matter that technically Soap was a lower rank, this was
Johnny
. And as much as Ghost wanted to distance himself for Johnny’s sake, there was no hope that Ghost still wouldn’t follow where he’d lead.
“Now. Do ye wanna tell me what the hell yer actual problem is there Simon, or are we still gonna play this damn game of avoiding the topic.”
“Bloody ‘ell. I noticed you were crying earlier Johnny. Wanted to know what was going on. Wanted to- I wanted to keep you safe.”
“So ye stood outside my fuckin’ door.” Johnny pinched the bridge of his nose. Even without light in the room Simon could see Soap clearly. “How the fuck have you not been for a psych eval. Ye ken, I don’t wanna ken. Just- shite. What the fuck is happening.”
Ghost stood silently, allowing Johnny his moments of verbal breakdown. It took a few minutes, where nearing the end, all the annoyed muttering just turned into some weird mix of Scottish and English, but Ghost didn’t really care. He had Soap in his visual, and was able to watch over him much closer now. He, though he knew he shouldn’t have been, was happy.
“Look, Ghost, if I cannae convince ye to get in the fuckin’ bed with me for whatever goddamn reason you want to give me, fine. But at least sit down on the goddamn chair. We have to try and discuss this. Cause I cannae keep goin’ around like this.”
“Okay, fine. I’m not fuckin’ good enough for you Johnny. I’m not, and I’m kinda tired of you pretending like I am.”
“First of all, Simon. Ah’m not fuckin’ pretending anything here. Ye
are
good enough, because Ah say ye’re good enough. Also, thinkin’ that ye aren’t good enough for me means, what? That ye’re good enough for some other bird? Cause ye could’ve at least told me that ye weren’t interested in me anymore.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“It’s fine. Ah donnae really care anymore. Sure, I heard ye screamin’ some lassie’s name, but it’s apparently fine now, cause ye think ye aren’t good enough for me. Ah’m going back to sleep Lieutenant, and Ah don’t really care what the hell you do with the rest of the people on base.”
Ghost stood, silent, bewildered, as Soap did just as he said. He laid down in his bunk, rolled over to face away from Ghost, and pulled the covers over his head. Ghost left the room making no sound from his movements or voice, and flicked the lights off on the way out.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Getting back to his room, Ghost stood in the same silence that had haunted him since Soap had finished talking. What the fuck did he mean “some new bird”? Ghost hadn’t cared about women romantically ever, let alone while he was around Soap. Deciding that there was nothing more he could do about it tonight, Ghost laid down in his actual bed this time, and attempted to fall back to sleep.
The next morning came quick, and with it came a severe lack of
something
. Ghost realized what it was almost immediately. There was a severe lack of a certain loud annoying Scotsman knocking at his door pulling him to breakfast. At breakfast, the lack continued, and it lasted through the entire day. A day that Ghost spent out with the rookies (much to his own surprise), and a day that he saw nothing of either of the usually-everywhere sergeants. By nightfall, Ghost was realizing that there was an entire lull across the entire base.
It was a quiet day into a quiet night, until, that was, a knock sounded firmly on the door.
“Son, you better open this damn door soon or I swear to God nothing will save you.”
Ghost tore the door open like it has offended him personally. On the other side stood Price in all his magnificent and angry glory. He stepped into Ghosts room quickly, knowing that the man was about to close the door in his face, insubordination be damned.
“Sure, make yourself comfortable,” Ghost muttered as Price pulled the desk chair out and settled himself directly on it.
“I need you to explain to me why the fuck my best demolitions expert, who never asks for leave, just told me to send him on any mission I had then asked to go home as soon as I said I have none.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah it's shit, Simon! Gaz couldn't tell me anything more than that you had pissed Soap off, and then shut up. So you better start talking. I told you that I was okay with your relationship as long as it didn't affect the team. And this is affecting the team.”
“I think, sir-”
“No. No ‘you think's. I need you to
know
.”
“Okay. He thinks I slept with a woman.”
“And did you?”
“Of fucking course not, sir. You of all people know I don't like women romantically or any other way.”
“Then why the fuck didn't you explain that so him, Riley?”
“I tried to Price. He didn't let me explain and he kicked me out.”
“And you left?”
“What kind of monster do you take me for, of course I did.”
“You two are fuckin’ muppets.”
“What the fuck should I do?” Simon was at a loss now. His tone still carried some remnants of anger, but Price could hear the genuine pleading in his tone as well.
“He's in Glasgow. Go
talk to him
. Explain what the hell happened, and then take some extra time off to balance everything else.”
“Yes sir.”
Price left as quickly as he entered, and with no less bravado. The door slammed behind him again, and Ghost was left to gather his bags quickly and prepare for some sort of mock leave. Though he knew his brain would be focused on the mission mentality of
Get Johnny Back
.
As Ghost threw his clothes into a bag, he quickly did his best to gather some form of roof over his head before fully deciding on an actual plan for finding and talking to Soap. Thankfully, weeks of forced leave with Soap before had made Ghost familiar with Glasgow, and the small town outside of it where Soap lived. Either way, a hotel or some sort of accommodation on the outskirts of the city would get Ghost close enough for his liking, but not close enough for Soap to find him too easily if he were looking.
Good news for Ghost, he was much better at civilian driving than driving under gunfire, almost as though the lack of a driver's license was a minor detail for him. Borrowing a car from the motorpool wasn’t challenging either, especially seeing as first, Price had signed off on it, and second, Ghost was definitely not the person the poor rookie placed on car duty was gonna question. Either way, he was on his way to Scotland only about two hours after Price had first contacted him.
Driving wasn’t that much of a calming activity for Simon, having had too much time spent in the car with angry people, or in vehicles that were far too cramped with people who were (seemingly) still figuring out how to use deodorant. Driving by himself wasn’t nearly
that
bad, he reasoned early on, but it was still too much time to think and second-guess his actions. Going to Scotland, completely on a whim, because there was a slight chance he may be able to get to the bottom of whatever problem Soap may or may not be having? Ghost pressed down on the gas a little harder.
I’ll just get settled in first. Then find Johnny.
A rudimentary plan, sure, but what was he supposed to do? He knew he should give Soap at least a day or two to calm himself down some. But “calming down some” didn’t
necessarily
mean without Ghost’s eyes kinda nearby, right? Soap could be emotionally compromised, Ghost continued to reason. And being emotionally compromised could mean lowering defenses, which could definitely lead to bigger problems. Ghost shuddered to think of the possibilities at all. Hardened military men or not, things slipped into drinks could happen to anybody, something Simon knew firsthand, really.
An addendum to the second step of Ghost’s plan then.
Find Johnny, and don’t let him out of our sight.
Guess the hotel Ghost was originally going to stay at was going to go largely unused. At least for the first bit of time on this leave. Though it didn’t matter all too much to Ghost, as long as Soap was safe, and as long as he knew how he was going to go about catching back up to him.
The rest of the drive didn’t pass
quickly
, per say, but it was quicker than Ghost would have liked to get to the hotel he’d gotten a room at for the week. Check-in was surprisingly smooth, though Ghost could guess that the black medical mask and overall stature was a bit intimidating to the twenty-something girl at the reception desk. Getting to his room was equally smooth, the stairs being nearby and not completely sketchy-looking. Plus, the duffel Ghost was carrying wasn’t any heavier than the gear he usually wore, making the whole thing pretty light work.
Getting into his room, Ghost remembered why he didn’t like staying anywhere besides his room on base if he could help it. Checking rooms for bugs and any sort of tiny camera was a necessary caution, but a caution that didn’t settle his nerves a ton. Finding nothing in the civilian hotel, Simon gingerly set his bag on the floor, and tried to remember if there was anywhere in particular that Soap would talk about going in his hometown.
The first place that came to mind was a small bar in his town that he liked, though Ghost also remembered saying that Soap wouldn’t usually go on the first day. The first day of leave, for Soap at least, was spent cleaning his house out, and getting food to throw in the fridge. The man was an unusually good cook, though he naturally rarely cooked anywhere but home.
Deciding that no time was better than the present, Ghost grabbed his car key, his phone, and his wallet, and then headed back out to the car he’d left in the parking lot and decided that it was time to find Soap.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Getting to Soap’s hometown by memory was much easier than Ghost had anticipated, though he was pleased by his progress in his mission so far. Nestling his car in some car park that was relatively busy and didn’t look like it would be investigated too close if a car stayed after nightfall, Ghost only took his essentials with him on foot.
Making it to Soap’s house was equally as easy for Ghost, which left a slightly bad taste in his mouth. He was more used to missions going tits-up by now, so having nothing go wrong felt off. Like there was a step he was somehow missing, despite making the plans himself. Either way, he pressed on, leaving some space between himself and any sort of window that Soap- or any of his neighbors- could have seen him in.
The house itself was quiet, almost still. There was no sound coming from the inside, no light coming through from the windows. In fact, all the windows were still closed, the blinds and curtains all drawn. Ghost couldn’t tell if Soap was even home or not. Though his general schedule on leave would have stated that the man was home, this wasn’t exactly a normal leave for Soap. There’s nothing to say that he decided to do things out-of-order this time around. It wasn’t like he knew that Ghost was going to follow him.
With that thought in mind, Ghost settled into a hiding place that was decent enough to stay in until nightfall at least. Ghost could only thank the same god he never believed in that Soap’s house was far enough away from most people that nobody would come snooping. Well, except for Ghost himself, though he wasn’t a neighbor.
Settling in, Ghost watched the house and the driveway for hours. At some point he dared to move enough to eat a small granola bar he had tucked away into a pocket, but that was it. He was a good sniper for a reason.
It wasn’t until long after nightfall that Soap’s car pulled into the driveway. The man himself stepped out of the driver’s seat, stumbling a little. Ghost knew the look in Soap’s eyes without even having to see them. The Scot was drunk, how he managed to make it home from the bar that was a few miles away without getting pulled over was a mystery. Ghost continued to watch as Soap stumbled into his house, and shut the door behind him. Ghost never even heard the lock click.
Waiting an extra hour or so, to make sure that Soap wasn’t leaving was no issue for Ghost. After he deemed enough time passed, Ghost stepped up to the front door that Soap had entered through previously, and turned the handle. Feeling that it wasn’t locked, Ghost went through his own pockets for his spare key. Soap had given it to Ghost on their last leave, after Johnny had leaned against Simon too much for Simon to grab a house key from Johnny’s pocket. The next morning, Simon had found the spare attached to his own key to his apartment.
Using said spare key, Ghost locked the door, before going back into his spot. For the first time while here, Ghost wasn’t entirely sure how to proceed. He knew that after a night out, Soap was likely to sleep in, likely until nine or ten the next day. However, he also knew that by that point, the sun would be up, and getting back to his hiding spot without alerting any neighbors would be hell on earth. And there was no way for Simon to approach Soap, after so much time around the man without a mask on, Soap knew his face well. (Not that Simon regretted any of it, quite the opposite.)
Ghost reasoned that staying in his place would be best, using the food he’d squirreled away if he’d needed to, and still being able to keep an eye on Johnny through the night. Relying on his patience and military training for a mission like this was easy, especially because he knew his target well. Noting that there was nothing more coming from the house in front of him or from the other houses around, Ghost forced his mind to silence, and allow the time to slip away.
The night passed far too quickly for Ghosts’ liking.
The morning brought with it stiff joints and a reposition of his hiding spot for Ghost. The neighbors mostly seemed to have some sort of civilian nine-to-fives, which meant that Ghost was moving his location relatively often to avoid detection by all of them. Around ten in the morning, Ghost began to hear movement coming from the inside of the house he was protecting.
Music started playing first. It was a well-known fact to anyone who knew to Scot that if he was awake and had nothing of extreme importance to do, there would be music playing around him. It was clear that Soap didn’t like the quiet. With that said, it made Ghost’s life just that much easier to know where Soap was at any particular time.
Soap never left his house while the sun was up, leaving Ghost with very little to do through the daylight hours. After spending a few leaves together before, Ghost recognized this as Soap picking up his regular leave schedule. Going about cleaning his house, and making lists of what he needs from the shops was the usual order of the day for the first, now second, day of leave for the pair.
However, around sundown, Soap left his house again. There was no telling where he was going, at least to Ghost, and there was no idea of why the other was leaving his schedule in the dust. Granted, Soap was his own person, and, as Ghost well knew, this was no ordinary leave for the pair of them.
Not wanting Soap to be out of his sight for too long, Ghost raced back to his car, uncaring by now if neighbors saw him. If they did, oh well, it’s not like they had any true proof that he was three beyond their own eyes. And it was dark, which aided Ghost’s chances at not actually being seen. Either way, seen or not, Ghost made it to his car in peace, where he was able to follow Soap. Plus, Soap wouldn’t know his vehicle, seeing as it was just one of the random ones from base, not Ghost’s personal vehicle. Soap’s car however, was his own, making it easy to follow for somebody who knew it.
Ghost was able to trail Soap all the way back to the bar, presumably the one that he had visited the day before. Shedding the mask, Ghost decided that his best bet would be to enter, and avoid actually being around Soap, though nearby enough to keep an eye on the man. Though he’d be uncomfortable with the amount of people around, there’d be enough other things happening to keep Ghost relatively undercover.
Finding a booth in the corner, Ghost was able to find Soap almost immediately. The man was leaning against the bar, staring down into the glass in front of him. Though Ghost couldn’t read his emotions from this far and in this lighting, Ghost could picture what exact face Soap was making through having seen it multiple times before they had started dating. Soap’s heartbreaking looks into his glasses was a face that Ghost had never wanted to see again.
And now Ghost was the cause of the face, which made him feel awful.
As Soap looked around the room, his gaze settled for a brief second on Ghost. Staring long enough to squint suspiciously, Soap simply shrugged and turned back to his glass. Ghost could see the faint flush rising through Soap’s face, understanding what exactly had occurred.
Soap, being mildly drunk, saw Ghost, and decided that questioning his presence wasn’t worth it, or that he wasn’t actually there. Ghost remained devastated, though a bit more understanding as to why Soap was at the bar again.
Tomorrow, I’ll talk to him
.
Ghost left quickly, setting enough money to pay his tab on the table. He went back to his car and drove back to the car park near Soap’s house, deciding to wait back in his bush just in case until morning. After that, he’ll take it all one step at a time in deciding how to talk to Soap.
The time passed quickly again, trying to determine when Soap would get home. Ghost was so lost in his own thought that he was surprised to hear a car pull into Soap’s driveway. Soap stepped out of the driver’s seat, stumbling the entire way. How he made it home safe again was a mystery. Falling this way and that, Soap just barely made it to his doorstep before collapsing.
Ghost couldn’t just watch Soap simply lay on his porch, defenseless and blacked out. Leaving his bush, Ghost stepped over to Soap and picked him up. Letting himself into Soap’s house was just as easy as the night before, seeing as the door was unlocked once again. Laying Soap into his bed, Ghost figured that the best way to talk to Soap was just to stay the night. Placing himself on Soap’s couch, Ghost let himself fall asleep.
The morning sun rose, and found Ghost still asleep on the couch. Once the sun hit his eyes however, Ghost’s eyes opened and he started to busy himself around the house. No matter why Soap hadn’t left his house yesterday, it was actually
not
to clean the place. There was still a layer of dust that covered everything, including the couch that Ghost had slept on.
Beginning to clean may have been the easiest decision that Ghost had made yet this leave. The dust would have to go, the place needed to be aired out, and there were dishes in the sink that needed to be cleaned. Soap wouldn't be awake for hours yet, so Ghost knew he had some time.
Cleaning, while not super therapeutic for Ghost, still made him feel relatively okay. Knowing that he was helping Soap made him feel that much better too. Ghost was able to clean, gather some groceries, as well as begin making breakfast by the time Soap woke up.
As eggs were cooking on the stovetop, a door opened and then closed from deeper in the house, before cautious footsteps could be heard. Soap rounded the corner to the kitchen and stared at Ghost.
“Morning, Johnny. Figured you’d be hungry.” Ghost started.
“How tae fuck are ye in mah house Ghost?” Soap sounded more confused than angry, which was a decent place to start, all things considered.
“Y’left the door unlocked. Figured today would be a good a time as any to try to talk. Do you want some eggs, or no?”
“When the fuck- y’ken what? Sure. Fuckin ‘ell my head hurts. Hangovers suck.”
“I know they do. But that’s why there’s food.”
Plating the eggs and setting them on the table, Soap only gave Ghost a suspicious look before sitting down.
“Goddamn Ah forgo’ how well ye cook.”
“Glad you enjoy it.”
“Almost enough to make me forgive ye.”
“Wanted to talk about that, actually. Wanted to understand what exactly you thought you heard.”
“Ah ken wha’ Ah heard, Ghost. Ah heard ye screamin’ some other bird’s name.”
“What name, Johnny?”
“ Ye kept yellin’ fer a ‘Jenny’. Didnae even ken there was a Jenny on base.”
“There isn’t. There is, however, a ‘Johnny’ on base.”
“What the hell are ye tryin’ to say, Simon?”
“I wasn’t yelling for a Jenny. I was having a nightmare and yelling for a Johnny.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Soap sat silently blinking. Ghost continued trying to explain himself.
“I was having a nightmare. I was under my bed and fell asleep. My muffled screaming must have changed how I sounded to you. I don’t know anybody named Jenny.”
“But what about before? Did ye have to avoid me before this? And ye didn’t have to be an ass about all of it.”
“I didn’t want to keep waking you up through the night. I don’t sleep well, and after that one night where you had to wake me, I didn’t want to keep waking you up. You need to sleep too, even if I can’t.”
“What if Ah want to be awake with ye? What if Ah want to help you, even if it means that Ah’m losing just as much sleep as you are. So what if Ah’m tired?”
“I don’t want you to be. I want you to be well-rested, because one of us has to be. If it can’t be me then it has to be you.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it, Simon. Wake me up when you’re awake. Let me help you, and don’t pull away from me when I try. That’s fuckin’ final. Do ye hear me?” The sternness in Soap’s voice was underlined by a pleading tone, one that had made Simon cave before, and would make him cave every single time that it was used.
“I hear you, Johnny. I’ll do my best.”
“That’s all Ah’m askin’ for. Now, can we go onto the fact that you’re here? Ah ken ye siad that mah door wis unlocked, but that doesnae mean ye should juist barge in here.”
“I know. But I was worried. You never leave your door unlocked.”
“And does your worry have anything to do with my neighbors texting me about the guy hiding in my bushes? Or is that something else that
I
should be worried about too?”
“How the fuck did they know?”
“Security cameras, Simon. They have cameras. And maybe Ah should get some too, if that’s how yer gonnae behave instead of just talking to me like a normal person.”
“I’m not normal though.”
“Yeah Ah gathered that. But do ye still wanna explain? And give me the truth this time.”
“Okay, I
was
actually worried about you.”
Ghost’s retelling of his time spent outside of Soap’s house gave the man some time to eat his breakfast, and begin to clean. As soon as Simon noticed, he got up and began trying to help. Soap quickly shut that down.
“Go sit. Yer my guest now, doesnae matter how the hell ye managed to get here. Ah’ll take ye around th’ town again, we’ll find somethin’ to do.”
“You know I’m happy just to be here with you.”
“Ah ken, but yer on leave too. Ah’m sure it wasnae too fun in that bush.”
“You’d be correct, but that doesn’t mean we have to travel now.”
“Aye. If ye wanna stay in, all ye had to do was tell me.”
“I want to do whatever you want to do.”
“Really leavin’ it up the imagination there, Si.”
A low chuckle could be heard from the man still seated at the table, and Soap was very visibly blushing. Simon hadn’t felt proud like this in a good second. Soap’s stutter at the sink also didn’t go unnoticed.
As soon as Soap had finished up his cleaning of breakfast, he sat across from Simon again.
“I’m thinking we go through the gardens downtown, see what’s growing. Then we’ll go for lunch and try to catch a movie. We’ll figure out the rest of the day after that,” Soap stated. Simon simply nodded, too stunned at Johnny’s quick thinking. Both stood, and Johnny disappeared into his room to dress and bring out a change of clothes for Simon. Thankfully, there was enough left after Simon’s previous stays (and that Johnny had
stolen
borrowed without asking on base) to create an entire outfit.
The day itself was a nice one, and Simon felt comfortable enough to simply tuck a medical mask into his back pocket before leaving. He told himself that it was for emergency use only, though he anticipated not having to use it at all. Plus, the smile he got from Johnny was enough to convince him that it had been the correct decision.
As the pair left, Johnny giggled about catching his neighbor’s concerned glances at his imposing shadow. Watching Simon awkwardly wave definitely didn’t help the situation. The giggles turned into full-on laughs as said neighbor glared at Simon before swiftly disappearing into her house.
“Yer so lucky that nobody called the cops on ye, Simon.”
“Don’t I know it.”
As the pair walked to the nearby gardens that the pair had visited quite frequently when they were on leaves, Johnny was almost crying with laughter at how many people were glancing at Simon with looks of varying interest, confusion, or outright glares, though those came mostly from Johnny’s neighbors. It didn’t matter much to Simon himself, who was on cloud nine just to be walking with Johnny, and not ten steps behind him.
The gardens were as gorgeous as Simon had always seen them to be, though the flowers were different than the last time he and Johnny had been here. He was struck for a brief second with thoughts of his mum and Beth, who would have loved some of the flowers that were growing.
Joseph would have enjoyed this too
, Ghost realized with a bout of melancholy.
Shaking the thoughts off, Simon focused back on Johnny, who had apparently been staring at him for an unknown amount of time. He could feel the blood rising into his face. As Johnny led them onward towards whichever flower bed struck his fancy, Simon found himself staring at the man more than the rest of the flowers, mentally cataloging each one and trying to remember all that Johnny paid particular attention to. He was debating pulling his phone out and making a list of all the flowers when Johnny pulled him to rest on a bench.
“Knee’s actin’ up. Think it’s gonna rain by the end of the day.”
With no hesitation or thought to his actions, Simon reached over and began to massage the offending joint. He knew Johnny wouldn’t have actually tried to get the pain out, he would have been content to just sit down until whichever flair of pain settled down, and they’d continue walking. Simon didn’t stop trying to relieve the pain until Johnny himself began to push him away.
“Ah’m fine, love. Can barely feel it now. Thank you. Wanna go find lunch somewhere? Any ideas?”
“Could go for somethin’ simple.”
“Ah’m pretty sure there’s still a deli somewhere around.”
Pulling his phone out, Johnny grabbed Simon’s hand, and began to physically pull the man around town, until they’d reached whatever little sandwich shop Johnny had deemed worthy of their lunch. The silence they ate in this time was comfortable, pleased with how their day was going.
During lunch, Johnny had found that there was no good movies that the pair wanted to see, so Simon suggested they head home, and find something to do there. Soap could sit around drawing all day on leaves, and Simon knew that with the flowers from the morning, Johnny had to be itching to draw at least some of them again. Johnny however, wasn’t too keen on the idea of being cooped up inside, having spent the past few days barely leaving.
A deal was struck: the pair would head back to Johnny’s, and Soap would grab his drawing stuff. Then they’d head back out to the gardens, and Simon would be able to do some reading or something, and Johnny would draw the flowers until the clouds grew darker. Neither man was eager to spend unnecessary time in the rain if they didn’t have to.
The walk back was filled with idle chatter, Soap listing off the ways that he could incorporate a few new ideas into some new explosives back on base, and Ghost gently reminding him to not blow up anything important. And also reminding him that explosives on civilian land was frowned upon by most governments when Soap would get too excited to wait completely. (How he was able to pull wires from a coat pocket that shouldn’t have had wiring was a mystery to Ghost.)
Getting back to the gardens gave Ghost the perfect timing to finally create his list. Putting down the flowers that Johnny walked back towards, as well as making extra notes on the ones that Johnny drew specifically, gave Simon the perfect pastime. He was able to watch Johnny draw, one of his favorite activities, as well as plan out a potential gift idea for the man if he ever grew the courage to actually try getting flowers.
Gently placing all thoughts of flowers aside, Simon checked the weather app on his phone, and saw that he had about an hour before he had to herd Soap back to his house because of the rain. Opening a book that he had brought with him from Johnny’s, Simon set a timer, and began to read.
After the hour was up, the skies were noticeably darker, and Johnny himself was even beginning to look worriedly up at the clouds. Wordlessly, the pair packed their things, and began their trek home. Reaching the porch just as the rain began to fall, Johnny let them in quickly, pulling his shoes off at the door.
“Thank ye so much fer today, Si. Best day Ah’ve had in a long time.”
“Barely did anything, Johnny. I should be the one saying thank you for not kicking me out this morning.”
“Thought about it, but then ye fed me, so hold yer thanks. Either way, Ah’m a wee bit knackered. Wanna get a nap in, cause we couldn’t get a movie?”
“Fuckin’-
English
MacTavish. Could only get that you want a nap.” There was no malice to Simon’s voice, only mild teasing.
“Yer in
my
homeland, so feck off with tha’ bullshite. Are ye comin’ to bed or nah?”
“I’m coming, I’m coming.”
“Tha’s what he said.”
“
Fuckin’ hell, Johnny.
”
Laughter could be heard after the pair closed the door to the bedroom. And when the pair (eventually) fell asleep, there was no space between them, and neither one awoken until the sun came back and began to set.