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Toki was a wreck. At night, his screams would permeate the halls of Mordhause, ripping its inhabitants from sleep."Poor bastard,” Nathan would grumble from his room and roll over."Argh, schut up Toki!" Murterface shouted from his own bed and drove a knife into the mattress."Did someone say something?” Pickles asked drunkenly, slumped over and too wasted to get up.But Skwisgaar only sighed, peeling himself from his own fluffy bed and padding down the hall."I only does this to shut him ups," the lead guitarist reminded himself, feeling a pang of what was dangerously close to caring in his chest, deep, sharp, and unpleasant.He could hear the miserable sobs through the door, already knowing Toki tore open his stitches again. With another resigned sigh, he grabbed the first aid kit and let himself in."It ams just me, Toki,” Skwisgaar said lowly, gently closing the door behind him.Sure enough, Toki's shirt was dark with blood, and he was curled in on himself with his back to the blonde.He was unaware of the Swede’s presence until the weight settled on the bed beside him and he startled, ceasing to breathe as if doing so would blow Skwisgaar away.“I’m jus here to sews up your backs,” the lead guitarist assured, giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze, “Can I sees?”Toki only nodded grimly and lowered his head, whimpering as Skwisgaar’s cold hands made contact with his bare skin.“Easies, easies, there Toki. I ain’t gonna hurts ya,” the taller man assured him, eyes flicking to the fallen teddy bear on the floor.Swisgaar had always mocked the guy’s attachment to the stuffed toy, but he too had once depended on the thing to sleep. He remembered creeping down to Toki’s room, feeling just as empty as it was without him.He remembered seeing the once well-loved action figures covered in dust, still in the battle positions his bandmate had left them in. He recalled the half assembled model plane at Toki’s desk, the rolling chair not pushed in as if its occupant would return at any second to finish his project.Skwisgaar had pushed it back in then, only to immediately pull it back out again after feeling an indescribable twinge in his gut. Back then, the action had an air of finality to it that he just couldn’t stomach.So he fled as if the room were on fire, but not before taking something with him; First, the Swede had snatched his guitar, strumming the Flying V instead of his trusty Explorer under the guise of learning Toki’s rhythm parts.When sleeping next to the instrument was no longer enough, the blonde had returned for the teddy. *It was only supposed to be for the night,* he recalled, *but gods, it still smelled like him.*And so Skwisgaar kept the bear under his own pillow until Toki came home and started looking for it.Skwisgaar continued staring at the bear, his face a mask of neutrality, but inside he was anything but.Toki remained silent, bracing for a scathing remark about his weaknes. But it never came. Instead, he heard the soft click of the first aid kit.Suddenly, the mattress shifted as Skwisgaar bent over, grabbing the bear and handing it to Toki who accepted it gratefully.“Holds on to this,” the blonde commanded, trying to keep his voice even, “this will stings a bit.”The younger man hugged the toy to his chest, feeling an almost instant relief in its familiar scent. *Smells like home.*Skwisgaar observed this without a word, focusing on opening the antiseptic wipes."Ya knows, Toki," the Swede finally broke the silence, his words lacking their usual sarcastic bite, "Ya really needs to stops tearin' yerselfs apart every night, I won’t always be there to puts ya back togethers.”Toki flinched at the bluntness of Skwisgaar's words, guilt gnawing at his insides. He hated burdening his friend like this, but the nightmares were too much to bear alone."I don’t means to," he muttered weakly, "I just wakes up like that..”The blonde's expression softened for a moment, a rare hint of sympathy crossing his sharp features. "I knows," he sighed, gently dabbing at the wound with disinfectant.Toki winced, his grip on the bear tightening. The pain was nothing compared to the agony in his heart, but the physical discomfort still made tears prick the corners of his eyes."Jus’ hurts so bad,” he whispered, his voice hoarse, "I really thoughts Magnus was m’friend—“Skwisgaar's jaw clenched at the mention of Magnus, the mere name an open wound that refused to heal. He hated that man with every fiber of his being."Magnus was no one’s friend," the Swede replied curtly, his words dripping with venom. "He only cared abouts himself. People like dat can't love."Toki nodded silently, knowing the truth in those words all too well. He had naively idolized Magnus in the past, believing him to be a mentor, a father figure. But he had been nothing but a snake in disguise (no offense to snakes, Toki likes those guys.)"I was so stupid," the brunette muttered, his voice choked. "I thought he cared, but he jus manipulated me.”Skwisgaar paused in his work, the mention of manipulation stirring something within him. He knew exactly how Toki felt, having been a victim of Magnus's deception himself."Ya wasn’t stupid," he said quietly, his eyes now focused on threading the needle. "Magnus had everyone fooled. He was good at dat. Manipulator. We all trusted him once."Skwisgaar’s gaze lingered on the wound, his fingers tracing the jagged outline, “He dids this to Nathan too. Before you’s time…”“I knows,” Toki admitted, a tear sliding down his cheek, “He told me Nathan wasn’t pathetics about it likes I was…”“Dids he also tells ya that Nathan beat his ass for doin that?” The Swede ran a soothing hand through tousled brown hair.“Nos…” the rhythm guitarist shuddered at the bad memories, “jus’ said he liked hurtin’ me better.”Skwisgaar’s jaw dropped, heavy-lidded blue eyes flying open in shock and fury. He always knew Magnus was a sadistic bastard, but hearing it directed so blatantly towards Toki was… something else entirely. It was visceral, raw, in a way that twisted his guts and yanked on his heartstrings——Heartstrings?——The only strings that should’ve mattered to Skwisgaar Skwigelf were the ones on his guitar, but something about the sorry state of his bandmate made something in his chest ache.He had to get out of there, had to finish what he came down to do before it all got too real.He ran a gentle finger over the scarred skin, his touch surprisingly tender. "I’m gonna starts on the needle now," he murmured, giving Toki a small warning.The younger man braced himself, squeezing the bear tighter as he screwed his eyes shut.Skwisgaar took a moment, watching his friend's pained expression with a mixture of sadness and rage. No one deserved this—least of all Toki.With a deep breath, the Swede focused back on the task at hand. He placed a firm hand on Toki's shoulder to anchor him, his touch firmer than usual."Stays still," he ordered softly, his voice carrying a note of tenderness that was rarely heard.He began the process of stitching with practised efficiency, the needle gliding through skin with precision."Try n’s breathe through it," he instructed, his eyes fixed on the open wound.The brunette nodded weakly, panting shallowly as he tried to focus on anything but the needle piercing his raw flesh. He took slow, measured breaths, trying to match them to the rhythm of the stitches.Skwisgaar, to his credit, never once faltered, his hands steady and unyielding. He was a master at this, having performed the same task countless times."Ya doin’ greats, Toki," he murmured, his voice a low, calming rumble. "Juss a few minuts more."The words were a lifeline to Toki, something lovely he could cling to in the sea of pain. He took comfort in the familiar lilt of the Swede's voice, knowing it was a sign that he wasn't alone."H-hurts," he gasped, his body tense. Skwisgaar's hand tightened slightly around his shoulder, his expression softening."I knows, Toki," he murmured softly. "Yer strong. You can takes it, I believes in ya.”Toki nodded, his breathing labored. The words meant more to him than the older man could ever know. His teeth sank into his lower lip with renowned determination, drawing blood to muffle his pain-filled whimper.It was a pitiful sound Skwisgaar hated. It reminded him of how fragile his friend was, how broken he had become under Magnus' reign of terror."Don’t be like dat," the tall blonde said gruffly, his fingers deftly maneuvering the needle,” Lets it out if ya has too. Don’t try ta be tough."“Toki ams tough,” the brunette grinned proudly against his teddy bear, “jus gets it over with already.”Skwisgaar couldn’t help but chuckle, pleased to see the Norwegian’s usual goofy self resurfacing.“Yous a pain in the ass,” the lead guitarist said fondly, pulling the string tight.“And yous a pain in the back,” Toki giggled, despite the sting of his parted flesh coming back together.“But whose fault am that, hm, little Toki?” Skwisgaar mused after tying the knot, leaning back to admire his workmanship before snipping the excess string and applying a bandage.“Not my fault nightmares suck,” the younger declared confidently.“But it ams your fault for forgettin your meds again,” the Swede smirked smugly, nimble fingers subconsciously kneading out knots of tension in Toki’s back, “that ams what happened, ain’t it?”“Ow! That hurts worse than the stitches,” the rhythm guitarist whined, wreathing like a mosquito larva.“What? Can’t handles a little massage, ya bigs baby man?” Skwisgaar mocked, unable to keep the fondness out of his voice.“I likes scratchin, not massagings!” Toki said matter-of-factly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.“Pffft—you wants me to just scratch you likes some dog?” The blonde laughed.“Maybes,” the rhythm guitarist admitted sheepishly, too tired to defend himself properly.“Yous a strange one,” Skwisgaar shook his head but raked his nails down the muscular back anyway, deciding to indulge him.The reaction was immediate, Toki practically melted under the touch, sighing in what could only be described as pure bliss.Skwisgaar couldn’t help the little smile that crept onto his face, Toki really was a simple creature."Enjoyings yourself, dummy?" He teased, but there was no bite to it."Mhmm," the brunette hummed happily, his eyes closed in bliss. "Feels good. Scratch harder."“Yer such a demanding little brat,” the Swede grumbled, but he obliged, digging his nails in.The younger man relaxed even further if it was possible, drooling into his pillow a little. He was dozing off, and they both knew it.“Hey, don’t falls asleep yet, goofball,” Skwisgaar shook him gently, ceasing his ministrations, “you shoulds take your pills, ja?”“Don’ wanna,” Toki whined at the loss of contact.“But you gots to,” the blonde chided, “otherswise you wakes us all up agains with de screamin.”The Norwegian huffed, sitting up and snatching his pill bottle off the night stand with a muted rattle. He took a quick swig of water and gulped down a tablet, grimacing at the bitter aftertaste.“There, happy?” Toki crossed his arms, secretly appreciating the reminder, but too proud to admit it.“Ja, now goes to bed, idiot,” Skwisgaar ruffled his messy brown hair affectionately and stood up, stretching his back with a pop.The Swede turned to leave, but a sudden hand on his wrist stopped him.“Stays,” Toki begged, his eyes wide and pleading.“Whys should I?” Skwisgaar cocked his head, taken aback by the desperate display.“I sleeps a lot better if you do,” the brunette admitted. It was true, whenever Skwisgaar sat next to Toki on the couch, the guy could fall asleep damn near instantly, relatively undisturbed by his usual nightmares.“Tch, fine,” the taller caved in, “but I only stays until you fall asleeps, got it?”“Gots it!” Toki nodded eagerly, his mouth agape in a mixture of shock and disbelief.“Now move overs, your floor ams cold to stand on,” the blonde shuffled in under the blanket, “and close your mouths, you looks like a catfish…”“But I likes catfish,” Toki mumbled, hugging Skwisgaar close like it was the most natural thing in the world.The taller man’s breath hitched at the strong arms encircling him, at the proximity of their bodies. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised, this was *Toki* for crying out loud, of course he’d have the audacity to spoon Skwisgaar fucking Skwigelf.Blissfully unaware of the blonde’s inner turmoil, Toki snuggled closer, nuzzling into the Swede’s neck affectionately.“You smells nice,” he murmured, his voice laced with a contented exhaustion that made something in Skwisgaar’s chest tighten.“Ja, ja, just go to sleep alreadys, idiot,” the lead guitarist huffed, hating how fond the words rang in his own ears.But before he could summon back his usual disdain, Toki had already succumbed to sleep, his breathing even and his arms now lax.“Typicals,” Skwisgaar chuckled, rolling his eyes. This was when he was supposed to leave, but for whatever reason, he found himself unable to.Just a minute ago, he couldn’t wait to pry himself from Toki’s death grip, but now the thought of returning to his own bed alone made his heart sink like a stone.*It’s just the warmth in this frigid fucking room*, he told himself, *I only stay cause I don’t want to wake that dildo up,* but the blonde knew it was bullshit.Toki had burrowed under his skin like a maggot, eating away at his apathy and finding that pesky part deep inside him that cared, that *loved.*As if on cue, the brunette shifted, revealing the small puddle of drool that had dampened the Swede’s shirt. Instead of getting mad, he only chuckled and smoothed the stray hairs away from Toki’s sleeping face.It was at that moment Skwisgaar knew: they were in some *deep* sh🎸t.