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Another rumble disrupted the night, a shake of the earth that startled Hawke out of a dreamless sleep. He blinked as he tried to focus on the dark room around him, knowing that if there was a threat upon them, he would have little time to spare when springing into action. It was oddly comforting when he realized it was no trespasser at their door, but rather another earthquake. Sighing a breath of relief, he snugged his arm a little closer around Anders, and pressed a kiss into his long hair. Right now, those red-blond locks were free of their usual half-pony, and draped haphazardly across his pillow.He looked beautiful like that, Hawke thought, one hand tucked under the pillow, sleep painting his features with a look of relaxation and peace. The white cotton shirt he wore hung open in a V-shape that partly exposed his pale chest. Hawke lifted his head and propped himself up on his elbow, allowing himself to peer down at the mage before him, grateful for yet another moment where they were safe and sound.In a way, it was strange to not have to worry so much anymore. After years of being on high alert, never able to drop their guard for fear of someone stabbing them in the back, the damage Anders had caused on the world slowly faded into the background. With the Kirkwall incident no longer at the forefront of anyone’s mind, they could rest easier, sleep better, and hide less. They owed it to Solas and his confounded ritual.With Solas throwing the world into chaos, Thedas had cared less and less about the apostate who had devastated Kirkwall, and was instead forced to focus on those dying in front of them right now, every day, thanks to the Dreadwolf. It wasn’t that Hawke was thankful, exactly, as the world’s decline could hardly be called a victory, but he would never be able to fully explain the sense of comfort that had emerged over the past few years.Anders was no longer a main target. They had warded off Sebastian and his army, had eliminated the few vengeful citizens of Kirkwall who had come after him in search of blood. For eight years, he Hawke managed to protect Anders–they had kept each other safe–and he thanked the Maker that Anders had not been taken from him like so many others. He had him, he had Bethany, and he loved that family of his with everything he had. If Solas took down the world, then at least Anders and his dear sister would die knowing Hawke had loved them with every last breath.Hawke shivered at his own thoughts, and to his dismay, the action made the man in his arms stir.“Mmm… What’s wrong, love?” Anders asked, heavy lids blinking slowly. Hawke brushed a thumb over his arm, hoping to lull him back into the comfort of his slumber.“I’m sorry if I woke you. You can rest easy,” Hawke murmured, but the words were followed by another low growl from the earth below. Anders sat up as the cabin around them rattled, the loose boards sounding like they might come crashing down.“They’re growing stronger,” Anders stated, concern in his tone. He pushed himself to stand, and walked to the window, pushing aside the grey drapery and gazing out into a foreboding green sky. Hawke watched his silhouette, the way his shoulders stiffened, the motion visible even under his baggy shirt. “Thedas is in deep trouble, isn’t it?” Hawke lamented, following Anders to the window, gaze fixing on the ominous clouds that swirled in a mix of green and blue. Anders turned and lowered his head, hands resting on the window sill behind him.
“I know magic. That sky is a sign of something big,” he replied, voice strained.“Something bad, you mean,” Hawke reiterated. Anders nodded.“You know it as well as I do. He’s a mage and a god. This is much bigger than us, Garrett, and…” He paused, and ran a hand through his hair, buying himself some time before he said something he knew his partner wouldn’t like.“We should be out there helping.”Hawke slowly wet his lips, looking unsure of what words he should choose. “Varric is there. You know he’ll be doing everything he can.”“I know, but what if it’s not enough?” Anders whispered, feebly.
For too long he had been cooped up, not doing anything for the plight of mages, nor the world. For too many years, he’d felt powerless, living the life of a refugee, forced to watch Hawke sneak in and out of towns to gather necessities, as it was far less dangerous for him to show his face in public than Anders.
Since his grand act against the Chantry, the spirit inside him had taken a backseat, as if his lust for justice had been sated for good. And although Anders had battled with his thoughts over the years, had beaten himself up over whether his choices had been right or wrong, he had still had this overwhelming feeling that he should be doing something more than hiding.The last time Varric had visited them in secret, he had explained everything he knew about the current state of the world—about the Inquisition, about Solas, about the blight and the Venatori. The world was in trouble, and Anders felt he’d gone too long without playing hero, even if only in some small way. He could hardly even recall the last time he’d even used his magic, other than to soothe some of Hawke’s old war wounds when he finally gave in and admitted he couldn’t stand the ache anymore.“You’ve something on your mind,” Hawke observed without effort. The pensive look on Anders’ face was one he’d seen many times, and even if he hadn’t been an expert at reading his emotions like he was, he figured the apprehension in his features could be spotted by a mere stranger on the street.“I’ve been thinking a lot lately, to be honest,” Anders admitted, lifting a shoulder in a half-shrug. He looked almost reserved, like he knew Hawke would resent what he had to say. Anders debated continuing aloud at all.“If things get really bad, Garrett…maybe I should return to the Wardens.”“The Grey Wardens?” Hawke repeated, arms folding over his chest. “You hated your time with them.”“That wasn’t exactly yesterday, love,” Anders murmured, a hint of amusement on his breath, but the small smile that graced his lips lasted only a moment.
“A lot has changed since then. In those days, I didn’t want to fight. I wanted freedom, but hardly cared enough to do anything about it. And when I did fight for a cause, satisfying Justice, I learned that that fight didn’t come without consequences. So now, maybe what I need is redemption. Hiding is getting me nowhere.”“Redemption? Where is this coming from all of sudden?” Hawke asked, reaching for Anders’ shoulders, and spinning him gently to face him. There was fear in Hawke’s eyes now that made Anders’ heart ache. That, right there, was the reason Anders hadn’t left this shabby cabin thus far. He had a home with Hawke, no matter how ramshackle and unconventional it may be, and he would never forgive himself if he caused Hawke any more pain than he’d already experienced.His mother, father, brother… all gone. His sister, miles away. His homes in Lothering and Kirkwall destroyed. And for whatever reason, despite the fact that Anders had caused him to lose his last home, Hawke still loved him, still treasured him like he was a gift to the world with his magical talents, kind eyes, and beating heart.“The Wardens have plenty of people among their ranks who are in need of redemption. People who have done terrible things. Like me. Being willing to sacrifice their lives at the drop of the hat… it’s those kinds of people who get forgiven for their mistakes, and who get remembered as heroes, not villains.”“You are not a villain,” Hawke promised, voice full of conviction as his hand slipped down Anders’ arm. He interlocked their fingers before bringing Anders’ hand to his lips, kissing the back of it gently. As he lowered that hand back down, he met his partner’s eyes, hoping the emotion in his desolate expression might dissuade him from this mission. “It’s been eight years since Kirkwall, Anders. You’ve condemned yourself for that long enough.”“I doubt everyone would agree with you,” Anders sighed, averting his gaze to the window. “Even Varric… I don’t know that he’s ever fully forgiven me, even now.”“Well,” Hawke frowned, biting his lip. There was little room to argue there, but still… “I’m not saying it won’t always be a sore spot in a lot of lives, but do you really think that sacrificing yourself would bring those people comfort?”“Perhaps it’s not about them,” Anders shrugged. Hawke felt cold now as Anders pulled away. The mage headed for the window again, an elbow resting on the wooden sill as he gazed out over the cliffside. The water’s waves caught white streaks of moonlight as they moved, reminding Anders of the fast-paced world outside of this cabin.“I want to help the world, Hawke. Whether that be with the Wardens, or at your side, I think… I think I’m done living in the background.”“Anders,” Hawke cooed, a hand coming to rest on the small of his partner’s back. Anders turned his head, meeting his gaze again, this time unafraid. “You want to come out of hiding? Are you sure?”“I know full well the risks, but I want to. And you deserve to live in the real world again, too, love.” Anders brought a hand to Hawke’s face, his unruly beard comforting and familiar against his palm. Hawke leaned forward, hands coming to rest on Anders’ waist, their foreheads brushing.“This isn’t just a whim, is it? You’ve been thinking on this for some time.”“I have,” Anders admitted. “Well, if you’re certain that’s what you want,” Hawke breathed, half-praying Anders would want to stay put in this safe space they’d created for themselves, but he admired his resolve all the same. He couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride, seeing Anders willingly take on this sort of responsibility.“I’m ready to help Thedas again,” Anders smiled, fondly remembering those early days in when he and Hawke had been the everyday heroes of Kirkwall. “Are you with me?”“I can’t say I’m one hundred percent on board with this Warden business,” Hawke admitted, knowing that if Anders became determined to return to them, they would have a lot of hard discussions ahead; Hawke wasn’t about to let him make any self sacrifices just yet, if ever. “But as for helping Thedas, and remaining at your side?” Hawke smiled, a promise on his lips. “Always.” Anders gratefully smiled back.