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Casey Novak knew more about her than potentially anyone else had or ever would have, with the possible exception of Olivia Benson. But Olivia wasn't the one Alex kept seeking out, kept spending long hours staring at from the couch in Casey's office that Alex had claimed as her designated spot for whenever she wasn't actively working.Casey Novak had saved her life, saved her glory, saved her dignity. Witness protection had made Alex meek and humbled, Casey Novak and her ferocity and the odd thrum of her heart in her chest as she had watched the redhead tie the verbal noose around her would-have-been assassin had made her regain that innate sense of being above it all in a way she knew no one else would've been able to do.Casey Novak had mottled brown-and-blonde hair, and she had recently begun wearing it in large, loose curls that swayed as she sauntered from room to room in her heels and tailored slacks. Her features were angular yet simultaneously so delicate and gentle that Alex couldn't help but allow her to burn herself into the dark behind Alex's eyelids-Alexandra Cabot thought of Casey Novak perhaps a bit more than she should. She was her favorite confidant, though, the term they had finally settled on that did not at all manage to capture the extent to which she valued Casey.Casey Novak was currently standing dazed on her doorstep, head bowed, her green eyes, as they stared aimlessly somewhere near Alex's face, so dull and haunted it was terrifying.Alex wasted no time crossing the boundary of the door and wrapping the younger woman in her arms, a vague idea what was wrong- Casey had been called before the bar, she had heard that through the gossip thrum, and although she had stopped by her office to see how she was doing the only thing she had found were workers beginning to prep the space for someone else. It made her sick, and she had called, but Casey at that time hadn't answered.And- that was now nearly a week ago.She had kept telling herself Casey was not obligated to reach out to her, to tell her her plans, how she would move forward. She did not have to tell her where she was, nor how she was doing. She knew the woman was a hothead and reckless at times- not that she thought at all what had happened was acceptable, she felt outrage trickling in her throat like hot sand, it was her first real violation and the threats that had been made were so severe - this was hard to grapple with. If it was hard for her to grapple with, it must be impossible for Casey.Perhaps that was why Casey was in her embrace now, limp arms hanging by her sides, covered only by a thin blouse- where was her coat, her scarf? Where had she come from dressed like this? Casey didn't live near her, but Alex knew she didn't like to ride share and a quick glance didn't notify the presence of her bike. Regardless, Alex wanted to get her inside, and from the way Casey was unmoving, she thought it would be an easy task to do.Evidently, it was not. The second Alex pulled her body into her's, expecting a stiff hug and then the ability to usher her over the doorframe, Casey's legs gave out with just enough time for the younger woman to snag her hands up and around Alex's shoulder so she didn't fall to her knees on the elder woman's doorstep."Casey-?" Alex hushed into her ear, trying to check Casey's wellbeing, but it was difficult with a woman the same size and around the same build as her hanging loosely off of her body. The grip Casey had on her shoulders was an indication of consciousness to some degree, an unwillingness to find herself on the floor, but other than that the younger woman did not respond."Who was it?" Came the voice of her fiance behind her and Alex jolted, forgetting for a moment that he was here. They had been eating an excessively late dinner moments prior, before the doorbell rang, and she had assumed with a sigh she was being served or perhaps that Olivia was having a rough case.She didn't answer him, trying to hold Casey up, trying to shake some form of responsiveness back into the woman's shoulders, which Casey still did not respond too, although with shuddering legs she found her feet again. It made it worse, Casey burying her face awkwardly into Alex's collar in a way in which Alex felt like she was going to be toppled over. Fluid met Alex's skin and she wasn't sure if Casey's nose was running or if she was crying and she couldn't check without letting her go, which she wasn't sure she could do."Alexandra?" Stilton called again, and with a small curse muffled in Casey's hair she managed to turn around, slightly, to call back, "Hold on a moment."She wanted Casey inside, now. Whatever was making her so distraught could be dealt with once Casey was safely inside and when her shoulderblades felt a little less like Casey was about to tear them off. It hurt, but she wouldn't dare try to pull the woman off of her."Casey," Alex inhaled and swiveled her head back to face her, pressing a chast kiss on the top of faux blonde locks, "Can you come inside?"A slow, shaky exhale was all that was elicited into Alex's simple shirt and she sighed, eyes darting around, before pursing her lips and shaking her head. With a furrowed brow, she pressed her nose softly against the woman's bowed head, inhaling the scent of sandalwood and something tarrish. Cigarettes, she recognized, and perhaps something hard like rum lingered on her shallow breath. So, intoxicated, then. It simultaneously made her relax that she could identify some sort of cause and more concerned, because Casey wasn't a smoker, and she never drank herself into a tizzy like this either."I'm so sorry, Case, I'm not strong enough to carry you. Help me take you inside, please?"She felt Casey swallow and struggle, the force of her lean beginning to decrease as she focused on righting herself. Thank god, Alex thought vaguely, but she did not loosen her hold."What's happening?" Robert neared the door self-importantly, straightening his tie, and Alex hissed inwardly. She had Casey as a priority, she didn't want to deal with that one right now. She coaxed Casey to stay against her when she felt the younger woman try to pull away, startled by the presence of another, one of Alex's hands raising to cup the back of Casey's skull and keep her face buried against her throat. She knew Casey liked being there, on one of their more haphazardly heady nights Casey had ever dared to murmur it felt like her head was made to fit just there, and in this moment Alex agreed. Casey's struggle to flee to confines of Alex's embrace weakened just as Alex had expected it too- but that only meant the way she was shivering was not advertent."I'm not sure." She muttered curtly, her voice a thin line that carried a note of warning, feeling the shake of Casey's form against her. With increasing urgency she resolved out loud to her soon-to-be husband, "But something's wrong and I'm going to take care of her."Robert raised an eyebrow, which Alex only saw when she twisted her neck back around to face him, and he seemed slightly off guard with the intensity in her clear blue eyes."She doesn't look well," he commented with a wrinkle of his nose that made Alex see red for a quarter second, 'll call for an ambulance."He said this as though it was an offer, like he was doing her a favor, although it was not really an offer so much as a poorly concealed statement. He didn't want his lover to be occupied with whatever wreck of a woman had showed up on his doorstep.Casey's sudden movement to tug away was as sharp as the harsh, "No," that snapped from Alex's lips. Robert looked taken aback and she could not find it in herself to care, rather, only the growing desire to lash out again. Alex knew Casey couldn't stand hospitals, got nauseous at the smell of disinfectant, and she would not let her be forced to the confines of those walls she hated when Alex could take care of her perfectly well right here."Alexandra," Robert tried to implore, and Alex felt her lip curl at the name. He never accepted to calling her the name that felt natural, the shortening to 'Alex', he always addressed her in the same way that her uncle and her superiors did."You take enough work home as it is. I know you're trying to volunteer with that domestic abuse shelter but you can't just let some-""Get out." Alex snapped, again, feeling Casey push against her ribs and only tightening her hold, offering a stroke of her thumb against the back of Casey's hair to console her, to reassure her, while she dealt with the issue."Alexandra." He said firmly, and she raised her eyebrows as if bewildered by his audacity, "You want me to leave our home because some vagabond showed up-"Oh, she realized internally, he doesn't know who she is. She didn't know why she had expected Robert to know intrinsically, because she had never introduced them, and perhaps she had done that intentionally because she wasn't particularly fond of the idea of the man she spent the majority of her time with standing next to the woman she wanted to spend the majority of her time with. Having them meet like this was not ideal and although he did not recognize her by appearance she knew from the way she mentioned a specific name a bit too often he would recognize her by name if Alex called her that, so she just gritted her teeth awkwardly."You act like you don't own other properties," she murmured, softening Casey's squirm with another reassuring squeeze, running the pads of her fingertips through curls in the process of falling out, "You have other places to be.""I can go," Casey rasped, suddenly, breaking the harsh stare being exchanged by the couple, looking up at Alex with haunted eyes. Alex's heart clenched at the tone of her voice- it seemed gravelly, like she hadn't used it in months, thick with apparent anguish.Alex craned her neck backwards slightly so Casey could see more of her face when she shook her head, eyes softening immediately the second they fell on her instead of her fiance. She couldn't remove the hand on Casey's back that seemed to be more able to keep Casey upright than the younger woman's own legs, so she hand that was nestled in her hair moved away to cup her face instead, her thumb drawing small lines on her cheekbone."No, sweetheart, I don't want you too. I want you to stay here with me, he can go. Can you help me get you inside? You're freezing out here.""Alexandra," Stilton tried again, his voice like a confused growl, but Alex only kept her eyes on Casey's face, the green glassy eyes rimmed with purple, and snarled under her breath back at him defiantly."Alexandra?""Just go to the brownstone, okay?" Alex sighed dismissively, "I'll call you in an hour or two."With a bewildered glare he left to go pull on his coat and lace up his shoes, and Alex returned to coaxing Casey, who returned to being nonverbal. Stilton returned despite her obvious impatience, pressing a forced goodbye kiss to her cheek and then finally leaving, brushing past the bundle of contracted limbs that was Alex and Casey before climbing into his luxury car and vanishing into the night."He won't bother you, Case, it's okay, talk to me." Alex hushed, pressing a kiss to the top of Casey's hairline the second Richard was out of view, but Casey was fading back out."Let me get you inside," Alex tried instead, starting to grow cold herself on the front steps, having not put on a jacket when she went to go open the door because- well, why would she? She hadn't expected this at all.She had not expected the person on her doorstep to be Casey, and she had never thought to see Casey in such a state either- a state that was getting worse, because Casey seemed to be dissolving back into her inability to stand once more."Casey- god, please, you're scaring me," She whispered, finally, as Casey's knees seemed to buckle beneath her and her hands, this time, didn't manage to grip at Alex's shoulders properly. Alex cursed, momentarily, that she never accepted Olivia's offer to go to the gym with her. That she never toyed with Casey's offer to attempt softball. If she had, maybe she'd be strong enough that Casey wouldn't need to fight to remain vertical right now.It felt like her words were registered, though, because a second later Casey's eyebrows contorted with effort and she struggled to up and let go- Alex hadn't meant that she needed to let go, she hadn't wanted her too, but whatever- and she allowed Alex to coax her inside. Alex closed the door behind her firmly, and then ushered her over to the couch, which Casey barely made it too before she faltered, hands gripping the armrest with too much vigor until she managed to hit the leather face-first."Casey," Alex murmured, trying to help her flip over so she wouldn't suffocate, "fireball, what happened?""Not much of a fireball," Casey hushed, her tone low and as though she was mocking herself, but with a squirm and managed to pull herself in a sitting position, hunched back on the couch as Alex stood over her.Alex swallowed, tasting wary concern budding in her mouth. She thought maybe Casey was just overcome by sorrow and perhaps a glass too much vodka, and that once she got her inside and someplace more lax she'd be different, but Casey was really, really fucked."You took something," Alex realized out loud, watching Casey's inhale-exhale pattern plateau at a rate much too high, as if she were panting despite exerting no force, and Casey looked completely disgusted with herself, shrinking away from the concern in the blue eyes.As the blonde's eyes scrutinized her features, she realized it was worse, her face was flushed and her eyes rimmed with purple from exhaustion and red from crying, her skin paled and blue-tinted as if sickly. She was panting and her body was shivering, and Alex hoped bitterly it was residual from being out cold on the street and not from something worse.How long had she been on the street? How long had she been like this? And when Casey looked up at her with pupils drawn into small dots Alex cursed under her breath, a shaky hand moving to touch Casey's clammy skin. How long had she-Oh, oh god. Oh god. Alex recognized that look in her eyes, the pinpoint pupils, the air surrounding her. She didn't like at all where she knew it from."An opioid? Jesus, Casey, you've- no one has gotten a hold on you for a week, is this what you've been-?""Please don't call anyone," Casey muttered suddenly, "please don't report this, I- he said if, he- if no hospital, then I needed to go to... someone that, because he said he ..."Fuck, Alex thought, and then tried to find the silver lining in at least Casey hadn't tried to speak much in front of Robert, because they'd be having a much bigger problem then. She felt guilty that was her immediate thought."As long as you stay conscious," Alex muttered, her voice dark, running a hand along Casey's jaw, instinctively dropping to her knees, "as long as you stay conscious, I won't call anyone.""Then ... I'll do my best, to stay awake," Casey slurred, and it sounded like she was making a half-hearted joke, so it didn't call the bundle of fear growing and aching in Alex's heart.She was speaking slowly, a lot slower than she had been when she stammered, as if she realized her broken sentences were concerning Alex and she was taking special care in each long, drawn out word, so Alex would have the benefit of a coherent statement.Casey made no move to stop Alex as she rolled her sleeves tentatively up, and when her inner elbow was exposed Alex didn't even stop herself from letting startled tears fall from her face and marr her glasses. She was bruised, pinpricks of red surrounded by larger stains of purple, as though the person who had shot her up was already high- or as though she had tried to shoot up more despite already being high. Perhaps both."Fuck, Casey." Alex grimaced, "Why the hell would you- did you not think that I'd..."Novak blinked, once, as if trying to clear her head, before offering in a low, hopeless hum. "I didn't think ... I'd see you again.""What are you saying?" Alex bit, incredulousness seeping into her tone, "You thought I'd- what, that you being suspended would- do you think I'm that shallow?""No, Alex."Alex was then scared, and she didn't want Casey to continue, because she realized what she was about to say, and she didn't think she could stand to hear it."I didn't think I'd ..." She paused, briefly, and then shook her head. "I wasn't going to see anyone again."There was a heartbeat, or maybe a lot of them, where the only thing that broke the loud silence was the sound of Casey's soft exhale and Alex swallowing, staring at her blankly. There was no way she meant that. Alex was certainly jumping to conclusions- wasn't she? There was no way that Casey meant that, that she had been planning, that she was going to ...And then Alex was crying, and Casey wasn't, so it felt like a pretty stupid thing to do, but she couldn't help the loose sobs wracking her body as she thought about what Casey had just implied. Numbly, she realized she had set her face down on Casey's knee, and shaky hands were trying to cradle her face. She pushed Casey's arms away- she couldn't handle being held like that, not right now."I shouldn't have told you that; I'm sorry." Casey murmured, holding her hands up in the air by her sides as if she didn't know what to do with them if she wasn't allowed to comfort the woman crying on her knee."Who did this to you?" Alex snapped instead, righting herself back up and standing, flinging her glasses to the side so haphazardly they probably broke, but she couldn't care less as she rubbed her eyes and clawed the evidence of her own anguish off her face. "Who gave you- what the hell did you even take?"Casey stayed silent, looking up at her from the couch with clouded jade eyes, and Alex was unsure if she was processing the question or having an internal dialogue about it.Alex knew she probably seemed ticked off right now as she began pacing, and that was a shitty thing to do when someone comes to you for comfort, but the idea Casey had chosen to submerge herself in chemicals and- and God forbid, that- instead of coming to her first hurt.Had she not done enough so that Casey would know she'd- but no, perhaps not, perhaps this was partially her own fault for- no, but- God, this was horrible, and she wasn't equipped to handle this at all. But she both couldn't and didn't want Casey to be anywhere else than right there on her couch so she could have some tattered image of control."Did you seek it out?" Alex asked instead, trying to calm herself, sinking back down to her knees just to the side of where Casey was, and at the very least she was relieved when Casey shook her head 'no'."How, Casey?""I was ..." And Casey averted her eyes, but if Alex was directly asking like this, it seemed like she couldn't deny her the information. "A man- his name, it was something like, his last name sounded like a plant ... I think it- it doesn't matter. He said if- if I really was going to jump, then I might as well ... he might as well show me how good life can feel, first.""And you've spent a week with this man?" Alex's voice was so low, so quiet, she could barely hear it. A week in which Casey did not return her messages, a week in which she was shooting up and letting herself be miserable while Alex would've broken the bounds of the earth to ensure her safety. Why hadn't Casey just come to her the night of? Tear-streaked face but no wounds, nothing in her system other than perhaps a misery-ridden beer, shaking but entirely from emotion and nothing else. Alex would've thrown her fiance out the same way and held her until she felt-but perhaps Alex wouldn't have been able to fix it, actually. Maybe Alex couldn't have done anything to help her.She didn't like that realization at all.Casey only shrugged, closing her eyes as if pained, while Alex began to panic internally."I'm sorry, Casey." She murmured, running a shaky hand through her blonde hair, "I shouldn't- I don't want you to think that I'm angry."But she was angry, and she was trying not to be at Casey, but this conversation was making her skin feel as though it was crawling off of her like fleshy spiders and the energy that feeling generated had to be directed somewhere. She focused on clenching her jaw, on the feeling of her teeth pressed against each other.Her mind was concocting images of the woman before her standing numbly on a ledge on some building looking down and not hesitating, ready to leave her behind. The blonde hair Alex had ran her fingers through whipping around her face, the green eyes that had always studied Alex so intently seemingly vacant. It made her feel as though she were about to vomit. Casey could not leave her in that way.A shudder ran up her spine and she settled back on the couch, this time sitting parallel to Casey, who was not meeting her eyes.She swallowed. There were too many questions, too many thoughts, too much to verbalize, too much emotion to process. She gently grasped for Casey and tugged her until the faux blonde woman's head was resting on her shoulder, which Casey made no move to change, and then sat there quietly."I'm sorry," Casey offered quietly, her voice thick and still slurred."I just want you to be okay," Alex hushed, "I just want you to never, ever think about doing this again."Casey was wordless, silent and still. If it wasn't for the exhale that Alex could feel with the younger woman leaning against her side, Casey could've been dead right then."I don't think I could handle it," Alex spoke to fill the silence, spoke to try to clear the growing gnaw of her anxious brain, "If I found out you were gone, if- God, Casey, I work for homicide, I'd need too ...""I wasn't in your district," Casey rasped, and Alex began to cry again, but this time it was silent. Tears rolled like large pearls down her face and she did nothing to stop it, blinking down at the coffee table and trying not to imagine a world without a fireball redhead pulling stupid stunts like trying to sue the military. She always seemed to brazen, so harsh, so reflective of life and the burning energy of the sun. What the hell was Alex supposed to do with the information the sun that was currently resting on her shoulder was trying to set, and never rise again?"That's worse," was all Alex could manage as a response. "I would've found out from someone else, then.""You don't have to tell me suicide is selfish, Alex, I know it is."Her voice was stronger now, in the sense her formation of words was stable and more firm, more cohesive, despite still being thick and heavy and husked. Sentences she planned were now steady. Alex wanted to grimace at the word being used in its full regard- they weren't going to continue avoiding the elephant, evidently- but she couldn't find the strength to do so. She just stared blankly ahead of her and tried to breathe evenly.Alex had mused to herself before, as did most others, that suicide was the easy way out. It damaged the people around an individual who was in pain, and there was always an end to pain, even if one didn't believe there would be, one just needed to wait it out. A person could recover from mental illness but a family can't recover from the death of a loved one. Suicide, in her mind, was a tragedy and a waste. But she'd never think to call Casey selfish, or think about her in that way at all- it felt wrong, and Alex could never consider Casey a selfish person."Why?" She murmured hoarsely, folding her hands in her lap and staring at the fingers interlocking her own, feeling Casey's gaze shift to them as well."Everything is so hard, ... so pointless." Casey muttered bitterly, an edge to her tone that wasn't present before. Alex wanted to believe it was the drug talking, but Casey seemed more sober than she had before."I use to, I- I could delude myself into thinking I was strong, or ... capable enough to defend others from how from how existence feels, from living feels, from- from this."She gestured at herself as if her own existence was evidence to the doomed nature of life, the needle marks in her arms and the bags under her eyes, the scrapes sitting or laying on floors must have caused that Alex hadn't noticed until that point. The usual prim posture and fiery aura was diminished entirely- if her eyes, simmered as they were, were not that shade of green, Alex would've written her off as someone else based on the sense of presence alone."But I'm not." She scoffed, disgust blossoming on her tongue that was entirely self directed, "A cop killer and a rapist walked and there's no one to blame but me. My licence is under scrutiny, and I-""You're going to get it back, Casey, three years isn't...""I wish it had just been revoked." Casey spat, shifting her head off of Alex's shoulder, and Alex missed the feeling the second she left. Casey seemed anguished rather than angry, a sense of strange urgency in her tone as she spoke, and Alex knew she wouldn't be able to cut her off again."I'm- ... a failure in every regard." She bit, jabs only at herself, and Alex felt the tears bubble behind her eyes again. She didn't realize she had stopped crying until the burn and sting of liquid falling from her face was once again registered."I know that ... all I am is disgrace to the practice of law- if not, if not- ... I'll never be able to step foot in a courtroom again, thinking- deluding- that I could, that I can- I can't protect anyone. And I wasted my life being naive and reckless, thinking I could- I don't know. Thinking I could ever make a difference."Alex swallowed and shook her head, feeling her eyebrows furrow as she turned to face Casey despairingly, imploringly, as though begging her to see reason."So you're going to waste your life by- by rooftops and heroin?" She swallowed again, feeling her mouth dry, because she couldn't bolster the energy to form a rebuttal for every self-deprecation Casey had just uttered, and it seemed like the faux blonde wouldn't be at all perceptive to that, anyway. Not with this dead, void-like tone she was using, as though the energy of life had since already been poured out."Diladuid." Casey corrected, a mirthless chuckle, her eyes flickering back to the sleeve Alex had rolled up, the red and purple devastations left by her bender, and she grimaced before reaching to tug the fabric back down."and- it looks that way, doesn't it?"Casey opened her mouth to continue Alex couldn't stop herself from yanking Casey's head into her collar, gripping the sides of her face so tightly she was sure it must hurt, and Casey fell awkwardly forward into her."Stop," She choked, "Stop."She couldn't stop her brain from generating unhelpful images of Casey falling, faux CCTV footage of her woman plummetting the way Alex had seen in videos of other jumpers she'd had to review to rule out homicide. Her brain kept freezing right before the impact, then starting from the top again, Casey'd body stuck in a loop of falling as Alex's anxiety mounted.But Casey didn't stop, though. "I knew from the start- that job could only, could only ever break me," she muttered, rambling as though she could halt the words tumbling hazardous from her mouth, even as Alex's hand grappled to force her jaw shut, "I told Branch- I told him, the second after that little girl in the ice chest, I knew- I knew I wasn't, I would- I'd fuck it all up and I did, and I don't deserve to live after my stupidity-""No," Alex said forcefully, a heaved sob, and Casey finally shut her mouth. Alex had never had to raise her tone at her before, Casey had always been eager to please by hushing on request."I, I don't-" Alex tried desperately to spit words she couldn't find, nothing formulating inside of her head other that same frantic energy consuming her body, struggling to crush Casey's frame against her own as if merging their skin would ensure Casey would stay. "I can't-"She couldn't have a panic attack, not right now, but she couldn't breathe properly, mind consumed with images of Casey's face photoshopped on the body of jumpers she'd dealt with before. She had known victims that had commit suicide, occasionally a perpetrator had commit in or out of lock up too. It was real and it had made her go crazy with grief then- her mind flashed back to a boy comatose in a hospital and a mother's spittle aimed at her as she screamed- what the hell was she supposed to do now?Casey with her skull cracked open, jade eyes unseeing, staring at her with only vacancy behind them. Casey's lips parted slightly, the side of her face ripped open from the impact on rough concrete, or maybe a car. Alex couldn't breathe, couldn't gasp no matter how hard she tried, and she wasn't sure if she was still crying, she wasn't sure about anything about herself anymore because the only thing she was focusing on was the feeling of Casey's body pressing into the side of her's.After Casey's first attempt to hold her had been snubbed, she hadn't tried again to hold Alex, and now she was simply resting herself loosely as Alex tried her best to wrangle the younger woman into her, begging for the contact of fabric on fabric wherever possibly, resting her chin on Casey's hairline so she couldn't see her face."I'm sorry," Alex's body was wracked with tremors, "I'm so sorry, but please don't leave me. Don't do this to me, Casey, I need you."Casey said nothing, and did nothing. The indication she was alive was the quickened rise and fall of her chest Alex could feel with her torso pressed against her own- in Alex's panicked wrestling, She had ended up barely sitting, Casey sprawled out across her body, Casey's hips between Alex's thighs."Don't ever try that again," Alex tried instead, "Never, ever. I'll- I'll," but she didn't know how to argue Casey into the will to live, couldn't threaten her into staying, but God she really wanted to try too.But she must be hurting her, or at the very least suffocating her, so she released the clawed grip she had, and was mildly content when Casey only shifting her head to the side so she could breathe and otherwise kept herself flush against Alex's form.Alex couldn't stop her chest from heaving, could only stop the shivers when she cupped Casey's jaw in her hands, thumb on her neck, and focused on the feeling of her pulse faintly thrumming underneath her skin."But you're still here," She murmured, wiping at her own face with more vigor than she initially intended too, bartering, "You're still here.""When, when he got- he got called back in to work, and I- he told me, I could decide between the hospital or- or someone I trusted when he realized how- ... fucked I was. He knew better than to leave me alone.""And you trust me," Alex advantaged herself with that, desperately clinging onto that like a lifeline, something to hold herself stable with, "You trust me. Trusted to come here. Trust me to foster you back, Casey, this isn't you, this isn't how you are. This isn't who you are."Casey did not respond.Alex calmed down enough to realize the front of her shirt was soaked through- the younger woman was crying, had been crying."I'm sorry," Casey's voice said faintly into her body, "I ... I hate that I'm hurting you.""Hurt me," Alex whispered, her voice raw and hoarse, and it sounded like a demand. She found Casey's hand and intertwined their fingers, "Anything, you can do anything with me, but please just stay."