Work Text
Dear Toby, if only I told you my secrets before A started to tell the girls. When I first met you, I had just become friends with Aria, Spencer, Hannah and Emily. This was right before Ali’s disappearance. After her disappearance everything changed. Everyone blames us for her going missing. Well not everyone, but most of the people here at Rosewood High. I remember when we went to her funeral. People looked at us weirdly…
They would give us the stink eye, or would completely ignore us. We ended up splitting up as a friend group for a while. My parents would tell me to not talk to them. And then you came back. And everything changed. People started to blame you. You didn’t deserve it. What Jenna did to you wasn’t ok. At the time you came back, the girls told me not to talk to you, and it was really hard not to. I mean people looked at you the way they looked at us.
I would go home every day to my parents, and talk to them about how hurt you looked. And they would tell me to stop talking. It seems like my parents had a secret of their own. The way we had ours. The way we kept our relationship hidden. It should’ve never been a secret. But we decided to keep it that way for a while.
I wish things didn’t go the way they did months into our relationship. I wish I was able to tell the girls about us. I wish I told you the secret I kept hidden for months, until it was too late. I wish I knew what was going to happen when “A” first sent those texts. When “A” kept playing with our emotions. If Ali never disappeared, maybe things would’ve been different. Maybe she would’ve kept my secret, maybe she would’ve used it against me. Who knows. But I am so glad to have met you when you came back.
If I had any regrets about the past, it would be that I didn’t know you and the girls earlier. If I knew you guys before all this shit went down. Maybe things would’ve changed. And “A” wouldn’t have existed. But no, things went the way they did. And now “A” exists more than ever. I’m still paranoid to this day that “A” will come back and try to kill us again.
I know it’s been years since this all happened, but it still haunts me to this day. The amount of trauma “A” created for us. The PTSD… all of it comes back to me. The amount of torture we all endured during the wrath of “A.”
We are now together once again, and away from Rosewood. But there were some fun times before all of this went down. Before “A” ruined most of our lives. Well… before “A” fucked with all of us and we started working together. I wish we could go back to those times, but I know that can’t happen.
I love you Toby. Forever more. I love you. I remember when I first saw you that day…