Work Text
He’s back. He’s back and he knows he shouldn’t be. He’s opened up the explicit adult chat website again. He’s updating his profile. He’s sending a lewd out into the main chat to see what happens. To wait for the messages to roll in.
XXXX
Hey baby
XXX
Nice photo
Got anymore
XXXXX
Dirty slut
XX
Daddy likes
X
Need a good cock to fill you up
XXXXX
Hey cutie
Hey cutie
That’s the one he responds to first. If they’re slow or don’t respond back he will go to the other ones. Entertain them for a bit.
Skye
Hey
Simple enough. He knows his body does the talking for him. Plus it’s a response. Most people never get one.
XXXXXX
How are you doing tonight
Skye
I’m doing good. Bored
You?
XXXXXX
What’s a cutie like you doing bored
That’s not good
I’m okay just a lil wound up
Something tickles at Seungmin’s brain with that message. Something that threatens to overwhelm him. To crawl to the surface using every talon to hold on and dig in deeper.
Skye
Are you on here often
XXXXXX
Not really
Usually just lurk and look at the gifs people send but I couldn’t resist a cutie like you
What are you looking for
Skye
All honesty? To get off
XXXXXX
Is it the attention? You like that?
Skye
I guess. Plus people like my body so it’s a win-win situation
XXXXXX
That it is
Your pfp is so cute. That you?
Skye
Yeah
XXXXXX
I don’t see your cute little face though :(
Skye
I don’t do face pics
As he messages Seungmin rearranges himself to take a photo over his shoulder to show himself arching on his hands and knees and then quickly sends it to the guy before flopping onto his back once more to palm himself. It’s going to be a slow night.
XXXXXX
God
Wish I was behind you fucking you nice and deep
Lean over to kiss your pretty shoulder
Skye
You like?
XXXXXX
Like? I love it cutie
The creature claws at his chest. Seungmin freezes. Something is begging him to listen and he can’t figure out what it is. He feels like he’s going to die. The creature wants to rip out any life in him.
Skye
I wish you were too
I’m so lonely right now. What a shame to not have you here filling me so nicely
XXXXXX
You got a dildo
Or you using fingers
Skye
I’ve a dildo but it’s too big. I don’t think it’ll fit
He doesn’t. Or at least not one that’s “too big” but the guy probably likes to hear that. They all do. They like the idea of a small guy getting wrecked by a big dick. Seungmin can play into that fantasy easily. It’s what gets him the attention, the praise, the
rush of life.
XXXXXX
I think you can do it. You can take it.
Will you try? For me cutie
Cutie cutie cutie cutie cutie cutie cutie cutie cutie cutie cutie
Fuck. He’s spiraling already. The creature whispers in his ear, sounding too similar to a man with fox eyes. A man who made him feel alive. It’s never this early. The disgust at himself should set in after he gets off. Not now. Not before he’s even started. He feels sick. Sick to the stomach. Sick to the mind.
XXXXXX
Aw. Did I lose your attention? A cutie like you probably has your messages blowing up
Seungmin closes the tab on his phone. He swipes it back out of incognito and for one extra measure he swipes the app up and away. Then he’s throwing his phone to the side.
Cutie cutie cutie cutie cutie
cutie
I could eat you up,
cutie
Are you sure,
cutie
Please what
cutie
Okay
cutie
Cutie?
Wait
“Fuck.”
Everything feels so wrong and he can’t even explain it. He has no idea why this
thing
is clawing at his throat. Why it’s eating him alive. He grabs a blanket to throw over himself, disgusted at his body, but that’s not enough. He gets up and turns off every light so he sits in darkness with the blanket wrapped around him.
He cries.
No one is there to hold him. To comfort him. He’s so very much alone. He wished he could take sandpaper to his skin to remove any trace of
him
. Or even just of the previous 30 minutes. To scrape clean his body, make it new. He’s not religious but he knows his soul has been condemned to eternity in hell. Too dirty to ever be cleaned again. You could leave it in bleach for a decade and the stains will still be there.
Eventually the tears stop falling. He just feels numb, empty,
vacant.
He doesn’t know why he cried. Is it from feeling dirty? From being tarnished? Is it from missing the soft way
he
called him cutie? The way
he
held him gently like he was glass? The way
he
worshipped him like his soul was pure and clean? Was he mourning the feeling of being
alive
and real that
he
gave him?
He finds his phone somewhere in the sheets. The sheets that smell like his mistakes. His dirty soul. He doesn’t have his number. He threw it away. No, he didn’t even give it the decency of a trash can. Somewhere it’s blowing around the streets. He needs a lifeline. Someone who can give him something to hold.
Seungmin [00:35]
Hey Chan. It’s been a while. Are you free this weekend to catch up?
Chan [7:49]
Hey Minnie!
Unfortunately, I’ve got a work trip this weekend. Maybe some other time
Oh.
Seungmin [11:22]
No worries!
There’s so many worries. He
needs
someone to throw him the lifeboat. Or even a vest at this point. Anything that keeps his head above water. Keeps him from drowning in himself.
Seungmin [11:56]
Jinnie! Are you free for coffee this weekend?
Hyunjin [17:41]
I’ve got an art show out of town this weekend
Fuck. Fuck, he
needs
something. Anything. He tries not to think about every reject and the hole it gouges out of his heart.
Seungmin [17:56]
Ah. Well have fun
He’s getting desperate.
Anything
. Just something.
Seungmin [18:00]
Hey binnie, would you be free to get together some time?
Changbin [18:24]
My schedules kinda all over the place Min
I can see what I can do but no promises
How are you doing though
Channie and Jinnie say you’ve been ignoring their other texts
No he hasn’t. He’s seen the texts. The rejections. He even responded to them. That’s it. That’s all they’ve done. It hurts, it claws at him.
Seungmin [18:53]
I’m good. Hanging in there. Life’s been busy
Don’t make them worry. Don’t give them extra burdens. They’re busy. They’ve got their own lives. He clicks off his phone. He needs sleep. Maybe a shower. Maybe to do laundry. The empty feeling fills him. He lies down, ignoring everything and anything.
Chan [13:58]
Sorry I got pulled into a meeting
I’m good next Tuesday
You usually have that day off, right?
I’ll make sure to be out by 5pm and we can get dinner. My treat.
Chan [16:47]
Minnie?
How does that sound
Or I can meet you during one of my lunches this week. I do miss you. It’s been a while. I’ve not been a good friend. Not checking in with you
Chan [19:07]
I hope you’re okay Minnie
Reach out if you need anything
Hyunjin [17:59]
How free are you this weekend cus I’d love a friend for the trip
It’s about 3 hours away. I can drive and you can be in charge of snacks and DJ. Sound fun?
Hyunjin [18:20]
If that’s too much I get back Sunday afternoon. We can do a lazy day in. Watch movies and eat junk food. I know long trips and new environments can be too much for you. No pressure
Just let me know please
I’d love to spend time with you
Changbin [18:59]
Don't try and lie to me Minnie
We both know you’re struggling
I’m happy you reached out to us though
If you don’t respond I’m coming over tomorrow evening whether you want it or not
Fuck my schedule
I’ll make time for my friend
Don’t do anything stupid Minnie
Please
Changbin [23:47]
Seungmin I care a lot about you.
I’ll be over tomorrow okay?
I’ll bring your favourite snacks
Lots of ice cream and those fancy chocolates you like
I love you Minnie
Chan [1:32]
Hey min
Thinking about you
I know it’s late but I hope you sleep well
Make sure to get a shower tomorrow and go outside
Don’t need to go for a walk. Just find a nice bench and sit for a bit
Bring a book or your phone to play on
I love you Minnie
Hyunjin [6:30]
Morning Minnie!!
I know you’re not an early riser so I hope you enjoy the text when you do wake up
Text me your decision when you’ve got time
I just need to know before I’m physically driving on Saturday
Choices are come with me or we do movies when I get back. There’s no option for neither
I wanna spend time with my Minnie
I miss you
Love ya Minnie