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“I think I’m going to ask Jungwon to be my Valentine.”Yeonjun looks up from his phone, letting his eyes scan over Taehyun’s face. He doesn’t have that usual look of mischief on his face, no stupid smirk, he isn’t even avoiding eye contact like he usually does when he lies.He’s serious.Yeonjun’s eyebrows raise slightly, using his thumb to shut the screen of his phone off. He pushes off the wall he was leaning on, licking his lips. “Jungwon? Your junior? That guy you work out with?” Yeonjun asks, just for clarification. He looks around the mostly empty hall in shock. After spending ten mindless, brain numbing minutes of boredom while waiting for Taehyun to get out of his class—this was a lot to take in.“Mhm,” Taehyun nods, bringing his lower lip in between his teeth.Something about how excited Taehyun sounds makes Yeonjun’s chest tighten. He doesn’t bother unpacking why though, he keeps the grin on his face. “The nineteen-year-old?” Yeonjun asks again, just for a little clarification on the situation. That’s all. Yeonjun’s smile widens as he watches Taehyun’s cheeks heat up with embarrassment, fighting a small smile off his face.“He’s twenty now.” Taehyun bristles. “Which is only two years younger than me. And he’s about to be twenty-one.”“Ooh, you cougar.” Yeonjun teases, leaning in closer with a laugh. “Purposely seeking out men younger than you. You’re sick.”Taehyun rolls his eyes, letting out an annoyed huff. “I’m not a girl first of all—I can’t be a cougar.” Yeonjun rolls his eyes. No one knows the male version of cougar. Wasn’t it like manther or something? Corny, not cool. Doesn’t roll off the tongue like cougar does. “I don’t even know why I came to you about this. I should’ve just talked to Beomgyu-hyung.”Taehyun turns to walk away, and Yeonjun instinctively reaches out, his fingers curling around Taehyun’s wrist before he can think twice. He pulls Taehyun in until he was clutched against his chest. “Cause we’re best friends. Why else?” Yeonjun teases, moving so that they were no longer facing each other and were instead standing side by side. He drops an arm around Taehyun’s shoulder. “What did you need help with, my Hyunnie? Hyung will help you.”Taehyun shrugs Yeonjun off, fixing the backpack on his shoulder. “Seriously, never mind. Don’t you have lab reports to grade or something?”Yeonjun steadies himself, then shoots him a side-eye. “Yeah, I decided to meet you when I could be doing my job and grading said lab reports but instead…” Yeonjun gestures towards him, “just ungrateful. I’m a busy man, you know? I took time out of my schedule.”Taehyun sucks his teeth. “You don’t even grade anything until your office hours anyway.”“Whatever.” Yeonjun mutters, regretting ever telling Taehyun about what Yeonjun really does with his time. They mosey their way to the front door of the building. Yeonjun makes sure to hold the door open for Taehyun, ignoring Taehyun’s incessant eye rolling and grumbling. “Are you going to say what you need help with, or what?” Yeonjun urges once they’re outside, walking aimlessly around campus.Taehyun doesn’t have class for another few hours and Yeonjun has nothing but TA hours, a workshop session at three. But that’s it. Yeonjun thinks Taehyun is going to make him treat him to lunch.“Well, you know, I’ve never actually like dated anyone.” Taehyun begins.Yeonjun hums. “No, there was that girl your sophomore year of high school.” Yeonjun reminds.Taehyun turns so that they’re facing each other, staring over at Yeonjun as if he grew another head. “I am gay.” Taehyun says pointedly. “And I was sixteen then, that doesn’t count. Stop being slow on purpose, hyung.”“Whatever.” Yeonjun replies, a pout adorning his lips. If he was being honest, he really didn’t want to know where this conversation was heading. There was only one way this was going to end:Taehyun was going to ask him to somehow help him with asking Jungwon out for Valentines Day.Yeonjun didn’t want any parts. Not because he was busy with asking someone else out for Valentines, or that he wasn’t romantic, and not even because he was simply busy. He just…didn’t want to. Something about this whole ordeal was really making Yeonjun feel ill.Taehyun has always been dedicated to school. His focus has always been getting his degree and getting a job so he could away from his home life and whatever else. Taehyun was so goal driven, he never dated. Like ever. He might’ve played around a bit in high school, but serious relationships never occurred. He’s been focused.Yeonjun likes that about him. Has always liked that about him. It was refreshing, being able to go to Taehyun and not having to hear about situationships or relationship problems. At some point, it was all most of his friends wanted to talk about.But now…Taehyun wants to date. Some kid he barely even knows, at that. Yeonjun feels ill.“It’s just, you have more experience than me in that sense, you know? I’ve never asked anyone out. I’ve never even been on a date. I don’t know what to do. And you’ve been on a lot of dates.” Taehyun turns to look at Yeonjun expectantly. “So, I was hoping that you could help me plan. And give me advice. Since you’re my cooler, all knowing, smart, hyung.”The praise doesn’t work. Usually it would work, but not today. Today, it just makes Yeonjun scoff. “I haven’t been on that many dates.” Yeonjun argues.“You’ve had like three girlfriends.”Yeonjun sighs, “I had one girlfriend.” Yeonjun corrects.Yeonjun doesn’t date around, not that he can’t or anything, he just doesn’t want to. He doesn’t like meaningless connections, and he always ends up acting…crazily obsessed…whenever he really likes someone. He’s not giving that to just anybody. Well, he literally can’t, he’d probably end up in jail.Also, when he dates, he needs a lot of attention from his partner. With how busy his schedule been, there’s no way he would get his needs met. Or that he would be able to properly fulfill their needs. It took him a while to really realize that, so he has a couple of relationships under his belt, but not as much Taehyun was making it seem.“Okay, one girlfriend and two boyfriends.” Taehyun corrects. “Still three more relationships more than me. With a lot more dates too. Obviously, you need to help me. Plus, you’ve always wanted to play cupid!”No, he hasn’t.“I don’t think it’s obvious.” Yeonjun murmurs. Taehyun has a determined look on his face, so Yeonjun knows he wasn’t going to let this go. Yeonjun rubs the edge of his nose, looking around the campus just to avoid Taehyun’s stare.Taehyun doesn’t acknowledge what Yeonjun said, instead furthering his point. “And when you were with Felix, you always did big extravagant dates with him and always got him the best gifts. And then when you did that huge promposal for that girl when you were senior. And all your exes are always talking about how romantic and sweet you are. You know I’m really not like that. So, you must help me.”Yeonjun’s unmoved, still looking everywhere but at Taehyun. He hadn’t noticed, but this campus really was beautiful. Sure, the trees were a little naked because it was peak winter, but it still looked nice. He takes in the rows of the trees earnestly, as if he’s never seen them before as Taehyun watches him hopefully.“Ah, I guess that’s true.” Yeonjun mumbles, as if it hurts him to say it.Taehyun abruptly grabs one of Yeonjun’s wrists, pulling him backwards. They stop abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk, Taehyun looking up at him with him with his big starry eyes. Not the eyes. Yeonjun can only take so much at once. Yeonjun sighs, staring at the exposed skin of Taehyun’s forehead. Anything but his eyes. “I don’t even know Jungwon, how could I plan a date for someone I don’t know?” Yeonjun questions, and he feels like that’s a valid question.Taehyun is quick with his rebuttal. “I know him, though. It’s literally enough. I tell you about him and then you plan it.”Having to sit around and hear Taehyun gush about his crush? Yeonjun would rather get ran over. Twice. And then get thrown over a bridge. Anything but that. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to sit through that.“I don’t know…” Yeonjun looks off to the side, hoping he really seems uncomfortable. “You’ve never even mentioned this guy before, and suddenly you like him? I thought you weren’t dating till you got your bachelors?”Taehyun shrugs and then he’s dragging his bottom lip into his mouth, and Yeonjun tracks every movement with his eyes. Yeonjun’s stomach feels odd. “I don’t know we’ve gotten closer these past few months.” Yeonjun frowns. “He’s nice, hyung, don’t do that.”Yeonjun rubs the edge of his nose. “I just,” Yeonjun loses his train of thought when Taehyun grabs his wrists, dragging his attention back to him. Their eyes meet and Taehyun’s doing that puppy dog things with his eyes. Yeonjun’s fucked. “Okay.” He shrugs.A wide smile grows on Taehyun’s teeth, eyes going wide with excitement. “Really?”“Yeah, it’s fine. It’s cool. We can meet up some time this weekend to start planning. Cool?”Taehyun nods enthusiastically. “Okay. Perfect. I’m so happy. I’ll treat you to lunch today.”Yeonjun hums, not even able to fake enthusiasm. He was not looking forward to this, in the slightest. He gives Taehyun his signature smile, though, and rubs his tummy. “Good, because I’m hungry.”“You’re sick. You’d dare to use your junior for food when you know his pockets are already crying? Sick, sick man.”“Yes. I would.”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Yeonjun and Taehyun met for the first time when Yeonjun was a freshman.“But sir, you see me every day. Why would I do that?” The soft voice had caught Yeonjun off guard, he hadn’t heard such a squeaky voice in ages. Well, all the guys he was friends with voices were starting to deepen—but their voices would still crack here and there, but this one just sounded…irrevocably young. And begging like.Yeonjun’s been going to this corner store before school since he was in middle school, and to put it shortly, the owner was a bitch. He hated that all the kids would stop in here and did everything to keep them from coming back. Wrongfully accused Yeonjun of stealing about five times now, and each time the cops were called. Yeonjun still comes in because it’s still the closest corner store on the way to school. He wasn’t going to adjust his daily routine just because this old miserable fart needed entertainment occasionally.In doing this, Yeonjun had grown some sort of rapport with the older man. The more stubborn Yeonjun was, the more the old man left him alone. Yeonjun guesses that since his bullying tactics weren’t working on Yeonjun anymore, he was using them on someone else. Whoever this poor victim was who was arguing with the man.At the register was a kid. Much shorter than Yeonjun. He didn’t look a day over twelve, chubby cheeks, big wide eyes, and his hair cut in the ugliest bowl cut Yeonjun had ever seen in his life. Yeonjun skips the obvious line, dropping a hand on the young boy’s shoulder, and looking up at the old man. “Hey, old man.” Yeonjun drawls, throwing his snacks onto the counter.Old man (Yeonjun doesn’t know his name) looks back at him with a scowl. “Of course, you know this little thief!” He points an accusatory finger at Yeonjun. “You are ruining the youth. Wait till I get in contact with the authorities.”Yeonjun’s jaw drops. “I don’t even hang around the youth, you—ugh, old man, please.” He looks down at the kid, who’s got tears in his eyes. Obviously, this is the first time he’s ever been accused of such a thing. He looks too cute to be stealing anyway. He doesn’t look like he would even lie, let alone steal. “This kid is obviously innocent. You need to leave him alone.”“You’re corrupting the youth.” Old man accuses, shaking his head as if he’s finally pieced everything together. “So much inventory has gone missing recently. It’s because you’re sending these kids in here.”Yeonjun gapes at him. Yeonjun is a lot of things, but he’s not hungry enough to set up some kind of gang that only steals from this specific corner store. This guy was fucking crazy. He turns down to the younger kid, realizing that he can’t be that much younger as he really looks at him, and tilts his head. “Did you steal anything?”“No. I just want my strawberry milk.” The boy sniffs, pointing up at the drink he has placed on the counter.Yeonjun hums, turning back to the old man. “Let the boy get his strawberry milk, man. He’s like six. Leave him alone.”The boy gasps. “I’m twelve!”Both Yeonjun and the old man ignore him. “He has things in his pockets, I’m sure.”Yeonjun rolls his eyes. “He’s emptied his pockets like six times by now.” He turns to the boy. “What’s your name?”“Taehyun.” The boy squeaks out, and Yeonjun has to bite back a coo.“Taehyun is tired of you bullying him. Leave him alone.” Yeonjun urges. He pulls his wallet out of his back pocket, thumbing through the bills he’s collected over the past few months. Allowance, getting lucky while walking down the street, tricking people into giving him money. Whatever works! “Here, I’ll cover it all.”Old man grunts in annoyance, but he scans the items Yeonjun grabbed anyway. Yeonjun pays for everything, passing Taehyun the bottle of strawberry milk, and grabbing the bag filled with his own stuff. Taehyun and Yeonjun walk out of the store, ignoring the old man screaming at them to not come back.Yeonjun stops in front of the store, sifting through the bag for a specific bag of chips. He pulls them out, smiling to himself. Finally, breakfast. He opens the back, stuffing his hand into the bag. When he finally looks up, Taehyun is still standing there, staring up at Yeonjun with big wide eyes. Yeonjun feels a little thrown off. Taehyun’s eyes were a little…off putting. Kind of like he was staring into Yeonjun’s soul.Kids are so weird.“What?” Yeonjun asks, one of his eyebrows lifting slightly. He doesn’t try to come off as mean, but from the way Taehyun slightly flinches, he’s sure that it did.Taehyun takes a deep breath, as if he’s building the courage to speak. “Ahjussi—”“Excuse me?” Yeonjun gasps, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He’s not an ahjussi. He’s just turned fifteen. He’s not old in the slightest. He can’t believe this, he can’t believe he’s been disrespected to this extent.Taehyun doesn’t seem concerned about this. “Thank you for paying for me! Please allow me to pay you back.” He holds out a bill in his hand, shaking it when Yeonjun doesn’t reach out to take it.Yeonjun stares at him, blankly, still not over being called an ahjussi in the slightest. “I’m fifteen.” Yeonjun tells him. “Just so you know.”Taehyun’s face twitches slightly. “Okay, fifteen or not. Take the money.”“It’s all good, little man.” Yeonjun argues, reaching out to ruffle the God-awful hair cut on the top of Taehyun’s head. “Hyung can afford a little strawberry milk. I was just helping you out. That guy is an asshole.”Taehyun purses his lips together, his hand falling to his sides when he realizes Yeonjun won’t take the money. “Well, you must let me pay you back somehow.” Taehyun argues. “My mom said not to take free things from people. Especially strangers.”Yeonjun scoffs. “What the hell, man?” Seriously, this kid was starting to get on his nerves. If he had known it was going to be all of this, he would have never stepped in, in the first place. He would’ve let that old man harass him until he figured it out himself. “Seriously, it’s no problem. And anyway, don’t you have school? You should really get going.”Taehyun pouts, looking down at his watch. He freezes when he sees the time, turning back to look up at Yeonjun with fear in his eyes. “Will you be here tomorrow morning too? At around this time?”Yeonjun shrugs, hesitantly. “Yeah, I guess I will be.”Taehyun lets out a sigh of relief. “Okay. I will be here tomorrow. And I will buy you something.”“It’s really not that necessary, kid,” Yeonjun exasperates. He really didn’t want a twelve-year-old buying him things. “You’re twelve. You need to save money.”“I’m thirteen in a few months.” Taehyun says smugly, as if that makes much of a difference.“Big whoop.” Yeonjun mutters back.“Just be here!” Taehyun urges. “Same time. Or I’m going to find you.”The threat sounds eerily sincere, so Yeonjun shuffles awkwardly in his vans, and nods. “I’ll be here. Jeez.”Taehyun nods firmly before running off in the other direction. Yeonjun watches him go, face all scrunched up in confusion. And annoyance.“Weirdo.”
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Yeonjun stares at Taehyun. It’s crazy that how the only thing that even changed from when they first met, and now, is that Taehyun got a little taller. He also doesn’t constantly have this cute, innocent look in his eyes 24/7. It makes it so much easier to lie to him now. Which is what Yeonjun is doing right now.“Yeah, I’m so excited.” Yeonjun doesn’t even try to add any enthusiasm to his words. He’s not excited. Unfortunately for Yeonjun, the weekend had come faster than he had expected. The week had been nothing, but a blur of grading lab reports and then working on his own projects. Nothing eventful in the slightest. He was glad to finally have a break from just being on campus all day but was quickly reminded of their stupid plans at 8:00 AM sharp this morning.Yeonjun’s eyes had clenched close when he read over the text, the request of a home cooked meal being the worst part about all of this. Yeonjun doesn’t even like cooking. The only reason he does cook is because his roommate is absolutely helpless, completely dog shit at it. They can’t order take out every night, so Yeonjun had to step up and take over cooking.He can’t believe Taehyun was taking advantage of his good heart and forcing him to cook a meal on one of the days Soobin usually orders out. Ridiculousness.Yeonjun mixes around the pot of pasta, just to ensure that every noodle has sauce on it. He didn’t try very hard, just needed something quick and easy to get them through the night. Usually, any kind of pasta made Yeonjun so full that he got sleepy, so he was hoping that he would pass out mid conversation. Hopefully right before Taehyun started cooing about how cute and muscular (?) Jungwon is.Taehyun hums as he eyes the pot. “You don’t sound actually excited.” How observant of him. Yeonjun' doesn’t respond. He refuses to give him a response. That would be out right lying, and he’s already told his one lie of the conversation. “Why don’t you want me to be happy?”Yeonjun’s neck recoils in shock. “How’d we get from point A to point Z?” He asks, genuinely, eyes bugged out and all. Taehyun wasn’t usually dramatic, but sometimes when he was, he usually dragged it to hell.“You know I really like Jungwon and how happy it would make me to be able to take him out on a date. As my valentine. Don’t you see how romantic that is? Our first date on Valentines.” Taehyun basically swoons, and Yeonjun can see the literal hearts in his eyes.It’s starting, way earlier than Yeonjun had predicted. He doesn’t think he’s going to be able to get through this dinner whatsoever. He can’t do this. “No, it truly is romantic.” Yeonjun bites out, bitterly. Even the words taste bitter on his tongue. “I just feel like I shouldn’t be involved. You should plan everything on your own.”“But you know I don’t have a real romantic bone in my body. Not like you do. You have an eye for this stuff.” Taehyun repeats the same mumbo jumbo bullshit he spewed out earlier in the week. It still doesn’t move Yeonjun. He turns the stove top off, considering the food is done.“Let’s just eat first.” Yeonjun mutters. “Grab a bowl. And then grab Soobin for me. I think he’s playing Valorant or something right now. I don’t want to go in his room it probably smells like cheese. He’s been off for three days straight.”Taehyun whines in protest. “Why do I have to get him?”“Because I’m not going in there. And I cooked. And I’m older. And you didn’t bring anything with you. And I’m already helping you with that Jungwon stuff.” Taehyun’s mouth opens to rebuttal, but Yeonjun moves quickly to speak over him. “And it’s my apartment.” Yeonjun says it as if that trumps everything, and Taehyun turns in on himself as if it really did.Taehyun huffs, moving around the kitchen as if he lived here, and picking out his designated bowl. No one else is allowed to eat out of it, or Taehyun throws a hissy fit. Taehyun doesn’t even live here. Yeonjun doesn’t know how he’s letting him get away with this much. Taehyun thankfully grabs bowls for the rest of them, and then he is begrudgingly making his way towards Soobin’s room.Yeonjun busies himself with plating everything. He makes sure to put proper amounts, knowing that Soobin was going to eat way more than the rest of them, and that Taehyun liked to get seconds rather than putting a bunch on his plate at once. Something about it making him feel less hungry or something.Yeonjun doesn’t get it.By the time Soobin and Taehyun have made it to the room, Yeonjun has already set everything down on the dining table in their respective spots. Taehyun and Soobin’s seats across from each other, and Yeonjun at the head of the table—right in between them so he can properly step in when they argue.“Wow,” Soobin breathes as he takes his seat. He looks as he always does whenever he’s been deprived of his boyfriend—like he’s been staring at a screen for the past three days. They haven’t turned on their heaters yet, so Soobin’s bundled up in a big hoodie and even bigger sweatpants. It looks like his clothes have swallowed him up. Soobin brushes the hood off of his head, exposing his blonde hair. “Looks good, hyung. Thank you.”Yeonjun hums, uninterested. “Whatever. Take out would’ve been better.”Taehyun whines, all high and petulant like. “No, this is so much better than that shitty American spot Soobin…hyung always tries to buy from.”Yeonjun’s eyes immediately shift towards Soobin, awaiting his reaction. “I wasn’t even going to order from there today.” Soobin argues, picking his chopsticks up and twisting them into the noodles. “You never ever know what you’re talking about. Why are you even here? This is my Yeonjun-hyung time.”It’s not. They rarely ever speak on the weekends, especially if Beomgyu comes over. Yeonjun tends to just not come home until Monday morning when he’s sure they’re done bumping and grinding their lives away. Yeonjun doesn’t clarify this though, he keeps his mouth shut because he doesn’t want Taehyun here either. Not if they’re going to be planning some stupid, nonsensical date.Taehyun perks up at being reminded though, a big smile growing on his face as he wiggles in his seat. “Thanks for asking, actually.” Yeonjun stuffs his face full to muffle the groan that leaves his lips. “Yeonjun-hyung is going to help me plan asking Jungwon to be my Valentine.”Taehyun hums happily, twisting his own chopsticks into his noodles. He’s staring down into the bowl with a cheeky smile on his face—even a blush. Yeonjun is going to lose his mind. Soobin’s eyebrows are furrowed as he looks over at Yeonjun. He mouths the words, ‘what the fuck?’ and all Yeonjun can offer in response is a shrug.“Isn’t it a little too early for Valentines Day?” Soobin questions. “Christmas hasn’t even passed yet.” Yeonjun had the same thoughts, but he’s mad he hadn’t brought it up when he had the chance. They were still wrapped up with final exams and projects. Yeonjun really didn’t have time to help Taehyun plan the most perfect proposal ever. It’s too late for Yeonjun to go back on his word now.Taehyun eyes roll. “This is why Beomgyu is going to leave you. You put in zero effort.”Soobin sucks his teeth. “I put in zero effort because I haven’t started planning for Valentines Day and we haven’t even gotten through Christmas? Okay.”“If you wait too long, it’ll be shit.” Taehyun argues. “And Beomgyu is going to leave you.”“Dude, Beomgyu is not going to leave me. Even if I showed up with like a dollar store rose and chocolates. Because our love is real. And not materialistic.”Yeonjun scoffs. “If you show up with a dollar store rose and chocolates, he will leave you.”“I’m not literally going to—I’m not dumb, okay? Seriously, I wouldn’t show up with that. I’m just saying I don’t need to plan something crazy two months ahead to make Beomgyu happy.” Soobin sounds proud, sitting up straight in his seat. Yeonjun’s eyes drift back over to Taehyun, who looks disappointed.“Why’s it such a bad thing that I want to plan and get ahead?” Taehyun whines. He turns to Yeonjun. “You don’t think it’s early too, do you?”If this was Yeonjun, and he was absolutely smitten with somebody, he would’ve started planning for Christmas and Valentines Day in September. But this isn’t about him. Yeonjun shakes his head in response. “No, it’s not too early just to plan.” He licks his lips. “It’s good to just get ahead on this type of stuff. Plus, things are cheaper now because of holiday sales—”“Whatever.” Soobin brushes him off. “Beomgyu is still going to love what I get him.”“Beomgyu is going to leave you.”Soobin doesn’t reply, just gives Taehyun a middle finger that Yeonjun smacks away. He doesn’t like when people are rude to Taehyun. The conversation moves more towards Soobin and his love life, which Yeonjun appreciates. The less he has to hear about Jungwon and Taehyun the better. Not that hearing Soobin gush about Beomgyu was any better, but it brought some kind of relief to Yeonjun.The relief doesn’t last long. The second everyone’s bowls are empty, and the old topic of conversation has died down, Taehyun is turning to Yeonjun with his wide smile. Yeonjun can’t even act like he doesn’t see Taehyun looking at him expectantly because he’s been staring at that smile for the past minute.“So!” Taehyun wiggles around in excitement. “What have you come up with?”Yeonjun puckers his lips, shrugging lamely. “Nothing. I don’t know what this Jungwon guy likes.”Taehyun’s shoulders droop slightly. “Oh,” he perks up immediately after, “well, wait we knew that though. I’m supposed to tell you about him, and we’re supposed to plan together.”Oh, God, please.Soobin interjects before Yeonjun is even able to open his mouth and reply. “Wait, who is Jungwon again? I don’t remember hearing about him. Show me a picture.”“Some guy he met like, last week.” Yeonjun provides, unhelpfully.Taehyun gasps completely scandalized. “Not true,” he turns back to his phone, scrolling through it to find a picture of Jungwon, Yeonjun assumes. “I met him last year. We’ve been gym bros for like a year.”Taehyun flips his phone around, showcasing the screen to Soobin. Yeonjun moves against his own will, letting his head bump against Soobin’s so he can get a good look. Yeonjun pouts. He was hoping that Jungwon would be so ugly, that Yeonjun would laugh and feel better about this. But he’s not. He’s cute. Like extremely adorable. He can’t even be mad that Taehyun wants that guy. It makes sense.Well, as much sense as Taehyun liking someone could ever make.“I don’t know,” Soobin says in that tone he uses before he says something extremely outlandish and wrong, “he looks pretty straight to me. Are you sure you want to do a big proposal that you have to plan three months in advance for him?”Never mind, Soobin is never wrong, and he never says anything outlandish.Taehyun turns the phone back, looking over the picture with an arched eyebrow. “I didn’t even think about that.” Taehyun murmurs. “Damn, I’m so stupid.”He looks dejected. Yeonjun has to look away, so he doesn’t feel guilty for being so happy about Taehyun losing excitement over all of this. He feels like a piece of shit. He doesn’t know where all this negativity is coming from. He’s supposed to be happy for Taehyun. He’s supposed to be supportive. He’s literally the supportive hyung. What is wrong with him?“He might be bisexual.” Yeonjun offers, weakly. He took a good look at Jungwon, but his gaydar has never been accurate in the slightest. People have to legit tell them with their own mouth that their gay for it to click in his head.Taehyun sucks his teeth, a soft groan leaving his lips. “This is so annoying. How am I even supposed to ask him without coming off as weird?” He runs a frustrated hand over his face, and now Yeonjun feels really bad. This is obviously stressing him out so bad. Why hasn’t Yeonjun gotten the overwhelming need to just take over for him? It would have kicked in by now, it usually does, but he just can’t get himself to do it for this situation.Why is he being so fucking weird?“Between squats, stare at his ass and ask if he’s gay.” Soobin quips. “He’s either going to punch you in the mouth—”“Or think I’m a fucking creep?!” Taehyun squeaks out.“Or he’ll be so moved by your boldness he’ll make the first move and ask you out on a date. God, you’re so fucking negative.” Soobin exasperates. “This is exactly why Jungwon is going to punch you in the mouth.”Taehyun places his elbows on the table and stuffs his face into his hands. He screams, catching both Soobin and Yeonjun off guard. Soobin recovers faster, laughing like it was the funniest thing ever. “Hyung, you have to get Soobin-ah to stop. I’m going to hit him. For real.” Taehyun whines behind his palms.“Ey,” Soobin laughs, “now he’s going to hit me because he likes a straight—ow!” Soobin’s whole body curls in on himself, reaching down under the table to cradle his foot. “You bitch, that hurt.”“Stop running your mouth.” Taehyun is no longer hiding behind his palms.Yeonjun sighs, leaning back into his seat. Taehyun and Soobin just keep going back and forth, getting absolutely nowhere in this conversation, and it was starting to make his head hurt. He can’t do this; he really can’t fucking do this. Hesitantly, almost against his own will, he speaks. “Why don’t you just ask him but like in a normal way? Just bring up something gay and see how he reacts.”Taehyun squints at him, like he’s thinking it over. “What like ask him if he wants to come over and watch stuff like Heartstopper?” Taehyun asks earnestly.Yeonjun would have been able to control his laughter if Soobin hadn’t burst into a fit of loud laughter. Yeonjun pushes him by the shoulder, trying to keep his giggles to a minimum. “You might as well just ask him to fuck.” Soobin says through his laughter.“It’s not that funny to be still laughing, shut up.” Yeonjun hits Soobin again, a little harder because Taehyun looks even more distressed now.“I’ll just kill myself.” Taehyun decides, shrugging as if he’s done everything he could. Wow, he must really like Jungwon. Yeonjun’s chest tightens with the familiar feeling Jungwon’s name was starting to give him. Yeonjun isn’t quite ready to put a name to it.“It doesn’t have to be that obvious,” Yeonjun says, keeping his tone light. “Just...talk to him about stuff, you know? Find out if he’s even into dating right now. If he’s interested in anyone. I don’t know, slip it in between your usual conversations.”Taehyun looks so nervous, Yeonjun wants to reach out and drag him into a hug. “Do you really think that’ll work?”Yeonjun nods, even though it feels like a lie. He doesn’t want to be giving advice on how to help Taehyun win over Jungwon. But the alternative is worse—letting Taehyun drown in his inexperience. Taehyun was his literal baby. When he needed help, Yeonjun was always there to handle things. He can’t let this situation be any different, even if being helpful was eating him up inside.“I guess that makes sense,” Taehyun murmurs. “It’s not like I’m asking him to marry me.”“Not yet, anyway,” Soobin mutters, earning a glare from both Taehyun and Yeonjun.“Yeah, and try to figure out if he likes big things with like an audience or if he prefers more quiet and intimate things. I need to know.”Taehyun nods firmly. “Okay, I’ll let you know what he says. Then we can start officially planning. I won’t see him for another few days though.”Yeonjun should feel relieved, but he doesn’t. Instead, he feels like he’s just signed off on something that’s going to ruin him. Even if he’s getting another break from this, it was just going to come crawling back as a problem. The inevitable was clear:Yeonjun was planning this stupid fucking date.Soobin washes the dishes, like he always does when Yeonjun cooks. Taehyun sticks around a lot longer than Yeonjun expected. Taehyun usually spent his weekends studying, and since their plans were a bust, Yeonjun was sure he was going to try to skimp out to get back to studying. Especially with finals coming up soon. Instead, he clings onto Yeonjun and forced him to watch a few episodes of Heart Stopper.Taehyun claims this is how he’s going to get that information out of Jungwon, but Yeonjun doesn’t think it’s going to work.Eventually, Taehyun leaves, and Yeonjun can breathe a little better now that Jungwon isn’t a topic looming over his head just waiting for the perfect opportunity to come up in conversation. Soobin comes out of his room the second the door locks behind Taehyun. He’s leaning on the doorway to the hallway, that stupid smug smile on his face.Yeonjun doesn’t like it. “What?” Yeonjun questions as he brushes past him, heading to his own room.“Are you like a masochist or something?” Soobin asks, and he seems genuinely curious. He falls into step right behind Yeonjun, brown eyes wide as if this was the most entertaining thing that’s happened all week for him.“No?” Yeonjun frowns. He opens the bathroom door, flickering the light on. He might as well get ready for bed now. He turns so that he’s facing Soobin, hand on the doorknob, ready to just shut the door in Soobin’s face for dramatics.Soobin looks unconvinced. “I don’t know, helping the dude you’re in love with get with another dude is kind of giving masochism.”He’s using that stupid tone again.Soobin is wrong and he is constantly saying outlandish things. He’s been saying wrong and outlandish shit for the past three hours. Yeonjun doesn’t even know why he had lied earlier. Soobin is known for this type of shit.“What?!” Yeonjun yelps out. “What the fuck are you talking about?”Yeonjun is not in love with Taehyun. That’s his little brother, his best friend. For ten years they’ve known each other. If Yeonjun had any types of feelings for him, he’d know by now. What Soobin was saying was not true. It wasn’t true! Yeonjun’s cheeks are heating up in anger of being accused of something that just wasn’t true, and he’s sure his ears are red hot too. What the hell is Soobin talking about?Soobin stares at Yeonjun blankly, letting his eyes scan over him and his face warily. “Wow, you really can’t tell?”“Tell what?!” Yeonjun bites back, his eyebrows knitting in confusion. Seriously, what the hell is this guy talking about. “Are you low on sleep or something? You really aren’t making any sense.”Soobin takes in a deep breath, he brings his fist up into his mouth, biting on it gently before he turns in a circle. He then leans onto the bathroom doorway before uttering the stupidest words Yeonjun has ever fucking heard. “I can’t interfere; this is a canon event.”Soobin with that TikTok nonsense talk. Yeonjun swears he’s going to lose his shit. Soobin swiftly turns on his heels walking to the other side of the hallway to his room. “Ya!” Yeonjun calls after him, “you need to explain! What the fuck are you talking about?”Soobin keeps walking. “Can’t interfere! It’s a canon event.”Yeonjun groans roughly, slamming the door shut behind himself.What the fuck is Soobin talking about?

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Yeonjun was running off of four cups of coffee and two hours of sleep.He hasn’t eaten lunch or dinner, and he’s pretty sure it was bordering 11PM. He doesn’t let himself stop though. He has only twenty-nine more hours until he was supposed to present this final project so he can be done with this stupid class. He needs this to be finished preferably tonight. He wants to be done with it tonight so bad.He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. His vision isn’t even that bad, but ever since he started working on these stupid models, he’s been having to wear them again. They were just too intricate of a project to not do with perfect vision, not if he wanted to graduate. Things needs to be in just the right spot. Yeonjun would lose shit if he lost points because he accidentally misplaced something.Yeonjun curses when he accidentally gets some hot glue on his finger. He sets the gun down, grabbing the napkin he left out just for this particular reason. He wipes it off before it can really settle, kissing the spot gently even though it didn’t even hurt that bad. He sighs a little, reaching for his phone next.Five missed calls from Taehyun, a couple of texts from Wooyoung, a couple of Instagram DMS.He unlocks the phone just as his studio room door was being swung open. He jumps in his spot, curses leaving his mouth as Taehyun walks through the threshold with a bag of food in his hands.“Taehyun, what the fuck? You scared me.” Yeonjun’s still clutching at his chest, his heart beating rapidly.“If you had answered my calls and texts, you wouldn’t have gotten this scared.”Texts?Yeonjun belatedly remembers that he had to mute Taehyun’s texts to focus today. He had Taehyun set to bypass all of do not disturb modes. He really needed to focus today though, so he made sure he muted the thread. It definitely had nothing to do with the fact that Taehyun had plans to go to the gym with Jungwon again.Absolutely nothing to do with that.Yeonjun scratches the back of his neck, a bashful smile growing on his lips as Taehyun makes his way over to him. Taehyun sets the bag of food on the table and then lets his hands drop onto his hips. He looks frustrated, obviously not appreciative of Yeonjun’s behavior. “I’m sorry.” Yeonjun says softly, before Taehyun can even get a complaint out. Yeonjun wraps his arms around Taehyun’s middle, parting his legs so Taehyun can fit in between them. He pulls Taehyun in, and Taehyun goes without much fight. He wraps his arms around Yeonjun’s neck. This is the only time he gets to be taller than Yeonjun (Yeonjun is sitting down, and Taehyun is standing) so he lays his head on top of Yeonjun’s nuzzling his cheek into Yeonjun’s hair.Yeonjun hums, melting into Taehyun’s hold. He buries his face into Taehyun’s hoodie, it’s cold from the weather outside but it still smells like Taehyun. And it’s so soft too, he nuzzles it softly, making sure to breathe in all he can before Taehyun eventually takes it away from him. “You’re so warm,” Taehyun breathes, “I wish I could stay wrapped up in you forever.”Yeonjun’s heart beats a little faster at Taehyun’s words. He pulls back slightly, tilting his head back to get a good look at his face. “Good thing we have forever, huh?” Yeonjun teases back.Taehyun rolls his eyes, pulling away from Yeonjun entirely. Yeonjun doesn’t know what to do with his hands anymore. They twitch at his sides slightly before he just lets them run over his sweatpants until they feel normal again. “I figured you didn’t eat.”“Figured right.” Yeonjun quips back. “What did you get me?” Now that food is being presented to him, he really is hungry. He feels like he could eat a cow right now.“A rice bowl.” Taehyun responds. “From that place you like so much. With all those toppings you like.”“Wow,” Yeonjun reaches out for the bag, untying it. “You really love me.”“Of course. You care for me; I care for you.” Taehyun smiles gently, letting one of his free hands move to the back of Yeonjun’s neck. He caresses it softly, letting his fingers brush over the soft curls starting to grow back. It’s been a while since Yeonjun has cut his hair. It’s beginning to look noticeable.“Did you eat?” Yeonjun asks. It’s a bit late, but he’s still curious to at least know what exactly Taehyun ate.“Yeah, me and Jungwon got something together after the gym.”Yeonjun almost freezes, he has to force himself to keep moving. He removes his food from the bag and lets out a stuttered: oh. “How was that?” He questions, even though he doesn’t want to know at all. He uncovers his to go bowl, then moves to grab the disposable chopsticks from the bag. He opens it and breaks them apart as Taehyun tells him exactly how he asked Jungwon out for dinner and exactly how much fun they had together.Yeonjun keeps every moan and groan to himself, just nods along to every detail of the story and stuffs his face full. He really doesn’t want to hear any of this. He doesn’t want to hear about how cute Jungwon looked ordering his food, or how cute it was when they argued about who would pay, and how cute it was when Jungwon walked him back to his dorm room. He doesn’t care. He really doesn’t want to fucking know.He keeps these feelings to himself, though. He plasters a small smile on his face, reacts deeply whenever he’s sure Taehyun wants a big reaction out of him, and keeps every flicker of negative emotion minimal. He has to. He wants Taehyun to be happy and if he’s happy with Jungwon so be it. Yeonjun can’t do anything but support it.“So, did you figure out if he was gay or not?” Yeonjun asks, tilting his head in curiosity. He really hopes Jungwon is straight so that Taehyun can drop this and just go back to worrying about school and getting his degree and whatever else pre-Jungwon Taehyun did. He hates this Taehyun. Well, hate is a strong word, but he’s having a really hard time trying to pretend like he’s enjoying even a second of this.Taehyun nods, biting back a smile. “He’s bisexual.”“Oh, yay.” Yeonjun says weakly. It feels like a whole building had just fell on top of his head. “This is great news. Is he seeing anyone?”Taehyun shakes his head no. “Unt-uh. He says he’s waiting for the one to swoop him off of his feet. See, hyung? He wants me.”Ugh, not only was this Jungwon guy a pain in the fucking ass, but he was a fucking cornball too. Yeonjun doesn’t think he can do this much longer. He’s convinced he’s going to confess and tell Taehyun he can’t do this within the hour.He can’t take all of this at once. Finals were due this week. He had exams on top of exams to grade after turning in his own project. He really doesn’t have time for this. “Wow, yeah, perfect time for you to swoop in.” Yeonjun says, unenthusiastically.Taehyun has been watching every bit of his reaction with observant eyes. He doesn’t comment on how bored Yeonjun sounds. “Yep. I didn’t get to ask him if he prefers more intimate things or not, but I’m going to try to text him tomorrow to get more information out of him.”Yeonjun nods dumbly. “Sounds great.” Yeonjun couldn’t hope but help that Taehyun understands that he doesn’t want to talk about this anymore without him having to say anything. He’s sure Taehyun has caught onto his dry responses. Apparently, it’s not enough to deter Taehyun away. He’s non-stop, even circling back to topics he’s already dragged out enough.“What do you think I should do next?” Taehyun asks. “Like should I ask him on a date?”“But don’t you want your Valentines date to be your first one?” Yeonjun asks, his heart suddenly beating harshly against his chest. He doesn’t want Taehyun and Jungwon to move too fast and start dating before Valentines Day. He can only imagine what that would entail. He already had his mind wrapped around them getting together for Valentines. Anything before that he was just extremely unprepared for. He didn’t want to deal with it.Taehyun blinks, as if Yeonjun had said something completely outlandish. “Oh, yeah.” Taehyun lets out an awkward chuckle. “Why’d I forget for a sec?”Yeonjun laughs back, shrugging. He forces himself to look up from his almost empty bowl and make eye contact. “I don’t know. You’re the one in love with the guy.”Taehyun’s jaw drops slightly, and then he’s lightly pushing Yeonjun’s shoulder. “I’m not. I’m really not!”“You act like you are.” Yeonjun says softly, and he’s hoping that he doesn’t sound like some stupid, jealous, loser. Taehyun’s eyes scan over Yeonjun’s face warily, a moment of silent washing them. Yeonjun wonders what he’s thinking, wonders if it’s obvious that Yeonjun doesn’t like how things are going right now. This would be so much easier if Yeonjun knew why he felt this way. Right now, it just feels like he’s hating just to hate, and it makes things so much more confusing for him.The serious look on Taehyun’s face drops, and he bursts into a fit of giggles. Yeonjun’s eyes trace over his face, taking in the deep dimples, his pretty smile—and then he forces his eyes to meet Taehyun’s. “Hyung, I haven’t even spent that much time with him.” Yeonjun smiles, awkwardly, but he doesn’t move to respond. He doesn’t want to respond. He has nothing to say. “All I know right now is that I really like him. And I want to try, at the least.”Taehyun says these words while staring very deeply into Yeonjun’s eyes, the fit of giggles long gone. He’s serious, has that stupid look in his eye that used to throw Yeonjun off so often. He said this intently, for a reason, that much was obvious. Yeonjun didn’t understand why. Maybe he was practicing what he was going to say to Jungwon himself? Yeonjun wasn’t sure. Either way, Yeonjun doesn’t want to hear him passionately declare how much he likes him and how much he wants to try. Seriously, he’s at his limit right now.Yeonjun nods, turning in his chair slightly. His eyes run over the model that he needs to finish up on. He doesn’t have much left, but Taehyun isn’t aware of that. He suddenly really wants to be alone, and he really doesn’t want Taehyun here babbling about some guy that Yeonjun really doesn’t like. Well, Yeonjun doesn’t necessarily dislike the man. He just doesn’t like when Taehyun talks about him.The semester is finally coming to an end, so he might finally be able to unpack that, but it isn’t yet. So, he takes all of those feelings, put them into a little box, and pushes it into some corner of his mind that he just might come back to if he has the energy for it. He doubts he will though.“Tyun,” he starts, still looking over his model, “I really got to finish this.”Taehyun shifts next to him, but Yeonjun still doesn’t look back to see. “Yeah, of course. I have to go study too.”Yeonjun lets out a breath of relief, turning back to face Taehyun. He smiles, empathetically, but he doesn’t even know what for. He doesn’t think Taehyun has caught on to the fact that Yeonjun doesn’t like Jungwon or doesn’t want to speak about him despite how observant Taehyun usually is. “Thank you for dinner, seriously.”“Don’t mention it. I have ways you can repay me.”“You owe me so many dinners for making me sit through your Jungwon yap fests.” Yeonjun jokes, but the words feel so heavy in his mouth, make his stomach feel all weird.Taehyun rolls his eyes, then easily says the craziest words ever. “You should hear how I talk about you.”They weren’t crazy, those words. Not in the slightest, but it felt like Taehyun had said something completely different with how fast his heart was beating against his rib cage.“Huh?” Yeonjun says, head tilting slightly.“If you can huh, you can hear.”Yeonjun licks his lips. “Seriously, I didn’t hear you,”“I said you should hear how I talk about you.” Taehyun says softly. He places a hand on the top of Yeonjun’s head, letting his fingers comb through the long black strands. “My Yeonjun-hyung.” Taehyun says the words so softly, letting his hand move downward to cup Yeonjun’s jaw gently.Yeonjun freezes under Taehyun’s stare, under his hold. His cheeks flush deeply, eyes fluttering close for a moment before he speaks. “I-I talk about you too,” Yeonjun internally cringes over how he stumbles over his words, something he rarely ever does around Taehyun. He can’t remember the last time he has. Taehyun doesn’t usually make him this nervous—if nervous is even the word. He doesn’t feel unsafe around Taehyun in the slightest, he doesn’t have a reason to feel nervous—but he’s stuttering.He doesn’t know why he’s stuttering.Taehyun smiles, his dimples popping out again. “I’ll leave you to your work, hyung.”“Okay,” comes Yeonjun’s hushed response.Taehyun hugs him one last time, and then he’s pulling away. Yeonjun misses his body warmth almost immediately, but he lets him go. He really does need to finish this model by tonight. “Goodnight, hyung.”“Goodnight.”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Yeonjun has started calling Taehyun ‘kid’ even though Taehyun is sixteen now.
Taehyun doesn’t like it. Yeonjun continues to do it. Being that it was his graduation night, he continues to say it. It’s not like Taehyun is going to tell him off for it, it was Yeonjun’s day. He was finally done with high school. It was one of his last few days before he had to step into the real world, so he was allowed to be as annoying as he wanted.“Kiiiiiid,” he drags it out as he throws his body over Taehyun’s, already tired from all the dancing he just did. He can barely hear himself panting over the music playing loudly. He’s surprised his neighbors haven’t filed a noise complaint yet. His parents had gotten way too many speakers, and they were all playing at the highest volume.Taehyun tries to shrug Yeonjun off of his body, his face scrunched up in annoyance. “Get off of me.” He whines. Yeonjun just snuggles in closer, his arm loosely draping over Taehyun’s middle as a choked laugh escapes his lips. “Hyung, seriously,”Yeonjun decides to listen for once, pulling back so that he could properly sit on the couch instead of laying over Taehyun. He looks down at the cup in his hand, making sure he didn’t spill any while he was distracted, and then he’s looking around his house. He’s an only child; he doesn’t think his home has ever been this lively—not since Yeonjun’s 13th birthday party. He watches his friends and even people that he’s barely even talk to his whole four years of high school walk around his home. They’re laughing, dancing, talking amongst themselves. It makes Yeonjun smile a little, proud that he was able to bring this many people together but also…he feels a little lonely. Maybe because he hasn’t seen much of Taehyun. Since Taehyun started high school two years ago, they’ve become so much closer than just meeting up every other morning at a convenience store, and Yeonjun walking him home to make sure the kid got home safely. He liked spending time with Taehyun, he often felt a little weird when he didn’t see him as often as he felt he should have.
“Why do you hate me?” Yeonjun pouts, poking his side. “I haven’t seen you in hours.”“I saw you at your graduation brunch.” Taehyun comments.“Yeah, hours ago.” Yeonjun argues. Their eyes meet, and Yeonjun gets a little embarrassed. He’s kind of thankful he’s going off to school now. This way he won’t be so dependent on their friendship. They’d have so much more space between them, Yeonjun would have to go a while without seeing him. Yeonjun wonders if Taehyun felt the same about their friendship.“Weirdo.” Taehyun murmurs, scooting away from Yeonjun as if the man was contagious with some type of sickness. Yeonjun doesn’t follow immediately, he lets Taehyun keep the space between them. “Have you seen your girlfriend yet?” Taehyun asks, and Yeonjun thinks he might be listening to hard, but he’s sure he hears some kind of…bitterness lingering off of the Taehyun’s words.He's kind of tipsy. He doesn’t think he should think about it too hard. “Yeah,” he says, vaguely gesturing towards the crowd in front of them. “She’s still dancing somewhere. I don’t know.”Taehyun hums noncommittally. “Maybe you should go bother her.”Yeonjun scoots closer, immediately taking that space Taehyun took, back. “No. I missed you. I want to spend time with you now.”Taehyun’s full cheeks that have slightly slimmed down, are full on blushing now. He has a smile he’s desperately trying to fight off of his face, but the longer Yeonjun stares at him, the more it seems Taehyun struggles. Taehyun was so cute. “These aren’t the type of things you say when you have a girlfriend.” Taehyun bites out, pushing at Yeonjun’s shoulder. Yeonjun moves with the push and playfully turns his head so he can try to bite at Taehyun’s fingers. Taehyun pulls his hands back just in time to not get caught in between Yeonjun’s teeth. “You weirdo!”“Oh, now it’s weird to bite?” Yeonjun mocks, lifting one of his legs and throwing it over Taehyun’s lap. Taehyun lets out an annoyed groan. He pushes at Yeonjun’s leg but doesn’t put any real force into it.“It’s only weird when I’m not the one doing it.”“Oh, I’m sure.” Yeonjun shakes his head, “just hypocritical.”“Biggest word you’ve used all year. I’m so proud of you.”“Actually, I used hypochondriac in an essay.”“That’s literally just about the same amount of big.”Yeonjun flicks his middle finger into Taehyun’s side, a big pout on his lips. “Not all of us can be as smart as you, kid.”Taehyun wraps his hand around Yeonjun’s wrist. “I’m not a kid.” He says calmly, cooly, even though he is a kid. Yeonjun can see the annoyance flickering in his eyes, can see the fall of his shoulders. He really hates being called kid. “It’s not my fault you’re a grandpa.”“I’m eighteen, not a grandpa.”Taehyun ignores him.Yeonjun brings his drink up to his mouth. He watches Taehyun as he downs the drink. It’s more juice than alcohol, but just the slightest aftertaste makes Yeonjun physically react. He really doesn’t like drinking. The only reason he even has some is because one of his friends snuck some in. He pulls the cup away from his mouth, considering Taehyun. “If you’re not a kid, what are you then?”Taehyun eyes meet Yeonjun, seriousness swirling in them. “Some guy you can’t stop flirting with even though you have a girlfriend.”Yeonjun stares at Taehyun for a moment, scanning over his face, trying to see just how serious the boy was. Flirting? Yeonjun has not been flirting. Seriously, he hasn’t. He can’t believe Taehyun was thinking that way. They were best friends. And Taehyun wasn’t even gay, why would Yeonjun flirt with him? Oh, God, what was he doing that was coming off as flirty? He hopes this doesn’t ruin their friendship. A smile starts to break out on Taehyun’s face, and Yeonjun lets out a sigh of relief that he seems to be joking. Yeonjun lets out a giggle at how ridiculous it was for him to have fell for that in the first place, hitting Taehyun’s shoulder as Taehyun awkwardly and hesitantly joins in on the laughter. “You’re funny.” Yeonjun mutters. “Real funny.”Between laughs, Taehyun finds the gall to speak, even if he does stumble over his words. “H-how is that funny?”“Cause,” Yeonjun sniffles, calming down from all the laughing, “you’re you and I’m me. We’re not flirting.”Taehyun’s eyebrows knit together. “What does that mean?”“We’ve been best friends for so long. And like I feel like—well obviously, I have a girlfriend. I wouldn’t cheat on her. And you’re not even gay I don’t think. Right? Dude, did you know that guy…what’s his name…shit,” Yeonjun was starting to ramble, his words slightly slurring. He was assuming this was because of the alcohol, he was hoping Taehyun didn’t think he was stupid. He wanted Taehyun to think he was smart. “Never mind. I can’t remember. It’s not even important. The point is, I’m not flirting with you. No worries on that end, bro.”Taehyun stares at him in silence for a few moments. Yeonjun has started to think he’s said something wrong. He can’t imagine what. Maybe it was about assuming he wasn’t gay? Yeonjun doesn’t see how that could be a bad thing. Taehyun dated a girl recently. Of course, he’s going to think Taehyun is straight. It’s not like they’ve talked about that kind of stuff. Their conversations have consisted of mostly schoolwork, video games, sports teams, and music.“Okay, hyung.” Taehyun says softly. “I’m going to go get a drink.”Taehyun properly pushes Yeonjun’s leg off of his lap, and Yeonjun lets out a soft hiss as his heel hits the floor. He was unprepared, and Taehyun had pushed a little harsher than necessary. “Okay, I’ll stay here.”Taehyun does not come back.Taehyun leaves without saying goodnight.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

With his finals done and all final grades for his own students submitted, Yeonjun is finally able to just breathe.He spends the first day of his break just sleeping. Doesn’t respond to any texts, gets up a total number of three times—and each time only because he needed to piss. The second day, he decides to socialize a little bit before traveling home. He binges some show with Soobin and Beomgyu. He’s 100% sure that he was imposing on their plans, but they don’t say anything so neither does he. He texts back and forth with Taehyun for a little bit, but when he tries to make plans, Taehyun doesn’t text back.This is what it feels like to get ghosted, Yeonjun assumes.Yeonjun takes it in stride, but then a few hours turn into a couple days, and then a couple days turns into almost two weeks, and Yeonjun just about loses his mind. At this point, he’s already back home. He’s bored. His parents have made him do ten thousand chores around the house already and he hasn’t even been here long. He’s had enough. He knows Taehyun is home, so he’s going to walk the ten minutes in the cold to see him.He drags himself out of his bed, maneuvering his way through his room as if he hasn’t been gone for almost a full year now. Everything is still exactly how he’s left it, so it never really takes long for him to fall back into the familiarity. He only just recently stopped coming home for long breaks like Summer and Winter break since he and Soobin got that apartment off campus. The only reason he came down for longer than just Christmas Eve-Christmas, was because his mother begged him to. He has a hard time saying no.He quickly dresses himself, making sure to bundle up. He doesn’t know why, but he puts a little more effort into his outfit than usual, even tries to do his hair. He gives up halfway through—roughly pulling a beanie over his bedhead. Lastly, he pulls a coat on, and then he’s exiting his room and bouncing down the stairs. He quickly throws some excuse towards his mom, who only insists he’s back in time for dinner, and then he sets out for Taehyun’s.The walk over there is quieter than usual. Maybe because he’s never walked there alone. Usually, if he was walking there, he was walking Taehyun home. This time, he makes sure to take in the scenery. It’s not as pretty as it would be if it was the spring. It’s too cold out. Winter always makes everything so gloomy and ugly.When he gets to Taehyun’s, he has to psych himself up to walk up the steps. He knows it’s weird, they’re best friends. He shouldn’t be this nervous to talk to someone he’s known since he was in high school. But things were different now. Yeonjun hadn’t asked for permission to come over. They weren’t kids in school anymore. It was rude to just pop up whenever he wanted.He does it though, knocks lightly on the door and then stuffs his hands into his pockets. He lets out a deep breath, watching his breath fog up the air. He turns slightly, looking behind him in an anxious manner. He probably looks suspicious. And crazy. Yeonjun really hopes Taehyun is home.The door swings open, and Yeonjun lets out a sigh of relief when that familiar head of black hair pops up behind it. “Hyung?” Taehyun sounds shocked, which shocks Yeonjun. This is a Yeonjun thing to do? He doesn’t know why he’s confused. Taehyun pulls the door open a little further, and Yeonjun can finally get a good look at him. He doesn’t look sick; he looks the same. He looks cozy, drowning in a big hoodie that’s way too big for him and baggy sweatpants that make him look smaller than he is.“Dongsaeng?” Yeonjun throws back. Taehyun doesn’t look amused, but he almost rarely does by the little slick stuff Yeonjun says. Yeonjun nods his chin in Taehyun’s direction. “Can I come in?”Taehyun bobs his head, pulling the door open completely, stepping aside to let Yeonjun enter. Taehyun shuts the door behind him as Yeonjun leans down to untie his boots. “Ugh, hyung, I just remembered I didn’t text you back. I’m so sorry.”Yeonjun scoffs, he doesn’t mean to. Taehyun most likely really did just remember because he’s just saw Yeonjun’s face, but honestly after two weeks of silence that did not make Yeonjun feel better in the slightest. “Mhm,” Yeonjun lets out, pulling his feet out of his boots. It feels good to be wrapped up in warmth, but he drags his coat off anyway, hanging it on the coat rack next to him. “Sure, you did.”“I’m serious. I’ve just been so busy it completely slipped my mind.”“Busy with what?” Yeonjun asks incredulously. “You’ve only been home. Your parents don’t even work you that hard when you come back around.” Yeonjun knows because they never really worked Taehyun all too hard to begin with. He has siblings and stuff; chores are equally shared between them all. At the thought of Taehyun’s siblings, he looks around, noticing that he doesn’t hear any incessant screaming or an extremely loud television. They must not be home.Taehyun turns on his heels, making a beeline for the staircase. Yeonjun immediately follows, knowing that Taehyun going up was his invitation. Sometimes, Taehyun gets in moods where he doesn’t do much talking, he just does stuff and expects you to know what his nonverbal cues meant. They walk up the staircase in complete silence, and it feels like it lasts forever. Yeonjun’s heart is pounding harshly against his ribcage, and all he can do is subtly clutch at his chest. He doesn’t know how to calm down, he doesn’t even know what’s causing him this much distress. Taehyun was supposed to be his best friend. They’ve been friends for years. Two weeks without talking was not enough to throw things off for them. It wasn’t. Even if the last time they saw each other left Yeonjun feeling a little disoriented. That wasn’t enough.Their friendship was stronger than this.He practices breathing techniques, then quickly stops when Taehyun looks over his shoulder to look at him curiously. He didn’t think he was breathing that loudly. That’s embarrassing. Yeonjun licks his lips and tries to shake the anxiety out of his head. He needs to act normal, or Taehyun is going to catch on. Yeonjun really doesn’t have any explanations for Taehyun, so he would really appreciate it if he would start acting normal.Just fucking act normal!“Lock the door,” Taehyun says when they get into his room, and Yeonjun follows orders easily. He shreds his hoodie off, feeling extremely warm in it all of a sudden. Taehyun crawls into his bed and Yeonjun makes sure he doesn’t. Taehyun was pretty particular about that type of stuff. He doesn’t like outside clothes on his sheets. Taehyun’s sitting crisscross apple sauce when he speaks again. “You should change into some of your sweats you have over here so you can get in bed.”Yeonjun smiles, “okay.”He heads over to Taehyun’s closet, moving around as if it was his own closet. He finds a pair that he knows he didn’t leave with Taehyun, but was most likely stolen, then unbuckles his jeans. He kicks them off, ignoring the little retching sounds Taehyun makes, and then pulls his sweatpants on. He shreds the shirt off and throws it onto the otherwise very clean floor. He’s left in just a tank top now, and he feels cold again. He can’t wait to get under those sheets.
“You could have kept the shirt on.” Taehyun mumbles.“Wanted to show off my muscles.” Yeonjun flexes a little, actually a little proud of the little muscle he does have. He doesn’t have time to work out every day and he still has a nice build.Taehyun snorts. Almost guffaws. “Weak shit.”The smile drops off of Yeonjun’s face, his eyes squinting closed. “Whatever. I look good.”“No one said you didn’t.” Taehyun quips back as Yeonjun climbs into bed. He roughly pulls the comforter over him, rolling his eyes when Taehyun complains. He shouldn’t have said he looked weak then.They play tug of war with the comforter for a while, little grunts of efforts leaving their lips every once in a while. Eventually, Yeonjun grows tired of it, and lets Taehyun have however much cover he wants. Taehyun gives him some back, anyways.“I really didn’t mean to go ghost.” Taehyun mumbles.Yeonjun flips so that he’s lying on his stomach, holding himself up by his elbows. He looks up at Taehyun curiously, lips pressing together as he contemplates his words. What on Earth could have kept him so busy that he didn’t text Yeonjun back for over a week? They’ve never gone that long without talking. “Well, what happened?” He asks gently. There’s a chance something crazy happened and he just didn’t have time to tell Yeonjun.Seriously, there’s a really big chance, and Yeonjun was trying to give him grace. He was giving him grace. Usually, Yeonjun just lets people be when they ghost him like this. Popping up unannounced wasn’t out of the ordinary for Yeonjun, but it was when you’ve ghosted him already. He doesn’t chase what doesn’t want to be caught. Or however the saying goes.“Well, I really have been busy baby-sitting. Today has kind of been one of my first breaks. And I’ve also been spending a lot of time with Jungwon. We’ve been FaceTiming. And he came over once…Maybe twice. But also, I was doing a lot of other things.”Yeonjun’s brain is reeling. Taehyun has been spending a lot of time with Jungwon. That nasty creeping feeling is back, its tightening around Yeonjun’s throat, making it hard for him to speak. He has to close his eyes for a brief second, just to calm himself down. It doesn’t work. He feels nauseous, which is weird because he hasn’t eaten since morning.Taehyun keeps going on and on. He apologizes a little more, but then he’s droning on and on about Jungwon and how he was so much help when he came over, and how he got along with his mom and his siblings.A few minutes in, and Yeonjun comes to a nasty realization. He no longer has end of semester exams to brush these weird feelings off for, he isn’t swamped under hundreds of emails from students, he isn’t busy grading lab reports, exams, and other assignments so he no longer has to box this feeling away. He can address these feelings he’s been choking on the second Taehyun told him about Jungwon. He can unpack them.It doesn’t take him long to realize that he is jealous. Jealousy is the reason why he hates talking about Jungwon, why every time the man gets brought up it feels like he’s breaking out in hives, or the simple fact that he feels a deep sense of dread whenever he thinks about planning their stupid date. It’s jealousy. But why?It can’t be because he doesn’t have a love interest. Yeonjun hasn’t really been interested in dating anyone. He’s not jealous of Jungwon in the slightest. He doesn’t think Jungwon is ugly or anything like that, but he’s confident in his own looks. There’s nothing that Jungwon had that Yeonjun wanted, so there was no way—Oh.Suddenly, it become very clear to Yeonjun, puzzle pieces falling into place as Taehyun talks about wanting another man in front of him.He wants Taehyun’s attention! Lately, Taehyun has been so wrapped up in Jungwon, he hasn’t been able to give his best friend what he needs. Of course, Yeonjun has been feeling so shitty. He lets out a puff of air, running a hand over his face. Now that he has an understanding of what’s going on, he’ll hopefully be better able at handling all of these feelings. It’s been making him feel like shit. Especially since these past two weeks where Yeonjun has been losing his mind, Taehyun has been going on dates with that stupid crush of his, just completely forgetting about their friendship. It makes so much sense.Yeonjun doesn’t understand why it’s been having this much of an effect on him though. All he had to do was talk to Taehyun about this, and they could spend a little bit more time together. There was no need for Yeonjun to get all choked up whenever Taehyun brought up Jungwon.“…Honestly, with how things are moving, I think I might just make a move before Valentine’s Day. We get along really well. I should just ask him to be my boyfriend.” Taehyun finishes his little spiel, looking at Yeonjun expectantly.Yeonjun seriously feels like he is going to throw up, the choking feeling around his neck intensifies, and his stomach suddenly feels so hollow, he really thinks he might be sick.This cannot just be about needing more attention from a fucking friend.“Oh,” Yeonjun squeaks out.Taehyun laughs a little, “that’s all you have to say?”“I-I,” Yeonjun lets out a frustrated groan. He shrugs only because he can’t find any words and it seriously feels like he’s choking, like he’s unable to drag any air into his lungs.Why is he reacting like this? This can’t be just about attention. There has to be more to this. It’s almost as if he likes Taehyun. Like he wants to be the person Taehyun is gushing over. Like he wants to be the person Taehyun is making extensive plans for. He thinks he might want Taehyun. His mind isn’t coming up with any excuses, no other explanations are popping up, and every time he closes his eyes and tries to imagine him and Taehyun holding hands romantically—his heart beats a little faster.This is crazy. This is crazy. This. Is. Crazy.He can’t want Taehyun; this is his best friend. He’s known him since they were kids. He can’t ruin their friendship like this. This was so out of nowhere. Of course, he had to gain feelings for Taehyun when Taehyun was in love with someone else.He lets out a groan and abruptly pushes himself up, suddenly remembering that Jungwon has probably laid in this exact same spot. His skin itches, his heart sinks into his stomach. He has never gotten out of this very specific bed this fast.“I have to go.” Yeonjun says.Taehyun’s eyebrows knit in concern. “Are you okay?”“No, I suddenly really feel sick.” Yeonjun says. “I really have to go.”Yeonjun scrambles to pull his hoodie back on. He grabs his shirt and his pants and then he’s unlocking the door and just about slamming it open. Taehyun follows him down the stairs, calling after him. Yeonjun doesn’t stop. He can’t stop. He needs to go home, and he needs to think. He can’t think in Taehyun’s presence. He needs to think. He puts his boots halfway on, barely shrugs the coat on, and then he’s running back home.Like a bitch.Oh, God, he likes Taehyun.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

dimpled freak: ????dimpled freak: are u ok?dimpled freak: let me know when u get home hyung. love u.jun: i’m sorry tae jun: i just felt really sick…jun: i love u too. i’ll hit u up when i can hang.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Yeonjun’s boyfriend name was Chanhee. He was twenty-one, in love, and happy. Something a lot of people could not for say for themselves. Yeonjun was considering himself lucky. In a way, he was lucky. He had the perfect boyfriend, a supportive family, and a loving friend group. Well, slightly loving. His best friend hasn’t talked to him in weeks.The fall semester had just started, and it was Taehyun’s first year on campus. Yeonjun had thought that they were going to adapt to their behavior before Yeonjun had went off to university. Hanging out every day and such, but Taehyun ignores every text, every call, completely avoids him on campus.Yeonjun has no idea what he did. There was no way for Yeonjun to find out either, Taehyun had somehow made it so that Yeonjun and him never cross paths. Yeonjun was losing his mind, rightfully so. After going a whole summer spending every day with each other, Yeonjun can admit that being avoided like this was fucking off putting. But Yeonjun pushes through, gets through every day because he still has his boyfriend. He still has his other friends. It’s fine.Yeonjun’s phone vibrates with a call in his pocket. He tries to ignore it. He and Chanhee were having a movie night. Chanhee’s roommate was out for the night, so they had the dorm room all to themselves. Yeonjun didn’t need any distractions. They were only ten minutes into this movie, and Yeonjun was trying to give it another ten minutes before he was nudging at Chanhee’s bottoms and asking if he could take them off. He has some type of decency.But unfortunately, the calls don’t stop.He sighs, pulling away from Chanhee to sit up and check the call. Chanhee pays him no mind, eyes trained on the television. In bold letters, Taehyun’s contact is sprawled on the top of the screen. There’s a selfie of them too, back when they first met. Yeonjun doesn’t have the gut to change it. None of their recent selfies measure up to it, Taehyun looks so cute.Yeonjun feels relieved to see that Taehyun was reaching out, so he quickly presses the answer button, and brings the phone up to his ear. “Hello.”The first thing that Yeonjun registers is that wherever Taehyun was, was not his dorm. There’s music playing in the background, and it’s loud. There’s also the sound of people screaming and laughing. Yeonjun assumes he must be at a party of some sort. Taehyun isn’t really a party type of person, but s few weeks at a university can change you. Yeonjun can’t say he is shocked.“Hey, Yeonjun-ah.” The slightly familiar voice slurs through the phone, and Yeonjun literally rolls his eyes. It’s no one else but Kai, Taehyun’s roommate. Yeonjun doesn’t have much of a problem with Kai, not really. Yeonjun just felt that Kai was a bad influence. When Yeonjun had helped Taehyun move into his dorm, Kai was saying all types of crazy shit the moment Taehyun’s parents left. Yeonjun didn’t like that. Taehyun was a perfect angel, and he was sure Kai was going to corrupt him.“Hi.” Yeonjun says shortly. “What’s up?”Kai burps all into the receiver. “You—you have to, fuck—Taehyun is tweaking out. You have to come get him. He’s, he’s so fucking drunk and he won’t shut the fuck up about you.”Point proven, Kai was a bad influence.Yeonjun glances over at Chanhee, then sighs. He guesses he should just go, even if he and Taehyun haven’t been talking much. Clearly, Taehyun needs him. “Okay, text me where you’re at I’ll be right over.” Yeonjun hangs up the phone and then turns to Chanhee. He places a kiss on his cheek before speaking. “I have to go help Kai and Taehyun out.” He says indignantly.Chanhee lets out a soft chuckle. “You could have said no.”“Yeah, well I already said yes.”–The party was near campus. It was a frat party, and unfortunately, Yeonjun had to spend fifteen minutes arguing with the guys at the front door. Apparently since he wasn’t a ‘bro’ or a ‘bad bitch’ he wasn’t allowed in. Yeonjun scoffs just thinking about it, maneuvering his way through the throngs of people. He’s been asking around for Taehyun, but no one had seemed to see a boy walking around with platinum blonde hair. In a pool of brown and black hair, no one has seen the dude with blonde hair.Yeonjun is going to scream.He gets lucky, deciding to enter one of the rooms without knocking, and walks in on Kai trying to force a water bottle down Taehyun’s throat. They freeze mid struggle, Taehyun’s hand pressed against Kai’s chest and one of Kai’s hand gripping Taehyun’s jaw. A feeling of relief washes over Yeonjun, a sigh leaving him as he takes them in. At least Taehyun is safe. That’s all that matters.Taehyun blinks, and Kai’s shoulders drop. “Took you long enough.” Kai huffs, “he’s being so annoying.”Taehyun pushes at Kai’s chest. “Why did you call him, you asshole?”Kai barely moves from where Taehyun pushed him, but he sets the water bottle down. “Because you were just cry—”“Shut up!” Taehyun cuts Kai off, hitting his shoulder.They seem to have a very physical relationship already. Yeonjun doesn’t know why that’s bothering him, it’s not like Taehyun is touching him nicely. “Whatever,” Kai scoffs, “I’m going to leave you two to talk.”Taehyun fumbles over his words, not wanting Kai to leave, but Kai goes anyway, leaving Yeonjun and Taehyun to sit in awkward silence. They’ve been friends for a while, almost six or seven years now. It’s weird that something Yeonjun was completely unaware about is the reason that they’re no longer talking. Yeonjun had to have done something in order for them to go from being the best of friends all summer, to them never speaking. Yeonjun hasn’t seen Taehyun in over a month! He frowns, now that he’s looking Taehyun in the eye. He doesn’t look like he’s lost much sleep over it. He looks happy, normal. At peace. Yeonjun wonders if he’s been the cause of some turmoil he has no idea about.“Taehyun-ah,” Yeonjun says softly, “are you okay? Why have you been ignoring me?”Taehyun scoffs, dragging a hand down his face before fixing Yeonjun with a bleary-eyed glare. “Oh, now you care?”Yeonjun’s frown deepens. “Of course, I care. What the hell, Taehyun? You’ve been ignoring me for weeks. No texts, no calls, you literally dodge me on campus! And now I get a call from Kai saying you’re drunk off your ass and crying about me?” His eyebrows furrowing, he moves in a little closer, trying to get into his personal space to make sure he sees every reaction to his words. “If you’re mad at me, just tell me what I did. I don’t know when we started keeping things from each other and avoiding conflict but I’m tired of it already.”Taehyun rolls his eyes. “I don’t even know why you care so much. You have a boyfriend; you need to focus on that instead of being worried about this.”Yeonjun takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself. Taehyun and Yeonjun don’t argue often, and he’s trying to stop himself from going there, but he thinks he is at his limit. “You’re not even fucking making sense.” Yeonjun spits. “Just tell me what I did, Taehyun. Because from where I’m standing, it’s like you decided overnight that I don’t matter anymore, and I don’t know why. That’s fucking insane.”“It makes perfect sense you’re just too dumb to see it.” Taehyun mutters. “You never fucking see it. It’s years and years of the same fucking bullshit. You’re just constantly oblivious—you’re constantly just confusing me! I can’t do it anymore, I need space!”Yeonjun freezes at Taehyun’s words. He can hear his heartbeat thumping in his ears, and he feels so frustrated that he’s sure he’s going to snap soon, that he might say or do something that will make this hard to come back from. But he’s confused now, and he’s sick of whatever they have become. The avoidance, the distance—he can’t take it. He hates it.Yeonjun exhales sharply, dragging a hand through his hair. “Space from what, me?” His voice is quiet, tense. He wishes Taehyun would just make sense. All he wants is for this to make sense. “I don’t understand where this switch up is coming from. We just spent the whole summer together and we were fine. I don’t understand what went wrong. Tell me what went wrong.” His tone is pleading now, and he feels so frustrated that he’s sure he’s going to burst into tears. He’s always been a crybaby.“You didn’t tell me about Chanhee.” Taehyun stares at him. Even though they’re a bit glossy and reshot from the alcohol, they still have the usual effect. Yeonjun feels like his soul is being searched. Taehyun watches Yeonjun’s every move, taking in his reaction with purpose.Yeonjun stares back at him, trying to process the words. “What?”“And the whole summer we—Yeonjun you know you’re wrong for that.”Yeonjun’s eyebrows knit together. “I did. I told you before the summer…” Yeonjun argues, “I told you before I asked him out, I showed you the whole set up.”Taehyun shakes his head. “You told me you two weren’t together.”Yeonjun’s frown deepens, “No, I told you we got in a little argument, but we fixed things.”Taehyun lets out a groan. “Do you not think I would fucking remember that? You didn’t fucking tell me Yeonjun!”Yeonjun flinches at how loud he is, at his tone of voice. Even if Chanhee and Yeonjun did fix things and got back together, he doesn’t understand why that’s such a problem. Regardless, Yeonjun and Taehyun enjoyed their summer and everything was perfectly normal. Yeonjun doesn’t understand what’s wrong. “I’m sorry I’m just confused, I don’t understand what this has to do with anything. You knew I was bisexual; how does this change anything?”Yeonjun watches as Taehyun clenches his jaw, his entire body tense likes he’s holding himself back. From what, Yeonjun has no idea. Taehyun’s hands are curled into fists at his side, and for a second, Yeonjun thinks that they might end this conversation with a physical fight. As long as they get to stay friends afterwards, it’s fine.“It’s not about you being bisexual, you dumb fuck,” Taehyun snaps, “it’s about—” he cuts himself off with a sharp exhale, shaking his head like a mad man. Yeonjun’s eyebrows furrow in worry.Yeonjun takes another step forward, warily. He scans over Taehyun, wondering if Taehyun would be okay if he reached out and touched him. “Then what is it? Just tell me, Taehyun. Please.” His voice is softer now, desperate. “I love you, you know that. I hate not talking to you. I hate arguing with you. I don’t know what I did wrong but please tell me so I can fix this. I miss you, please.”Taehyun exhales shakily, blinking a few times like he’s trying to refocus. His eyes flicker over Yeonjun’s face, then to the floor, and then back to Yeonjun. “It has nothing to do with you, really,” Taehyun’s voice is hoarse, raw, like the words are being forced out of his throat. He runs a hand over his face, clearly exasperated. “It’s all about me and I just can’t find the courage to say it. I don’t even know how to say it. I’m scared.”Yeonjun’s stomach twists. He’s never seen Taehyun like this—so conflicted, so unsteady. His Taehyun is always sure of himself, always in control. Whatever this is, it’s breaking him apart.“Scared of what?” Yeonjun asks softly. “It’s me, Tyun. You don’t have to be scared to tell me anything. I will always love you and support you—no matter what. You know that.”Taehyun looks miserable when he speaks again. “I know.”Yeonjun sighs, nibbling at his bottom lip. “Just tell me, so we can fix this. I don’t want to fight anymore.”Taehyun swallows, hesitates, then looks Yeonjun straight in the eye. “I really like—ugh, I like boys. I’m gay.”Yeonjun blinks, he lets out a small puff of air. This couldn’t have been it. This really couldn’t have been it. He stares at Taehyun, confused, and watches Taehyun press his lips together as if he’s holding back more. His shoulders are still tense, he still looks scared. He should be relieved to get this off of his shoulders if this was the problem. Why doesn’t he look relieved yet?“I’ve known for a long time, but I didn’t know what the reaction would be.” Taehyun exhales shakily, his voice quieter now, a bit uncertain. “And then this summer, I had thought that—” Taehyun cuts himself off, licking his lips, “I don’t know what I thought. But we got here, and I found out about Chanhee and I needed space. I needed to figure things out and I really didn’t want to do it with you around.”Yeonjun’s heart is pounding. He doesn’t know what he was expecting Taehyun to say, but it wasn’t this. It doesn’t make sense either. What the hell does him being gay have to do with Chanhee? And what the fuck does this have to do with the summer? There has to be more that Taehyun isn’t saying. He has to be trying to skirt around the bigger issue, and it’s pissing Yeonjun off.“What does Chanhee have to do with anything?” Yeonjun asks. He knows he should have just kept this question to himself, but it doesn’t make any sense. In order for them to move past this, it has to make some type of sense. Like a little, otherwise, Yeonjun would be holding around a grudge because it was never squashed for him specifically.Taehyun sighs, rubbing at his forehead in frustration. “I was just really jealous.”“Jealous?” Yeonjun repeats, slowly, “of what?”“Ch-just being able to see you live in a reality that I wanted so badly for myself, but I was too scared to get on my own. I’m sorry. I know I should’ve talked to you about it, but it was too much for me.”Yeonjun stares at Taehyun. It was surely an answer, not something that Yeonjun was expecting, but an answer, nonetheless. He inhales sharply, rubbing his palms over his thighs. He thinks that he should let it go, that they should put this behind them and move forward. “Okay.”Taehyun looks relieved. “That’s all you have to say?”“I understand where you’re coming from,” Yeonjun lies, “I’ve been there before. I just wish you had come to me first. But it’s fine, I know it’s very scary to be grappling with your sexuality. I want to put this behind us if you want to, too.”Taehyun nods. “I do too. I missed you.”If he had truly missed Yeonjun, he wouldn’t have gone almost a month ignoring Yeonjun, but Yeonjun forces his lips to form a smile. “I missed you too.” Taehyun moves slowly, making himself tinier and curling into Yeonjun’s arms. It’s nice to have him back there, Yeonjun had really missed him. He decides then and there that he will forget about this, and if Taehyun goes back to acting normal, Yeonjun will also. Even if things don’t make sense fully, he’s sure they will eventually. It doesn’t have to be now.They have forever.Looking back, Yeonjun can’t help but think about how fucking stupid and oblivious he was.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Yeonjun goes back home after the holidays. He makes sure to not see Taehyun again. He wasn’t necessarily running away from his feelings; he just needed a moment to get said feelings together. The week and a half of solitude definitely puts things into perspective. He runs over every interaction he can think of, tries to pinpoint where exactly his feelings turned from platonic to romantic.In doing so, he found that not only has he been so extremely oblivious to his own feelings, but Taehyun’s as well. Yeonjun has been up Taehyun’s ass since they met, if he’s being honest. He’s always been kind of clingy, he always looked out for Taehyun, he’s always cared for Taehyun. Of course, he didn’t notice when his feelings to a quick shift to romantic—sometime after Taehyun’s 21st birthday. Looking back, Yeonjun doesn’t know how he hasn’t acted on those feelings, why he hadn’t given himself time to properly dissect how he felt about the boy who had always been right there in front of him. He also realizes that he’s missed his chance.Taehyun has never been the type to cover up his feelings. He wore them on his sleeve. He was also the most confrontational person Yeonjun had ever met. If he was upset, he would tell you. If you did something wrong that didn’t even have anything to do with him, he would tell you. If he liked you, he wouldn’t hide it. He never hid. Taehyun was obvious with how he felt about Yeonjun. Things that Yeonjun had brushed off as Taehyun being young and easily pleased. Infatuated with his senior that showed him cool things he hadn’t thought of to do yet. Taehyun never dated because he wanted Yeonjun.And Yeonjun, in his stupidity, missed it.Now, the memory of Taehyun’s voice cuts through his thoughts, sharp and final. “I think I’m going to ask Jungwon to be my Valentine.” He’d said it with the same sincerity and determination he always carried. At the time, Yeonjun had swallowed the lump in his throat and because of a lot of convincing, he told Taehyun he’d help.And now, as the weight of his own obliviousness crashes down on him, Yeonjun feels sick. Seriously, he’s on the verge of throwing up. Soobin eyes him warily as he pours Yeonjun a cup of tea. Yeonjun isn’t actually sick, but he told Soobin he was. In a way, he really is sick. Mentally sick. What kind of healthy person falls in love with his best friend and then helps said best friend plan to ask someone else out. Yeonjun has to be fucking sick.The front door creaks open, and Yeonjun doesn’t look up from his cup of tea. Soobin places the jar of sugar down on the table so Yeonjun can add as much as he please. He only adds one spoonful. He should drink this bitter. He should endure it. He deserves it for—“Damn, you really do look like shit. What the hell is wrong with you? Is it contagious?” Beomgyu’s familiar voice makes Yeonjun want to shrivel up and die. He really didn’t want to deal with him right now. He had enough on his plate already. He can’t take his incessant jokes right now.Soobin shrugs from his spot as Beomgyu comes closer. Beomgyu rubs at Yeonjun’s back gently before he moves towards Soobin. They hug and kiss, and Yeonjun scowls so deeply that it makes him think that it will be permanent. He takes a sip of his bitter tea, not caring that it slightly burns his tongue. He needs the pain to remind him that he has a brain. Obviously, it had stopped working over a span of years if he’s went this long thinking that him and Taehyun were just good friends. He feels so fucking stupid.“Heartbreak isn’t contagious.” Yeonjun says, miserably.Beomgyu turns to look at Yeonjun, a look of bewilderment on his face. His eyes fall down to the cup of tea, his eyebrow arching. “Tea isn’t going to help a heartbreak.” He says, unhelpfully.“Neither is your slick ass mouth.” Yeonjun bites back.Beomgyu rolls his eyes. “And to think, I came all this way to help you.”Yeonjun huffs. “I didn’t ask for your help.”“You asked for my boyfriends help. I am an extension of him.”Yeonjun would have cooed any other time, would have called them the cutest couple ever like he often does. But right now, those words just make him feel sick to his stomach. “Seriously, stop it, I already feel bad enough as it is. Stop rubbing it in.”Beomgyu pouts, removing himself from Soobin and taking the open seat at the table next to Yeonjun. Beomgyu intertwines their fingers, a look of concern growing on his face. “Hyung, what’s going on? I didn’t even know you liked someone.”Yeonjun lets out a weak sob, the tears he’s been trying to hold back since Soobin has been being overly nice to him finally falling. He tears his hand away from Beomgyu’s hold and brings both hands to cover his face. Yeonjun can’t believe he’s crying, but the hot tears falling down his face and that tight feeling in his chest makes it hard for him to not believe it. He struggles to bring air into his lungs, choking over each sob.This is so embarrassing. He’s been known to be a crybaby, but this is too much. Taehyun hadn’t even done anything to him for him to be crying this hard.Beomgyu scoots closer, rubbing at his back softly. He hears the seat next to him scratch over their floorboard, creaking slightly as Soobin seems to take the seat. Soobin’s hand pats his thigh, and when Yeonjun peaks through his fingers, he notices that Soobin is offering him tissues. This is so embarrassing.Hesitantly, takes them, wiping his face clean. His sobs slow down eventually, he’s able to control his breathing again.It’s just him and them, staring at each other in silence. Yeonjun assumes that they are now waiting on some type of response, some type of clarity as to why Yeonjun just broke down in front of them. Honestly, Yeonjun doesn’t even want to explain why he’s this upset. He’s sure they’re all going to think he’s stupid.He is stupid.“I’m in love with Taehyun.” Yeonjun says quietly. “And he doesn’t like me anymore, he likes Jungwon. I realized it too late. And now I’m just sitting here with unreciprocated feelings because I was too dumb to realize my own feelings. And he wants me to plan this stupid date. I feel so fucking dumb.”“Oh, hyung…Come here.” Beomgyu’s arms are open, waiting for Yeonjun to fall into them. Yeonjun goes straight into them, the feeling of needing to be held overpowering everything else he was feeling. Yeonjun sniffles, cries softly compared to how hard he was crying a moment ago. He uses the sleeve of his shirt to wipe his tears as Beomgyu cradles him gently. They stay like that for a moment, and Soobin stays there, silently looking over them with a thoughtful look in his eyes.“Are you going to give up then?” Soobin asks, “you haven’t even tried yet.”Yeonjun freezes at the words, even as Beomgyu berates him for saying something like that while Yeonjun is obviously in distress. Yeonjun doesn’t mind it too much. He needed to hear that. He hasn’t even tried yet. He just immediately accepted defeat, just immediately decided that there was no way Taehyun returned those feelings anymore.Yeonjun didn’t even try.He has to try. He has to.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Life has presented many obstacles to Yeonjun but nothing as big and annoying as Taehyun. Yeonjun has come to terms with his feelings for Taehyun, he has decided that out of staying true to his own values he will still help Taehyun plan that dumb date. He’s been trying to be normal, trying not to act on the feelings he has, but Taehyun is making it so hard.Since he’s realized these feelings, each moment between them feels so much more charged than normal. Every conversation makes Yeonjun feel like Taehyun is flirting with him, every time they hold eye contact, Yeonjun’s chest feels tight—his heart beats rapidly against his chest. Everything feels so much more. Yeonjun can’t say he is enjoying it too much. He feels like he’s going crazy.Especially right now.Taehyun had come over with intentions of planning the proposal, and they did that for a little. Yeonjun had managed to rent out a little rooftop restaurant for an hour in order for the proposal to take place. It had a beautiful view which was lowkey romantic enough, but Yeonjun was going to help Taehyun decorate it with cute Valentine’s Day things and what not. Yeonjun thought he was doing a god job on staying focused, had ignored each feeling that ran through him whenever they made eye contact or when Taehyun’s fingers brushed against his. He was controlling himself and just when Yeonjun had built the courage to finally discuss the specifics about decorations in depth, Taehyun changed the conversation.They’re sitting in Yeonjun’s room, on Yeonjun’s bed. Taehyun’s laptop is opened up to the restaurant’s website, but Taehyun hasn’t looked at it since Yeonjun’s pulled it up. “Hyung, I’m nervous.” Taehyun’s legs are crossed, and he has his hands sitting in his lap, folded closed.Yeonjun hesitantly meets his eyes. “About what?” He doesn’t think he wants an answer. “From how you talk about it, I think you and Jungwon seem to really like each other. It should be fine.”
Taehyun looks…confused. He stares at Yeonjun with his eyebrows knitted together before a look of recognition falls over his face, and then he nods. “I’m not worried about that.”“Oh.” Yeonjun says unintelligently. “Then what are you worried about?”“Well after he says yes…what do I do after that?” Taehyun’s eyes are wide and curious. Yeonjun has no idea as to what Taehyun wants him to say. Yeonjun shrugs, at an actual loss of words. “Like, do I kiss him?”Yeonjun freezes. He wants to say no, wants to tell Taehyun that they should take things extremely slow—but he can’t. He tells Taehyun he would do. “I mean, if the vibes are there. If he doesn’t want to kiss it’ll be awkward. You have to read the room.”Taehyun takes these words in, nodding as if he fully understands. Then he’s ducking his head as if he’s ashamed. “You know, I’ve never kissed anyone for real.” He says softly. “What if the vibe is there and I ruin everything with a horrible kiss?”Yeonjun needs to die. He needs to fall out and die. There’s something sinister brewing in him, an anger stemming from the fact that Taehyun is going to be giving his first kiss to Jungwon. He’s planning on giving the man his first kiss. Yeonjun needs to die. He can’t do it. He cannot do this. He tricked himself into thinking he would be able to have these kinds of conversations, but he was lying. Led himself astray, if you will. Yeonjun’s mouth moves before he can think about it. “You’re going to give him your first kiss?”Taehyun looks at Yeonjun like he’s stupid. “What? No.”Yeonjun’s eyebrows furrow together. “Well, aren’t you planning to kiss him?”“Yes, but,” Taehyun lets out an aggravated sigh. He shifts, frowning at the laptop before looking back at Yeonjun, clearly irritated. “Do you love me?” Taehyun asks, his voice low and sincere.Yeonjun’s cheeks blush, it’s even more embarrassing since he knows he’s in love with Taehyun—but this isn’t the way he’s asking. He’s asking if Yeonjun loves him as a friend. Like he’s supposed to know. He can’t believe he’s missed his chance. “You know I do.” Yeonjun responds, earnestly.“Okay, I have a favor to ask of you.” Taehyun scoots in a little closer, Yeonjun leans away further. He can only do so much without constantly inhaling that man’s scent. If he gets in any closer, Yeonjun might do something stupid. He himself doesn’t even know what. He doesn’t crush on people long, at least not without it being reciprocated. Usually, he gets tired of holding his feelings to himself for about a week, and then he makes it the other persons problem.They either get together or Yeonjun moves on.This is going on week four and Yeonjun hasn’t made his feelings Taehyun’s problem in the slightest. He might break.“What is it?” Yeonjun asks.Taehyun licks his lips, eyes flickering down to Yeonjun’s lips, and then lifting them back to Yeonjun’s eyes. Yeonjun’s pretty sure he imagined that, but it’s fine. He’s used to being crazy and delusional. “Will you kiss me?”Yeonjun blanches, his mind going completely blank. “Excuse me?” He blurts out, confused.Taehyun had seemed to expect this reaction, his eyes patient, a soft smile on his lips. He lets his hands reach out to lay on Yeonjun’s thighs, and he has that stupid puppy dog look on his face. “Hyung, I really can’t mess up with Jungwon. You understand right? And I don’t trust anyone else to give my first kiss to. I know you wouldn’t make fun of me. I always learn so much from you, too. Please, hyung?”Yeonjun stares into the space of exposed forehead. He can’t look at his eyes. He will crumble, he will lose all of his sense. He needs to stay strong. The answer has to be no. Yeonjun cannot kiss Taehyun. He barely has any self-control as is. He might take things too far, he’ll for sure step over boundaries—and then Taehyun will be aware of how Yeonjun feels about him, and everything will go to shit. If Yeonjun wants to do anything, he wants to save this friendship. “Tyun, I really don’t know.” He says softly.“Look at me, you’re not looking at me,” Taehyun whines.Yeonjun is going to die.
“I am,” Yeonjun argues. He is looking at him. Just specifically at his forehead.“You’re not. You’re doing that thing where you don’t really look at me because you’re scared to look into my eyes.” Yeonjun scoffs, he can’t believe Taehyun has him this figured out. This is insane. Begrudgingly, Yeonjun lets his eyes fall to meet Taehyun’s. They still have that sparkly, puppy dog look to them, but there’s something else there. A look Yeonjun has never seen before. He doesn’t know how to describe it, but it’s pulling him in. “Please, hyung. It’s just one kiss.”Yeonjun breathes, weighing his options. If things go well with Jungwon, Yeonjun most likely won’t ever get a chance to ever kiss him again. He should let himself experience Taehyun, even if it was on borrowed time. He’s allowed to experience him, even if it isn’t anything but a little kiss. After this, Yeonjun won’t be able to do anything but move on, not if Jungwon and Taehyun get together.He should take what he can get.Yeonjun does not blink when he responds, he’s too caught up in Taehyun’s eyes. “Okay, just one.”In a way, this is a good thing. It’s not like Yeonjun was daydreaming about kissing Taehyun or anything. Sometimes it crossed his mind. It was good for him to just get it out of his system before it became a problem. It made sense in his head, he swears.“Okay?” Taehyun double checks, his eyes wide with excitement.Yeonjun nods, trying not to come off as too excited or anything that might rub Taehyun off the wrong way, or give him the idea that Yeonjun has feelings or anything. “Yeah, okay,” Yeonjun breathes.“Okay.” Taehyun moves the laptop out of the way towards the edge of the bed and instead scoots closer. Taehyun’s hands fiddle with the edge of his shirt as he waits. Yeonjun’s unsure as to what the hell he’s waiting for, and then he remembers that Taehyun has no experience and they’re waiting on him.Yeonjun doesn’t know what to do. Sure, Yeonjun has been in situations just like this, and he’s taken initiative with no problem. But this is different. This is Taehyun. He doesn’t want to make the wrong move or make him uncomfortable. Especially since this is Taehyun’s first time doing all of this. This needs to be done properly, Yeonjun needs to take his time.“Um, are you going to kiss me then?” Taehyun asks, voice small.“Oh,” Yeonjun squeaks out. “Okay, how do you want to do this? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.”Taehyun shrugs. “You won’t make me uncomfortable, hyung, it’s just a kiss.”Yes, it’s just a kiss. Not some life changing moment that Yeonjun had been waiting for…consciously a month, unconsciously years. He deserved this. He needed this, this was so much more than ‘just a kiss’. Yeonjun doesn’t think this is a good idea, but it’s too late now. He’s already said yes.“Come here,” Yeonjun pats the spot next to him, and Taehyun warily goes. Taehyun doesn’t look nervous, not necessarily, more like he’s excited. Yeonjun’s nervous though, he doesn’t let it show. If this was the only chance he was going to be able to have with Taehyun, he’d have to make the best of it. He can’t spend the little time he’s allotted to be wasted on him being a shy stupid fuck.Despite how hard his heart was beating, how the butterflies in his stomach were still rampant, and how sweaty his hands were, he still manages to act like everything is okay. He leans in and lets one of his hands move to cup Taehyun’s jaw. He pulls Taehyun in closer, eyes flickering down to his plump lips.Taehyun’s eyes flutter close, and Yeonjun follows suit. He presses in close and lets his lips press against Taehyun’s softly.It’s perfect.Yeonjun is known to be dramatic, but this time, he’s being serious. The second their lips touch, all of the thoughts running throughout Yeonjun’s head are hushed. It goes silent. Yeonjun can no longer hear Soobin raging on his video game, the bustling city outside of his slightly opened window—nothing. He just feels. All he can feel is how warm Taehyun feels against his lips; how soft his lips are.Taehyun sighs into his mouth, and Yeonjun can literally feel Taehyun melting into his hold, moving in closer. Their lips move along each other’s gently at first. They’re slow, attempting to figure each other out. Yeonjun doesn’t want to move too fast, but his free hand is twitching at his side, waiting—begging to touch, to pull Taehyun in closer, to explore his body like he apparently wants to. He’s so overwhelmed already, a kiss has never made him feel this much. It feels so much more significant than all the other kisses he’s experienced, kisses with past lovers he swore he loved. This feels so much more. He loves Taehyun.Yeonjun pulls away when he starts to get a bit too antsy, when it starts feeling he won’t be able to keep his hands to himself. Taehyun has a dazed look on his face, his eyes glazed over, lips slightly swollen and wet from the kiss. They hadn’t been kissing that long, hadn’t even used tongue, but they’re both breathing hard and heavy as if they had been. Yeonjun scans Taehyun’s face for something, maybe for a warning of some sort or even a sign to just keep going.Yeonjun is greedy.Taehyun licks his lips. Yeonjun tracks the movement, can’t help but remind himself that his lips were just on Taehyun’s. Taehyun was tasting him. Unconsciously, Yeonjun licks his own lips, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth to savor the taste of Taehyun on them. He misses the warmth already.“A little more?” Taehyun whispers, breathless. “I was just—I was just getting the hang of it when you pulled back. I want a little more.” Taehyun stumbles through his explanation, but Yeonjun doesn’t mind. He doesn’t care what his excuse was. Taehyun wants to kiss again.Yeonjun nods rapidly. “Of course. You have to learn.”“Exactly.” Taehyun is barely finished with his extremely short sentence before he’s leaning in himself and pressing his lips back onto Yeonjun’s.This time, the kiss is more heated. It’s a bit sloppier. Yeonjun doesn’t know if it’s from Taehyun’s inexperience, or if Yeonjun is just too excited. All he knows is that he loves every moment of it. The second Taehyun opens his mouth for Yeonjun, he’s licking into it, sucking Taehyun’s tongue into his mouth. Taehyun moans each time he does it, his hands reaching out to Yeonjun’s chest. He grabs a hold of his shirt, pulling him in closer, deepening the kiss with every second that passes.Yeonjun can’t keep his hands to himself anymore. It was one thing to do the first round of kissing, but this was a whole completely different ball game. He wasn’t able to have self-control when Taehyun was pressing soft whines into his mouth and tugging at Yeonjun clothes, obviously asking for more.Yeonjun’s hand moves from his jaw and slips right under Taehyun’s shirt. He runs it over the firm expansion of his stomach, eyes rolling at how muscular he was. The gym really was working out for him. Yeonjun hopes he never stops going. His hand raises, his thumb brushing over Taehyun’s nipple.Taehyun gasps into Yeonjun’s mouth, pulling away from the kiss, just to lay his head on Yeonjun’s shoulder. “Hyung…” Taehyun voice wavers slightly and the hand that was twisted up in Yeonjun’s shirt tightens its grip.Yeonjun doesn’t remove his hand from his body, but he does pause, realizing how out of control they’re getting. He forces himself to take a breath. “Yeah? Do you want to stop?”Taehyun shakes his head. “Want more.”How much more? How much more was Yeonjun willing to give? He needs to be careful, this was about Jungwon to Taehyun, but this was so much more to Yeonjun. His heart was at risk. He wasn’t in a place to just have sex with someone who wasn’t as into this as he was. He needs to be calm. He needs to think.“More like what?” Yeonjun asks hesitantly.“I want to touch you too.”Yeonjun nibbles at his bottom lip. What would be too far for him? Full on sex? Oral? A handy? Just the kissing they just did? He needs to put these boundaries in place now, he needs to tell himself what would become too much. Although, he wasn’t tricking himself much anyway. Regardless, he was in deep. Being able to experience Taehyun like this, even if it was just once, would most likely have lasting effects. If they stop here, he will think about this kiss constantly. If they go further, he will think about it constantly.Either way it goes, his heart will be torn into two while he watches Taehyun parade around with Jungwon while Yeonjun has already had his taste of him. Not even enough to fulfill him, just a taste. Yeonjun knows he’s going to go crazy, that this is the dumbest, craziest thing he’s ever done, but he does it anyway. Because he’s young and dumb and he has time to move on from Taehyun. He will get past this too. He will see the other side of this too.Yeonjun’s voice trembles when he speaks. “You can touch me however you want, Taehyun. I’m yours.”That might’ve been too much, but it brings Taehyun out of his shoulder. He levels Yeonjun with a look of sincerity as he stumbles over his next words. “Me too, me too. I’m—I’m all…Me too.”‘Me too’ what? ‘Me too’ he wants to get touched however Yeonjun will touch him? Or ‘me too’ that he’s Yeonjun’s too? Yeonjun wishes he was clearer. He wishes he didn’t leave so much for Yeonjun to interpret on his own. He was crazy. Extremely hopeful. Obsessive. By the end of the night, he would have convinced himself that they were dating if Taehyun doesn’t clear this up.But for now, Yeonjun doesn’t worry about that. He figures that if he’s going to end up emotionally damaged anyway, he might as well go big. He smashes his lips back onto Taehyun’s again, swallowing every whine, every moan. He maneuvers them so that Taehyun is laying on his back and Yeonjun is hovering over him. His hands are excited, running over every part of Taehyun’s body he can reach, taking in each reaction, soaking in each moan. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever experience this again. He’s going to enjoy this.Yeonjun’s mouthing down Taehyun’s neck, letting his teeth graze over any sensitive spots. He makes sure not to actually bite, even though he’s sure Taehyun wants it from how he pulls Yeonjun’s head in closer, fingers tangled up in the strands. Yeonjun’s teeth sink into the skin and Taehyun’s reaction is immediate. He lets out a loud, keening whine, and his hips raise, causing his crotch to brush along the growing hard on in Yeonjun’s pants. “Fuck,” Taehyun moans, eyes closing as he starts to tremble. “Hyung, please, again.”Yeonjun has never been able to tell Taehyun no in the first place. He definitely isn’t able to do it while the man is writhing under him, bucking his hips up into Yeonjun’s urgently trying to get some attention. Yeonjun brings his own hips down, eyes rolling at the much-needed friction. He lets his teeth sinking into Taehyun’s neck again, a free hand running up Taehyun’s side. Taehyun lets out a noise that sounds too much like a sob, rutting against Yeonjun like a rabbit in heat, holding Yeonjun’s head in place so his teeth can’t let go of his skin.“Yeonjun, please,” Taehyun gasps out, his free hand grabbing the wrist of the hand that was running over Taehyun’s body and forcing it lower. “Please, I’m so close, please, Yeonjun.”“Fuck,” Yeonjun breathes, letting his hand cup Taehyun through his sweats. Taehyun’s voice gets caught on a silent moan, but he keeps rutting up wildly into Yeonjun’s hand. He seems so needy. It’s so obvious he’s never been touched by someone else, and he was just letting Yeonjun experience this. Yeonjun was so thankful, that he isn’t an asshole. He doesn’t purposely tease him like he usually would, doesn’t make Taehyun beg—nothing. He gives him exactly what he asks for. With experienced hands, he pulls Taehyun’s dick out of his sweats and wraps his hands around the base. “You’re so pretty, Tyun,”Taehyun’s cheek flusher deeper than what they already are. He doesn’t have it in himself to say something back. Yeonjun’s sure any other time, Taehyun would have had a slick remark for him—but he seems to be too overwhelmed for that. He’s dizzy with lust. The only thing he does do is let his head lull to the side, and fuck into Yeonjun’s dry palm.Which is lowkey a waste of a compliment. Yeonjun would appreciate a ‘thank you’ at the very least. It’s fine, because the dick really is pretty. And it suits Taehyun. If Yeonjun were to think any dick was Taehyun’s, it would be this one, as weird as it sounds. It’s not small by any means, and it’s thicker than Yeonjun’s. It’s oozing pre cum out of the mushroom tip, throbbing in Yeonjun’s hold. “Tyun-ah, look at me.” Yeonjun encourages, suddenly deciding to be annoying. “I’m not going to move my hand until you look at me.”Taehyun groans as Yeonjun stills his hips, pressing them down into the sheets. Yeonjun belatedly realizes that they’re really doing this. Yeonjun is getting Taehyun off on the same bed Yeonjun lays his head on every night. Yeonjun is going to cum in his pants. When Taehyun somehow figures that Yeonjun is being serious, he lifts his head to look Yeonjun in the eye.“Good, baby,” Yeonjun murmurs, it slips out without him even thinking about it, but Taehyun seems to like the pet name, a soft moan leaving his lips. Yeonjun leans back and spits down onto the head of Taehyun’s dick. Taehyun gasps at contact, a strangled whine leaving his lips afterward. Yeonjun doesn’t let him recover from it, twisting his hand up from the base to the head, using his thumb to spread the mixture of spit and precum around. It makes the glide so much easier.It doesn’t take long for Taehyun to start shaking and muttering nonsense. He keeps his eyes opened, trained on Yeonjun as he begs, literally begs for him to not stop. Yeonjun has never heard his voice so high pitched or broken, has never heard him beg this much.“Please, please, don’t stop. I’m so close, hyung. I’m going to cum, fuck, I’m gonna cum, please don’t stop. Spit on it again, please. Please—”“Shh, baby I got you.” Yeonjun chuckles, but he listens. He does everything Taehyun asks for, and in reward, he gets to see Taehyun cum.Taehyun is quiet when it first happens. His eyes squeezes closed, his nose scrunches up and the rest of his body tightens up. He lets out one last gasp of Yeonjun’s name and then cum is shooting all over Yeonjun’s hand. Yeonjun makes sure not to miss anything, he watches Taehyun tremble and gasp for breath, his body convulsing as he strokes Taehyun threw it. Taehyun lets a ragged, deep breath into his lungs as he curls up, and then the weak, pretty moans are falling from his mouth.He looks so pretty.He cums for a while, the warm cum running down Yeonjun’s fist, making a mess on Taehyun’s stomach.“Fuck,” Taehyun gasps out when Yeonjun releases his grip. Taehyun immediately turns onto his side, breathless and dazed. He doesn’t even look at Yeonjun, and it reminds Yeonjun that this doesn’t mean anything. This means nothing, he just gave Taehyun the best orgasm of his life and in the end, because he isn’t Jungwon, this isn’t going to mean anything. Yeonjun bites back a sigh, he reels his tears in. He has other things to worry about, like the sticky mess on his hands.“Are you okay?” He manages to ask gently.Taehyun turns back onto his back, still trying to catch his breath. He nods, blinking long and hard before he opens his mouth. “I’m good.”The short answer makes Yeonjun want to cry. He swallows that down, ignores the throbbing need in his pants, and starts to move. He needs to clean his hands off. “Good. I’m going to clean my hand up. Did you want to shower?”Taehyun’s eyebrows knit together. “You didn’t get to finish.”Yeonjun shrugs. “It’s not that big of a deal.” Taehyun lifts one of his legs, wrapping it around Yeonjun’s waist, making sure he doesn’t go anywhere. “You seem pretty tired, too.”“I’m good,” Taehyun repeats, sitting up in his spot. He grabs Yeonjun’s wrist and brings his hand to his mouth, licking up the cum dripping from his hand like it was nothing. Yeonjun freezes, watching the way Taehyun’s tongue moves, his mind still struggling to keep up. Gone were the feelings of being second choice; instead, all he could feel was the throbbing ache in his dick and how warm and wet Taehyun’s mouth was. His breath catches. Where the fuck did Taehyun learn to do this? His eyes grow pensive, flickering over Taehyun as he continues cleaning him up, like this was just another ordinary moment for him.“Tyun…” Yeonjun trails off, “you really don’t have to.”“I wanna,” Taehyun argues, and then he lets his sharp teeth sink into Yeonjun’s index finger.Yeonjun yanks his hand back, eyes squinted. “What the hell? Don’t bite.”“You like when I bite.”“No, I don’t.” Yeonjun lies. Taehyun ignores him though, lets his hands wrap around his waist instead. Yeonjun wants to see what Taehyun is going to do without his guidance, he’s curious to see what he wants on his own. Yeonjun knows what he really wants—to flip Taehyun over, to push deeper, to make him his—but he forces himself to hold back. A kiss and a hand job is one thing, but he knows Taehyun isn’t ready to give him that, no matter how much he used to feel for him.Taehyun’s fingers start to dip into Yeonjun’s waistband, pulling them back and letting snap back into his skin. Yeonjun hisses at the slight pain, but Taehyun ignores that too. “Will you show me how to suck you off, hyung?” He asks. Yeonjun is again avoiding eye contact.Yeonjun scoffs. “You think you’re going to be sucking Jungwon’s dick anytime soon?” Just saying the words make Yeonjun feel ill. He doesn’t even want to put those words into the air. He can’t even imagine Taehyun doing something like that. He almost says no that way he won’t have any imagery to base his imaginations off of. Soobin was right, he’s some type of masochist. He would probably imagine Taehyun doing exactly this with somebody else if Yeonjun doesn’t step in before he gets with Jungwon. He’s going to say no. He can’t handle this.“No. I just want to suck you off.”Yeonjun isn’t sure on how he should respond. A part of him is buzzing with excitement. A part of him is so horny he’s almost pushing his own sweats down for Taehyun. The other part of him is telling himself that these words are meaningless. Taehyun is drunk off an orgasm. He’s in love with another boy. He doesn’t really care about anything he’s going to do with Yeonjun. He needs to stop getting so excited.“Careful, I’m going to start to think that you want me.” Yeonjun teases, just to get his mind off of things. He doesn’t want to be constantly remind himself about how this means nothing to Taehyun, even if it was hard not to. The jokes made him feel semi-normal.Taehyun laughs, those pretty dimples peeking out. “Don’t you want it too?” Taehyun asks. The questions seem innocent enough, but there’s something underneath them. That, or Yeonjun is just trying to add some type of secondary meaning to it. He does that often; he can’t help it.He nods. “Of course I do.”“Okay then.” Taehyun shrugs. “It’s not like I’m asking you to fuck me.”Yeonjun scans over Taehyun’s face. “Are you saying you don’t want to fuck me?” His feelings are kind of hurt. He wants to fuck Taehyun.“We’re getting distracted. Will you show me or not?”Yeonjun is a bit horny, and he really does want it. He’s just not sure if this was the right thing to do mentally. Will he even be able to actually handle this? Whatever the case, Yeonjun moves before he can think about it too much. “How do you want to do it?” Yeonjun asks.“However, you want me to do it.” Taehyun replies.Yeonjun’s breath hitches, wondering what on Earth he has done in his life to be able to get Taehyun to want to listen to him. “Kay, get on your knees.” He points to the floor by the bed. Taehyun scrambles to get off of the bed while Yeonjun moves to sit on the edge of it. He’s excited and horny, so he does some of the work for Taehyun and pulls his sweats and underwear down, letting his dick hang free. His balls are throbbing, and a little hiss leaves his lips as the head brushes against the fabric of his shirt.Taehyun sinks to his knees like he’s been anticipating this, like he’s been waiting for it. His hands twitch in his lap, as if he’s itching to just reach out and touch Yeonjun. Yeonjun can’t help the feeling rushing through his veins, the excitement thrumming through him. He wants it so bad.Taehyun sits there for a moment, Yeonjun staring down at him in awe, before Yeonjun remembers he’s supposed to be telling Taehyun what to do. “Um, you can start with like licking it. Or kissing. Just get comfortable with it before you really put it in your mouth.”“Hm, okay.” Taehyun murmurs. He reaches out, wrapping his hand around the base of Yeonjun’s dick. Yeonjun sucks a breath of air in. He knows Taehyun hasn’t even started yet, but it already feels like the best head he’s ever gotten in his life. He loves Taehyun so much.Hesitantly, Taehyun scoots closer, and then he’s pressing a soft kiss onto the mushroom tip. Yeonjun inhales sharply, letting one of his hands twist into his sheets, just to get him ready for something he obviously might not be ready for. Taehyun presses another kiss, and then he’s opening his mouth, letting his tongue lick over the head, swallowing the small trace amounts of pre-cum that was oozing from the tip. Taehyun doesn’t seem to mind it, getting a little more comfortable, sucking the tip into his mouth as another jet of pre-cum leaks out.Yeonjun’s head falls back as a soft groan leaves his lips. “Yeah, that’s good.” He murmurs; voice slightly choked as Taehyun sucks. Taehyun pulls the tip out of his mouth, instead mouthing along the length of Yeonjun’s dick, sucking at it. Yeonjun presses his eyes shut, not able to watch Taehyun do this. He looks too pretty. It’s driving Yeonjun crazy.Taehyun licks a long stripe from the base of his dick, up to the tip, twist his tongue around it in a manner that does not seem beginner like at all, and then wrapping his lips around him and sinking lower. Yeonjun’s eyes shoot open, the moan falling from his lips without his permission. “Fuck,” Yeonjun breathes, reaching up brush some strands of hair out of Taehyun’s face.Taehyun pulls off completely, a giggle leaving his mouth the second it’s not full of dick. “That kind of hurt.”“Really?” Yeonjun asks, breathless.“You don’t care.” Taehyun has the nerve to smile up at Yeonjun with his hand wrapped around his dick.Yeonjun chokes over his words, “I do care.” He pauses, “you know I care, don’t do that.” Taehyun hums as if he doesn’t really believe him. “You can just stop if you don’t want to keep going. I don’t mind.”Taehyun ignores him, instead opting to bring Yeonjun back in his mouth. This time he takes his time, slowly taking in more instead of trying to see how far he can get in one go. Yeonjun watches with low eyes, one of his hands sinking into Taehyun’s hair, playing with the strands.“Open your mouth a little wider.” Yeonjun encourages. Taehyun complies, taking Yeonjun in a little deeper than before. He’s not even taking half of Yeonjun’s dick in his mouth, but it already feels like the best head Yeonjun has ever gotten in his life. Yeonjun licks his lips, a soft hum falling out of the afterwards. “You look so pretty, baby,”Taehyun moans in response, and Yeonjun can see him pressing his legs together at just the sound of his voice. Yeonjun ignores the burst of confidence that gives him, biting his lower lip to keep whatever words or moans that want to fall out of his mouth. Soobin is still home, and he doesn’t want to get too loud. He knows how he gets. Taehyun starts building a pace. He bobs his head up and down, licking his tongue along Yeonjun’s shaft and jacking off whatever can’t fit in his mouth. It’s wet and sloppy, some spit dribbling down to Yeonjun’s balls. It makes the slide of Taehyun’s fist smoother; it sounds nasty and wet mixed in with the little moans he lets out—so Yeonjun doesn’t mind.In fact, Yeonjun thinks he might love it. His head falls back, his eyes flutter close, and it’s getting harder keeping all of the sounds to himself. After one particular twist of Taehyun’s hand, one harsh suck, Yeonjun is curling over Taehyun with a moan on his lips. “Fuck, Tae,”“Fuck, just like that, baby,” Yeonjun’s voice sounds strained even to his own ears, and the grip in Taehyun’s hair gets a little tighter.
His need to cum over takes him and he lifts his hips slightly, relishing in the gagging noise Taehyun makes. It doesn’t seem to throw Taehyun off, he just doubles down, sucks harder, takes him in deeper. Yeonjun’s eyes roll to the back of his head as he pushes Taehyun’s head down. He can hear himself breathing heavily, can hear the weak sounds that Taehyun is forcing out of him. He can’t find it in himself to be embarrassed, he wants Taehyun to know that he’s making him feel good.Taehyun taps at Yeonjun’s thigh urgently and Yeonjun immediately releases the hold he has in Taehyun’s hair to let him up. Taehyun sucks air into his lungs, dramatically, of course—but Yeonjun can’t even find it in amusing. Taehyun looks so…good. His lips are all swollen with spit, he has spit dribbling down his chin, Yeonjun thinks he sees tears in his eyes. Yeonjun has to force himself to speak. “Are you okay?”“Yeah, I just had to catch my breath,” Taehyun huffs, “I can’t believe people do this all the time.”“You get better at it the more you do it.” Yeonjun says mindlessly, hands twitching by his side. He can’t stop staring. “You look really pretty.” He murmurs.Taehyun’s cheek blush deeper than they already have, his head ducking slightly. “Shut up. I look crazy.”“I’m serious, you look so fucking,” Yeonjun cuts himself off with a groan, “you look good,”“Thank you,” Taehyun says, shyly. Yeonjun watches him catch his breath as patiently as he can. He doesn’t want to seem desperate, but he really wants to cum, he really wants Taehyun’s mouth back on him. “Do you like it?” Taehyun asks.“Yeah,” Yeonjun murmurs, “you can’t tell?”Taehyun wipes at his chin, “no, that’s why I’m asking.”“Well, I really do.” Yeonjun replies, “you’re doing really good, Taehyun.”“I want you to do what you like the most.” Taehyun says after a moment. “Just show me how you like it.”Yeonjun stares down at him warily. He doesn’t want to hurt him, it’s his first time ever having a dick in his mouth, of course he isn’t going to be able to do all the things Yeonjun likes. He wishes Taehyun would understand that he would enjoy anything Taehyun gave him. “I like it like this too.” Yeonjun says softly.“It’s ok.” Taehyun argues. He reaches out for the base of Yeonjun’s dick, pressing the tip onto his pillowy lips. “Just do what you want. I want you to.”With a shuddering breath, Yeonjun stands up and lets his toes curl into his carpet to keep himself in place. He grabs the base of his dick just as Taehyun lets go and then rubs the mushroom tip of his dick over Taehyun’s lips. Taehyun whines, his tongue sneaking out to lick at the pre-cum leaking from the tip. “Open,” Yeonjun orders, tapping his head onto the lips.Taehyun’s mouth falls open and Yeonjun slowly works himself into his mouth. Yeonjun doesn’t start off hard and heavy in the slightest. He’s slow, feeding Taehyun an extra inch of his cock every few thrusts. He doesn’t stop until he’s hitting the back of Taehyun’s throat. “Does it hurt?”It’s not like Taehyun can even respond. He gurgles some response, but Yeonjun doesn’t pay it much mind, pulling his hips back until just the tip was in Taehyun’s mouth and then forcing himself back in deep. Taehyun takes it easily, eyes rolling to the back of his head. Yeonjun presses in deeper, pressing further into Taehyun’s throat. Taehyun doesn’t gag this time, he takes it so well, a loud whine leaves his mouth. “Fuck, baby, you’re perfect. Taking me so well,”Taehyun moans in response, swallowing around Yeonjun, meeting each thrust every time he gets a chance. It becomes too much at one point, Yeonjun had been on the verge of cumming since they started. It takes one more thrust, a soft moan from Taehyun, and Yeonjun was curling over Taehyun with a loud moan. Soobin most likely heard him, but he doesn’t have it in him to care, to busy spurting ropes of cum down Taehyun’s throat.“Oh, my fucking God,” Yeonjun chokes out, body shaking as Taehyun sucks around him. He belatedly realizes that he just came in his mouth without asking first, and pulls out completely, wrapping his hand around his dick and stroking himself through the rest of his orgasm. Taehyun doesn’t mind, he swallows down the cum already in his mouths at the tip as cum spurts along his lips, some even falling over his cheeks. “Fuck,”I love you.I love you.I love you.Yeonjun thinks it so many times, just to get it out of his system. He can’t say it, he’s too embarrassed to actually utter the words but it’s the only thing coursing through his mind.It takes a while for Yeonjun to finally come down from his orgasm. He almost passes out when Taehyun cleans up the cum on his face with his fingers and then sucks his fingers clean. Too much at one time. Yeonjun falls back down onto the bed, wiped out. Taehyun follows him, curling his way into Yeonjun’s arms. Yeonjun wraps his arms around him tightly, not wanting him to slip away from him.“Did you like it?” Taehyun asks. He’s clearly shy, Yeonjun can hear the nervousness in his voice.“I’m about to pass out and you’re wondering if I liked it?” Yeonjun asks slowly, trying to lighten the mood with a joke.Taehyun giggles, snuggling in closer to Yeonjun to hide his face. “I just want to make sure you enjoyed it.”“You know I did.” Yeonjun mutters softly.It goes silent for a few moments, and then Taehyun is tilting his head up slightly. “Can I get another kiss?”Yeonjun’s heart stutters, his body running warm in excitement. He tries not to assume that this means Taehyun likes him back, or anything like that, he tries to take it at face value, but it’s too late. He’s excited, and his heart is thrumming. He leans down, pressing his lips onto Taehyun’s softly. It doesn’t last very long, maybe a second or two longer than a gentle peck.When Yeonjun pulls back, Taehyun grabs him by his shirt and pulls him closer. “Another?” His voice is whiny and soft, his eyes all bashful. “Please?”Yeonjun doesn’t like making Taehyun beg. Their lips touch once more, and Yeonjun has to fight back the soft whine trying to force its way out of his throat. This time, Taehyun deepens the kiss, his tongue pressing into Yeonjun’s mouth urgently. He’s frantic, hands running over Yeonjun, pulling him in closer as if he was in need.Their tongues swirl together, and Yeonjun can taste himself on Taehyun’s tongue. A shiver runs through his body, remembering that just a few moments ago, Taehyun was on his knees for him. Yeonjun thinks he’s going to get hard again. He pulls away, and Taehyun nips at his bottom lip as if to punish him. Yeonjun presses one more soft peck on to his lips. “Tyun-ah, I’m going to get hard again, stop.” He whines.Taehyun eyes him warily, a shrug following afterwards. “So? I’ll take care of it.”“Stop.” Yeonjun murmurs. “I’m serious, he’s twitching.”Taehyun holds eye contact as he reaches down in between them, his warm grip wrapping around Yeonjun’s dick. “One more?”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Yeonjun’s high wares off fairly quickly. He had thought that he would be able to run off it for days, maybe even weeks. He had seen Taehyun the day after everything, and Taehyun didn’t bring Jungwon up once. Yeonjun’s pretty sure they flirted over their lunch, and when they hugged goodbye, Taehyun’s hands had lingered over him like he didn’t want to let go. Of course, Yeonjun should’ve asked about where this left them, asked if Taehyun was into him, if he was still pursuing Jungwon.He should’ve, because only two days after their intimate night, he was walking into a movie night (hosted in his own apartment, mind you) and seeing Jungwon on his couch. It threw him all the way off. He can’t be that upset though, he knew that Taehyun wanted Jungwon, he knew that Taehyun had been using Yeonjun to get a little experience and that they just got carried away. It just hurts a bit to see it with his own eyes.The only reason they haven’t talked in a few days was because they were so busy. The semester was finally in full swing, and they needed time to get back into routine. Yeonjun literally couldn’t complain about it. It just sucks that the first time he’s seeing Taehyun after being intimate is literally watching him cuddle up to some guy on his couch.Yeonjun doesn’t have the right to react, so he doesn’t. He showers, plays nice with Jungwon, and completely ignores Taehyun’s existence. He unfortunately doesn’t have anyone to latch onto. Usually, he would cuddle up with Taehyun on movie nights, but Jungwon and him are all over each other. There was no way Soobin or Beomgyu was going to let him squeeze in between them, and even though Kai was here too—they weren’t that close. Yeonjun has felt some type of way about Kai since he’s met him. Back then he swore it was because Kai was a bad influence on Taehyun, but now he knows it was 100% because he was jealous and scared that Kai would have taken Taehyun away from him.So, they’ve just kind of had beef ever since. More so one-sided beef. Kai has always been nice and sweet to him, rather observant too. Yeonjun can tell by how he was curiously eyeing Yeonjun every time Yeonjun reacted to Taehyun or Jungwon giggling. Yeonjun had tried to keep it a minimum, but halfway through the movie—he gave up on trying to act like hearing them wasn’t bothering him.Yeonjun doesn’t even know what the stupid movie is about. He almost falls off the couch with how quickly he gets up once the ending credits are rolling on the screen. They usually indulge in discussions post movies, but having to hear Jungwon’s grating voice would probably send him over the edge, so he makes himself extremely comfortable in his room. He feels like a loser, but he must put himself first.Yeonjun can hear them talking loudly, laughing at whatever jokes being made, so he puts on his headphones and focuses on studying for his certification exams. Honestly, it isn’t very productive. He spends the majority of his time sinking his teeth into his lower lip the same way Taehyun had sunk his teeth into his, thinking about how pretty Taehyun had sounded up close, how good it felt to have Taehyun clutching onto him as if he didn’t want to be anywhere but under Yeonjun. Yeonjun is not productive at all. Soon the thoughts turn angry, hurt. He doesn’t understand why Jungwon was still in the picture. Hadn’t Taehyun felt the same things he did when they first kissed? When Yeonjun had held him close? It’s embarrassing, he’s been fantasizing about the next time he’d be able to experience Taehyun in such a way again and Taehyun had been running around with Jungwon regardless.That night had meant nothing to him.Even though Yeonjun had known this before, it hits him harder than he expected. His chest hurts, it suddenly becomes harder to breathe as he tries to wrap his head around how fucking stupid he’s been. He should have never agreed to kiss Taehyun. He should have kept his hands to himself. He should’ve used his head. He’s so embarrassing.A knock at his door pulls him out of his thoughts. He sighs, pausing his music on his phone before speaking. “Yes?” He was hoping it was Soobin or Beomgyu checking in. He really doesn’t want to talk to Taehyun right now. He thinks he might burst into tears the second he hears his voice.He jinxes himself.“Hyung, are you okay?” Taehyun’s voice carries worry, concern wrapping around each word with a bow. It makes Yeonjun’s stomach clench. How could he act like he cared so much about Yeonjun but had no problem playing with Yeonjun’s feelings like this? Yeonjun has to remind himself that he hasn’t made Taehyun aware of his feelings, and that he has no idea that he’s hurting Yeonjun. It grounds him a bit, makes it easier for him to respond.“Yeah, I’m good.” Yeonjun calls back, dropping his pen onto his workbook. He hopes that this is it, that Taehyun drops it. He knows he won’t. Taehyun cares about him too much to accept an ‘Yeah, I’m good,’ through a door.“Can I come in?” Taehyun asks patiently, and Yeonjun has half the mind to say no. He should say no. He’s not in a place to have a conversation about his feelings.The overpowering need to want to be in Taehyun’s space speaks before the rational part of Yeonjun can speak up. “Yeah, come in.”Taehyun looks as cute as he did earlier. A hoodie that he stole from Yeonjun. Yeonjun isn’t all that bigger than him, but it looks like it’s genuinely swallowing him whole. There’s concern etched onto his features, eyebrows furrowed, lips turned down into a pout. His hands are stuffed into his pockets as he hesitantly steps in. He closes the door behind himself with his foot, eyes squinted as he moves in closer to Yeonjun. Yeonjun has thankfully had his room cleaned for the past few days—the possibility of Taehyun asking to come over had made him clean up. He knows it’s sad, but at least the manifestation had worked in some way. Taehyun was here in his room, just not the way he wanted him to be.Taehyun eyes him for a moment. “You didn’t stay for our discussion. Kai wanted to hear your opinion.”Yeonjun rolls his eyes. “No, he didn’t.” He mutters under his breath. “I couldn’t even focus on the movie. I couldn’t tell you what it was about, anyway.”“He did, you need to be nice.” Taehyun admonishes, but Yeonjun doesn’t care. His one-sided beef with Kai will live on until he’s sure there’s nothing going on there. “Why couldn’t you focus?” Taehyun asks, curious. He’s inching closer to the table, and Yeonjun is debating on how he should answer. If he should be honest or not.‘I was too busy trying to control the possessive rage boiling through me.’‘I was daydreaming about us kissing.’‘I’m in love with you.’Instead, Yeonjun shrugs. “My mind isn’t here right now.”Taehyun hums, unconvinced, but he drops it. “What are you working on?” He leans over Yeonjun’s shoulder, his cologne washing over Yeonjun. Yeonjun has to close his eyes to control himself, but he turns his head anyway to get a look at Taehyun’s face. Taehyun looks up from Yeonjun’s workbook—instead meeting Yeonjun’s eyes. A small smile grows on his lips the longer they hold eye contact. “Are you genuinely studying instead of discussing Nosferatu?”Yeonjun looks back down to his workbook, and he’s back to biting on his lips, imagining it was Taehyun’s teeth. “You know this is important to me,”“Hyung, what’s wrong? You were so excited about watching that movie too. It took me days to find a site that had it with good enough quality for you.” Taehyun’s hand was now laying on Yeonjun’s shoulder, rubbing gently. Yeonjun wonders if he looks distressed or something.“I thought—you’re still pursuing Jungwon?” The words come out before Yeonjun can nitpick the sentence, properly frame it to make it seem like he doesn’t care—but he’s sure the words are dripping with every emotion that has him by the neck right now. Taehyun’s hand freezes on Yeonjun’s shoulder, he straightens up a bit, looking down at Yeonjun with a look that Yeonjun couldn’t quite decipher.He looks calm. Yeonjun doesn’t think he’s caught on yet.“Why wouldn’t I be pursuing him?” Taehyun asks.Yeonjun shrugs. “I don’t know, I just figured—”“Is there a reason that you know of that I don’t?” Taehyun arches an eyebrow, as if he’s pushing for more. “I have no reason to stop, right, hyung?” He’s staring into Yeonjun’s eyes like he’s begging for Yeonjun to say more, to give him a reason to stop—but why? Yeonjun scans his face, nervousness bubbling in his stomach.Yeonjun forces a chuckle, turning his head away as if that’ll make the weight of Taehyun’s stare disappear. “No, I guess not,” he says, feigning nonchalance. “I don’t care for real, but we stopped talking about the whole plan, so I figured you might’ve been done with that…” The lie is so rushed, so weak, Yeonjun almost cringes when it comes out. He wishes he was quicker on his feet, that his tone was more neutral—that his heart wasn’t having palpitations in his chest.Taehyun doesn’t respond right away, and that silence stretches between them, thick enough that Yeonjun swears he can hear the gears turning in Taehyun’s head. It drives Yeonjun crazy, he wishes Taehyun would just say something. He really does, just to relieve him from this constant turmoil turning in his stomach.“You don’t sound like you don’t care.”Yeonjun’s breath catches. His fingers twitch where they rest on his workbook, but he keeps his face neutral. “Huh?” Yeonjun is almost expecting an ‘if you can huh, you can hear,’ but what Taehyun says is much worse.“I said, you don’t sound like you don’t care.” Taehyun’s voice is even, but the weight of it presses down on Yeonjun like he’s been caught red-handed.Yeonjun lets out a soft chuckle, finally looking at Taehyun again, lips pulling into something close to a smirk. A really weak attempt. He’s trying to come off as unbothered, but he’s failing so bad. “And what, exactly, do you think I care about?”Taehyun tilts his head, studying him. “That’s all I’m trying to figure out.”It’s too much. The way Taehyun is looking at him—like he’s waiting for Yeonjun to admit to something Yeonjun isn’t even sure he understands himself. So, he does what he does best.He acts like nothing just happened. “Anyway, do you want to help me study?”For a moment, he thinks Taehyun might push again. But then Taehyun smiles as if he hadn’t just been pressing Yeonjun a moment ago. “Yeah, sure.”Still, even as they go through the questions, Yeonjun can’t focus. Not with the way Taehyun’s gaze lingers on him, like he knows. Like he’s waiting. Yeonjun hates it.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Taehyun was sent from hell.“I put in an order for flowers at that boutique not too far from the restaurant.” Yeonjun tries to get out, but he’s stuttering over his words. Taehyun’s hands are all over him, riding up under his shirt, tracking over his stomach, pulling him in closer to the clear hard on in Taehyun’s pants. Taehyun’s lips are kissing up Yeonjun’s neck, pressing soft kisses here and there and then nibbling whenever he pleases. Yeonjun lets out a quiet gasp at a particular harsh bite. “For your Valentines Day proposal.” Yeonjun squeaks out, trying to remind Taehyun exactly why they were even hanging out for in the first place. They’re supposed to be planning.Taehyun hums, uninterested. “What’s your favorite flower?” He asks in between kisses, tugging at the hem of Yeonjun’s shirt. Does he want it off? Yeonjun will not make it easy for him. He needs to keep his sanity. He can’t believe they kissed again. He thought they were one and done, but clearly not. He doesn’t even know how they fucking got here.“Magnolia’s.” Yeonjun responds, “but I got Jungwon a pink and red roses assortment—fuck,” Taehyun’s hands were in his pants.“I’ll remember.” Taehyun murmurs, but Yeonjun doesn’t know which he’s talking about, Yeonjun’s favorite flowers or what Yeonjun got Jungwon.“You don’t have to remember, the order is set.”“Okay, baby, good job. Just send me details.” Taehyun doesn’t sound like he cares. “Why are you acting like you don’t wanna? Stop making it harder for me, raise your hips a bit.”Yeonjun lets out an exasperated noise. “Because we need to properly plan everything. It’s two weeks until you want to do the proposal thing and we’re nowhere closer to being finished with preparations than we were last week. And I don’t want you to get upset if—”“Hyung, it’s fine.” Taehyun cuts him off, his hands slipping out of Yeonjun’s pants to instead cup his chin. “It’s fine, we’re fine. We’ll finish in time. I’m not worried about it.” Yeonjun does not understand why Taehyun is being so…touchy, at least this tenderly. He’s trying to ignore the butterflies roaring in his stomach, but it’s hard. Taehyun treats him like they’re so in love sometimes and it’s driving Yeonjun crazy.Yeonjun wraps his hands around Taehyun’s wrists, pulling his hands away from his face. “Do you not want to have the best proposal ever?” Yeonjun mocks the exact words Taehyun had thrown at him a month ago.Taehyun pauses, like he’s really debating this as if he hadn’t begged and cried for Yeonjun’s help on this. “I do.” He says slowly, “but that doesn’t mean we can’t kiss a little. You said you liked it last time.” He sounds shy, nervous even.Yeonjun scans over Taehyun’s face, lets his eyes trail over Taehyun’s body. He guesses this was his chance to properly talk about things though. “Last time you said it was to learn how to kiss. You know how to kiss.” And does Yeonjun know it, all he’s been able to think about for the past five days. He’s been driving himself crazy thinking about it, so much so that he didn’t even try to hang out with Taehyun after the movie night. The only reason they even hung out today was because Taehyun had said it was to plan.Taehyun hasn’t planned since he got here!He rolled about on Yeonjun’s bed while Yeonjun did everything, and then the second Yeonjun had taken a breather between calls, he was scooting into Yeonjun’s space, asking for a kiss. Yeonjun hadn’t thought about it at first, had leaned in first himself, pressing his lips onto Taehyun’s. Yeonjun had melted into the kiss that he had been craving for five whole days—but then Taehyun got to handsy, and Yeonjun tried to direct them back to what matters.This stupid Valentine’s Day proposal.Taehyun curls his hands into the hem of Yeonjun’s shirt, lifting his hips up slightly. “I need experience in other ways then.” Taehyun pouts, “are you really going deny your dongsaeng knowledge when you’re perfectly able to inform me?” He tilts his head slightly. “Don’t be like that.”“I just don’t get what you’re getting out of this. Don’t you want these experiences to be special? With someone you like?” Yeonjun asks slowly, ignoring the dull feeling of pain in his chest at being reminded that this was all experience for Jungwon, not Yeonjun. Taehyun is imagining that it’s Jungwon on in his lap right now. He is not satisfied with Yeonjun—this is just a means to an end.Taehyun stares at Yeonjun for a tense moment, lets his hands unclench from around Yeonjun’s shirt. “This is special.” He says softly. Yeonjun’s breath hitches, and he tries not to let himself get too excited. Taehyun may not mean it that way. “This means so much to me, hyung, please don’t try to dumb it down to something like that.”Something like what? Yeonjun is confused. He wants—no needs more answers, but Taehyun doesn’t let him press for more. Their lips are back on each other’s within seconds, and Yeonjun doesn’t have it in him to pull away, nor does he have it in him to stop Taehyun from touching him. He doesn’t even stop himself from touching Taehyun. He has to get his fill whenever he can get it.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

The next day, Taehyun asks to come back over. He swears that they really need to pick up the pace with the planning, swears that they’re running out of time.All it takes is for Yeonjun to let out a little whiny groan, and then Taehyun is pushing that stupid laptop off of Yeonjun’s lap and taking its place—pushing his tongue down Yeonjun’s throat.Yeonjun can't complain, not really. With as much as he had claimed he would put his foot down firmer next time, that he wouldn’t keep letting Taehyun get away with this—he doesn’t try at all to stop it. He melts into it, welcomes it—he even moans when their lips first touch. Then Taehyun’s hands are tugging at his shirt, pulling him closer, and Yeonjun can’t stop him now. He clearly wants it as bad as Yeonjun does. Who is he to deny him? Yeonjun’s too far gone to deny him. He is constantly feeling that familiar ache—the one that’s been gnawing at him since their first kiss. It’s not just that he’s craving the touch; it’s the desperation that leaks into each kiss. The way Taehyun's lips always feel like they’re demanding something Yeonjun hasn’t been able to give him quite yet. Like he wants more. Like he needs more.The thought hits him, sharp and painful—he's not here for me, he's here for Jungwon. Yeonjun doesn’t recoil away from Taehyun like he usually does when he remembers, but he plays with the thought a little. He thinks about how even if Taehyun was just doing this for Jungwon, Yeonjun had still gotten to claim most of his firsts—that every time Taehyun remembers who his first kiss was from, he will remember that night, he will remember how gently Yeonjun had guided him through each orgasm—so Yeonjun relaxes. He breathes; he presses closer. He’s happy he has Taehyun in his lap, even if it is in such circumstances.
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
dimpled freak: do u have plans vday?jun: lol nojun: prob gonna just study tbhdimpled freak: ok

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Yeonjun has given up on even bringing Taehyun’s attention to planning this stupid thing. It’s starting to feel more like Yeonjun’s proposal, and at this point Yeonjun didn’t give a fuck. It was better if he just did it anyway, Taehyun hadn’t been much help from the beginning. There’s a mere week until February 10th, and Yeonjun’s about done with everything. All that’s left is setting everything up until the day of.Yeonjun thinks they’ve cut it a bit close to Valentine’s Day, but Taehyun claims he doesn’t want to do it any earlier. Yeonjun doesn’t fight him on it. Yeonjun thinks it’s so Jungwon doesn’t break his heart before Taehyun’s birthday. Yeonjun also thinks Taehyun doesn’t have much to worry about. Jungwon was a sweet boy, and whenever Yeonjun accidentally ran into them on campus they seemed to get along well. Jungwon will tell Taehyun yes, no matter how much Yeonjun prays and wishes he doesn’t. With this in mind, he’s expecting Taehyun to be overjoyed with the news of everything being done.He doesn’t think Taehyun cares even a little bit.“Oh, good.” Taehyun says, bored. “Did you get a haircut?” Taehyun asks, reaching up from his spot on Yeonjun’s bed to brush Yeonjun’s hair out of his face. They haven’t seen each other in a few days, so Yeonjun gets a little giddy at the fact that he noticed. Yeonjun nods. “Yeah? Looks good.”Yeonjun can’t fight the smile off his face. “Thank you, young man. You look good too.”Taehyun smiles up at Yeonjun coyly, wrapping his legs around Yeonjun’s waist. He pulls Yeonjun in closer with his legs, lets his hands toy with the waistband of Yeonjun’s sweats. “I’d hope so.”Yeonjun ignores the chills running down the back, the sudden need to have Taehyun running through him, instead he decides to flirt back a little. “Mhm, I always think you look good.”“I find that hard to believe.” Taehyun scoffs.Yeonjun’s eyebrow arches. “Why’s that?”“Because you ignored me for three days in a row and you haven’t tried to go past oral like ever. So, I think you think I’m ugly, actually. You know what, I was just playing, but now it makes sense.” Taehyun’s legs drop from around Yeonjun’s waist and then his sock cladded feet is pushing Yeonjun away by his chest. “I’m done with this.”Yeonjun laughs, because what? Yeonjun wants Taehyun so bad he’s literally going crazy—and this is what Taehyun comes up with? It’s laughable, he is laughing. He wraps his hand around Taehyun’s ankle, dragging Taehyun towards the edge of the bed. “Don’t do that,” he breathes, leaning down to press a slow kiss onto Taehyun’s lips. It’s the first time Yeonjun has truly initiated anything on his own. He pulls back nervously, eyeing over Taehyun’s reaction. He seems pleased—normal. Okay. “I just figured you didn’t want to go all the way, because of Jungwon. And what not. Aren’t you saving that for when you two get serious?”Taehyun rolls his eyes, and Yeonjun suddenly becomes entranced with how beautiful his lashes flutter. “I’m not saving my virginity for anything.” Taehyun says pointedly. “Are you saying you don’t want to have sex with me?”Yeonjun hurries to answer. “I do!” He clears his throat at how desperate he sounds, “I do,” he repeats, calmer. “I’m just still a little confused about what you’re getting out of this. That’s all.”Taehyun eyes him warily. “We are just going with the flow.”Situationship talk 101. Get Yeonjun the fuck out of here.“But you still want to be with Jungwon? This is just fun then?” Yeonjun asks patiently, making sure to keep his tone under control. He can’t let on to his feelings. He can’t.Taehyun groans—obviously annoyed, and lets out an irritated, “yeah.” He runs a hand over his face, then he speaks. “Do you…do you want it to be more?”That isn’t fair. Yeonjun blinks, split between being honest and covering his own ass. “You don’t even want me. Why should it be more?” He takes the easy way out.Taehyun does not react to the words, not really. There is no change of facial expressions, no change in body language, he just lays there and stares up at Yeonjun blankly. “Okay. Let’s watch this movie.”They don’t kiss again.They don’t touch either.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Sometimes, Yeonjun likes to lay in bed and think about all the times he’s missed the deeper meanings of Taehyun’s comments. He knows it does more damage than good, but his mind wanders often. Especially since Taehyun has started to ignore him again. It’s been two days, and Taehyun hasn’t responded to one text. He can’t be that upset, he didn’t want to talk much either. Their last conversation had thrown Yeonjun off, too. It put into perspective, how serious Taehyun was taking them, how one sided everything was. It was best Yeonjun pulled back anyway. He was starting to feel too much.In particular, he was thinking about a recent night—one about a year ago, around the same time. A few days after Taehyun’s birthday.They had been laughing. They’re always laughing. Yeonjun always gets so caught up in watching Taehyun’s face crumble in amusement. He takes quite a lot of enjoyment in hearing Taehyun squeak out in laughter. He loves how red his face gets, how he sometimes throws himself over Yeonjun when it’s really funny, how his eyes squint close. Thinking back, Yeonjun can’t believe that he spent so much time watching Taehyun through heart eyes and never realized how deeply he had felt for the other. He had gotten complacent, in a way.Taehyun falls back onto Yeonjun’s bed, winded, chest heaving to catch his breath after laughing that hard. He brushes some of the brown hair out of his face, then looks over at Yeonjun inquisitively. “I really like you,” he says softly. It had been rather tender, out of nowhere at the time, and Yeonjun had looked at him weird for saying it then.Yeonjun wishes he could go back and tell Taehyun that he was in love with him. That he liked him too, that he wanted to be with him too. Instead Yeonjun had just laughed, ruffled Taehyun’s hair like he always does. “I like you too, kid.”Taehyun’s face had fell then. Yeonjun had chalked it up to how much Taehyun had hated being called kid, he hated when Yeonjun called him that. Now, Yeonjun knows that it was his romantic feelings being met with a platonic response. Yeonjun can’t believe he put Taehyun through that. “Good,” Taehyun had murmured, obviously with less enthusiasm than his I like you.Yeonjun wonders if that was the day he decided to let go.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Yeonjun doesn’t see Taehyun until Taehyun’s birthday.Yeonjun, again, is not upset. He needs the break. He’s tired of being tempted out of serious conversations with kisses and blowjobs. He needs more. Taehyun knows he needs more too, and the fact that he isn’t willing to give him more is enough of an answer. These feelings are not mutual. In order for Yeonjun to come to terms with that, he needs to just move on—like Taehyun did. He can’t afford to lose Taehyun, not even as a friend, so he’ll continue to keep his feelings to himself. He’ll continue to keep a reasonable amount of distance between the two of them, and he will continue to be supportive of Taehyun and Jungwon. He has to.He doesn’t hear about the plans from Taehyun directly. Taehyun sends a text in the group chat, telling them that he wants to go out clubbing for his birthday, claims he wants to get black out drunk. Yeonjun doesn’t think he actually wants to, but he goes along with it because it’s Taehyun’s birthday. He wants him to be happy.So, he goes. He rides with Kai, even. Just because Taehyun asks him to. Unfortunately, he’s out with Jungwon, celebrating, and he wouldn’t be able to grab Kai himself. Kai talks the whole lyft ride, and Yeonjun doesn’t mind. He needs the constant talking to distract himself, and Kai seems to actually be interesting when Yeonjun lets himself indulge in conversation. He won’t be apologizing for how he’s treated them these past few years, but he does regret it. At least now they can just focus on becoming closer or something. Whatever, Yeonjun didn’t really care about what they did, if it kept his mind off Taehyun.Yeonjun and Kai arrive at the club a little later than planned, but Taehyun is already there, surrounded by their friends. And Jungwon. As soon as Yeonjun gets close enough, Taehyun’s gaze catches his, and for a brief second, Yeonjun knows peace. The loud music of the club dulls out, the pulsating lights stop hurting Yeonjun’s head, and all Yeonjun can see is Taehyun. His pretty smile, his deep dimples, the cute little outfit that wasn’t doing anything but showing off his muscles. Yeonjun has to force himself to look away, licking his lips as he follows Kai towards everyone.Kai and Taehyun squeal as they hug each other. Kai is screaming, crying happy birthday, and it’s starting to piss Yeonjun off. No one would be this excited about someone else’s birthday if they weren’t f—ugh, Yeonjun said he would stop thinking this way. He doesn’t have the right to think this way. Yeonjun moves to greet Taehyun, giving him a quick side hug and a barely heard ‘happy birthday’ before he’s walking off to the direction of the bar. He needs to get drunk. He can’t do this. He orders a shot, sips on it slowly. He ends up watching Taehyun and Jungwon interact from his spot, feels the burning anger and jealously rush through his veins as Jungwon clutches on Taehyun’s waist as they drink—how Taehyun leans up to whisper into his ear while cupping his face, how closely they’re pressed together. He ends up ordering another shot. And then another one, and then another—and then at some point Kai is squeezing next to him at the crowded bar and taking the glass away from him.“Can you be subtle with the raging jealousy? Throwing the vibes off.” Kai comments, and Yeonjun assumes that he’s supposed to laugh, that he’s supposed to find amusement in those words, but all it does is irritate him further.“What am I jealous of?” Yeonjun forces out, but he knows what Kai is talking about. He’s sure even the strangers that don’t know him or Taehyun can tell. Yeonjun has been watching Taehyun and Jungwon with envy for the past twenty minutes. He didn’t do a good job of hiding it. Not that he wanted to, he was tired of hiding his feelings. He always has to keep his feelings in control, he’s allowed to let go. Especially if Taehyun wasn’t even paying attention to it. It was fine.Kai arches an amused eyebrow. “Everyone knows you want Taehyun.”Yeonjun’s lips turn down into a scowl. “Everyone but him.” He has no reason to lie, at least not to Kai. He realizes, belatedly, that Kai could just run and tell Taehyun—being that they live together, but Yeonjun doesn’t care anymore. Taehyun is with Jungwon now, there’s no way he would even address it.Kai lets out a soft chuckle, “you think so?” The way he says it rubs Yeonjun off the wrong way, as if he knows something Yeonjun doesn’t. Something like Taehyun being privy to how Yeonjun felt about him all this time.He presses in closer, eyes squinted as he presses Kai. “Are you saying he’s aware and that I’ve been embarrassing myself?”Yeonjun stares at Kai, waiting for an answer, but Kai just shrugs like an idiot and takes a sip from the drink he swiped from Yeonjun earlier. That only makes Yeonjun more irritated. He doesn’t have the patience to deal with Kai’s cryptic bullshit tonight—not when he already feels like he’s being ripped apart from the inside out just watching Taehyun be all over Jungwon. This is exactly why he and Kai had beef in the first place. Yes, Yeonjun was letting go of all the kumbaya bullshit he was spitting earlier. Fuck this.So, Yeonjun does what he always does when he’s on the verge of losing control—he distracts himself.Luckily, he doesn’t have to try very hard. A girl slides up right next to him, opposite of Kai. She’s smiling and Yeonjun doesn’t know if it’s because he has some alcohol in his system, but the smile looks a bit flirtatious. He considers it flirting the second her fingers brush against him as she orders a drink. She’s cute, and Yeonjun doesn’t usually do one-night stands, but he might play with the idea of it if she’s cool. He’s that stressed, Taehyun is driving him that crazy he’s willing to sleep with a stranger to get him off his mind.He lets himself lean in slightly, making some dumb joke about the bartender taking too long. She laughs though, and presses closer to him, making some slick comment back that Yeonjun has just the perfect response to. It’s easy, Yeonjun had forgotten how easy flirting and everything was for him. Yeonjun comments on her being pretty, and just as the girl was uttering a compliment back, a tight grip was wrapping around his wrist—and then yanking. Yeonjun can barely react to the startled noise the girl makes as Yeonjun is pulled away, let alone recognize person yanking him. He tries to tug his arm back, but the grip is too strong.“What the fuck? Let go!” Yeonjun hisses, trying to better focus his eyes to get a look at who’s yanking him about.To his surprise, Taehyun turns to look back at him, eyes blazing red, and Yeonjun’s mouth immediately shuts up. “You need to come outside with me.” Taehyun’s voice is sharp, and Yeonjun can immediately recognize the anger in his tone. Why the fuck is he angry? Why does he get to be angry?A bitter laugh escapes Yeonjun as he lets Taehyun drag him through the club, pushing past bodies until they’re finally outside, the cool night hitting his flushed skin. Taehyun drops his wrist as soon as they’re away from the noise, but he doesn’t step back.“What the fuck is your problem?” Yeonjun spits, frustrated. Frustrated wasn’t even a good enough word anymore. He was angry. Fed up. Pissed. At his wits end.Taehyun scoffs, as if Yeonjun had something ridiculous. “My problem? You’re literally—are you being fucking serious right now?”Yeonjun shrugs, tired. “What the hell are you talking about, Taehyun?”Taehyun takes in a deep breath. “Who was that girl?”Yeonjun feels like he’s in a prank scene or something. Any second now, someone was going to come out with cameras and tell him he’s being pranked. That has to be the only explanation. There’s absolutely no reason for Taehyun to be asking him shit about whatever girl Yeonjun was talking to. It wasn’t his business. It wasn’t his place. Yeonjun was pressing him about Taehyun. “Why do you care?” Yeonjun throws back.Taehyun raises his hands to his head, clutching at his temples in exasperation. “You literally have to be fucking with me. You’re fucking with me. I can’t,” he lets out a choked, shocked laugh, “you have to be fucking joking. Yeonjun who the fuck was that?!”Yeonjun shrugs, and as always, he tries to soothe Taehyun’s feelings first, almost recoiling into himself at seeing how stressed he seems. “I don’t even know her, she’s nobody.”Taehyun lets out a deep breath. “Then why were you all over her if she’s nobody?”Yeonjun shrugs, again, the only thing he can think of doing. “Why the fuck is it bothering you so much? If I remember correctly, you and Jungwon were too busy humping each other in the middle of the dance floor to be concerned about whoever the fuck I want to spend my time talking to.” Yeonjun snaps, the anger seeping right back into his words. He can’t believe this, this whole conversation was fucking ridiculous. Taehyun doesn’t have the right to be jealous, upset, whatever. All it’s doing is leaving Yeonjun more of a mess than he is already. This allows him to think that maybe the feelings are reciprocated, maybe Yeonjun isn’t as stupid as he thought he was, but he doesn’t need that right now. He wants to move on.Taehyun groans. “You did it on purpose, you knew I was watching.”“I didn’t.”“You did.”“I didn’t. I was too busy flirting with her to care if you were watching.”Taehyun’s eyes snap back up to Yeonjun’s, and then he’s shoving at his shoulder. “You’re so fucking annoying. What the fuck is your problem?”Yeonjun stumbles back slightly at the shove, the alcohol in his system making move a little slower. His eyes darken, jaw clenching as he steps back into Taehyun space. “Why do you care?” He questions, his tone adapting a taunting lilt. “Like help me understand why me flirting with someone else is a problem to you.”Taehyun’s eyes clench close. “You act so fucking dumb on purpose. Is this a game to you? Do you enjoy pissing me off?”Yeonjun laughs, he doesn’t mean to, but any other time he would’ve said yes. If this wasn’t an argument that felt so heavy and loaded, he would’ve immediately nodded and continued to go out of his way to bother Taehyun. But he can’t now. This feels like a serious conversation, a conversation about where their friendship or relationship is headed. Yeonjun hasn’t done anything to purposely piss Taehyun off romantically.Yeonjun wonders if he is getting ahead of himself, if he’s thing too far ahead by thinking that Taehyun is interpreting the conversation with the same exact undertones. He had to have been, otherwise it doesn’t make sense for Taehyun to be upset.Taehyun holds eye contact as he lets out a slow steady breath. He seems to be trying to calm himself down, brown eyes pressing closed for an elongated time. “You don’t get it,” he murmurs while shaking his head, “you don’t get it and it’s fine but please—”“Why not just explain it to me?” Yeonjun asks, “because I’m tired of whatever the fuck this is.”Taehyun’s jaw clenches, his whole body tenses. For a moment, it looks like he might actually do it—might actually say whatever’s been hanging between them for however long now. His lip’s part, but then, just as quickly, he presses them back together, shaking his head again. Yeonjun feels his shoulders drop. “I can show you.” Taehyun offers weakly, and he doesn’t look mad anymore. He looks sad, tired, fed up. Yeonjun’s heart pulses for him, saddened that Taehyun seems to feel this way because of him.“Okay, show me.”—Yeonjun should have stepped away from this the second Taehyun had mentioned calling a Lyft, but a part of Yeonjun wanted to see what Taehyun could have possibly showed him that would make things make sense. But he was a little curious, and he’s always had a hard time telling his Taehyunnie no. So, here Yeonjun is, getting pressed down into his own sheets, with Taehyun straddling him.“How is this—”Taehyun abruptly cuts him off, pressing his finger over Yeonjun’s lips. “Hush, just feel.”Yeonjun’s alcohol fogged mind decides to listen, and he clamps his mouth shut. As always, whatever Taehyun says, goes. Taehyun scoots down lower so that he’s properly pressed into Yeonjun’s crotch—but he doesn’t move his lower half after that. Instead, he leans down and presses his lips onto Yeonjun’s in a gentle kiss. It’s softer than all of their other kisses, and Yeonjun should know, he remembers each time their lips have touched. Yeonjun gasps into the kiss almost the second their lips touch, excitement running through his body at not only having Taehyun against him, but how different this kiss feels.Taehyun had told him to just feel, and obviously it was with reason. This kiss feels so much more intense than all the others. It feels intentional, it feels like Taehyun was pouring every emotion into the kiss yet still remaining gentle. Yeonjun feels overwhelmed, but he kisses back, he makes sure to pour all of his emotions into it, although he isn’t as soft and gentle as Taehyun. He wants to blame it on how drunk he is, but his feelings for Taehyun were all over the place, messy, hard for him to control. He bites down on Taehyun’s lower lip as the kiss deepens, pulling away entirely to catch his breath. “Taehyun, I’m sorry,” he whispers gently, moving his hands to Taehyun’s hips, trying to pull him in closer. There’s no way Taehyun can get closer, but Yeonjun needs him to. “I’m sorry for flirting with that girl, I’m sorry,” Yeonjun gasps out even though he knows he shouldn’t be apologizing. He didn’t do anything wrong.“It’s okay,” Taehyun replies, “I shouldn’t have even gotten upset. I wasn’t being fair. I love you, it’s okay.”Yeonjun’s heart skips a beat at those three little words. The words he’s been fighting himself over. He knows they say it all the time, but the way he wants to say it, is different. He’s hoping that the way Taehyun just said it, was different. He needs it to have been different. He has no way to tell if Taehyun meant it romantically, but the hope is enough to set Yeonjun rolling.“I love you too, you know that.” Yeonjun says quietly, sitting up. He manages to keep Taehyun in his lap, wrapping his arms around the boy’s waist. He kisses up Taehyun’s neck, biting and sucking marks into his skin. Taehyun tilts his head, making his neck more accessible. He wants it, he wants Yeonjun’s mark on him. The thought makes something in Yeonjun’s stomach uncurl, the weeks of silencing and controlling himself finally unraveling.Taehyun grinds down into his lap, moaning whenever Yeonjun’s teeth sink into his skin. “I love you,” Taehyun says again, his fingers dipping into Yeonjun’s head, pulling at the strands. “I love you so much, Yeonjun, please. I need you.”There’s no way in hell Taehyun meant that platonically.Yeonjun gets too excited, he stops thinking about everything else. He just focuses on the now, and the pretty boy sitting in his lap. Who claims he needs Yeonjun. Yeonjun has never been happier in his life. “I love you more,” Yeonjun promises, grabbing the hem of Taehyun’s shirt and pulling it over his head. He immediately attaches his mouth on to the free skin. He sucks hickeys all along Taehyun’s chest, his tongue softly flickering around Taehyun’s nipple. Taehyun ruts into his lap, his hand still deep in Yeonjun’s hair. He presses Yeonjun in closer, soft whines leaving his lips when Yeonjun bites down with just enough force.Yeonjun stops hyper fixating on what this all means, if Taehyun meant his ‘I love you’s the same way Yeonjun did, if the feelings were reciprocated or not, if Taehyun was imagining it was Jungwon all over him instead of Yeonjun. Instead, he listens to Taehyun.He just feels.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

There are two things Yeonjun notices when he wakes up. For one, he is not sweating. He doesn’t usually sweat in his sleep, but whenever he shares a bed with Taehyun, he tends to overheat. Taehyun was like a furnace at times, almost always running hot in his sleep. Yeonjun thinks it’s because whenever they share a bed, Taehyun wraps himself around Yeonjun like a koala bear. And Yeonjun is 100% certain that after their extraneous activities last night, Taehyun had latched on like always.But Yeonjun is not sweating.His eyes blink open lazily, limbs stretching open as he takes in the room. He is not sticky with sweat because Taehyun is not here, and he knows it for sure when his eyes focus, and his windows blinds are still closed. If Taehyun was up and about, his window blinds would be open. That’s the first thing Taehyun does when he wakes up in the morning. It was annoying quirk that Yeonjun has learned to deal with. But today it hasn’t occurred which can only mean one thing.Taehyun must have left in a hurry. Yeonjun’s mind starts to race, thinking about how quickly—yet quietly Taehyun had to have to move to be able to get out without Yeonjun waking up and hearing him. Yeonjun wonders what must’ve been going through Taehyun’s head, if he had regretted all of this, if he had done this on accident, if this didn’t mean anything to him.Yeonjun sits up from his spot on the bed, looking at the floor for their discarded clothes. He’s been keeping up with his room lately, because of Taehyun, and the only set of clothes on the floor is the one Yeonjun wore last night. The very same clothes Taehyun had pulled off of him. Taehyun’s clothes are nowhere in sight.Yeonjun tries to breathe, tries to not jump to the worst conclusions, but his mind moves too fast. If Taehyun was lingering around somewhere in the apartment, he would’ve just showered and put on something of Yeonjun’s. It’s clear as day, Taehyun had ran from this. Whatever the fuck this is, and again Yeonjun had failed to get clarity on whatever this was. After their orgasms, Yeonjun had to fight himself to be able to not fall over and pass out on top of Taehyun before he could clean them up. By the time Yeonjun was crawling back into bed, Taehyun was half asleep.Yeonjun goes over each and every thing he said last night, wondering what part through Taehyun over the edge—wondering if it was the repetition of I love you’s, or telling Taehyun that he was his, or maybe it was the way he constantly murmured Taehyun’s name—he himself didn’t know why he was doing it, but in the moment he couldn’t help it.Yeonjun takes another deep breath. Maybe Taehyun sent a text, and this was all a big misunderstanding. There could have been something he had to do that he forgot to tell Yeonjun about and had to text him about it instead. Yeonjun grumbles as he searches the bed for his phone, then leans halfway off of the bed to sift through his discarded clothes.He grabs it, double tapping the screen impatiently, waiting for the display to light up. It doesn’t. He huffs, holding the power button and scowls when the dead batter sign pops up instead of his usual lockscreen picture of Taehyun smiling back at him. He groans, moving around so he can place the phone on the charger.Then he waits.And waits.Finally, his phone turns on and Yeonjun wastes no time unlocking it. He taps his passcode in easily, sliding from the home page into his messages with ease—and then his stomach is dropping to his ass. Well, sometimes it takes a while for messages to come in, so Yeonjun breathes a bit, deciding to not tweak out after seeing he has no messages from Taehyun.A minute passes.“What the fuck?” Yeonjun murmurs, clicking on their thread as if that would change the fact that Taehyun just hadn’t messaged him. He even scrolls up, as if that would make the new messages reappear.jun: ???jun: are u good?jun: text me asap when u get thisYeonjun’s messages don’t deliver.The second thing Yeonjun notices this morning is that he is apparently a D1 crash out.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Yeonjun regrets blocking Taehyun everywhere the second he does it, but he doesn’t undo it. He can’t undo it, not after they’ve slept together. Taehyun running off without saying anything was more than enough answer for Yeonjun. That hadn’t been as serious to him, as it was to Yeonjun. It’s hard for him to swallow, but eventually he gets it down. He has no choice but to. He can’t be crazy over someone who doesn’t want anything to do with him.He spends the rest of his morning cleaning up his room from the mess he made of it, crying because Taehyun really doesn’t like him back, rationalizing Taehyun’s actions, and then second guessing his own actions. It’s an endless loop of actions, he does nothing but those things until 1 PM, when his phone vibrates with a message.It’s a DM on Twitter, which is weird. No one DMs him these days, it’s like the worst way to reach him. The username isn’t one he recognizes, so he opens it without thinking—out of curiosity.UNBLOCK ME: hyung why the fuck did u block meYeonjun stares at the message in shock. This has to be Taehyun. Another message comes through.UNBLOCK ME: and its tae before u try to act slowYeonjun sucks his teeth.YAWNZZN: i thought u blocked me tbhYAWNZZN: had to put me first 😩Taehyun’s typing bubble pops up fast.UNBLOCK ME: and what sense does it make to u for me to have blocked you?Yeonjun had realized shortly after pressing the block button under Taehyun’s number and seeing the message—‘You stopped sharing location with dimpled freak.’—that he had moved too fast. But he was too far gone at that point. At the end of the day, Taehyun had still left. After they told each other that they loved each other. Yeonjun didn’t have much hope about Taehyun’s explanation, but if it had anything to do with Jungwon—Yeonjun would flip. He was trying to save himself another crash out. Just looking around his room, glancing at the now damaged models he spent hours, days, weeks—months working on, was enough to make Yeonjun not want to even get slightly upset again.He was cool.YAWNZZN: idk u left and i assumed the worst.UNBLOCK ME: unblock my number and call me.Yeonjun grumbles to himself as he switches apps to do exactly what was asked of him. A part of him is vibrating with giddiness, happiness coursing through him at the thought of hearing Taehyun’s voice. The other part of him that was tired of all the crying he’s been doing, all the over thinking he was doing—was not excited at all. In fact, that whole side of him was full of dread.He calls though, gets snuggled up in bed and puts the phone on speaker.“Hi.” He whispers, embarrassed.Taehyun lets out a little annoyed breath, as if hearing Yeonjun’s sheepish tone had bothered him. “Hi.” He says shortly, tone clipped. “Don’t block me again.”“Don’t disappear in the middle of the night.” Yeonjun quips back.He can almost hear Taehyun’s eye roll. “Well, for one it wasn’t the middle of the night. Secondly, I didn’t disappear, I just stepped out. I had to take care of something.” Yeonjun considers the words for a moment. How important could it have been that he didn’t even have time to say anything though? “I was rushing to get out and told myself that I would send a text before you woke up. But there was so much going on. And by the time I remembered to text you, I realized my phone was dead. And then I fell asleep, and I tried to text and call as soon as I woke up, but you had already blocked me. Which is crazy. You’re such a kid sometimes.”Ignoring the little rude remark, Yeonjun guesses that makes sense. It was a plausible excuse. Yeonjun has had crazy days where he forgot to immediately send Taehyun a text. He can’t fault him for this. He licks his lips. “What happened?” He hopes it’s something really good, something that he wouldn’t even be able to get upset over—just so it can ease the feeling of uncertainty in his stomach.“I forgot that I had Jungwon’s literal house key with me. All night he’s been stuck outside of his apartment. I had to go pick him up from some random fucking dude’s house, and then we get to his apartment and at ass crack dawn in the morning, his two roommates are fist fighting. And we’re trying to break it up, but they won’t stop, and then the police got called—ugh, it was just too much.” Taehyun sighs, obviously feeling frustrated. “And then there’s more like it was just back-to-back bullshit. I felt like I couldn’t think, I wasn’t thinking, really, I was just trying to get through each situation. I swear it was crazy.”Yeonjun swallows, trying not to let the bubbling feeling in his stomach overcome him. No matter how many breathing exercises he tries, he still can’t manage to get his thoughts under control. His mind races, unhelpfully, thought after thought running through his head, poking small holes throughout Taehyun’s story. “And you’re still over at Jungwon’s right now?”“Yeah,” Taehyun replies, casually.“Hm.” It’s all Yeonjun let’s himself say, and that takes a lot of self-control. He’s proud of himself, actually, right up until Taehyun is opening his stupid, confrontational mouth.“Hm, what?” His words don’t have any actual malice towards them, but Taehyun questioning that irks something deep in Yeonjun’s soul. He’s speaking before he can think about it.Yeonjun exhales sharply, his grip tightening on the phone. “I just think it’s funny that you keep doing this back and forth between me and Jungwon. It hasn’t actually been long at all, but I’m lowkey really tired of it.” Yeonjun licks his lips. “Like how are you going to fuck me, tell me you love me, and then run off with Jungwon not even a few hours later? Like do you genuinely expect me to be okay with that?”There’s silence on the other end, and Yeonjun hates how long it lasts. Taehyun needs to respond, it shouldn’t take him this long to find a response. Yeonjun doesn’t understand where the confusion or the silence is coming from. “Obviously, you are confused.”Yeonjun doesn’t know what to say. “Maybe clear things up then?”“I didn’t go and help Jungwon because I was picking him over you, hyung, it was nothing like that. I had the literal key to his apartment. He was stranded. We were supposed to go home together but instead I left with you. At the end of the day, Jungwon is my friend, and he was in need. That’s all that was.”“But you’re still there. Doing God knows what.”Taehyun sighs, “I literally just woke up not too long ago.”Yeonjun feels like Taehyun is trying to make it seem like he’s doing too much. He presses his eyes closed, trying to prevent himself from thinking too negatively. But it’s hard, his mouth is already moving before he can think of nicer words to say. “Damn, you just got an excuse for everything.”“It’s not an excuse. What did you want me to do? Run out of his apartment the second I got up?”Yeonjun laughs, “well, is that not what you just did with me?”A beat passes. “That’s different. And you know that’s different. I don’t know why you keep trying to pit you and Jungwon against each other, but you should stop. These are two entirely different situations. I left because he was in need, that’s it.”Yeonjun runs a hand over his face. “You don’t get it.”“I’m just confused. Why are you upset about me being a good friend? I didn’t do the wrong thing by helping—”“Jungwon is not your friend.” Yeonjun cuts him off. “Let’s get that cleared up right now. We are not talking about you being a good friend. This is about you fucking me, telling me you love me, and then immediately running to the person you claim to like so much. The person you had me plan a Valentines Day proposal for. Do you not remember that? The booked restaurant and the flowers and all that bullshit? We have been best friends for basically a decade now, Taehyun. You should know better than to think that I would be okay with just being some type of glorified side piece for you.”Taehyun’s gasp is audible. “I don’t—no one was trying to make you a side piece! Where the fuck are you getting—”“Dude,” Yeonjun breathes in deeply, “are you missing the point on purpose? Like there is no way you’re being this fucking dense.”Taehyun groans. “Jungwon and I aren’t anything though. Okay? I swear to you it’s not like that. I really only came here to just help a friend, and I understand it seems weird because you aren’t fully aware of the full context, but I promise to God himself it’s not like that.”“Add the context then.” Yeonjun presses. “Because last night you two were grinding on each other at the club, and today it’s not like that?” Taehyun stumbles over his words, no actual words of substance leaving his lips. It does the opposite of calming the raging pit in Yeonjun’s stomach. It just makes it worse. It feels like all that did was confirm Yeonjun’s worst thoughts. Yeonjun was getting played here. Badly. “You know what, I’m done. We can forget this happened. I’ll make sure to set up everything for your proposal and we’ll move on like nothing ever happened. But right now, I really need some space.”“Wait, hyung, you have to let me at least—”“I really need some space, Taehyun-ah.” Yeonjun says firmly. “Have a good day.”The tone of hanging up has never rung this loud in Yeonjun’s ears before.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Two days PTBD (Post-Taehyun-Birthday) has Yeonjun at his lowest. He is in full post break up mode, crying into ice cream while watching videos of the two of them together. To make matters worse, they’ve never even dated. It’s embarrassing. He thinks to himself that he can’t believe that he was this upset over it, but who was he kidding. It was Yeonjun. Of course he was this upset.Taehyun sends him a bunch of long, paragraphed messages. Yeonjun doesn’t know if he’s apologizing or not, he doesn’t have it in himself to check. He’s not ready to face them, and honestly, he doesn’t think he ever will be. It’s not like it matters now, Taehyun had made his choice—regardless of if he had meant to or not. It pains Yeonjun to say it, but Jungwon had won the little imaginary competition Yeonjun had going on in his head.Yeonjun had spent the past few days trying to recuperate from PTBD argument/heartbreak. It was hard since he was so busy. Classes had picked up, and he was behind on grading assignments. By the time he was able to process things properly—it’s merely three days until Yeonjun was going to be forced to see Taehyun again.Yeonjun guesses force was a bit of a harsh word, but Yeonjun can’t think of anything else. He couldn’t leave Taehyun to figure everything with the Valentine’s Day proposal out on his own. That wasn’t fair, Yeonjun had pretty much planned everything. Just because Yeonjun was going to be sad and lonely, doesn’t mean that Taehyun had to be too.Doesn’t mean Yeonjun is looking forward to it in the slightest.“You know you can just cancel on him.” Soobin mutters from his side of the couch. Yeonjun looks up from his bowl of ice cream, eyelashes wet with tears. Why does everyone keep saying that like it’s just so simple, as if Yeonjun hadn’t already thought of abandoning Taehyun. Everyone must really think he’s stupid. “You have to put yourself first, hyung. I’m sure Taehyun would understand if you just gave him all the information.” Soobin just keeps drawling on and on, and now Yeonjun was really starting to regret ever wanting the man’s company. Clearly that was a mistake. Yeonjun was sure that Soobin was saying all of this out of the niceness in his heart, but it wasn’t helping.“I know he would be okay.” That wasn’t the point. The point was that Yeonjun had given Taehyun his word, and before they were whatever this is, Yeonjun was his friend. He couldn’t abandon his friend. “But I promised to help. I basically put everything together, anyway. He really doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s best if I just do it.”Soobin inhales sharply, and then he’s rolling his tongue over his teeth like he always does whenever he’s biting words back. He gives up very shortly after, the words just about falling from his mouth. “You know, you’re like that about everything.”Yeonjun rolls his eyes. “I don’t need to hear a monologue about how my behaviors are destructive and that I need to learn to depend on others. I genuinely don’t want to hear that right now. I’m heartbroken.”Soobin sighs, “you don’t get what I’m trying to say. If someone is moving too slow, or if things don’t make sense, you quickly take over and try to make things work yourself.”Yeonjun stares at him blankly. “Okay, so?”Soobin takes in a deep breath, as if he’s annoyed that Yeonjun hasn’t caught on yet. How is it his fault that Soobin is a cryptic fuck? He’d rather Soobin just get to the point so he didn’t have to guess and wonder what the hell he was talking about. “This Taehyun situation, you don’t know all the details, like Taehyun said, and it doesn’t make sense. So instead of reading all the messages that Taehyun sent you explaining in full, vivid detail—which would be giving you the context you asked for, you have instead conjured up some kind of idea that he doesn’t like you and that he chose Jungwon over you. Like he never said that, but you jumped to that conclusion the second things didn’t make sense. You’ve got to start chilling.”Yeonjun frowns. He can see where Soobin is coming from, but that would be giving Taehyun too much of the benefit of the doubt. This had been a reoccurring theme, Jungwon. Taehyun had left him in the middle of the night, to be with Jungwon. He hadn’t texted Yeonjun until way in the afternoon, and instead of coming over in person to clear things up, he stayed right with Jungwon. Yeonjun only knows because he’s been watching Taehyun’s story.Clearly, the choice had been made through his actions. There was no reason for Yeonjun to let Taehyun’s words excite him again. He shouldn’t do that to himself. “Man, I get that but come on. Like from day one of this whole situation everything has been about Jungwon. His actions have been him constantly choosing Jungwon. I was just fun. He told me, with his own mouth, that we were just having fun.” Yeonjun shrugs. “I don’t want to hold on to something that I’ve been imagining. I should just move on.” He mutters, dejected.Soobin sighs long and hard, shaking his head. “Whatever man,” he shifts a bit in his spot. “I’m just saying, you two are literally right there. Right there. If you would read those messages and have a conversation with him, you could possibly get what you want. Why are you acting scared when you’re this close?”Yeonjun does not respond, but only because he knows Soobin is right and he hates when he’s right. He doesn’t say anything for the rest of the night, just lays on the couch and eats his bowl of ice cream until it’s all gone. Soobin doesn’t try to give him anymore advice, and Yeonjun definitely doesn’t go looking for it.Before he goes to sleep that night, he swipes right on Taehyun’s chat and deletes the thread. That way he won’t be tempted to read anything.He needs to move on.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

It’s February 10th and Yeonjun is still in love with Taehyun.He had hoped and prayed that he would have woken up this morning feeling normal. That he would wake up relieved from the unbearable weight of his feelings towards Taehyun on his chest. Instead, he is miserable.Miserable might not even be a strong enough word. His day has been shit since he woke up in the morning. Six in the morning, he ruins his day by watching all of Taehyun’s Instagram story. He wishes that he had just stayed curious. Seeing Jungwon in almost each of the posts made Yeonjun’s stomach churn. It was Jungwon’s birthday, and they seemed to be celebrating it—which is fine. It should be fine. But Yeonjun feels so sick. Taehyun and Yeonjun haven’t had one conversation since that phone call, but Taehyun really seems to be doing perfectly fine.He's happy even.Taehyun shouldn't be happy. Not when Yeonjun is suffering like this. It isn't fair. Yeonjun knows he could fix them himself if he could just reach out to Taehyun, recover the messages he deleted, and have a grown adult conversation about everything—but he doesn’t want to. He already feels desperate enough as it is. Reaching out again about the same topic would just make Yeonjun feel worse, so he sucks it up and wallows in the emptiness feeling overtaking him. Yeonjun groans into his pillow as he replays Taehyun’s story, the audio of him laughing with someone else tugging at Yeonjun’s heart strings.Yeonjun tosses his phone to the side, but it’s not enough. Taehyun’s laughter is still ringing in his ear, looping like a cursed song stuck in his head. He takes in a deep breath and forces himself to sit up, running a frustrated hand over his face. He feels dumb. Dumb for looking, dumb for caring, dumb for thinking that this was ever going to be anything. His heart hurts.Yeonjun tries to convince himself that he doesn’t care, repeats it over and over in his head to drown out the sound of Taehyun’s laughter—but it’s no help. His stomach still hurts, his stomach still aches. His fingers are twitching with the need to check Taehyun’s stories again, as if they will change this time around, as if he’ll find some hidden detail that he missed before that will show that Taehyun was secretly miserable and missed him.The worst part about all of this that he knows he won’t. Taehyun really does look fine. He’s laughing in each post, relaxed, all over Jungwon and their other friends. Yeonjun feels sick to his stomach, he can’t believe this is how things are between them now. His phone buzzes, and his breath catches in his throat. He snatches it up, already hoping—praying—that it’s Taehyun.It’s not. It’s the stupid flower shop.73453: Reminder: Your order will be ready for pick up at 2PM.Another reminder that Taehyun has picked someone else over him. Ugh. Yeonjun falls back into his pillows, tossing his phone to the side while he tries to collect his mind, tries to calm down.It’s helpless.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Wow, Yeonjun thought that his was going to be the worst day ever, but this is worse than he thought it would be.He runs a hand over his face, blinking rapidly as he stares at the manager of the restaurant in confusion. “I just,” he breathes, frustrated, “how could this have gotten canceled? I didn’t cancel it, and you guys never called me to say you could no longer rent the space out to me? I’m confused. How did this happen?”The manager gives Yeonjun some sort of sympathetic look before speaking. “I spoke to someone on the phone yesterday morning, and they asked to cancel the reservation.” Yeonjun’s eyes flutter close. Who the hell would do that? Why would they do that? “I thought it was you. They had all the details.”Yeonjun’s eyes almost cross. What the hell? This was the cherry on top, since he’s been up running errands, everything had been going wrong. This morning, he went to go pick up the order he made for the special made decorations he was going to use—and apparently that order had been canceled too. Yeonjun wasn’t too upset about that, not really. Yeonjun had gotten a bit over excited with ordering things. It was less work for him to just go to the dollar store and get cute last-minute decorations. It was less work for Yeonjun this way.But then, he went to pick up the custom-made cupcakes he had also ordered, but they had gotten the damn order wrong. They still spelled out ‘be my valentine’ but instead of it being vanilla—they were stupid fucking red velvet. Which was fine, at least it would be fine if they were for Yeonjun, but it’s not. It’s for Jungwon. And Jungwon liked vanilla flavoring.Yeonjun had blown Taehyun’s phone up with calls and texts, explaining how everything was going to shit—but he never responded. Yeonjun isn’t surprised. From day one, Taehyun hasn’t shown much care about this stupid proposal, which is ridiculous. Taehyun is the one who asked Yeonjun to plan all of this!Yeonjun exhales sharply through his nose, pushing his tongue against the inside of his cheek as he processes the manager’s words. His fingers flex against the counter, itching to grab his phone and start making calls—because this has to be some kind of mistake, right? A mix-up? But the manager had said they had all the details.Someone had to have canceled his reservation on purpose. But no one fucking knew about this besides Yeonjun and Taehyun, and Taehyun wouldn’t have cancelled this. This must be some type of fucking prank. The cameras are about to come out any second now and everything will go back to normal. This was already too much, having to deal with orchestrating a Valentines Day proposal for the guy he’s in love with, crush, but for everything to go wrong was fucking annoying. Some type of murphy’s law bullshit, he swears.Yeonjun presses his lips together, forcing himself to think rationally, but the sinking feeling in his stomach won’t go away. He clenches his jaw, inhaling deeply before exhaling through his nose. Fine. It’s fine. This is just another thing on the list of today’s bullshit. He’ll fix it.“What about another space?” he asks, clearing his throat. “Anything. It doesn’t have to be private.”The manager winces, and Yeonjun already knows what he’s about to say before he even opens his mouth. “I’m sorry, but we’re fully booked tonight. Valentine’s rush, you know how it is.”Yeonjun forces himself to nod, even though what he really wants to do is slam his fist against the counter. Of course. Of course, this is happening. Because God forbid something go right today. God forbid Yeonjun tries to have a good fucking day.“Alright,” he says flatly, running a hand through his hair. He needs to get out of here before he does something stupid and embarrasses himself. “Thanks.” He murmurs, voice tight.The manager barely has time to respond before Yeonjun is already turning on his heel, rushing out of the restaurant and into the cold February air. The wind bites at his face but at least it cools the heat under his cheeks. His body is thrumming with anxiety, lips turned down into a frownHis phone is in his hand before he even realizes it. He unlocks it quickly, pulling up his call log. Taehyun is unsurprisingly his last calls, and he presses on the button without thinking twice. Hopefully he answers this time. He paces up and down the sidewalk in front of the restaurant with the phone pressed to his ear. He licks his lips, bringing his bottom lip into his mouth when it eventually goes to voicemail.
Why the fuck is Taehyun ignoring him today of all fucking days?Yeonjun lets out a groan as he harshly presses the red hang up button just to call back. “Just fucking answer the fucking phone—I swear to fucking God.”Taehyun doesn’t answer.Yeonjun is about to call again when a voice, infuriatingly casual, pipes up behind him. “You’re going to break your phone if you keep pressing the screen like that.” The voice had quipped. It causes that usual feeling of excitement and butterflies to rush through him. As much turmoil Taehyun had put him through the past few days, he was still excited to hear his voice, to see him.Yeonjun whirls around so fast he nearly loses his balance, his eyes landing on Taehyun standing a few feet away. He looks completely unbothered, as if he hadn’t just spent the last hour or two ignoring every single one of Yeonjun’s calls.Yeonjun is moving before he can think about even calming down and talking to Taehyun like a normal person. “What the fuck, Taehyun?” Yeonjun snaps, shoving Taehyun’s shoulder once he’s close enough to.
“Where the hell have you been?”Taehyun shrugs. “Busy.”Yeonjun lets out a disbelieving laugh. “Busy? You’ve been too busy to answer a single call? Not even a text—”Taehyun’s head tilts backward, a look of amusement growing on his face. “Oh, but it’s okay for you to ignore me for five days?”Yeonjun’s face scrunches up, a blush growing on his cheek—and definitely not from the cold. “That’s different, and you know it.” Taehyun nods, unconvinced. Yeonjun swallows down the embarrassment at being reminded on exactly what their relationship was looking like now before he speaks again. “But if you had looked at my texts, you would know that all of this is going to shit. They canceled the order of your decorations, fucked up the cupcakes, and they canceled the reservations. Everything is going to shit. It’s all ruined and I’m sorry. I don’t know what the hell happened but literally nothing is going to plan.”Taehyun doesn’t seem bothered by this. “Oh, damn.”His lack of care almost makes Yeonjun scream. “That’s all you have to fucking say?” Yeonjun asks, his voice pitching higher from the sheer annoyance running through him. “I’ve been running around all fucking day for you trying to get shit in order. You’ve been ignoring my texts and calls, and all you have to say is oh, damn?’” Yeonjun’s veins are probably popping out of his forehead with how upset he is, but he can’t get himself to care. Not right now. He’s so angry he really thinks he’s going to start screaming soon.Taehyun shrugs once more, and this time Yeonjun’s eyes drop down to his hands. Yeonjun lets out a sigh of relief, the flowers. At least Taehyun had remembered to get the flower. It takes a moment for Yeonjun to realize that the flowers in Taehyun’s hands were not an assortment of roses in the exact colors Jungwon liked, but instead magnolias, pink ones too. Yeonjun almost gasps at how pretty they are, but his admiration for them falls very quickly once he realizes that this is another thing that has gone wrong.“They gave you the wrong flowers.” Yeonjun states. “I put in the order for roses, I told you that. Why do you not have roses?” Yeonjun presses, his patience running thin.Taehyun looks down at the flowers before dragging his eyes back to Yeonjun’s. “Yeah, I told them to change them to Magnolias.” The words don’t fully click in his head, not for a moment. He stares at Taehyun, dumbfounded, mouth slightly ajar as he tries to comprehend what Taehyun is saying. “I canceled the reservation. I canceled the decorations order; I changed the cupcake order.”Yeonjun’s entire body goes still.For a moment, all he can do is stare at Taehyun, his breath caught in his throat, his brain struggling to process the words that had just left his mouth. His hands curl into fists, his nails biting into his palms just to ground himself, just so he knows that he isn’t dreaming.“You,” Yeonjun starts, his voice eerily calm despite the blood rushing to his head, “did what?”Taehyun doesn’t look the least bit guilty. If anything, he looks bored—like this conversation isn’t nearly as important as Yeonjun is making it out to be. His fingers brush against the petals of the magnolias, his expression unreadable.“I changed everything,” Taehyun repeats, his tone flat, unaffected. He even has the nerve to shrug. Yeonjun’s blood is boiling.
“The reservation, the decorations, the cupcakes—everything. They weren’t necessary anymore.”Yeonjun doesn’t know whether to scream or cry.He does neither. Instead, he lets out a short, amused laugh, one that doesn’t match the way his hands are shaking at his sides. “You’re fucking with me,” he says, because there’s no way Taehyun actually did this. There’s no way Taehyun actually went out of his way to ruin everything he had spent weeks planning. There’s just no way. His head spinning, it feels like he can’t breathe. Taehyun wouldn’t do this, he knows how much Yeonjun values his time and energy, there’s no way he decided to do something as stupid as this.But Taehyun just tilts his head, expression still as infuriatingly blank as ever. “I’m not.”And that—those two words, said so casually—are what push Yeonjun over the edge.“Are you fucking serious?” Yeonjun’s voice rises, his frustration finally bubbling over. He takes a step forward. “I spent weeks planning this for you! You asked me to do this! And now you’re telling me that you just—what? Threw it all away? And for what? You fucking idiot, seriously, for what? I’m so fucking upset with you right now. It’s one thing to play with my feelings, but I was still trying to be nice. I’m still trying to be your best friend, and you somehow find a way to make things worse than what it already is. Do you think I wanted to spend weeks planning this for you? Huh?” Yeonjun presses, eyes bugged wide while he waits for some kind of response.Taehyun’s blank expression finally breaks, he lets out a giggle. His free hand moves to cover his mouth while his eyes scan over Yeonjun in amusement. “I swear, you are so fucking stupid. Every time, I have to write things out for you every single time.”Yeonjun’s eyebrows pinch together in confusion. He really doesn’t want to blow up too much at Taehyun, but he thinks he’s about to get taken there. “Being cryptic and shit isn’t going to make me understand things, either, you know.”Taehyun takes in a deep breath. “You’re right. Fine.” He pauses, the little amused look on his face getting replaced with something more serious. Yeonjun can tell by the look in his eye that he’s still a bit nervous. Yeonjun’s too angry to let that soften him up though. He keeps his face straight, his features nothing short of stone cold. “I don’t want you to keep acting like my best friend, anymore.”Yeonjun stands frozen, his blood still boiling, trying to make sense of what the hell Taehyun just said. So, he doesn’t want to be friends anymore? So, he wastes Yeonjun’s time? What happened to just ending friendships through texts? Taehyun didn’t have to do all of this. “Taehyun, make it make sense. Quickly.”Taehyun sighs, holding his arm out with the flowers impatiently, as if that would clear things up. “These are for you. And the red velvet cupcakes are for you. And even though you like grandiose type things, you prefer more intimate gestures. You don’t want a crowd of people watching me confess to you. I wanted you to meet me somewhere quieter, but I know you wouldn’t have come so I had to meet you halfway.” He shrugs a bit.Yeonjun feels dumbstruck, his eyes moving a mile per minute as he tries to understand what this means—what Taehyun is saying. “What?” He asks, flabbergasted. He’d be embarrassed to sound this shocked if he wasn’t too busy being…well, shocked.Taehyun takes in another deep breath, and Yeonjun doesn’t miss the eye roll. “Yeonjun-hyung, I have feelings for you. I’ve always had feelings for you, since we were kids, and I was like sixteen. I love you. I have never stopped loving you. I will never stop loving you.”Yeonjun still feels frozen in his spot. His mouth opens and then closes repeatedly. He doesn’t know what to say. What can he say? Taehyun might be confessing, but Yeonjun still spent the last few months planning a proposal for Jungwon. Because Taehyun asked him to. It doesn’t make sense. Yeonjun is confused. “Explain.” He urges.“I tell you I’m in love with you and that’s all you have to say?” Taehyun jokes with a soft laugh. Yeonjun can see the anxiety swirling in his eyes.“You know how I feel about you, but I’m just confused. What about Jungwon?” Yeonjun asks.“Take the flowers,” Yeonjun listens, take bouquet into his hands without a second thought. It’s the first time he’s ever received flowers from someone else. He sniffs at them and fights the dopey smile off his face. Taehyun still has to explain. “Come with me.” Taehyun holds his hand out for Yeonjun to grab, and Yeonjun takes it without a second thought. He can feel the anger and bitterness melting from his body the second Taehyun’s skin is against his. He lets out a small breath of relief when his fingers interlace with Taehyun’s. It feels like he’s back home.Taehyun guides Yeonjun to some random bench. They’re no longer in front of the restaurant, which is nice, and the bench is in a little secluded spot, along the pretty quiet sidewalk. Yeonjun doesn’t mind talking things out here. It kind of feels romantic.“I have confessed to you multiple times before, did you know that?” Taehyun asks, but he doesn’t sound mad. He seems calm, at peace with the fact that Yeonjun seems to be this oblivious. Yeonjun shakes his head no, even though he did know, just never in the moment. He thinks it’d be better if he said no. “You always brushed it off like I was just saying things as a friend or that I was a silly kid,” Taehyun laughs a little, as if he’s reminiscing. “It was fine at first because we were both really young but…”He trails off, looking out into the street before speaking again. “I got tired, Junnie. I loved you so much and you couldn’t see it. Even when I was telling you straight to your face. I tried so many times, and even sometimes I never got to even tell you. I remember once I got so scared that I just told you I was gay. And then another time, I told you I liked you, but you just made it about us being friends. Everyone kept telling me to give up because you must’ve been acting dumb on purpose, but I decided to give it one last try by doing this.”Yeonjun stares at him dumbly. “Doing what?”“I know how jealous and possessive you get.”They stare at each other in silence. “Are you being serious?” Yeonjun asks, a shocked laugh leaving his lips.Taehyun nods, his cheeks turning a deep red. “I had a feeling that you liked me back, okay? And that you just weren’t smart enough to realize it so I decided to play on something that would make you realize it. I was just testing my luck by asking you to play cupid…and in all honesty, it was stupid. I had no idea if it was going to work. When I first told you about asking Jungwon you looked so sick, I thought it was going to work—but you just kept helping me.” Taehyun groans, “and kept helping me, and helping me and I’m sorry it got to this point where you planned all this out but right when I was going to tell you to stop things started looking like I had a chance, so I let things play out.”Yeonjun’s mind raced, his chest tight as Taehyun’s words hung in the air. The truth was right there, laid out in front of him—but it almost felt like too much to process. He sat there, staring at Taehyun, dumbfounded. He could feel his heart pounding, the cold air cutting through the space between them, but it felt like the world around them had frozen. Taehyun wanted him back. All the crying and heart wrenching journal sessions had been for nothing. Taehyun wanted him back. The sex, all the kissing, all the moments where Taehyun couldn’t have cared less about all of this suddenly started to make sense. This whole time Taehyun didn’t give a fuck about Jungwon. It had all been about him.Yeonjun thinks he’s going to cry.“So, you’re saying you don’t like Jungwon?” Yeonjun asks hesitantly.Taehyun nods. “Yes, I really don’t like Jungwon. He’s just a friend who had been in on everything. He knew all along that I was just trying to make you jealous so that you could see that you wanted me.”Relief rushes over his body. If he didn’t want to seem like such a loser, he’d drop to his knees and start thanking God right now if he could. Taehyun doesn’t like Jungwon. Taehyun had never chosen Jungwon over him. It feels like Yeonjun can finally fucking breathe, the empty feeling in his stomach finally dissipated. “You didn’t have to do all this, you could’ve just told me.” His voice cracks, probably because he knows that it’s a lie.Taehyun did have to do all of this. Yeonjun had been so oblivious to everything Taehyun had said or did, there was no way Yeonjun would have been able to come to the realization that he had feelings for Taehyun without some type of push. He kept trying to push Taehyun into a best friend box, completely missing how much he felt for him. It was embarrassing just thinking about.“Yes, I did. I told you once that I liked you and you little boyed me.” Taehyun rolls his eyes. “I just wanted you to start viewing me for me. For the boy in love with you, not your best friend. I’m sorry I put you through all of this, but it was the only choice I saw. I know it was childish, but I really just wanted you to see me. I’m sorry.”Yeonjun sits silently for a moment, the weight of Taehyun’s confession settling in. His hand is still holding the bouquet of magnolias, the soft petals pressing into his palm. He’s struggling to put his thoughts together, but suddenly, something inside him clicks. He had been waiting for this. He doesn’t know why he’s acting slow now. He looks at Taehyun, his eyes softening at he meets those pretty brown eyes.“You’re one hundred percent right,” Yeonjun says quietly, his voice steady but dripping with a vulnerability he hasn’t been able to give Taehyun until now. “I was so stupid and oblivious. I was constantly pushing you away because I hadn’t evaluated our friendship and how I actually felt about you. And you kept trying. You still stuck beside me, even when I wasn’t the best to you. Even when I was little kidding you. I don’t deserve to still have you here, but I’m glad I do. Thank you for being patient with me, even if you really went to some..extremes. I understand why you had to. I’m sorry.”Taehyun’s lips slightly turn up into a smile, his eyes are still a bit wary. Yeonjun wonders what he could do to relieve whatever anxiety that is. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like second choice. I know I dragged it out for longer than I should have. I’m sorry. You are always number one for me. I always pick you, I swear.”Yeonjun hums. “I know that now, dummy. And I’m sorry for acting like an absolute child and ignoring all of your messages. I was trying to move on, and I know I was being a bit childish about it but…” He runs a hand over his face, “that won’t happen again.”Taehyun laughs. “I was so mad. I was like no way this guy won’t let me explain.”“You weren’t making any sense!”“This is why I have to do elaborate plans to get things through to you.” Taehyun rolls his eyes, playfully, his deep dimples making another appearance. Yeonjun wants to lean over and kiss him.“I know, I’m sorry, but I think things should be good now. Right? No more misunderstandings? We’re good now?” Yeonjun asks, eyebrow arched. “We’re on the same page, right?”Taehyun nods quickly. “Yeah. We still have more things to talk about, but the major thing has been cleared up. I don’t want Jungwon, I want you. It’s always been you.”Yeonjun’s heart skips a beat at hearing those words. Taehyun still wants him. “I want you too.” Yeonjun mumbles. “So much. I love you so much.” He feels crazy and stupid saying those words, but Taehyun seems pleased to hear them, so the embarrassment goes away within his next breath.“I love you too.” Taehyun responds, leaning in and pressing his soft lips on to Yeonjun’s. All Yeonjun can feel throughout his body is excitement. And love. There is pure, unadulterated love running through his body. He’s buzzing with excitement as he scoots closer, as he pulls Taehyun in so that their body is touching, as he runs his hand through Taehyun’s hair, just to pull him in closer. He’s not close enough. Yeonjun loves him so much he wants to be in his skin.Yeonjun pulls back, eyes searching Taehyun’s face with a wide smile. “Can we boyfriends? Can we skip Valentine’s Day and just be boyfriends? I don’t want to waste any more time. Please?”Taehyun lets out a little laugh as Yeonjun dives back in, littering soft kisses along Taehyun’s face. Taehyun’s hand moves its way into Yeonjun’s strands, massaging at his scalp tenderly. “Of course, baby. Whatever you want. Boyfriends.”Yeonjun nods happily, interlacing their fingers together, and then brining the back of Taehyun’s hands to his lips. “Boyfriends.”“But you’ll be my Valentines though? Right? Because I already got us a reservation at your favorite restaurant. And I got you gifts. And I got us tickets for something I know you’ll really enjoy, but it’s a secret. You’re my Valentines, right?” Taehyun asks, eyes big and wide—expectant.Yeonjun smiles. “Of course, baby. I’d love to be your Valentines.”