Work Text
Cissy,
Draco has informed me that you do not have any plans for Christmas this year. I would be overjoyed if you would join us. Nymphadora and Charlie will be there along with their son, Teddy. Draco has already agreed to join us for the evening as a friend of his managed to convince the minister that he should be allowed to spend the holidays with his family instead of being trapped at school.
This war has taken so much from us already. Don't let it take you from me for a second time.
I miss my sister. Please say you'll come.
All my love,
Meda
— — —
Narcissa Black prided herself on being more observant than people gave her credit for. She was not even thirteen years old and yet she had gathered more secrets than most people twice her age; secrets that the subjects themselves might not even be aware of yet.
For example: though she hid it well for now, her oldest sister was barely hanging on to her sanity, the Black Family madness starting to make itself apparent in the subtlest of ways; Her other sister had started to fancy a wizard who their parents would never approve of; The heir to house Selwyn was growing illicit plants in their quarters, that they then sold to 7th years, with explicit instructions that they are not to be given to any of the younger years; Madame Pince had a lover that visited her twice a month after the library closed on Saturday evenings; And once a month, Remus Lupin looked more exhausted than any twelve year old had any right to be.
In her first year Narcissa hadn’t paid much attention to the other houses, instead focusing on establishing her place amongst Slytherin, knowing how vital it would be not only for her time at Hogwarts, but the years following. Druella Black had drilled into all of her daughters the importance of social standing and establishing rank as early as possible. It was even more vital for Narcissa, as she was the youngest daughter and would have to work harder than her other sisters to attain an advantageous marriage.
So, Narcissa watched.
Every social gathering was an opportunity to make connections and gather dirt on potential rivals. At first she made her share of blunders and missteps, but soon enough she had learned to hide her true thoughts and emotions, measuring her words and actions to make sure she came out on top of every interaction. By the time her first year at Hogwarts came to an end, Narcissa Black had gained the respect of all of Slytherin.
That summer, Bellatrix was married to Rodolphus LeStrange, an ill-advised match in her opinion; but Narcissa played the dutiful daughter and sister, congratulating the pair and expressing her hope to one day find a suitable match of her own. Bellatrix had merely scoffed and ruffled her little sister’s hair before telling her that the wizard wasn’t important. Power was everything for a witch. Druella, however, had different advice for her daughter: find a powerful wizard and make his power your own. On the train back to Hogwarts, Narcissa mentioned both pieces of advice to Andromeda, who merely shook her head and sighed softly. “Power isn’t everything, Cissy.”
Beginning her second year and feeling established in her own house, Narcissa felt she could turn her focus towards the other school houses, starting with Gryffindor. It seemed like the obvious choice, given that her cousin, Sirius Black, had defied years of precedent and became the first Black sorted into a house other than Slytherin.
Though she had known Sirius since she they were both infants, she was a little surprised to discover that, despite the rumors, his friendships were more complicated than people were led to believe. While it was true that her cousin was close with James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin, it was ultimately Potter who claimed the title of “best friend”. Pettigrew tagged along behind Potter and her cousin like an unimportant third wheel, and Lupin had cultivated a close friendship with Lily Evans, which Severus Snape decidedly disliked. Narcissa was certain Severus didn't need to worry himself on that front, given that Evans and Lupin acted more like siblings, showing no signs of romantic attraction.
Of her cousin's friends, It was Lupin that intrigued her most of all.
Narcissa understood Lupin was a half-blood that grew up more muggle than wizard, yet he still managed to pick up on wizarding customs and habits fairly quickly. He was gangly, but not weak, that much she could tell by how he managed to break up a fair number of fights. The wizard was smart, his marks were near the top of their year; and he dedicated himself to his studies in the library, where many of his other friends were more inclined to skip out on, in favor of a flight around the pitch.
What she did not understand, however, was that none of his friends seemed to comment on how frequently he seemed to sleep poorly, or the days when he would walk with the slightest of limps. Preferring the role of peacekeeper, he wasn't getting into fights; Narcissa had seen enough to know that much, but she had yet to come up with a reasonable explanation for the days where he had deep purple bruises under his eyes and moved as if every single muscle in his body was screaming at him not to. But no matter how often she saw him like this, the only other person who seemed to notice was Lily Evans, who would pass him a piece of chocolate and sit just a little bit closer to the wizard.
It was the day before they were to go home for the Christmas holidays when Narcissa found herself rooted in place, watching Lupin as he flipped through a book in the back corner of the library. The shadows under his eyes were back and as he shifted in his seat, his body flinched, the softest of whimpers escaping his lips. It was that sound that set her feet in motion, taking her towards the lone wizard.
Stopping next to the desk, she waited for him to acknowledge her, but after a minute with him ignoring her presence, she softly cleared her throat. Slowly, Lupin lifted his eyes from the book in front of him to meet her gaze. He said nothing, looking at her expectantly.
“May I join you?” The words were out before she had the chance to second guess them.
Lupin for his part, looked around the area, confusion plainly written across his features. Seeing no one else there, he looked back at her, his head tilting to one side, examining her. “Why?”
His voice was hoarse, his eyes tightening ever so slightly as if even that small word had pained him. He hadn’t told her to leave though, so she took that as a good sign to continue. “Aster has been pestering me all day about the Malfoy Yule Ball and I’d rather not deal with her nonsense for the next little while, seeing as I’ll have to endure her constant prattle on the train tomorrow.”
Lupin considered this for a moment before, to her surprise, he gestured to the open chair across from him and returned his attention to the text he had been reading before she arrived. Quickly getting over her shock, she mumbled a soft thank you and settled into the offered seat.
They passed the next several hours in silence, the pair of them reading their respective books. It was actually quite pleasant, Narcissa decided. He didn’t interrupt her and she paid him the same courtesy. When the light outside began to fade he moved the lamp on their table so it would shine light on both of their books. It was no wonder Lupin seemed to prefer Evan’s company. Knowing her cousin, there was likely never a quiet moment for Lupin to enjoy when he was around.
Narcissa didn’t realize how much time had passed, until Madame Pince’s voice called through the stacks letting everyone know the library would be closing in ten minutes. Marking her place in her book, she carefully placed it back in her bag before slowly getting to her feet. Lupin’s movements were considerably slower, but she didn't mention it. Instead she reached down into her bag, and withdrew a small wrapped confection. Placing the piece of chocolate on the table next to Lupin, she didn’t meet his gaze as she said, “Happy Christmas,” before turning and walking away, missing the way his eyes widened in surprise.
Narcissa was rounding the end of a bookshelf when she heard a quiet, “Happy Christmas, Black.” Her feet faltered for the briefest of moments before carrying her towards the entrance of the library, a small smile lifting the corners of her lips.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“I already told you, Draco, I have no intention of going to Christmas dinner”
“Mother, I understand why you stayed home last year and I didn't push you on it. But I really think you should come this year. Tonks and Charlie really want to meet you and Hermione would love to see you there as well. Not to mention it would mean the world to Aunt Andromeda.”
“No. I’ve already sent my response to your aunt and I don't appreciate you trying to press me on this matter.”
Even though she wasn't looking at him, she could hear the heavy sigh that escaped him. “It's been two years, mother. Don't you think you've punished yourself long enough?”
— — —
“If Professor Slughorn calls me out in front of the whole class one more time, I’m going to scream.” Narcissa’s books thudded loudly on their table, chair legs scraping angrily against the hardwood before she unceremoniously collapsed into the seat, her arms crossing her chest with a huff. Lupin quirked an eyebrow in her direction, taking his sweet time marking his page and closing the book. When he finally looked at her, his eyes twinkled with a mirth he managed to keep off the rest of his features.
“Okay, I’ll bite. What did the good professor do this time?”
“Why are you offering to bite people, Lupin? There are much more practical ways of dealing with this.” Waving a hand, she brushed away the need for a response; she realized that often when he confused her it was because he was using a muggle turn of phrase, but it still caught her by surprise sometimes.
“He told me that my hand was not steady enough when stirring in the powdered Unicorn Horn for the Antidote to Common Poisons!” She continued, undeterred. “Not only that, he made a point of speaking loudly enough for his star student on the other side of the classroom to hear this. Severus had the grace to glare at him for me, but I swear Professor Slughorn has it out for me. That or it’s some twisted way for him to get back at Bella for everything she did while she was his student. He can’t rightly go after Meda, she’s perfect, but apparently I have some vulnerability that I have yet to identify and rectify that he gladly exploits.”
It truly was beginning to get to her. Her marks were nearly perfect and others in the class needed his attention and help far more than she did, and yet he still made time to critique her for things that she wasn’t even doing incorrectly. What confused her even more was the fact that Professor Slughorn was a former Slytherin and their head of house, while his current favorite student was a Ravenclaw called Fawley. The Fawley family, once a distinguished member of the Sacred 28, now nothing more than an afterthought.
“It’s because he thinks you won’t actually do anything.” Lupin shifted in his seat, moving to lean his elbows on the table between them. “He sees you as nothing more than a third year student with no power and no influence. Professor Slughorn believes that, in the end, there will be no consequences to what he perceives to be harmless actions.”
His head tilted to one side, his mouth lifting in the hint of a smirk. “But I’ve known you long enough to understand nothing could be further from the truth.”
Returning his expression with one of her own, Narcissa delicately crossed one ankle over the other, leaning back in her seat. “Is that so? Tell me Lupin, what is it that Professor Slughorn is missing in this particular equation?”
“Your patience.” His eyes scanned her face, searching for something that he apparently found after a moment. “It may take years, decades even, but there will come a day when Professor Slughorn will regret treating you anything other than respectfully.”
“And how can you be so sure of that?”
“Please, Black, I may be in Gryffindor, but I know it was you who got to Parkinson. You might not like Rosier at times, but you don’t have any tolerance for how that wizard treats his betrothed. Or should I say how he treated her. Don’t think I haven’t seen his sudden change of behavior.”
Narcissa let out an inelegant snort, shaking her head. “And I thought I was the one underestimated around here.”
“A quiet Gryffindor, that prefers books to a broomstick, is not who most people would pay any attention to.”
“I did.”
“Yes, you did.” The words hang between them with a weight she hadn’t expected.
There was a change in the air, she could feel it. Narcissa just wasn’t sure what it meant yet.
The clearing of a throat brought her out of her thoughts and she blinked. Seeing Lupin rummaging around in his bag, he pulled out a small swapped package, placing it on the table between them.
“I know it’s not Christmas yet, but I wanted to give it to you in person.” She looked between him and the present, not saying anything, so he went on. “I know we didn’t talk about it, but since we’ve spent a fair amount of time together, and I feel like we get on fairly well, I like to think of you as my friend. And I like to get Christmas presents for my friends.”
Naricssa’s gaze settled on his, she could see the hesitation in them and the hesitancy of his declaration; she decided to quickly put him at ease.
“As it so happens, I also consider you a friend.” She turned away just long enough to reach into her own bag and remove a similarly wrapped package. “Happy Christmas, Lupin.”
“Remus.” He corrected her. “My friends call me Remus.”
“Alright, Remus, but only if you call me Narcissa. It would of course be unfair to be on uneven footing here.”
“
Of course
, unfair and uncouth,” he chuckled softly, then slid the present across the table to her. “Why don’t you open your present, Narcissa.”
Attempting and failing to stifle her smile, she nodded, taking the package and carefully undoing the wrapping, revealing a small box. Curious, she set aside the paper and opened the lid, only to freeze when she saw the small daffodil charm attached to a delicate silver chain.
“I know you probably have much nicer jewellery than this, but I saw this when I was out shopping for my mother and it made me think of you.”
If this had been from a pureblood wizard, the meaning of such a gift would have been entirely different than just from one friend to another. It would have been the beginning of a courtship. For a moment, she wondered if he was aware of that. No, he probably wasn’t. So she took it for what it was, harshly pushing aside any thoughts of courting and marriage. He had seen a pretty charm and bought it for her because he was a sweet and thoughtful wizard.
Smiling warmly, she pulled the bracelet out to get a closer look at the glass flower. “I love it, thank you.” Looking back at him, she held out the bracelet. “Could you put it on for me?” Remus nodded, his ears turning red as he carefully fastened the clasp around her wrist.
“Alright, your turn!” Eager to clear the awkward air, she pushed his present towards him, sitting back in her seat, hoping he liked it.
Remus chuckled, shaking his head; but reached for the package all the same. “Since you insist.” Naricssa nervously chewed the inside of her cheek as the paper was pulled apart to reveal a set of quills along with a smaller ribbon wrapped box.
“They are hippogriff quills.” She said by way of explanation. “I’ve noticed that you are constantly breaking your quills because you press too hard when you write. These are supposed to be the most durable ones available. And if you happen to break one, well, you’ve got a whole set of them.”
Remus opened his mouth to undoubtedly object about how expensive they must have been, but she cut him off. “You need writing instruments you can rely on, Remus. Worst case, these break as well and you’ll know not to purchase them in the future.”
His mouth twisted in frustration before he gave in with a nod.
“And this?” He held up the smaller package and she grinned.
“That is chocolate from the oldest chocolatier in Paris, A La Mére Famille. My family will be in wizarding Paris for the holidays and I've visited the shop since I was small. If you like them, I can pick up some more while we are there.”
The smile that breaks across his face somehow brightened their little corner of the library bringing a rare true smile of her own to her lips.
He opened the package and removed the lid from the small box of assorted chocolates. Picking out two pieces, he offered one to her. “It would be rude of me not to share.”
Narcissa couldn’t help but laugh as she took the proffered treat.
“Happy Christmas, Narcissa.”
“Happy Christmas, Remus.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
A BREAK IN GENERATIONS OF WIZARDING CUSTOM!
By Rita Skeeter
Dear Readers, in a shocking turn of events Narcissa Malfoy is once more Narcissa Black. In what is turning into quite the scandal, the witch who saved the Boy Who Lived received divorce papers from her now ex-husband, who is currently serving a life sentence in Azkaban for his crimes during the Second Wizarding War, one month ago.
It is well known that divorce is practically unheard of amongst those claiming membership in the Sacred 28, however, this will be the first Malfoy divorce in history!
I can hardly believe it myself!
While Ms. Black was unavailable for comment, her lawyer did confirm that the divorce was finalized on December 21st, less than two weeks shy of what would have been the couple's 23rd wedding anniversary.
Lord Draco Malfoy and his newly wedded wife, Lady Hermione Malfoy, one third of the Golden Trio and war heroine, were also unavailable for comment.
(This article continues on page 4
For more pictures from the recent Malfoy nuptials, see page 8)
— — —
Adjusting the strap of her book bag, Narcissa wished she had learned the extension charm she had discovered in a book over the summer; that or a longer-lasting featherlight charm. Remus had suggested that she leave some of the books behind and just go back the next day to get them, but she stubbornly decided that that would be a ridiculous waste of time when they could all fit in her bag tonight. He had merely shrugged his shoulders and proceeded to gather his own things. When they departed the library, he offered to walk her back to the dungeons and while she didn’t need the company, she would happily enjoy spending a bit more time with him.
Narcissa was well aware that they could never be anything more than friends, but that didn’t stop her from wishing things were different. She was fairly certain that he didn’t see her as anything more than a good friend, so really, she was only hurting herself with her fantasies of a future together. But, she reasoned, as a teenage witch, she was entitled to at least one flight of fancy, so why not let it be him. It was better than some of the dreams she had heard her dorm mates whisper in the dark when they thought she was long asleep.
They walked in companionable silence for a few minutes, the sounds of the wind against the castle walls and the soft scraping of their shoes against the stone floor, and the ruffle of her moving her bag from shoulder to shoulder were the only sound around them. That close to curfew, there was hardly anyone about, so she allowed herself to walk closer to him than she might normally during the day.
It was when she adjusted her bag for the fourth time in as many minutes that Remus stopped them, grabbing the offending strap and moving it to his own shoulder.
“Remus, you really don’t need to do that. I can carry my bag well enough on my own.”
“You’ll end up lopsided with how heavy this is, Cissa. Besides, it would be ungentlemanly of me to allow a lady to carry her heavy book bag, when I have a perfectly available shoulder with which to do it for her.” His words shouldn’t have caused her to blush, but she could feel heat creeping up her neck anyways. She wasn’t sure if it was the gesture or the nickname or both, but either way, she turned her face away in hopes that he wouldn’t notice.
He had started calling her Cissa when they came back from summer hols and the first time he'd caught her so off guard she nearly spit out the water she'd been drinking. After taking a moment to ensure she was okay, he smiled and asked if she would be offended if he continued to use the nickname; and when he looked at her with his warm chestnut eyes, how could she deny him his simple request?
As they turned a corner, Remus cleared his throat, causing her to look at him. “Snape cornered me the other day.”
“Severus? Whatever for? Was it about Lily?” Narcissa knew about her friend’s infatuation with his childhood best friend, but over the years, she'd thought his suspicions had changed, becoming more leery of her relationship with Potter, instead of Remus. It was obvious to anyone with eyes to see that the brash Gryffindor had taken a liking to the fiery redhead.
“No, actually. He wanted to talk about you. Specifically what
my
intentions were towards you.”
His words caused her to falter before she caught herself and slowed her steps. “Your… intentions?”
“Yes, he seems to be under the impression that we are something more than acquaintances. He hinted at us having a relationship of a more… romantic nature.” He seemed to realize that she had fallen behind him and stopped, turning back to face her.
Narcissa was rooted to her spot into the hallway, her heart beginning to pick up its pace. “What did you tell him?”
“I didn’t tell him anything. I asked him what made him think there was anything going on between us.” Remus took one step, then another towards her.
She could barely speak around the lump in her throat, but she managed to ask, “And what did he say?”
He stopped just out of arm's reach, his chest rising and falling with each breath he took. “He said that he wouldn’t have noticed if he didn’t know you so well.” Remus paused, as if unsure of what he was going to say next.
“He said that, when you don’t think anyone is paying attention, you look at me the way he looks at Lily.”
The world stopped with his words, the truth she thought she'd hidden so well laid bare between them.
Damn Severus! Damn him and his interfering!
Lifting her chin, Narcissa rolled back her shoulders, locking down the affection Severus had revealed. “I don’t know what he was thinking, but Severus had no right to say what he did.”
“Cissa-” Remus reached for her, but she was already moving, her feet carrying her away from him at a steadily increasing pace.
She heard him all her name again, but she ignored him, moving faster and faster, until she was running, hair flying behind her, holding the tears at bay. Severus had ruined everything! The most important friendship she had, carefully cultivated over the past two years, was over.
Remus would let her down gently, or at least he would try to, but no matter how he said it, it would hurt. He would be the one to be strong, to acknowledge that they couldn’t be anything more than friends, he would have to be, because Narcissa certainly wasn’t strong enough to do it. He would tell her that they could still be friends, but that it would be wise to spend some time apart so that the feelings she had could properly dissipate.
That would mean no more study sessions, no more weekend walks around the lake, no more shared glances in charms. She knew she would be forced to move on from him one day, but hadn’t considered it would be so soon.
Narcissa had been so wrapped up in her own spiraling that she didn’t even see the sprig of mistletoe until she found herself trapped beneath it. Heaving in lungfuls of air, she stampped her foot, desperately wishing she was anywhere else.
It wasn’t until she saw Remus sprint around the corner, coming to a halt upon seeing her that she began to pray in earnest, practically
begging
any deity listening that they would save her from this moment.
She could have her heart broken tomorrow.
Remus took one step and then another, each more sure than the last and all Narcissa could do was shake her head, heavy tears rolling down her cheeks.
This time, he didn’t stop until he was standing right in front of her, trapped under the mistletoe.
His gaze tracked the tears and his eyebrows furrowed. Lifting both hands and settling them on the sides of her face, his thumbs gently brushed away the wetness on her cheeks.
“Oh, love, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”
“I…I can… can’t d-do this. Not tonight.” Hiccups break up her words and she could taste the salt of her own tears that don't stop falling. She closed her eyes, unwilling to look at him any longer. His thumbs brushed across her cheeks, the comfort only making her tears come harder.
“And what exactly do you think
this
is?” His voice was soft, barely more than a whisper and the tenderness in it pulled a sob from her.
“The end.” She choked out.
One of his hands slid from her cheek to cup the back of her neck, his fingers threading through her hair.
“Oh, I really hope that’s not true. I was thinking that this just might be the beginning.”
The thumb still on her cheek moved down to her jaw and he gently tilted her face up towards his. She hesitated to open her eyes, but when she did, all she saw was warmth.
“What Snape didn’t know was that Lily had that exact same conversation with me the day before.”
Narcissa held her breath, not daring to hope for what he might say next.
“She told me that if this was something I wanted, that it wouldn’t be easy, that most of the world would be against us, but do you know what I told her?”
She shook her head, not looking away from him for fear of shattering the moment.
“I told her that it would be worth it. That
you
are worth it.”
Then, in a move that surprised her, Remus bridged the remaining distance between them.
His lips brushed against hers tentatively in question, which she happily answered by standing on her toes to kiss him soundly. She could feel him smiling against her mouth as the mistletoe magic holding them in place shimmered out of existence.
When they finally broke apart, neither of them moved, their hearts pounding in their chests.
“So,” Narcissa began, lifting her own hand to rest against his chest, the wool of his jumper rough under her fingers. “You have feelings for me?”
Remus threw his head back, barking out a laugh. “Yes, you frustrating witch. I, Remus Lupin, have feelings for you, Narcissa Black.”
She gasped in mock offence. “You think I’m frustrating?”
“Seeing as how you literally ran away from me when I was trying to confess my feelings for you? I would say yes, you are, on occasion, frustrating.” He chuckled, letting go of her face to take one of her hands in his, lacing their fingers together. “It happens to be one of the things I like about you.”
His skin was rougher than she expected, his hands littered with little scars she would need to examine later.
Giggling, Narcissa leaned her forehead against Remus's chest, soaking in the warmth of his presence. As the reality of their situation started to catch up with her, her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt, a wave of anxiety slowly rising like the tide.
“No one can know,” she breathes, staring at a pattern woven into his jumper.
“I know.” He whispered against her head.
His fingers threaded through her hair, the movement soothing in a way she hadn't expected. The only one who had ever played with her hair was Andromeda, but in recent years it had become more of a rare occurrence.
His hands moved to her shoulders, pushing her back just enough to look at her eyes. “Even so, I still want to see you. The world might be against us, but like I already told you;
you
are worth it. I'll fight them off tooth and nail if it comes to it.”
Her eyes searched his, looking for any hint of worry, but all she saw was sincerity.
If he was willing to give them a try, then who was she to fight him on something they both wanted. “You seem quite determined to court me, Remus Lupin.”
“Narcissa Black, I plan to court the socks off of you.”
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Why don't you ever want to talk about him?”
“Who? Lucius? I don't see the point in discussing my ex-husband. It's done and we are all the better for it.”
“No, Cissy, not him. Remus.”
“Meda-”
“Everytime his name comes up in conversation, you are quick to change the subject.”
“Meda.”
“You won't even look at me. Why-”
“Stop! I will leave right this instant if you do not leave it be, Meda. I do not wish to discuss him. Can we please leave it at that?”
“....fine.”
— — —
Walking the familiar path down to the Black Lake, Narcissa pulled her cloak tighter around her shoulders. Hogwarts had received its first snowfall of the season two weeks prior and Narcissa was certain it was to be a cold Christmas. Taking in a deep breath, she savored the brisk scent of winter before letting her mind wander. This term had been more than she was prepared for and she just wished something in her life would ease up and grant her a measure of relief from the weight of everything she was dealing with. Fifth year was stressful enough on its own with O.W.LS.s at the end of the year, but things in her personal life had become ever more stressful since this past summer when her sister got herself blasted off the family tree.
The night before her wedding to Lucius Malfoy, only child and heir to House Malfoy, Andromeda Black slipped away in the night and eloped with Edward Tonks, a muggleborn wizard who she had secretly dated while attending Hogwarts. The scandal was plastered on the front page of every wizarding paper and magazine in Great Britain and even several on the continent. The Malfoy family was reasonably offended at the blatant defiance of tradition and customs while Lucius himself did his best to cover the injury to his pride. Her mother had been in a rage for days, egged on by her sister Walburga, and had immediately set about burning Andromeda's portrait from the family tree. Her father fell into the bottle after receiving an earful from Lord Malfoy and didn't bother leaving his study for nearly a fortnight.
Narcissa did her best to make herself scarce, not wishing to give either of her parents cause to turn their anger on her. She kept to her rooms and the garden where she knew neither of her parents liked to visit. Her cousin Regulus was thoughtful enough to send her letters and keep her mind occupied during the long weeks that followed when no one was allowed to visit. Between his letters and the wildflowers she was cultivating, Narcissa managed to survive the remainder of the summer and return to school without incident.
Andromeda had sent her a singular letter since her elopement, letting her know that she was safe and would try to reach out again soon. But that had been at the beginning of the school term and she had not received another missive since.
Remus had been her light in all the chaos. He was true to his word and courted her like any proper gentleman. Even though he couldn't take her out on normal dates, that didn't stop him, instead it only made him more creative in how and where they spent time together. With each date, each brush of their hands or soft press of their lips, he stole more and more of her heart. Though she hadn't told him yet, Narcissa was sure she was well on her way to falling in love with him.
And yet she worried.
She was certain she had not yet seen the whole of the fallout from her sister's decision to break the marriage contract with the Malfoys. They were one of the oldest families in wizarding Britain and held an enormous amount of power and influence. This slight against them would not be taken lightly.
Then there was Remus.
She had known something was going on with him since their second year, but he had yet to tell her what it was. Narcissa had a good guess as to what it was, all the signs were there, but he hadn't outright said anything. When she expressed her concern for him, he would thank her for caring for him, but brush it aside, saying that it was nothing he couldn't handle. Thus far she had respected his desire to keep it secret, but when he showed up at school with a new scar stretching from just below his ear down to his collarbone, Narcissa had almost lost all sense of composure.
Since then she had been trying to figure out the best way to ask him about it, nearly blurting out the question each month, but bit her tongue each time. Their relationship was the best thing she had and she didn't want to ruin it by saying the wrong thing.
The soft crunch of gravel behind her pulled her out of her thoughts and a smile lifted the corner of her mouth, anticipating the warm voice of her wizard.
“Narcissa!” She froze. That wasn't her wizard. “We need to talk.”
Taking a fortifying breath, Naricssa slowly turned around and came face to face with Sirius Black. She didn't say anything, just looked at him.
“What? No hello? How have you been?” His head tilted to one side as he offered her a smirk. Not the bright, teasing grin reserved for his friends and people he liked, but the dark, slightly twisted one; the one that made people question if the Black Family Madness had truly passed him by.
“You've not deigned to speak with me since first year. What could we possibly have to discuss now?”
“Oh there is plenty we could discuss, cousin.” He spit the word out, like their familial relation disgusted him. “But I didn't come here to play family reunion. We need to talk about Remus.”
The twitch in her jaw is the only reaction she had to his words, but it's enough for him to notice. Even though Sirius Black had bucked his heritage, he had the same upbringing she did. He knew well enough how to read people and his cousin was no exception.
“Just what do you think you are doing with him?”
“You're going to have to be more specific than that.”
“Is this just a game to you? Date the halfblood while at Hogwarts, keep the dalliance from Druella and Cygnus, and then dump him for some pureblood pick once you graduate?”
Narcissa sniffed, lifting her chin ever so slightly. “I didn't realize you had lost all respect for me, Sirius. I suppose I should be glad to know you think so little of me.”
“What else am I supposed to think?!” His arms flung out to his sides, laughing darkly. “How do you see this ending? Sure, Andromeda ran away. She gave up everything to be with the wizard she loved, but you are not her. You have never been strong enough to go against your mother, always being the good little girl and doing what you are told. The only reason you’re with Remus now is because Druella didn't expressly forbid you from dating while at school. Maybe she should’ve, then my best friend's heart wouldn't be on the line.”
“I think that is quite enough!” Her nails dug into her palms as she tried to wrestle her emotions back under control. “You cut ties with me three years ago and lost the right to speak to me this way the day you turned your back on Regulus and I. Or do you somehow think that just because we share the same blood that I will stand here and take your abuse? If so, you are sadly mistaken. You know nothing of my relationship with Remus and as such have no room to make any sort of judgement on how we spend our time together.”
“No, I suppose I don't know anything, seeing as how he kept it a secret from us for so long. Hell, I don't even understand how the two of you even became friends! But I know something that Remus doesn't, something you apparently won't even admit to yourself.”
“And what would that be?”
His face twisted into a snarl, as he advanced on her, only stopping when they were toe to toe.
“You'll leave him in the end. And I'll be the one there to pick up the pieces.”
Narcissa's eyes were ablaze as she stared up at her cousin, indignation coursing through her veins.
How dare he say those things!
She would never hurt Remus! She would sooner hurt herself.
The clearing of a throat alerted them to the presence of another person, but neither moved, still staring each other down.
“Is everything okay here?” The warm voice eased a bit of the tension in her muscles and she felt her shoulders slowly drop. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her boyfriend looking between them, concern furrowing his eyebrows.
“Nothing to worry about, Remus. Just a little
family
discussion.” Sirius offered her a sardonic smile before turning towards Remus and clapping him on the shoulder. Remus winced at the contact, looking between the Black cousins. “Remember you said you'd join in the common room later. Lily will have my hide if you skip out of game night again.”
“Yeah, fine. I'll be there, “ Remus assured him.
But he was not looking at Sirius as he spoke, he was looking at
her
.
Sirius gave Remus's shoulder one more squeeze before glancing back at her. “Think about what I said, Cissy.” And then he was gone, leaving them alone in the forest surrounding the Black Lake.
They stood in silence for a long moment, Remus looking worried while Narcissa's mind was a roaring mess. The bruises under his eyes were back, but she couldn't help but think he was the most handsome wizard she had ever seen.
Remus broke the silence first.
“Cissa? Are you okay?”
“He knows.”
It's not an answer to his question.
“Yes, he does.”
“He's not very happy about it.”
“No,” Remus sighed through his nose, tipping his head back and running a hand through his shaggy hair. “He's not.”
“How?” Narcissa could feel her arms lifting from where they had been hanging at her sides to cross in front of herself, fists still clenched.
“I'm afraid that is my fault. I gave us away when I was…not quite myself.”
“What do you mean?”
“It's not important.”
“Of course it is!”
“Cissa-”
“No! You will not do this again!” Narcissa stomped her foot, aware it made her look like a petulant child, but she didn't care. “Tell me what it is. How did Sirius find out about us?”
“It was your scarf! Merlin's beard, it was your bloody scarf!”
She blinked, more confused than before and Remus let out an exasperated sigh. He moved to a nearby tree, a slight limp to his gait, and leaned against it, a cold wind lifting his hair from where it had fallen against his forehead. “Last night it was all that Moony wanted. He didn't calm down until someone gave it to him.”
“Moony?” She suspected what he meant, but needed him to say it anyway.
“I'm a werewolf, Cissa. Moony is what Sirius and the others call him.”
The shiver that raced down her spine had nothing to do with the winter air. When he looked back at her, there was something in his eyes that she hadn't seen directed at her for years.
Fear.
Narcissa didn't hesitate, closing the distance between them and wrapping her arms around his waist. Remus stiffened for a second before relaxing, his own arms coming to rest around her shoulders and she burrowed further into his warmth. The familiar scent of wool, old books, and chocolate filled her senses and she knew there was nowhere else she would rather be than in his arms.
“Thank you for telling me.” She whispered.
“You knew?”
“I suspected.”
Remus huffed a laugh, pulled her closer and rested his chin against her hair. “Why did you never say anything?”
Narcissa tightened her own hold, shifting so she was partly covered by his open jacket. “I didn't want to pressure you into telling me before you were ready.”
“You have more heart than most people will ever know, Cissa.” A blush warmed her cheeks and she shook her head against him, an automatic denial. “You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me, Miss Black. You care about me.”
Narcissa pulled back to look at him, scoffing. “Of course I do, what sort of ridiculous statement is that?”
Grinning, Remus ran a hand through her hair, his fingers sliding through the blonde strands. “Why ask now? What changed?”
“You were hurt. Again.”
“A life hazard, my love.”
“Doesn't mean I have to pretend like it doesn't happen.” She sucked in one side of her bottom lip, worrying the soft flesh with her teeth. “Why didn't you tell me sooner?”
“I think I might've been waiting for you to ask me about it, to be sure you were ready to know.” The hand playing with her hair moved to cup her cheek, his fingers surprisingly warm despite the cold surrounding them. “At first, it was something I didn't tell anyone. The only ones who knew had figured it out or found out on their own. After a while, I didn't tell you because I didn't want to scare you away and lose you as my friend.”
Narcissa leaned into his hand, letting her eyes flutter closed, savoring the feel of it against her skin.
“But then you became something more to me than just a friend. I was afraid you wouldn't want me anymore once you knew what I was.” She opened her mouth to speak, but he shook his head and went on. “There are so many things stacked against us; our houses, our blood status, society, not to mention most of our family and friends. I didn't want to add my… creaturehood to the equation before you were ready.”
“Remus Lupin, you listen to me and you listen well.” She moved to hold his wind-chilled face with both of her hands, forcing him to meet her gaze. “I have suspected you might be a werewolf since our third year. The thought didn't scare me away then and it won't chase me away now. This changes nothing for me. It'll take a lot more than you becoming a fluffy wolf once a month to make me leave you.”
Remus reached up to take her hands, pulling them down to his chest. “Narcissa, this isn't some little thing. I've become a monster once a month since I was four years old and will continue to do so until the day that I die. I don't know if you've fully thought through what that means.”
“Of course I've thought it through! I went and fell in love with you, you idiot! Why are you trying to convince me I shouldn't have?”
His eyebrows lifted in surprise and it took a moment for her to realize what she had just said. When she did, her hands flew to cover her mouth, her own eyes becoming saucers.
“You are in love with me?”
Narcissa could only nod, not daring to look away from him. She was glad for it, because she saw the moment his face transformed from hesitation into the most breathtaking smile she had ever seen.
“I love you, Narcissa Black. I think I will for the rest of my life.”
Then he leaned in and captured her mouth with his in a kiss so sweet, so full of warmth that she couldn’t feel the cold anymore.
The only thing she could feel was him.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
“Oh Narcissa, why don't you stay? Remus and Severus will be here within the hour and I'm sure they wouldn't mind you joining us for dinner.”
“I really must be going, Hermione dear. Celebrate your accomplishment; you and Draco have certainly earned it.”
“If you are sure.”
“Quite. I'll see you both on Sunday for dinner; Grettie tells me she wants to try a new recipe from that cookbook you gave her.”
“Alright, we'll see you then. You are welcome to come back if you change your mind.”
“I won't. Enjoy your evening, Hermione.”
— — —
Narcissa made it through all of 15 minutes at dinner in the Great Hall before she couldn't stand to be there any longer. She gathered her belongings as calmly as she could before making her escape, slipping through the double doors. She didn't have a destination in mind, all she knew was that everything was too bright, too loud and she needed out. It was only the first night back since the winter holidays and if tonight was any indication, she would need to seriously work on strengthening her occlumency if she was to survive going forwards.
Letting her feet take her wherever they would, Narcissa began the process of turning her attention and magic inwards. Being a natural occlumens, she had an easier time than most learning and implementing this sort of mind magic, which came in handy in the upper echelons of society where everyone and everything was trying to suss out your secrets.
In her mind's eye, Narcissa pulled up her garden and set to work. Carefully, she unraveled the events of the past few weeks and set about turning them into various flowers and ferns, existing branches sprouting new leaves that held the memories she was still struggling to process.
The echoing of dragonhide boots on flagstone tugged at the edges of her mind, alerting her to someone following her through the corridors. In the space of three breaths, she came back to the present and slowed down enough for whoever was behind her to catch up. She could speed up, lead her shadow on a chase through the castle, but she was just so tired. Better that she got this conversation over with. And given that there was only a handful of people it was likely to be, Narcissa was fairly confident she could easily turn them away and get back to strengthening her occlusion. Keeping her face blank, she turned just enough to recognize the wavy black hair of her younger cousin.
“You are going to give yourself away if you can't keep it together.”
Regulus's words added fuel to the embers of panic that she had nearly snuffed out. Narcissa cursed softly under her breath. Only moments before she had barely regained control of her emotions, now her chest tightened, breaths came quicker, and her vision started to blur.
Regulus took a step closer to her, but when Narcissa nearly leapt away from him, his brows furrowed at her reaction. “Narcissa?”
“
Fuck you, Regulus
.” She gasped, moving backwards until she was met with the rough stone wall. Some corner of her mind registered the impact, but the rest of her couldn't feel it.
“Cissa, I need you to listen to me. You are going to pass out if you don't calm down.”
“Calm down? You want me… to calm down?” She felt light headed, knowing he was right, but helpless to stop herself. It hadn't been enough, too many thoughts and emotions were still left unsorted and she was drowning under the weight of them.
Panic
. That's what this was. And Narcissa felt utterly helpless to stop it.
Hands settled on her upper arms and squeezed gently, enough to draw her attention to the lithe figure in front of her. Her eyes wouldn't focus, causing the visage to be more blur than identifiable person, but some part of her brain recognized that it was probably still Regulus.
“Cissa, can you hear me? I want you to follow my breaths.” One of her hands was placed on his chest and she felt the slow rise and fall as he breathed. Concentrating on the warm cashmere under her fingers, it took several attempts, but eventually she managed to slow down her own breathing to match Regulus's. After a few minutes, her head started to clear. She blinked her eyes several times, reorienting herself with her surroundings, trying to remember…
Reality crashed in around her and her knees gave out.
Regulus managed to catch her before her knees slammed into the flagstone underneath them, his arms wrapping around her, and slowly lowering them to the ground. Pulling her into his side, he held her close while heaving sobs racked her small frame.
Narcissa wasn't sure how long they stay huddled on the ground like that, but it's long enough for her tears to dry up and exhaustion to set in. At some point, Regulus started stroking her hair, the methodical movements soothing in a way that reminded her of Andromeda.
Meda.
In that moment, she hated her sister for what she had done, the position she had left her in.
Narcissa had not been home for the holidays for an hour before she was summoned to her father's study. Upon entering the room he had announced that a new contract had been negotiated and that she was to marry the Malfoy heir. Of course the wedding wouldn't happen until after she had graduated, but she should consider herself betrothed and behave accordingly.
The announcement in the papers wouldn't be made until the summer, giving her time to mentally prepare herself for the inevitable social barrage that such news would bring, for which she was at least a little grateful for. The delay would give her time to sort out her own thoughts. And if necessary, plan.
But for now, she was doing her best to process the information.
“Cissy?” Regulus broke the silence, keeping his voice barely above a whisper.
“Yes?”
His fingers in her hair moved down to hold her hand. It's the span of several seconds before he spoke again. “What are you going to do?”
Sighing deeply, Narcissa turned her hand in his, wrapping her fingers around his. “I don't know, Reggie. I just don't know.”
The soft scraping of sneakers drew her attention down the hallway. The wizard coming their way is both the exact person and the last one Narcissa wished to see.
Remus stopped to kneel in front of them, his eyes flickered between the cousins before finally settling on her. “Cissa?”
“Yes?” She held his gaze, desperately hoping the battle going on in her heart wasn't written plainly across her face.
“Care to take a walk with me? Or would you like to stay here with Regulus for a while longer?”
She turned to glance at Regulus, absorbing some more comfort in his eyes before returning her attention to her wizard. “I'd actually love to take a walk. I think some fresh air might do me some good.”
Letting go of her cousin's hand, she instead took the one Remus offered her, the rough calluses scraping against her own smooth skin, and he helped her to her feet. She dusted off her skirts then wrapped her arms around one of Remus's. “No need to wait up for me, Reggie, Remus will make sure I return safe and sound.”
Regulus just nodded, slipping his hands into the pockets of his robes.
“Have a good night, Regulus.” Remus offered the other wizard a slight nod then turned to guide them down the hallway, further away from the Great Hall and the prying eyes of the other students.
When they are alone, Remus leaned down to press a soft kiss to the top of her head. “Do you want to talk about whatever it was that sent you fleeing the Great Hall fifteen minutes into dinner?”
“Saw that, did you?” Narcissa tried joking, but realized how hollow her words sounded.
Changing the direction of their walk, Remus steered them into an empty classroom, locking and warding the door behind them. He tugged her further into the room, guiding her to a couch on the opposite side. Slipping off his jacket, he transfigured it into a large blanket that he then cast a warming charm over. He took a seat, pulling her down into his lap, and covered them with the blanket, blocking out the chill of the room.
Narcissa curled into him, her cold fingers finding purchase in the wool of his sweater as her head rested against his shoulder. One of his arms wrapped securely around her waist while the other lifted to her hair, playing with the silky strands.
“Baby, can you talk to me?” Narcissa could feel the vibrations in his chest as he spoke, making her settle in even more than before. Though she knew she should say something, confide in the wizard who meant everything to her, she kept quiet, not quite ready to talk about it with him. She knew the moment she did everything would change and she wasn't sure she was ready to handle that yet. Remus must've sensed some of her inner turmoil, because he sighed deeply and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.
“James and Lily stopped fighting over the hols. Made up in rather spectacular fashion, actually.” Smirking into his jumper, Narcissa was once more reminded of how much she loved this wizard. He knew something was bothering her, but wouldn't push her to talk about it before she was ready. She wasn't sure what she had done to deserve him, but she was grateful for him all the same.
“To tell the truth of it, Sirius might've actually stolen the show when he declared his undying love for James and said they should run away together and leave Lily behind. How did he put it? ‘Girls will come and go, but you and I will be interesting forever.’”
Narcissa chuckled and shook her head; yes, that sounded like her cousin alright. “And how did Lily take that?”
“Oh, you know Lils. She threatened to hex off Sirius's bollocks if he got between her and James. Said she had long term plans for the wizard and it would be better for his health if he didn't interfere.”
“Let me guess, James thought the whole thing hilarious?”
“That or he was extremely turned on by her violent side. He looked like the cat that got the canary. And then Sirius and I didn't see them for the rest of the evening, so I'd say they got things figured out.”
The fingers in her hair moved to massage the base of her scalp and Narcissa couldn't control the moan that slipped from her lips. Remus just chuckled and continued his ministrations, wrapping his other arm more securely around her. Here was where she felt safe; wrapped up in his embrace. But it was something more than that, something deeper. He wasn't just safety, he was home. He had been for a while now.
“The full moon is tomorrow.” She had turned so her voice wouldn't be muffled, her cheek resting against his shoulder. Remus hummed in response, but didn't say anything. “I'm worried.”
“I will be fine, my love. The guys will make sure of it.”
“I hate that I can't be with you.”
“It's not safe. Maybe it will be one day, but that is a ways off.” He shifted her, turning her so she was facing him, his hand coming up to cup her face. “It's enough for now that you know and care enough to worry about me. I should probably wish you wouldn't worry, but it's touching. It reminds me that you care about me, all of me.”
Remus's thumbs stroked her cheeks as his grin turned wry. “I'll have you know that Moony feels better knowing you are thinking about us. Ever since that moon with your scarf, things that smell like you are his favorite, clothes in particular. He thinks the scent is stronger because they touch your skin. I should probably stop there before this heads in a decidedly improper direction.”
“Oh no, you have my attention now, Mister Lupin. Where exactly was that train of thought headed?”
“Now Miss Black, you are a lady and I am a gentleman, as such I am required to behave in a manner befitting of our respective roles. That includes not discussing matters regarding your more… intimate articles of clothing. That would be highly inappropriate.”
“Ah, too right. Topics such as my négligées are strictly off limits.”
“But perhaps,” He wrapped one arm around her waist, tugging her closer until they were nearly flush. “I might be roguish enough to steal a kiss.”
Grinning ear to ear, Narcissa tipped her chin up towards him. “Steal away.”
As they fell into each other, her worries dissipated into nothing more than a memory, her fears a fading nightmare. Nothing outside of their blanket mattered.