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Matt took a shaky breath, shoving his face in his open palms. He never should've let it get this bad. A year of denial and lies, sneaking behind his family to get what he thought was a cure.It all started with a few new ‘friends’ he met at a party Nick and Chris dragged him to. He was just trying to corner himself, hide under the radar of any drunk people trying to hit on whatever moved.They had all made a pact, never a drop of alcohol, never a hit of weed, even they stayed away from nicotine- the three knew themselves, it wouldn't end up good.So why didn't Matt listen?They had been nice to him, made him feel like he was wanted. So when they lit up a blunt, he couldn't deny them.The buzz was calming, shutting up his brain from all the negative thoughts and random anxieties. Then they started doing more, so he did as well.Now Matt was doing stuff alone- without them, without any peer pressure. Just because he needed it, it was no longer a thing of fun and parties.It was right before they were supposed to go out and film, Matt clinging to his bathroom sink. He had to make this fast. His head was spinning, brain pounding against his skull. Matt fumbled his phone out of the case, the clear plastic baggy inside dropping on to the counter top.Matt's breath was held as he dumped the rest of the powder on to the counter, glancing around to find the white dusted business card in his bathroom cabinet.His hands worked deliberate yet slow, chopping up the chunks and straightening the substance into four long lines. Matt pulled out the last dollar bill in his wallet, rolling it into a tight cylinder before bringing it up to the nostril that wasn't clogged at the moment.Matt pressed his opposite hand's index finger to the other side of his nose, clogging it as he leaned down. Matt ran the makeshift straw over each line as he breathed in quickly, the sting hit him first before mellowing down into a numb buzz.It was like all the fatigue and ear splitting headache was washed away, heart banging out of his chest. Matt looked up at himself in the mirror, the glass blurred- or maybe that was his eyes.Matt was hyper aware of the dripping in the faucet, the stray hair tickling his nose- he went to swipe it away, pulling his hand back to see the drips of blood coating his hand. “f-fuck” Matt huffed, heart beating hard in his ears.Matt felt dizziness wash over him, hand twitching. something wasn't right- this wasn't normal.Matt heard the distant yell of his brothers from outside the bathroom, probably waiting for him to come out and drive- but before Matt could tell them to hold on, he was stumbling. Matt barely felt as his head smashed into the framed photos behind him, vision pretty much going black before he presumably hit the ground.“‘att! M’tt! ‘ake up!” He let his eyes fall shut, they were too heavy to keep open. Why were people screaming? He felt bile creep up his throat, bubbling into his mouth.Then, it went black fully.-White lights that were a bit too fluorescent, the aggravating beep of machines.Matt cracked his eyes open, head throbbing and he didn't know where he was. The last place he remembered was having dinner with Nick and Chris, how long ago was that?“Chr’s..? Nick..?” Matt croaked out, throat feeling incredibly dry and like he had just screamed for hours. “holy fuck- NICK! Nick he's awake! Get the nurse!” Chris yelled from beside him, wait- nurse?“where am i..?” Matt groaned, going to move his hands before he realized he had an IV stuck in his hand.“Matty- please don't do that ever again- scared me- us- so much-” Chris sobbed, his younger brother coming to wrap his arms around the other boy. “..you don't- you don't remember?” Chris suddenly realized, pulling away from the hug enough to look into Matt's bloodshot eyes.Matt shook his head, seeing a nurse and nick come into the room. they looked so… disheveled. “Matt.. you- you overdosed. they said.. They d-didnt know if you would- would-” Chris’ voice cracked, tears slipping down his cheeks. “would what?”“make it.” Nick finished, voice rough yet concerned. Matt felt his breath pick up, heart monitor beeping a bit faster. “hey- hey it's alright Matt, we're not mad at you- just scared.” Nick piped in again, rushing to his side to run his hand through the youngers hair.“I'm sorry- fuck I'm so stupid-” Matt whimpered, his resolve cracking. “I didn't- I'm sorry-” Chris shushed him, the two overlapping and swallowing Matt with their bodies in a hug leant over the bed railing. “why..? why did you..?”Nick's tone broke Matt more than before, he rarely saw Nick break down- now it was because something stupid he did. “I had it under control- it wasn't- it's not like that”“you could've died, Matt!” Chris burst out, sobs escaping his lips as he leaned his face into Matt's scratchy hospital gown.“i- I didn't mean to let it… get this far. it was just for- for fun” Matt sniffled, fat tears rolling down his pale cheeks as he looked over at nick. “Well- At first.. I guess? and then it- it distracted me. from everything- it made me less anxious.. I didn't- I don't know” Matt admitted, the thought of him having a drug problem making him antsy.Chris sent him a soft, broken look, letting the nurse by to take his vitals. “I can- I can stop. I promise, I don't want to leave you- guys I can't leave you, Im- I'm not ready” Matt broke down, choking on his words every turn.“Its okay matt- whatever you need, we'll do. Laura sent us resources- support groups, rehab-”“You told Laura?” Was the first thing that popped out of his mouth, licking his dry lips anxiously. “yeah.. sorry Matt but- she needed to know, I don't know the first thing about.. help for stuff like that, and I didn't feel right asking mom and dad without you..” Nick solidified, at least mom didn't know.That would wreck her, finding out one of her babies was hooked on fucking drugs.“we're here for you, Matt. Always- I love you” Chris sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve.“I- I love you too. I love both of you so much-” Matt whimpered, letting his brothers pull him into a hug.He could do this.He could let it go, addiction is a disease, he could arrest it- he could do it. He had to. For himself, and for his brothers- his fans.He could do it.