Archive of Our Own

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Week 2 Early-Autumn

AD stared at the bed.That first night, in the spare room, in the low light, they just stared at the bed. They couldn’t do it. Couldn’t bring themselves to do it. The conditioning hadn’t gone, they just had context, memories of trying to rebel against it.The idea of stepping closer, onto the bed, sleeping in it… it made anxiety coil in their belly and climb up their throat.As outside got darker, the house quieter, they managed to take a step closer. To take the blankets off and retreat to the corner with them. They sat and bunched the blankets around them, trying to balance what was comfortable and what was right. As they did so, they did notice that it wasn’t as dark as it could be.They tested it, closing one eye, then the other. When they closed their left, it was as dark as they expected. When they closed their right, they could see the room in what seemed like a low, grey light.That was a little bit of a mystery, but for now, they curled up in their corner, blankets in a sort of nest, and tried to sleep.Nightmares mixed with memories, and AD startled awake over and over again. Gasps and screams dying in their throat. Sweat chilling them and blankets frosted from where they breathed on them. Dawn took forever to arrive, and AD was no more rested than they were the day before.

The morning was a bit awkward. What with Clementine insisting on them doing the little things that, in all the excitement, they’d both forgotten about. Like bathing, and brushing their teeth. They hadn’t done either in several days. Neither of them wanted Clementine hovering for this, though.After too long of her fretting, and they were pretty sure she was fretting, Clementine took off the handcuffs when AD was in the bathroom. They stared at her, alarmed.“Even I don’t know what will set me off,” they warned from the doorway. “Do you want to risk this?”“I’ll be right outside,” she said, with that damn patient smile.The bathroom was modern, at least compared to the Copper Court house. Pale colours, a rectangular bath tub with a shower in it. Both worlds away from…Looking in the bathroom mirror, it was first time AD properly saw their left eye. They just stared at it. The iris, red as fresh blood, blazed against the pitch black sclera They looked like a monster.Well, they felt like one.They also just looked like shit. They still had small patches of dried blood and dirt on their face and in their hair, with bags and shadows under their eyes, a red ring on their forehead, and a red line on their throat. Those two were healing, though. They didn’t expect the bags under their eyes to change any time soon, but the dirt and blood they could deal with.They’d taken baths. They’d even taken showers. They did it less than a week ago. Yet, their hand hovered over the tap like it was going to bite. What was the matter with them?!They hadn’t even begun to sort out a list for that answer.

Clementine had to leave not long after AD had made an attempt at cleaning themselves. They’d made the mistake of getting in when the water was still cold, and had immediately seen the grey concrete, heard the shouting to ‘hurry up!’They’d stood, frozen under the water until it warmed up. Even then, they were probably quicker than Clementine expected. She had to rush off, handing them toast without a plate before locking the door and rushing downstairs.Of course, she had to work that day.She was gone all day, leaving AD was left stuck in the spare room, alone, for hours. It wasn’t too bad, there was a window, and a chamberpot instead of a bucket.As they were both early risers, it was long day.There were no books in the room yet, either. Despite Clementine saying that she would organise it several times already. They didn’t think much about it, they could cope with this.One piece of toast was in their pocket.They didn’t remember putting it there. They had not had pockets… No, no they had had pockets in the Chapter House, but before that… Of course they didn’t. Anything like this would have gone… where? Tucked into shorts, hidden under blankets, stolen, taken.Clementine was not going to stop them eating. They knew that, they knew her… they thought they knew her. Did they still know her?With an annoyed huff, they pulled the cold toast from their pocket and took a bite. This should not be a worry. Their only worry now was Candela, and according to Clementine, there’d been no word yet.

AD did not sleep well the second night either. By the afternoon, it was catching up, and they were dropping off into fits of sleep. Some of it dreamless, but not for long.The nightmares returned. Anger. Pain. Fear. Blood. Screaming.“AD? Wake up!”AD’s eyes shot open. All they registered was fear, danger, and a presence.React.Move.“...AD…” Clementine gasped. AD’s vision cleared, and their mind caught up.They were on top of Clementine, pressing her against the floor. Left knee on her chest, right knee pinning an arm to her side. Their hand left restrained Clementine’s wrist out to the side. And their right hand was wrapped Clementine’s throat. Squeezing.The sprang off her and scrambled away until their back hit the wall. They watched as Clementine sat up, holding her throat and wheezing.“…I’m sorry,” AD whispered. “I’m sorry.”Clementine tried to smile, but it was wobbly. Fear was very clear in her face. She tried to smother a cough, wincing.AD stayed exactly where they were, words dying on their lips. What could they say? Their hands began to shake. How could they…?They knew, but they hated it. They hated how helpless it made them feel. It was Fellwright all over again, but no one was whispering orders in their ear. It was all them.Clementine recovered enough air to stand up and leave, locking the door behind her. They could hear her coughing outside.AD wouldn’t have blamed her if she didn’t come back that night. If she left them alone until breakfast, or maybe even later. Yet, to their surprise, Clementine did return a few hours later.“You need to eat,” was all she said, standing in the doorway with a tray with a bowl on it. When AD didn’t move, she put the tray down on the floor. AD could see the fresh, hand shaped bruise on her neck.Another flash. A Trainer with the exact same bruise. Except they weren’t being passive about it. They were coming with a baton.AD snapped out of it when the door slammed shut. They were in a crouched position, face pulled into a defensive snarl.No wonder she left. Clemmie Morgan was finally afraid of them.It was for the best, they were dangerous.It didn’t mean they liked it.

The next day, Clementine knocked.“Can I come in?” she asked. A good start, no one during training was ever that considerate.“Yes. I’m in the corner,” AD responded.Clementine opened the door, seeing that AD was crouched in the corner like they said. Taking a deep breath, she crossed the threshold. She was wearing a high collared dress today, and held a folded piece of paper in her hand.“I got word from Ciara,” she said, holding it up. “I haven’t read it yet.”AD nodded, slowly moving to a sitting position. Clementine unfolded the letter, and began to read. “Dr MorganI hope this finds you well. After significant discussion, the Lightkeeper Council have come to these terms.AD is to remain under house arrest, ideally within your house, although if it becomes too much, arrangements can be made, for a grace period of six months. If no improvement is made in this time, then transferring to the Brinkely Penitentiary or Greyslate Sanatorium is likely.A member of Candela will be assigned to handle warden duties, as, and I mean you no disrespect, you and your Circle are not equipped to handle someone as dangerous as AD on a long term basis. They will arrive this evening, and will be present when you are not at home, or when you otherwise need assistance.Speaking of your Circle. Given AD’s position, and Terrence’s temporary suspension, the Circle of the Black Ring will not be given assignments, and we are looking for a member to fill AD’s gap. If you know of anyone you believe would be suitable, please inform me.Another Lightkeeper will come to conduct interviews with AD, on the nature of their training and any other information they can give us. They will be contact with you soon.Wishing you wellLightkeeper Ciara Stone.” Clementine stared at the letter.“That’s…”AD took a deep breath. Six months, to improve? That wasn’t a lot of time. Interviews as well? What did Candela want from them?“Six months…” Clementine muttered. “AD… I…”“Don’t want to be around me for 6 months?” AD didn’t blame her. They glanced at the high collar she was wearing.Clementine didn’t look at them. “I’m sorry… but yesterday…”AD nodded. “I understand.”Clementine sagged. “…I hate that I…” she couldn’t say it, but for AD, the body language was obvious.“You’re afraid of me.”“… I don’t know what will set you off, and neither do you!” Clementine ran a hand over her hair, and then paused. “Wait there!”AD raised an eyebrow, not really having a choice in the matter as Clementine sprinted from the room, door locking behind her.She came back a few minutes later, wielding a notebook and a blunt pencil.“Ciara wants improvement, one way we can do that,” Clementine dropped it all on the bed, “is if you keep a record of your… episodes, and what might have triggered them.”AD’s eyebrow went higher. “… you want to leave me a pencil?”“It’s blunt.”“…I could still stab you with it.”“It’s a better option than a pen. Hang on,” Clementine took the pencil and dropped it in the drawer on the bedside table. “There. Not in immediate reach.”“…That might work,” AD admitted.Clementine retrieved it again, and sat on the bed. She placed the notebook on her lap and scribbled something in. “So, what caused yesterday’s… episode?”AD was hesitant, mostly because it laid the blame on Clementine…“I was having a nightmare… you were trying to wake me up?”“Oooooooh,” Clementine groaned. “That was stupid of me,” she wrote that down. “Don’t try to wake AD from a nightmare,” she narrated.“You didn’t know.”“Don’t worry about it,” Clementine waved off. “What else can you think of?”AD went backwards, the one when they first saw the handprint bruise, although in their mind, there’s not much to be done about that one. The bathing one was...embarrassing, and the food one in the Chapter House was news to her, but she was nodding.“I promise, you can use the hot water,” she assured, then, after listening to the food episode. “So, a form of food aggression.”“…huh?”“You feel threatened with other people around when you’re eating, because you’re used to people stealing it from you.”“… I suppose,” AD shifting uncomfortably, feeling very small as Clementine went through all of these justifications with a calm tone and sophisticated language. Not the language a dog should be worrying about.Not a dog. You’re not doing that. AD took a breath. They weren’t there, they hadn’t been there in some time. They’d refused to be a dog before the memory blank and they’d be damned if they were going to do that again!“Is there anything else you can think of?”“…not at the moment.”“Alright,” Clementine put the book down, and pencil in the drawer. “It’s there for when it happens again. Maybe we can figure out a pattern for common triggers… Are you sure handcuffs aren’t one?”“…A brief one,” AD admitted. “Not enough to cause a violent reaction.”“…Good to know.”

The Candela agent arrived that evening, as expected. She was lithe like AD, but taller, with dark blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, and dark eyes. She was dressed casually, dark trousers, a pale button up shirt with the top button undone and the sleeves rolled up, where Aster could see a tattoo of a lion inside her forearm. She strode into the room with the grace of a cat, and scanned AD like a soldier.They sat up from their position in the corner, and did the same scan. Interesting.The woman’s lip quirked into a half smile, before turning to Clementine. “I can see why I was asked. They will not be a problem.”“Don’t do anything drastic,” Clementine cautioned. “We just started working out what their triggers are.”“And?”“Leave them alone to eat, don’t wake them up from a nightmare, give them a second when you put handcuffs on. That’s all that’s applicable so far.”“You leave them alone with a knife and fork?”“She’s been feeding me soup and sandwiches, mostly,” AD provided. Currently, there wasn’t a bit of sandwich in their pocket. They didn’t know if that would change.“Ah, I see.”“I didn’t get your name,” Clementine prompted.“Tracy Hunter. I believe the arrangement will be that I will be here while you are at work?”“…We can discuss downstairs.”“Very well.”The two left, and AD rested the back of their head against the wall, and closed their eyes.

Clemmie waited until they were in the front room before admitting it to Tracy.“I don’t think I can cope with them here for 6 months.”“Are you that afraid of them?” Tracy asked.“No… sort of. I know they won’t want to hurt me, but…” Clemmie fidgeted with the collar of her dress. “And I know how that sounds, and maybe in time, they can get better control over themselves, but right now…”“Hmmm,” Tracy thought. “I can speak with my superiors. Here is the best, from what I’ve heard, but breaks would be good for you. No offence meant, but you are not equipped for this.”“…None taken,” Clemmie’s tone was still clipped. She was a doctor after all.“Look, I’ve been told some of the history. You’re in the same Circle, you knew each other when you were kids, and you’re a doctor. Of course you want to help.”“We doctors know the phrase ‘one cannot pour from an empty cup’. Not everyone follows it, but we all know it.”“And do you follow that, Dr Morgan?”“… You’ve been here five minutes, and yet I think you know the answer.”“That’s… one of the reasons, I was asked to come,” Tracy gave a tight smile. “I will ask my superiors. Now, our working arrangement?”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Once AD had been dropped off at Clemmie’s, and Terry and Ciara were in the carriage on the way back to the Chapter House, the Lightkeeper tore into him.“You, Terrence Batesman,” she pointed a tired finger at him. “Are not off the hook. You will tell me every deal you have made with Kodris in relation to Candela assignments. You will tell me every time you have involved your sibling in Candela assignments, and anything else you have omitted from your official reports.”“Why do you think I’ve done that last one?”“Because if you’ve lied once, you’ll lie again. I thought Hars would be the most untrustworthy one, but somehow it’s you.”Terry leaned back, staring at her. “That hurt.”“It was meant to.”“…Bloody hell, Ciara,” he looked away. “…Can we wait until we’re back at the Chapter House? At least then we can write it down.”“Just so you can think of how to weasel around it?”Terry sighed. “I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you all of it. I just want to make sure I don’t miss anything.”“… I don’t know if I believe you, Terrence.”Terry winced, Ciara sounding like his mother for a second.“…If Hars is still at the Chapter House, then he can tell you if I’m lying.”“…Very well.”

Hars was still there, thankfully. Carol had managed to keep him in place with tea and cake.“I see we’ve found your weakness,” Ciara noted as they walked into the kitchen, a piece of carrot cake half in Hars’ mouth.He growled irritably with his mouth full. “It’s not my fault you have good cake.”Ciara chuckled, but quickly sobered. “I hate to cut this short, but I need to you present for a chat with Terrence. I need you to confirm if he’s telling the truth.”“…Oh, come on. You’re trustin’ me?”“If you’ve all lied on your reports, then fine, but I know that he’s lied several times, and has the most reason to have been doing the lying.”“Urgh, this won’t end well,” Hars forced himself out of the chair, and grabbed his remaining cake. “I’m taking this though, thank you, Carol.”“Yer very welcome.”The three of them sat in the meeting room, Terry staring at Hars’ cake until it was all gone. Ciara set out a notepad and pencil, and wrote in the date, time, and subject matter. She was sitting next to Hars at the top end of the curve, with Terry opposite them, inside the curve.“Where shall we start, Terrence?”Terry leaned his head back, and sighed. “…During the assignment where we first encountered the memory creatures, we were assisted by my youngest sibling, and their friends.”“You involved people not affiliated with Candela?”“Yes. As far as I know, they’re mostly independent, and happened to also be investigating the same thing. They didn’t want their involvement recorded, and I honoured that.”“And this was the younger sibling who’s been missing?”“Yeah.”“Their names.”Terry didn’t respond.“Their names, Batesman.”“With all respect, Lightkeeper. I will not be giving you their names. All that needs to be known is that an unaffiliated, independent party aided with the investigation.”“…Thin ice, Batesman. Thin ice.”“You already know the names of my family members. You already know one was missing. It won’t be hard for a group like Candela to find out who they are.”“And it would be infinitely easier if you just tell me.”“…They always had me wrapped around their little finger,” Terry smiled.“Fine!” Ciara flipped the page, nearly tearing it. “What else?”“When AD, Tom, and Locket were kidnapped by Fellwright, I went to Kodris for information.”This was when Hars took interest, tilting his head and leaning forward.“What sort of information?” Ciara asked.“Fellwright’s location.”“And he told you?”“Yes. West Hallowharbour. I didn’t get an address or anything, but I got that.”“And what did he want in return?”“A favour. Which has now been fulfilled.”“Good. Is your sibling involved with him?”“…Yes.”“How deeply?”“They get supplies from him, mostly. I’ve spoken strongly with him about it.”“Who is this guy to you?” Hars asked. “You sound like you’re talkin’ to him outside of work.”“Hars, I am the one conducting this interview,” Ciara gave him a hard look.“Yeah, yeah. Sorry,” Hars leaned back.“…That’s something I want to tell you and Clemmie at the same time,” Terry said, before turning back to Ciara. “My sibling being involved in AD’s recovery today was not planned by me. They got involved on their own.”“Alright. Any other lies, Terry?”Terry closed his eyes, and Hars cleared his throat.“I think, perhaps-”“I am still conducting this interview,” Ciara said sharply.“Okay, okay.”“The Briar Bank ghost case… we found Natalie Armstrong, who did not want Candela to find her. She wanted her condition cured, or to be killed.”“… I see. That was the true reason behind looking for Dr Armstrong’s research?”“Yeah. Adjuvant was another option. I asked Carter when I next saw him, with my youngest sibling. It turned out they had some on them.”“You had Adjuvant-!” Ciara took a deep breath and settled her hands. “Did you use it?”“Yeah. It didn’t work for long. AD ended up killing her, on her wishes.”“Natalie Armstrong was amenable, and you talked with her?”“Yeah. I know that’s not what it says on the report, but…”“And it didn’t occur to any of you to ask her what caused her condition in the first place?”“…Fuck,” Terry sighed, closing his eyes.“Give me strength…” Ciara put her head in her hand before pushing it back up to face him. “You also repeatedly went behind Candela’s back,” she groaned. “Whose idea was that?!”Terry and Hars went quiet, looking at each other, before Hars cleared his throat and slowly raised his hand.“…You have to be kidding.”Hars shrugged. “Sorry.”“You are not sorry in the slightest,” Ciara slammed the notepad shut. “For fuck’s sake you two. Do I need to interview Clementine as well?”“Clemmie has nothing to add. She was on board with a lot of it. I was actually against lying to Candela about Natalie,” Terry said.“It doesn’t matter, you still did!” Ciara pinched the bridge of her nose. “You should have been called the Circle of Backstabbers and Fools.”“That’s a little harsh!” Hars protested.“Go home. I will figure out what the fuck I’m supposed to do with this.”“Ciara…”“I am already strongly considering your suspension, Terrence. Don’t make me recommend that you leave Candela entirely.”“…Right. Okay.”

He wasn’t that surprised when he got news of his suspension. No active investigation for Candela Obscura for two months. The call to add another member mildly surprised him, although he didn’t have any strong candidates. Ash was never going to agree, not that Candela would say yes to that either. None of his old contacts in the Periphery would work either.What did surprise him though, when it arrived, was the request with AD.That every two weeks, AD would spend a week at his. It was a question, that wasn’t set in stone.Terry just stared at it, sitting at his kitchen table with Acorn in his lap.Clemmie had the space, the spare room, she had a house for goodness sake! He lived in a pokey flat in the Red Lamp.Acorn complained as he began to stand up, so he caved and picked her up, letting her clamber onto his shoulder. He walked around his flat, trying to think. There wasn’t really anywhere for AD to be secure. He had his kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and office, that had probably intended to be a front room. He did have a broom cupboard, but that occupied by brooms and other cleaning stuff. AD was small, but not that small!Maybe AD could crash in the office? But they would have the run of the flat the rest of the time. It didn’t really seem safe, what with kitchen knives, and shaving razors. He also had his own gun, although that was already in a locked drawer.Then there was Acorn. Did he think AD would want to harm his cat? No. Did he think they might when their eyes glaze over and they’re clearly somewhere else? Maybe. And that maybe was enough.All of that went into his response. His only solutions were to lock all the sharp objects in his room when he wasn’t there. And making sure that Acorn had places to hide that AD couldn’t get to.He went to go send that back, and returned home, slumping into an armchair in his office.“Fucking hell…” he groaned. How had it all gone so wrong?

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

A routine was starting to form. Since AD and Clementine were both early risers, Clementine would bring AD breakfast with the knowledge they were already awake. Still with a spoon, no matter what it was. AD would be left to eat alone, which helped in a way. There were no flashes at least. In the evening, Clementine would bring up dinner, and they’d talk, a little bit.Just before Clementine went to work every day, Tracy would arrive, and she and Clementine would switch.The first time it happened, Tracy came into the room alone. AD sat up straight in their corner, watching her carefully. Tracy did the same, before plucking one of the books Clementine had finally brought from the top of the chest of the drawers, and sitting on the bed to read it.“…I know you’re not sleeping on it,” she said, peering over the book at them. “You’re not hiding it very well.”“…wasn’t hiding it,” AD muttered.Tracy looked over the corner nest AD had made for themselves. “Fair enough.”She went back to her book, and AD just watched her. What kind of warden was this?AD slowly rose to their feet, watching Tracy. And Tracy was watching them. Good.AD took a book from the chest as well, and flicked it open. They didn’t read it, though. It wasn’t really something they were interested in.There was no reaction, and AD eventually gave up on the ruse and sat back down in the corner. Tracy continued to read, and AD slowly relaxed a bit. They reckoned they saw it for what it was. If AD wasn’t a threat, then Tracy wasn’t.So, they just let themselves think. About the past. There was little else to do.It had been hell. There was no doubt about that. Being locked in this room wasn’t ideal, but there was space, soft surfaces, sunlight.But… it had given them a purpose, in a way.Aubery had had no plans for their future. While Clemmie was dreaming of getting out of the Soffit and studying at a fancy school, Aubery just took every day as it came, with no plan for their life. They could have been nothing and everything. If all that hadn’t… hell, if war hadn’t broken out, who knows where they could have ended up.Being that directionless, even remembering being that directionless, make some anxiety churn. In that last 18 years there had always been a point, a reason. Even if that reason was ‘learning to do what you were told, even if you hate it.’But, now what? They’d been slowly gaining some initiative, but they still, on reflex, looked for orders. Regaining their memories hadn’t changed that, again, they just now had the context.Would they still obey the orders when given? Probably. That made them think about Fellwright. The look on Clementine’s face as they aimed the gun at her…AD scrunched their face up and breathed deeply. That didn’t set off a flash, they just not needed to think about Tom screaming…That caused a flash. Tom’s scream melded into someone else’s. So many someone else’s. That was not the first time they’d broken children’s bones under orders. They’d also been a child, at least for some of that, but that wasn’t the point.Nausea rose and AD snapped back, a hand over their mouth. Tracy had stood up, tense and wary.“AD?”Something was climbing up AD’s throat, but if they launched for the chamber pot under the bed, Tracy might hold them back.They just gestured in the direction in under the bed, and while Tracy was clearly confused, she did pull the chamber pot out. In time for AD to see their breakfast again.The coughed and spluttered before sitting back on their heels. Damnit. That was a nuisance.“…All good?” Tracy asked.AD nodded, slowly standing up. They were a little wobbly, but nothing to worry about it. Tracy looked between them and the chamber pot, wrinkling her nose.“If I empty that, you’ll still be here, as you are? Got it?”AD nodded again, and Tracy took the chamber pot, and left the room, the door locking behind her.AD sat heavily on the bed, since there wasn’t a chair. Something still resisted at that, but they couldn’t bring themselves to care.They opened up the drawer to the grab the pencil, took the notebook from the bedside table, and dutifully opened it. Clementine’s handwriting was tight and messy at first, but then she’d taken the time to write clearly, detailing AD’s pervious episodes.They didn’t know what date it was, other than being Early Autumn, and just left a space clear to put in later. They began to write. How remembering what they did to Tom, made them remember who else they’d been made to do it too. How they physically reacted.The thought made their memories come up again, their vision fluttering at the edges. They gripped the pencil tight, feeling the paper, the wood. They weren’t there. They weren’t hurting them.Their handwriting was messy. It wasn’t the tight, scrawling but mostly readable letters of Clementine’s writing. Theirs was large and clumsy.Tracy came back with the chamber pot and leaned against the door with arms folded. AD tried not to look at her when they realised what pose and position she was in. They didn’t fancy a second flash so soon.“An episode? Dr Morgan didn’t mention a reaction like that.”“…It’s new,” AD mumbled.“Huh. What was it? If it’s not going to make you vomit again.”AD didn’t look up, as Tracy hadn’t moved in their peripheral vision. “Remembering something recent.”“Ah. Harder to control.”“… I do not like thinking about it, anyway,” AD closed the book and put it and the pencil back in the drawer.Tracy followed them with her eyes as they sat back in the corner. She rose an eyebrow before pushing herself off the door.“You want some water?”AD blinked at the question. ‘Want’ was a word that didn’t come up a lot. Wanting was for people… they were a person, not a dog.AD just nodded. Their mouth still tasted like vomit.Tracy raised an eyebrow, but went to go get some water.When she came back, AD drank, and the two went back to existing in the same space in silence.

AD didn’t really sleep that well. Not with knowing what nightmares awaited them. They also knew not sleeping wasn’t going to end well, so was feeling a bit stuck in the middle.They leaned their head back, half looking at the window, the light from the electric lamps outside filtering through the light curtains.What did they used to do before? For a long time, they would be so tired they’d just dropped… they used to have a mantra, or something…“…Aubery Dustin. Dorothy Dustin. James Dustin. Patrick Dustin. Lily Dustin. Martin Dustin. Colleen Dustin…” the names and rhythm came back. That’s what it had been. All the names. Their name. Their sister’s, then brother’s, their dad, their mum. When had they stopped doing that?“Clemmie Morgan. Ho-Yin Wong. Emma Irons. Nadia Bakri. Matty Flowers,” where were those kids now? Clemmie was obviously down the hall, asleep. But Ho-Yin, Emma, Nadia, Matt? Those other kids that hung around for protection? What had happened to them?How many of them went to war and didn’t come back?Other names, half remembered, filtered through. There was a brief flash, and AD was in a concrete room, other children curled up as best they could around them.It passed quickly, and they remembered. That was their first major rebellion. The Trainers, the Handlers, they had tried to get them all to respond to AD and a number. AD4, for example.Aubery wasn’t having it then. They got the others to tell them their names, and they repeated it, every night. It was shut down quickly. They were separated and beaten and worked so hard that they didn’t have the energy.They tried to remember those names, but they slipped through. It had been too long. Where were they now? How many of them went to war and didn’t come back? Quite a few went… their memories still weren’t settled. They weren’t sure.So many of them had been turned into brutes. The kind of hulking bodyguard someone might find comforting.Handler had wanted at least one who was nimble. Which was why AD was as small as they were. Fast and deadly.Handler never told them her name, but AD did know her. Some war general… captain? Lieutenant? Somewhat famous when they were a child. Although, who knew now.AD forced themselves to lie down and curl up.“Aubery Dustin…” they faltered. That wasn’t their name anymore. They could argue that ‘AD’ wasn’t right either, although that had never been a name.It was too late in the night for this. It didn’t matter right now, anyway.

It turned out that there was no hiding food from Tracy.She’d leave the room periodically, food and toilet breaks generally, including making and bringing up lunch.She left AD alone to eat theirs, thankfully, but when she came back in, her eyes honed on the half of sandwich that had made it’s way to their pocket. AD decided to pretend it wasn’t there. They didn’t even really know why they were still doing it.Tracy’s expression barely changed, and she stopped looking at it. Still, AD didn’t reach for it.Eventually, she left to go get some water, and the half a sandwich was quickly buried at the bottom of the chest of drawers.She came back with a glass and glanced at AD. Her eyebrow quirked ever so slightly as AD kept their face impassive. Nothing had changed, it was fine.Tracy took her time with her water, and AD tried to relax a bit. Tried. She finished and took the glass back downstairs, and AD was tense and twitchy.They finally got up and moved around, swinging their arms. Their body was a well-oiled machine, and they liked how that felt. It did what they wanted, what they expected, no matter what.They eyed the wall they’d been sitting and sleeping against. It was a bare wall…They took a run up, ran up the wall and kicked off. They flipped backwards, landing on their hands to start with before falling back to their feet.Second one, they didn’t bother with the hands. They just flipped.“What are you doing?” Tracy asked. AD hadn’t heard the door open.“…exercising.”“…I see,” she said. “First time I’ve seen you do it.”“… I did not want to before,” that sentence felt like a strange rebellion. They hadn’t been supposed to want, let alone not want.“…fair enough,” Tracy sat on the bed and picked up her book. “Don’t let me stop you.”AD tilted their head at her, before considering. It felt odd with someone here… what should they do?Warm up properly. Doing wall flips was fun, but if they were going to train properly, they needed to be warm.An hour later, AD was shadow boxing, and Tracy looked up from her book. AD had taken off their shirt and jumper, forgetting about the green glow coming from their chest. If Tracy noticed, she didn’t say.Instead, she stood up, got into a long stance, and held her hands palm out.AD paused, looking over.“Targets,” was all Tracy said.AD raised an eyebrow, but obliged. They set themselves up in front of Tracy, and gave some light jabs, before Tracy swiped and they ducked.“I know you can punch harder than that.”AD gave an odd look, before smirking and launching their punches. They weren’t full power, but they were close.Tracy rocked back and adjusted her stance. “That’s more like it!”AD grinned at her and kept going. They kept a rhythm for a little bit, and sweat dripped off AD.A flash. A Trainer in front of them, thick leather mitts. Back, it was Tracy, just her hands. Her face became concerned when she realised that AD was punching harder.Another flash, the Trainer feinting and the other fist slamming into AD’s temple. AD staggered to the side from the force that wasn’t there, and Tracy just stepped back in time to hear AD snarl and lash out.A haymaker aiming for her temple whizzed past, and Tracy let it. AD fully turned away with the momentum, a little confused as to why they just passed through the Trainer’s head.Tracy used their momentum to push them away and barked. “Aubery!”That snapped them out. No Trainer called them Aubery.They stopped, breathing heavily and blinking rapidly. They stood up straight, looking around. They weren’t facing that way before.Oh. Great.“…did I hit you?” AD asked quietly as they turned to face Tracy.“Managed to dodge,” Tracy shrugged, appearing unconcerned. “What happened there?”“…Trainer,” a lump formed in AD’s throat. They didn’t know why. It was suddenly hard to speak.Tracy held out the book and pencil. “Write it down,” she said calmly. “Since that seems to be the protocol.”AD sighed heavily, but went to go do that. The words didn’t come any easier with writing. The only people they had ever trained with were Trainers and other ADs… of course training with someone else was going to trigger something!They put the notebook and pencil back, and should have gone back to training. They should train. They didn’t want to, but since when had that stopped them?Tracy looked at them oddly, as they settled into a fighting stance. “You sure you want to keep going?”Now AD paused. They did like exercising, training. There was something about feeling so in control of themselves that sent a thrill through them. They had missed it, but after that…“You want water?” she deflected. “You’ve been going for a bit, so a break sounds good to me. You?”“…Yeah.”“Alright. Stay right there.”Tracy was quickly back, and handing AD a glass of water. They held it in both hands.“…You aren’t concerned?”“A little bit,” Tracy admitted. “That was one hell of a punch you threw. But that’s why I’m here. I have combat training, I can dodge. And poor old Clemmie doesn’t have to.”“Oh.” Of course, that made perfect sense. Clementine was afraid, it was very wise of her.It still hurt.Tracy just sighed. “No point fussing over it. It just is, right now. I got briefed on a lot of a stuff, made my own judgements. You don’t mean to do this, but because you do, you’re a danger. It’s not fair, but here we are.”AD gave a bitter chuckle. Nothing was fair.“You know, I might know stuff you don’t. And I bet you know stuff I don’t. Maybe not today, but maybe we could train together?”“…You are my warden,” it wasn’t a question, but AD was confused.“Yeah. But this might also be a way to both work out some of your triggers, and work through some stuff, and replace stuff, I guess. If your only memories of training with people are bad, let’s replace them with some that are… at least neutral.”AD nodded slowly. There was some logic to that.“Good,” Tracy nodded, then held out her hand to shake.AD stared at it for a moment, then slowly took it. Tracy did one firm shake, and let go.“Alright. More training?”“…I do not think so,” AD put the glass of water down on the bedside table.“Alright,” Tracy shrugged.AD still waited. Tracy still didn’t react negatively, just raising her eyebrow as AD didn’t move. They slowly went back to the far wall, and watched as Tracy sat back down on the bed with her book. Nothing.Of course there wasn’t, that wasn’t her job. That wasn’t what she was there for.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

AD sat sandwiched between Tracy and Clementine at Clementine’s kitchen table.It was the first time they’d been allowed downstairs, although it was rather tainted by the handcuffs on their wrists. And the Candela members opposite.Two men sat on the other side of the table, backs to the door, both with Candela Obscura pins on their lapels. The smaller of the two had long scar running down his face, and a notepad open on the table, fiddling with the pencil between his fingers. The larger of the two was a broad man, with a rumbling voice to match. He wore a thick hat that covered his ears, even indoors, even though summer hadn’t quite let go yet.“If you could please start taking notes,” he instructed his companion, who stopped fiddling and began to write. “Conducting this interview is Lightkeeper Brooke. The interviewee is the individual known as ‘AD’. The purpose of this interview is to learn more of AD’s background and motivations for recent actions. We are within the house of Dr Morgan, of Candela Obscura, and AD is restrained with handcuffs. We are joined by Lightkeeper Nguyen as notetaker, Dr Clementine Morgan, and Major Tracy Hunter of Candela Obscura.”Major? AD glanced at Tracy, who was sitting rather casually, leaning back in her chair. They never would have guessed she had that high a rank.Lightkeeper Brooke checked his pocket watch “It is almost 11 o’clock on the 17th of Early-Autumn,” he said to Lightkeeper Nguyen before turning to AD. “I will now ask my first question. As I understand, you were trained rather extensively, is that correct?”“Yes.”“What was the purpose of your training?”“To obey orders. To watch. To protect our…” AD faltered. The actual term that had been drummed into their heads was ‘Master’, because the Trainers really wanted to hammer home how fucked they all were. Then, and now, it made AD feel ill.“To protect…?” Lightkeeper Brooke prompted.“To protect the ones we were assigned to protect. Or die trying.”“I see,” Lightkeeper Brooke ignored Clementine’s sharp gasp. “How was this achieved?”“Harsh training, strict conditions. All previous connections ignored or forgotten.”“And up until recently, you had amnesia?”“That is correct.”“Do you know why?”“I do.”“…Well, do tell us why.”“It was done deliberately. I was deemed too volatile to reliably control. In that I would disobey. Frequently.”“I see,” Lightkeeper Brooke flipped through his notes. “Were you the only one being trained?”“I was not.”“How many were there?”“…Many. I did not count. The highest number I knew was 20.”“Can you explain that a bit further? What do you mean by ‘highest’?”“AD20.”“…You were given designations?”“Yes.”“And yours was…?”“AD4.”“I see… I will come back to that rough topic... For now, I will ask you about the various assignments you have done as an investigator for Candela Obscura,” Lightkeeper Brooke reached under the table and pulled out a series of files.He flicked through them before pulling out the one he wanted. “Assignment number 1, the Shadow of Briar Green and the smuggling ring. You were behaving as expected for your first assignment, I presume sticking to your training rigidly?”“Yes.” Mostly.“There was an incident in the cellar, where you moved to prevent a box from falling, causing yourself injury, and, in your own words, opening Hars to potential harm. In the end, you were the one who was shot. Does this fit how you were trained?”“…Not completely. I was supposed to have waited from an order from Hars before acting. I acted of my own accord to protect him from whatever might have been in the box. A grey area, that would not have been liked.”“So even then, with your memory altered, and so recently retrieved from those who trained you, you were acting against your training?”“…I suppose so.”Lightkeeper Brooke flipped to the next one. “Assignment 2, The Ebony Mirror. Your Circle was asked to investigate, as the mirror was being used for sexual acts, and it was believed that your Circle would not be tempted. You revealed that it could be used to show a wider range of desires. Private Investigator Batesman took all of your statements of what you all experienced. Yours started as being within the Copper Court Chapter House, awaiting orders, before shifting to a house you did not recognise, but caused you pain. Is this correct?”“Yes, sir.”“Would you say that, if you were to enter this mirror again, you would see the same thing?”“I… I don’t know,” AD tensed, and gripped the edge of the table as there was a brief flash. A Trainer, a bunch of questions. A slap. Their head being shoved onto the table repeatedly.It wasn’t real. They weren’t there.“AD?” Lightkeeper Brooke was snapping his fingers in front of their face. “Are you with us?”“Yes, sir,” AD blinked and focused on him.Lightkeeper Nguyen made an additional note on his pad, and AD tried not to look at him.“Assignment 3, the Boy and the Automaton. You acted under orders, chasing down Eleutherius Fellwright until told to stop. You followed orders, up until the moment that Hars attempted to shoot the automaton known as Locket.”“Yes.”“Why did you do that, AD? Why did you stop him?”AD cast their mind back. It felt like a lifetime ago. “The children had asked us not to harm Locket, even Tom had asked that. And, Locket was afraid. It did not seem right.” Locket had looked like a scared child.“And you trusted Hars enough to stop him?”“Yes. Not a single member of the Circle of the Black Ring had raised a hand to me, and had emphasised that I could ask questions and speak my mind. This was the first true test of that.”Lightkeeper Nguyen kept scribbling even when AD stopped talking, and once again, AD tried not to look at him. What was he writing?Lightkeeper Brooke just nodded to himself. “Moving on. Assignment 4, Memory. Rather controversial, since you had the aid of an outside group, and the whole Circle neglected to mention this. However, that is not what I will be asking about. There was a period of time when you were with members of this other group, and not with your Circle. Could you please describe what occurred? In full detail.”“I entered the office of Dr Tarris through the window, with members of the other group. One set to picking the lock on one of the cabinets while the other and I looked around. The main door had an unusual lock. The second of the two cabinets had the creature inside, as well as the barely alive Dr Tarris. I gave an order to leave-”“You gave an order?”“Yes,” AD looked at the table. “I tried to make them leave the room. When that failed, and one of them fell, I told them to get the door open. I was temporarily stunned, but I was able to fight. When the other one fell, I gave myself the Fight order.”“You can do that?” Lightkeeper Brooke’s voice went higher.“I did not know that it would work, and it was not as effective as if someone else had given the order. I still needed Terrence to tell me to stop.”“I see. I will come back to some of that…” He flipped through the files. “Avery Choi’s recovery has little of note. Assignment 5 is a restricted file, due to the actions of the Circle of Needle and Thread, though I have access to some of it. The main incident I wish to ask you about, is your attack on the shapeshifter.”Of course. Of course this would come up. Not even the fact that AD told their Circle to wait. This bit.“You apparently leapt from the carriage to confront a seemingly human man, under your own steam, and it was not only a shapeshifting monster, but the very same shapeshifting monster that was hunting the Circle of the Silver Flame and the Circle of Needle and Thread. It then escaped, after nearly killing you. My main question, is why? What spurred you to confront it?”“I do not kn… I cannot say…” AD shook their head.“You don’t know?”“…That is correct.”“I don’t believe you.”AD went tense. “I… I… I thought I felt… bleed…”“From inside the carriage?”“Yes.”“How do you react to bleed?”“My hands... go cold,” AD rubbed them together without thinking.“I see. So you felt your hands go cold in the middle of summer, saw this seemingly normal man, and thought he was a monster.”“… I watch. I watch… people. There was something… wrong. Hars has already pointed out that I could have been about to attack a disabled person.”“And he is correct. But you are reigning yourself in, in that regard?”“Yes… A similar instance has not occurred, however.”“Hmmm,” Lightkeeper Brooke looked over at Lightkeeper Nguyen, who was still scribbling. “Very well… Assignment 6, another Restricted file, involving Dr Fellwright.”AD felt something coil unpleasantly. Not that. They didn’t really want to think about that. They had hated having to help put that report together.“Am I correct that most of the atrocities you committed were under orders?”“Yes.”“Which one was not?”“The killing of Fellwright.”“Can you talk me through it? Why did you kill him?”AD leaned back in their seat, thinking. “…I had become very used to the Circle of the Black Ring. Being treated as I had during training was… jarring,” that was an understatement. “And what I was made to do… went against something… in me. Hars offered me a gun, and I took it.”“Whilst at Candela, you were not supposed to have firearms,” Lightkeeper Brooke flicked through the files. “And yet you were given one?”“I was.”“…very well. Then what?”“I shot Fellwright, repeatedly. I then cut his throat.”Clementine made a small squeak, and AD remembered that she had been there. Oh no.“With a knife?” Lightkeeper Brooke sounded like he knew the answer.“With what was to hand. In this case, a hacksaw.”Lightkeeper Nguyen blanched at that admission.“A hacksaw? There wasn’t anything else?”“…It was to hand.”“I see,” Lightkeeper Brooke hurriedly flipped through to the next one. “Assignment 7, Her Brother’s Legacy. As I understand, the Circle of the Black Ring went behind Candela’s back, and lied about the nature of the ghost.”AD shifted uncomfortably.“It is also mentioned that you were not involved in the deception. What you did do, was kill Natalie Armstrong. Why was that?”“She asked me to.”“She wished to die?”“…She did not wish to be imprisoned. Or live in fear. She did not see another option. I made certain to make it as quick as I could, slitting the jugular and trachea in the same swipe.”Lightkeeper Brooke looked at AD. “A mercy kill.”“Yes.”“And how did you feel about someone asking you to kill them?”“I...I don’t recall,” they had been rather sleep deprived.“Is a mercy kill unusual to you? Had you been asked to do it before?”Not like that. Maybe. They weren’t sure. They had memories of people begging for death, were they memories, or nightmares? How red were their hands? It had never been how Natalie had asked for it.“I had not. It was…” they didn’t know how to continue.“Let’s leave that there,” Lightkeeper Brooke said, and moved to the final, thickest, file, bringing AD back to the present. “Assignment 8, Streets of Memory. This one is a mess, not all of it your fault. I wish to ask you about the deaths. It has been over a week by now, perhaps your mind is clearer. Let’s start with the two Periphery officers. Why did they die?”“…In my state, I believed they were a threat, and acted accordingly.”“Were they a threat?”“N- they were not. They believed I had taken scarlet.”“What of the Candela agent outside of the Dustin household?”AD closed their eyes, remembering while gripping the table. The edge dug into their finger joints, keeping them here, in the present. “…He was in the way. I had not intended to kill him, but he was being forceful, and I was not of right mind.”“Finally. Arthur Dustin.”AD’s stomach clenched. “I had not intended to kill anyone in that family.”“But you did. Why?”“He was trying to defend his mother…”“GET AWAY FROM MY MUM! LEAVE HER ALONE!” a memory, but who’s voice? Theirs, or Arthur’s?“And you interpreted that as a threat?”“He ran into me, to knock me away. And I reacted as though he was a threat. He was not, but…” AD let out a shaky breath, it pluming in front of them.“Were you aware that he was in the building?”“…I was not.”“None of these deaths were pre-mediated? They were not planned?”“That is correct.”“How likely is it that you would do this again?”“I…” AD didn’t have an answer. “I am uncertain.”Lightkeeper Brooke looked over his partner’s notes, and then back at AD. “You seem to be reluctant to say the phrase ‘I don’t know’. And you have never said the word ‘no’. Were you not allowed to say these words?”“You are correct.”“Were there any other words or phrases you were not allowed to say?”“…Refusals, preferences. Names,” AD gave a wry smile. “I tried. Aubery Dustin. Dorothy Dustin. James Dustin. Patrick Dustin. Lily Dustin. Martin Dustin. Colleen Dustin. I tried to say them,” the smile turned sad. “They didn’t like that.”“To be completely clear. The people who trained you were physically abusive? They hurt you?”“Yes.”Lightkeeper Brooke nodded again. “Was there anything else you were not allowed to do?”“Lie. Show pain or discomfort. Ask questions. Give an order.”“I see,” Lightkeeper Brooke checked his notes, and changed the subject. “Why did you go to the Dustin household that night?”“…I wanted answers,” AD admitted, fiddling with the chain holding their cuffs together. “The last thing… the last time I saw my mother, I was being dragged away from her, crying and begging for her. And she did nothing. I wanted to know why.”“Did you find out why?”“She said… she said they were going to lose the house… that we’d all be split up. It was me… or all of us.”“Money trouble?”“She didn’t say…” money trouble? By the Father, that had to be it. She’d given Aubery to them in exchange for money…“We will investigate further,” Lightkeeper Brooke’s voice cut through before AD could sink too far. “Why don’t you tell us about that, day, night? How you were recruited.”“…I came downstairs. Mum, Mum called me down late at night. There were… she wasn’t alone. There were well dressed people in the kitchen with her. I thought… I thought they were threatening her, so I went between them, shouting. They just laughed. When I turned to Mum, I… I don’t remember if she said anything. I was grabbed, and pulled away. I was screaming, and crying and struggling and begging… AND SHE JUST WATCHED!”AD slammed their fists against the table, before burying their face in their hands. Their fingers clawed up to grip their hair, one hand trailing to grip their shirt collar, but the chain was too short. Their breath hitched as they struggled to get themselves under control. No memories were flashing. It was just a sudden welling of pain. How could she have done that? How could she have done that to them?!“…She just watched…”“…We will look into it further,” Lightkeeper Brooke said. “And I believe that this is a good point to end this interview. I may come by again, but for now, I will prevent this from going any further. Thank you for your time.”AD didn’t really hear them leave. They were trying to get and keep themselves under control. Someone took them by the elbow, and they were steered back upstairs.Their handcuffs were taken off, and they stayed there, staring at the blank wall. In a blur of movement, they suddenly grabbed the pillow from the bed and flung it against the wall with a scream.They stared at where it fell, breathing heavily. Their breath plumed, and they felt their lips go cold. They didn’t care.Someone touched their shoulder and they flinched violently, moving away.“Easy, easy,” Tracy had her hands out like she was trying to calm a frightened animal, while Clementine hovered in the background. “Let it out, okay? That whole thing sounded rough.”“Did it?” AD hissed.“…Okay, maybe ‘rough’ is an understatement…”“I lost my life!” AD yelled. “My childhood, my future, was taken from me, and I was made this!” their fingers scrabbled up their torso to make the point. “I lost everything! Because someone wanted a fucking dog! Because my parents wanted, what, money? Money… over…”All the fight suddenly drained out of AD, and their knees buckled. They crumpled in the middle of the floor like wet paper. Their throat burned, and they couldn’t stop the tears, the sobs forcing their way out.An arm came around their shoulder, and they froze. Their vision started to go fuzzy at the edges, but it faded. This was gentle, open. They could pull away. It took a full minute for AD to realise that it was a hug.They melted, and broke down. They vaguely saw blue, and knew that Clementine was the one hugging them. They gripped her tight, like she was going to vanish if they let go, and bawled into her shoulder. Howling and crying.Clemmie rocked gently, one hand one their back, another on their head, as AD dug their fingers into her back and shoulders. It hurt a bit, AD was unintentionally leaving bruises. But when was the last time anyone held them like this?

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Despite Terry’s points against AD staying at his flat, it was deemed that AD was going to stay with him. For a week, every two weeks. The logic being, he had already thought through how to manage it, and it could be part of his suspension.He’d put all his sharps into his room, locked it, and made sure he had the only key. Pens and pencils were hidden in a drawer in his desk, and that was all he could think of.AD arrived in handcuffs, looking like hell. Their shirt and trousers were clean, if rumpled. They were pale, with heavy bags under their eyes. Their left eye was still black and red, not helping with the shiver that went down Terry’s back.A dark blonde woman named Tracy was with them, one hand on their shoulder until the front door was shut. Their warden, apparently, so that AD wasn’t left on their own. She was taller and looked sturdier than AD, but Terry was surprised to hear she was a Major.“I’ve only got one cot set up,” Terry nodded to the one he’d set up in his office, where they were all standing.“That’s fine,” Tracy responded. “We can discuss when I need to be here.”“Fair.”AD just stood there, slowly scanning the room.“You fine with the cot, AD?” Terry asked.AD just nodded, still scanning.“A couple of ground rules, I guess? All the other rooms are down there,” he pointed to the door to his left, which led to a hallway. “Bathroom is second on the right. My cat, Acorn, takes a while to warm up to people. If anything happens to her, you’ll be out on your ear.”AD nodded seriously, despite the flat tone that implied he might not have been completely serious. He really couldn’t tell what they were thinking.On cue, a tortoiseshell cat pushed through the door. She was mostly black and brown, with some orange. Most of her brown fur formed a cap on her head, and one gold, one blue eye assessed the two strangers. She then turned around, and sauntered back out.“…Well, she didn’t puff up and hiss at you, so a decently warm welcome,” Terry shrugged.“She’s pretty,” Tracy noted. “I can see why you called her ‘Acorn’.”“…Thanks, I guess,” Terry still didn’t know what to make of her yet.The two began a halting, awkward conversation about when Tracy would be needed here. AD meandered around the office, still handcuffed. They were looking for a good corner, and the best corner looked to be just by the door that led out of the flat.The desk was covered in seemingly random papers and files, crumbs scattered across it. Although what they had come from was long gone. Two chairs sat by the desk, one on each side, the softest one was on the side without drawers, with its back mostly to the front door.AD slowly realised that they didn’t fully know, or perhaps understand, what it was that Terrence did for a living. He was like the Periphery, but not really?They focused back on the conversation. Terrence worked weird, inconsistent hours, but would try to keep regular hours this week. He did work from home, but it would be in the front room, and he didn’t really want anyone else there.So, Tracy would be here from late morning to the evening, and if Terrence had to work further at night, he would tell her.The conversation petered off when they came to that conclusion.“Well…” Terrence swung his arms awkwardly. “I’d better you offer you drinks,” he glanced at AD, and did a double take. “Can you take their handcuffs off?!” he directed to Tracy.“Oh. Right,” she got to it, quickly removing them.AD hadn’t been overly concerned, even as they reflexively rubbed their wrists. They weren’t getting flashes.They moved to and sat in Terrence’s messy kitchen. He’d clearly tried to clean up, but there was still some breakfast left, and a stain in the table that clearly been there a while. AD held a cup of water in both hands, while Terrence had his coffee. Tracy had joined him on the coffee, both drinks as black as the night.The three of them sipped their drinks in the awkward silence.“So… you doing alright, AD?”AD fixed him with an odd look. ‘Alright’ was an… interesting word choice.“Oh… I mean, why would you be alright, huh?” Terrence tried to smile, making it a joke. The smile faltered at AD’s blank expression on the other side of the table. “Um… anything I need to know, now?”“…If I have an episode… don’t come near me,” the handprint bruise on Clementine’s neck flashed through their mind.“And… then what?”“Shouting ‘Aubery’ worked for me,” Tracy shrugged.“Noted…”“You know how to fight?” she leaned back in her chair.“Of course I do.”“Good. You might need it.”Terrence made a slightly strangled noise.“…Failing that,” Tracy grinned. “Sparring might be good for ‘em.”“That true, AD?”“It’s something we’re trying,” AD shrugged.“Right…”It was coming up to late morning by this point, and Terrence had clients to see. So, he made his excuses, and left the pair in the kitchen.AD and Tracy had a brief explore of the place. The flat was small, so AD mostly relegated themselves to the kitchen. They could do some training in the hallway, but would certainly have to be quiet.There was a flash without warning. A different kitchen. Smaller, packed with shouting children, and two parents trying to wrangle the whole thing. There was another flash, a calmer kitchen, not so much talking. Aubery had felt so awkward in the Morgan household, they seemed much quieter, much more put together.The flashes cleared, and AD was back in Terrence’s kitchen.Tracy had noticed, but was just keeping an eye on them. Given that AD was still sitting at the table, it didn’t seem like anything that bad had happened.“All good?” Tracy asked cautiously.AD nodded.“Alright then. Do you need to write that down?”AD sighed, “…probably.”“I’ll go get the stuff.”

AD spent the first night curled up in the corner by the door, having taken the blanket from the cot to make their nest. Both the front door, and the door leading to the rest of the flat were locked, and there was no window in this room. The lamp was off, and all of this made this room near pitch black. The only reason it wasn’t pitch black to AD, was their red eye. It could just make out the shape of the desk. Just about. Not even the light from their chest helped, it was blocked off by the blanket.So, it was only the blanket and the carpet that told AD that they were safe. Even then, past and present started blurring together. Carpet, or concrete? No, definitely carpet… were they sure?The thought of moving to the cot passed through their mind, and was violently shoved aside. Don’t move. Remain small. Try to sleep. Not for dogs.“…not a dog,” they growled under their breath. It sounded deafening, and they held their breath, waiting for a Trainer to throw open the door and haul everyone out, baton in hand to strike the one who made noise. Or just everyone, for good measure.They barely slept a wink, even as light filtered through the crack under the front door. They might have dozed of once they could clearly see the office, however.It turned out that Terrence was not as early a riser as AD and Clementine. It was 9 o’clock by the time he unlocked the door, poking his head through with his hair sticking up in odd directions.AD had mostly given up on proper sleep now, and was in the middle of a handstand when he opened the door.“I’m doin’ breakfast,” he grumbled, before backing out again.AD dropped back to their feet, and followed him into the kitchen. Terrence was in a slightly ratty dressing gown, brown hair loose and messy, and was cursing to himself at the stove.“…can’t use my fucking knives so I guess it’s eggs all week… how many bloody eggs do I need…?”AD shrugged. “…Two?”“…That doesn’t seem like enough, let’s double that.”It did make a decent amount of scrambled egg, and the two ate mostly in silence. Acorn was having her breakfast nearby, mostly ignoring the pair.AD pushed their chair into the corner, plate in their lap, trying to eat with a spoon. Just in case. They watched Terrence’s back as they ate, even though they knew, they definitely knew, that he wasn’t going to steal their food.A flash was threatening. Their vision went fuzzy at the edges, but dispersed as AD ate. They hadn’t eaten eggs like this back then. If they’d ever had them, they were unseasoned and rubbery.“I’ve got my first client at 10,” Terrence said, breaking through. He was looking back at them over his shoulder. “Tracy should be here about 15 mins before. There’s something I want to ask about, but I am not fucking awake enough, so I’ll grab you when I break for lunch, okay?”AD nodded. They had put the blanket back on the cot, so there was no evidence of where they had been sleeping.“Good… Kinda surprised how quiet you are now. You had no problems talking last I saw you.”“…I was…” AD just rubbed their temple.“Stressed? Actually, that seems like an understatement.”“…was Ash okay?”“…Yeah,” Terrence sighed. “They were very worried about you, hoping you weren’t going to off yourself. So, shaken, a bit. I had to explain the whole deal with you, and they punched me for going along with it.”AD couldn’t help it, they chuckled.“They’re stronger than they look. I’ve still got the damn bruise!”AD doubled over giggling, one hand over their mouth to try and stop it, and failing.“Well, I’m glad you find it funny,” Terrence rolled his eyes. “They’re doing fine, though. At least, they say they are, and I guess I have to trust them,” he took a bite of his eggs. “Carter’s doing alright as well. Work as usual.”AD’s giggles calmed down, and they also went back to their eggs.“Sleep alright?” he asked.“…I did not…”“Oh. Do you mind if I ask why?”AD fluttered a hand around their temple, and their words dried up. “Weird, head…”Terrence tilted his head, waiting patiently as AD got their words together.“…kept thinking I was back there, in the dark. I… I know I wasn’t, but…”“Anything I can do to make sure that doesn’t happen?”“…Light?” AD cringed. It was such a childish thing to suggest. Pathetic. The cot would probably help as well, if they could push past their own mind enough to use it.“…I’ll see what I can do,” Terrence nodded. “I can leave the gas lamp on low tonight?”“…That would work,” AD conceded.“Does Clemmi… Clem, leave a light on?”“She does not, the Sidle has electric lightning, and the spare room has a window.”“Ah, I see.”“…You can call her Clemmie,” AD said quietly. “It does not hurt anymore.”“Oh, phew,” Terrence relaxed. “I’ve been calling her Clemmie for so long, it was hard to remember.”“I called her that too.”“Oh, really?” Terrence smiled.AD nodded. “Everyone did. For a long time she was only ‘Clementine’ when her parents were angry with her.”Terrence chuckled. “That sounds right! You two must have gotten up to all sorts when you were kids.”“There were a few of us. Me, Clemmie, Ho-Yin, Emma, Nadia, and Matty. Not even with the big kids messed with us.” AD poked their eggs, face falling slightly as they thought about the other four. “I don’t know what happened to them…”“We can find out. Do you know their full names?”“Ho-Yin Wong. Emma Irons. Nadia Bakri. Matthew Flowers.”“…You remembered that after all this time?”“Time is a little muddled,” AD shrugged, waving their fingers at their head again. “It’s all blurred anyway, but since it came back, memories from ten years ago are as strong and the ones from two years ago. There was a time when I made myself remember.”“I see,” Terrence glanced at the clock on his wall, and cursed. “Fuck! I need to get dressed! Tracy will be here in five. Once my client gets here, don’t go in the office, got it?”“Understood.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Terry came into the kitchen an hour or so later for a coffee refill. AD hadn’t left, and Acorn had taken advantage of it.So, Terry came into the kitchen with AD sitting ramrod stiff in their chair, Tracy trying not to burst out laughing, and Acorn nowhere to be seen.“…AD?”“Acorn is on my lap,” AD whispered. “She is… vibrating?”Terry blinked, and even Tracy stopped laughing. “She’s purring, AD.”“…Okay,” AD cautiously looked down, at where Acorn was curled up. One paw over her eyes as she rested.“It’s a good thing, it means she’s happy,” Terry explained.“Oh… okay, that, that’s good.”Terry went to the counter to sort out his coffee. “You can stroke her, you know.”“…Like a dog?”“Gentler than a dog. Cats aren’t as sturdy.”AD gave feather light touches on Acorn’s back, barely ruffling the fur. Terry looked at Tracy, who shook her head.“I’ve got it,” she mouthed.Terry took his coffee, and left to Tracy coaching AD on how to stroke a cat. Fucking hell.

Terrence had put together cheese sandwiches for lunch, having chivvied AD and Tracy out of the room before he cut the bread. It was the three of them, with not much conversation, only solid chewing. AD wasn’t really hungry, not used to having lunch, but wasn’t going to turn food down.They sat pushed away from the table again, the other two having their backs to them. They weren’t watching them eat, they were focused on their own food. No one was stealing it, they didn’t have to rush.AD still finished their food before anyone else. Half a sandwich was in their hand, no one was looking.AD took a deep breath, and just ate it in two great, gulping bites. They then shuffled their chair back to the table, sticking it on the end.“So, AD,” Terrence spoke through a mouthful of food. Some part of AD remembered that their mum had no patience for that. “The thing I wanted to ask you about, was the orders.”AD sat up a little straighter.“You said there were more than four, right? How many are there?”“A lot,” AD didn’t know the exact number.Terrence reached into his pocket and pulled out a notepad and pencil. He flipped it open and primed the pencil in one hand, still eating the sandwich in the other.AD thought for a moment, before listing them off. “Fight, Enough, Still, Shoot, are the ones you know. There is also, Subdue. Attention. At Ease. Pursue. Heel. Sit. Forward. Left. Right. Break… we’re usually told what to break. Move stops Still.”Terrence groaned at that one. “Bloody hell… What does ‘Heel’ do?”“I follow them, about a step behind them.”“Right…” Terrence was writing this all down, half a cheese sandwich still sitting on his plate. “And what’s the difference between ‘Subdue’ and ‘Fight’?”“Fight is to either the death of the thing I am attacking, or until my unconsciousness. Subdue is until they cannot fight anymore.”“Fucking hell… what does ‘Attention’ do?”“I stand to attention, awaiting further orders. ‘At Ease’ stops Attention.”Terrence swallowed, and put down his pencil. “Who the fuck did this do you?” he muttered.Handler did that…AD knew who Handler was.They sat back in shock. That realisation had come to them before, but it had slipped their mind again. They really needed to sleep properly.The name escaped them now, but they had known of Handler from before they were taken. She’d been a war hero. One of the ones you’d see on posters to try and get you to join the HAF. Aubery hadn’t liked the idea, but still thought the woman was a badass.What was her damn name?!“AD?” Terrence had noticed them going quiet.“…She was a war hero... My Handler… I did know of her… What was her name?” they mumbled that last bit.“Hang on, you know who did this?”“… I know her.”“But you don’t know the organisation?”AD shook their head.“…That is one hell of a start. I can look into old war heroes. Must be from before the last one, Elselands?”“Maybe?” there had been a war with Elseland?“That narrows it down.”“I thought you were suspended?” Tracy piped up.“From Candela investigations,” Terrence smirked. “Nothing about what I do outside of that.”Tracy also smirked, and went back to her sandwich.“What the hell is your story, Hunter?”“You’re not going to get it that easily.”“Oh, epic story?”“Nah. Just private.”“I don’t know if I believe you.”“Believe what you like. You’ve got more important investigations to do.”“That may be… I’ll keep you on the back burner for now.”Tracy shook her head and rolled her eyes, despite the small smirk. “You do what you like.”

It was at dinner that evening that Terrence remembered the rest of what he wanted to say to AD.“You know, we could work on you resisting the orders.”AD looked up from their food, frowning. They couldn’t resist, that was the point.“Okay, no need for that look,” Terrence pointed his fork at them, twisting over his shoulder to do so. “I’m just saying… I don’t think we want a repeat of Fellwright.”AD flinched at that. The tunnel, the weight of the gun in their hand, blood on Terrence’s shoulder…“Aubery!”AD blinked back. They were in Terrence’s kitchen. Far away. Fellwright was dead.“Exactly why I think you need to do this,” he continued. “We can try tomorrow, I guess? I’ve got an idea on how to do it.”“…Okay.”

That evening, like Terrence had said, he left the gas lamp on low as AD went to bed. They rubbed their left eye, and sat in their corner. It did help. It just… it felt so childish! They were like a small child, scared of the dark!Part of them just wanted to go over and turn the damn lamp off. The other part, sensibly, warned them that this was a bad idea. Pride had never served them well, and they needed sleep.They curled up in their corner, and they remembered, in a flash, why they liked the corner. They could see everything coming. The ADs were not encouraged to have bonds, even though, there was always going to be one. That said, that did mean the nastier ones were prone to letting out their frustrations when everyone else was trying to sleep.…AD had been guilty of that, occasionally. When they were so tired and angry that even the slightest heavy breathing while asleep would set them off.Something scratched at the door and AD bolted up, ready to attack or defend. The dim light of the lamp quickly reminded them where they were, and they calmed. The scratching didn’t stop though.There was some mumbling at the door to the rest of the flat, and a protesting meow. Ah, Terrence and Acorn. That’s all it was.They needed to sleep.

The next morning, Terrence kept his other word. He was up a bit earlier today, and the two stood in the office.“Okay, my only idea is to start with warning you that I’m going to do it. So that you can brace yourself,” Terrence leaned back against his desk. “Does ‘At Ease’ get you out of the ‘Attention’ command?”“Yes,” they had told him as such yesterday.“Okay. I’ll start with that, then.”AD nodded, and took a deep breath. They went through some of Clementine’s and Tracy’s advice. They could see Terrence, his desk, his chair, some papers, the gas lamp. Hear their breathing, his breathing, someone arguing outside-“AD. Attention.”It all went. Vanished. AD snapped into position, staring straight ahead.“…Fuck. Can you hear me?”AD gave a curt nod.“Right. Can you resist from there?” Terrence’s voice was high, this had definitely not gone as he hoped.AD tried to make their foot move. Not even a step, just a wiggle.
No. Stay still.
They did. They stayed still.“AD. At ease.”They relaxed, and growled under their breath.“Alright. I guess we can try and few more times,” Terrence looked like he was regretting this.They made no progress by the time they broke for breakfast. Or even when they tried again with Tracy during the day. Nor when Terrence tried it again in the evening. Nothing.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

“Now if we-” Terry was interrupted from his conversation with his client by a knock at the front door. “…I’m sorry, please give me a moment,” he flashed a winning smile at the young man at his desk before getting up to answer.“…Carol?”Carol was carrying several paper bags, and dressed more casually that he usually saw her. In plain trousers and a light blouse, with her red hair hanging loose and wavy over her shoulders.“…Carol, it’s lovely to see you, but I’m with a client…”“Oh, I won’t be a bother. I’m ‘ere to see AD.”“Do they know you’re coming?”“I haven’t been able to get a hold of ‘em, but I knew they were ‘ere.”“…Right. I still owe my client confidentiality.”“I won’t look, I promise.”Terry sighed heavily, but let her in.“I’m terribly sorry,” he said to his client. “I have guests and she’s just passing through,” he said it a bit louder at Carol. She simply lifted one of her bags to block her view of the office, just walking to the door to the main flat that Terry unlocked.AD shot to their feet in surprise as Carol came in the door to the kitchen. Tracy also stood up.“Excuse me-,” she began, but AD accidentally cut in.“Carol?”“AD, yer lookin’ well,” Carol bustled her way past and placed the paper bags on the kitchen table.“…Wh-why are you…?”“I know I’m probably not supposed ta, but it ‘ardly seems fair that I’m the only one not up to date with what’s goin’ on. I may not be in a Circle, but I look after the house and for a damn while that was you too.”As Carol talked, she was unpacking the paper bags, revealing sweet treats and plates wrapped in newspaper.“I know ya never had much of a sweet tooth, but most of these should last a while. I also made some the food ya seemed ta like, although you never really said which was yer favourite. Also, I smuggled this from the library,” she reached right to the bottom of the bag, and pulled out a book on constellations. “I heard ya liked to stargaze.”AD stared at the spread, table groaning under the weight of it all. They felt… weird. Like something inside was about to burst. It was warm and uncomfortable and they didn’t know why.“AD?” Tracy sounded wary, although they were still here. No one… they remembered nothing like this… this was the most food they’d seen in one place.Carol made and bought this… for them? That couldn’t be right. That couldn’t be right. It had to be for… Terrence? He was feeding three people for the week. That made far more sense.“Oh, duck…” Carol gave them a sad smile. “Come ‘ere,” she came over and gave AD a tight shoulder hug, briefly ruffling their hair.That made them flash. Handler, pinning them in place, hand in their hair. Anger and fear simmered in their chest, but they remained frozen. Just let her do it. It’ll be over soon.“Carol, step back!” Tracy barked, as AD went back to the present.Carol moved back on reflex, before turning on Tracy. “Excuse me? The dear clearly needed the hug.”“Likely true, but please, for your own safety, step away.”“My safety?”AD moved, stepping away from Carol, as she didn’t seem to be moving.“You back with us, AD?” Tracy asked, stepping a little closer to Carol, her arm out to pull her back if necessary.AD nodded, even though they could still feel that hand in their hair. It made their stomach turn.Carol looked between the two of them, clearly thinking. “Was that…when soldiers remember the war, sometimes they…”“It seems to be a lot like that,” Tracy admitted. “But also, not quite. I think.”“Close enough. My brother is like that. He gets stuck in the memories,” Carol turned back to AD. “Can ya tell me what it was? The hug, the hair ruffle?”“…Both,” AD could still feel the weight of it, almost burning.“Okay, I won’t do that again.”“…Thank you.”“Right,” Carol unwrapped a box of chocolates and slid them towards AD. “A bit of chocolate might steady you.”AD just stared at it. Brightly coloured chocolates sat nestled tightly in a box, more expensive than the chocolate they’d occasionally had as a kid. How much did Carol get paid to be able to afford this?Each one looked like a little jewel, and AD was convinced that if they touched it, the whole thing would shatter, and they would ruin it.There was a scrape as Carol pulled a chair back and sat down in it. She plucked one of the jewel chocolates from the box and took a bite.“There. It’s messed up now.”AD couldn’t help a slightly hysterical giggle, before finally taking a chocolate. Other people watching… the edges of their vision went a little fuzzy as they took a bite. Fruit and caramel burst in their mouth, and their eyes widened, vision clearing. They let it sit there for a while. It was a lot. It was amazing. They really couldn’t eat a lot of these at once.“Have one, too,” Carol pushed the box towards Tracy. She stood there for a good thirty seconds before giving in, and taking a chocolate from the box.“The Chapter House is quiet without ya,” Carol said airily. “A little lonely too. I could always count on ya poppin’ into the kitchen, like clockwork. There’s a little less for me to do now, but I do what I can.”“Oh…”“And Ciara won’t tell me why, of course,” Carol rolled her eyes. “Ya don’t hafta tell me, although… I read about the murders, naturally. Although it all rather quickly disappeared.”AD let out a breath, and took another chocolate. This one was yellow and red, the two colours swirling around each other.“They’re hardly the only ticking time bomb with ties to Candela,” Tracy interjected.“Well, of course. Who knows how many ex-soldiers they have. And they might very well be the least strange people at Candela.”“It’s just that AD was more… public,” Tracy sighed. “The Periphery won’t let that go, at least, not quietly.”“Which is why yer keepin’ ‘em safe, right?” Carol’s tone went stern.“Of course,” Tracy suddenly snapped her fingers, grabbed the notebook from somewhere, and slid it towards AD. “Write down the flash, while it’s fresh.”AD took the blunt pencil and got to it. The trigger was written down easily, the flash…Handler… By the Father, that woman…“You’re so nearly perfect… if only you didn’t insist on ruining it. And you know I can’t let you off lightly.”Handler rarely harmed them herself. No. She just... gave the order. Made the decision of how severe the punishment should be. Did pretty much what she wanted with AD, because one word from her and AD would be in significant pain.They hated her. They wanted to make her happy. They wanted her to leave them alone. She wasn’t here. They hadn’t been anywhere near her for six months.And thank fuck for that.They managed to write it down, knuckles white from gripping the pencil far too tight. They then slid it back to Tracy, and shoved another chocolate in their mouth. They were here, and Handler wasn’t. Fuck her.

Terrence hadn’t made much progress with finding out who Handler was when it was time for AD to leave. They had kept trying with resisting the orders, with not much success. He had told Clementine to continue it, although whether she would was another matter.It was weird being back in Clementine’s spare room. AD had gotten used to being able to go wander the flat a little bit. Now they were back to staring at the same four, cream-coloured walls.Clementine took Tracy to one side when the two of them returned, whispering something to her. Tracy had nodded, then made sure AD made it back to the room.They got distracted from it that night, when Clementine did try to practise resisting the orders.“I don’t know about this…” she said.AD swallowed, and just tried to give a pleading face.“Okay, okay… AD. Attention.”Just like all the other times, AD snapped into position.“At ease, at ease!”AD didn’t move. She hadn’t said it properly!“Er...AD. At ease.”They relaxed.“...I hated that,” Clementine swallowed, looking away. “Fucking, hated that.”“...Please.”“AD… I don’t think I can do it again.”“...Please.”“...Fine.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

The next day, when Clementine brought breakfast, she hung around. AD didn’t start eating, just in case.“You know Dolly? Your sister?”“I remember Dolly,” AD assured.“Do you want to see her?”AD sat up straight. “…Does she want to see me?”“She asked me about it, last week. I’m going to the Soffit today, so I can give her your answer.”AD just stared, thinking. The Dolly they remembered was a bratty 8 year old girl, who Aubery would have died for. That was 18 years ago. Who was she now?“I…” AD wanted to see her. Even if she was a completely different person. They wanted to see her. But they weren’t supposed to-No. They could want. They wanted to see their little sister.“I wa-would like to see her.” Saying it was still hard.“I’ll tell her,” Clementine smiled. “Although, she won’t look how you remember.”“…It’s been 18 years. I know that.”“No, I mean… she’s got an eye patch, now.”“…Oh,” how did that happen? Anger welled up inside. Who did that to Dolly, who did they have to punch?!“She seems fine, though,” Clementine recognised the look AD suddenly had. “I think it was a while ago.”“…Okay,” anger still simmered as AD made themselves relax.“…I’ll leave you in peace,” Clementine backed out, lock clicking shut behind her.Later in the evening, Clementine came back to tell AD the answer.“She’s free tomorrow. She said she’d come up in the evening, when the children are in bed.”Children? Little Dolly had children?AD nodded, then gathered some courage.“Clementine?”“Yes?”“…Do you still have the sketch?”Clementine’s eyes went wide, and she nodded. “Hold on, I’ll get it!” she darted off, not even closing the door properly behind her.Escape. Something whispered. You won’t get another chance.AD stood up, stepping towards the door. They then took a breath, and quelled the voice. It was something Aubery would have thought, but the situation was different. They sat back down.Clementine came charging back, yellowed bit of folded paper in hand.“Here,” she held it out, and AD gently took it.They unfolded it carefully, revealing the full sketch. Their own face from when they were a child stared back, all broad grins and missing teeth.They were standing in front of their dad, Martin, holding Jim’s hand. Jim held Dolly’s hand, in front of their mum, Colleen, while she held baby Pat.“…does it hurt?” Clementine asked.“…a little bit,” AD traced their finger around Aubery’s face. They shifted their grip, so that their thumb covered their mum’s face. “This was before Lily was born… Lily and Pat won’t remember me… How’s Jim? Dad?”Clementine blinked. “Oh… Oh, AD…”“...What?” Something twisted in their chest. What was it? Why was Clemmie making that face?“AD, they...”“…No,” they whispered, stomach falling through the floor. “No…”“They didn’t come back from the war…”“No!” AD shot to their feet, and Clementine took a step back. “They…”Their dad had been a silly, boisterous man, with a bit of a temper at times. Everyone always said Aubery took after him. Jim, in contrast, was a quiet boy. Yet, the two always managed to get along.They couldn’t be gone.“… I was supposed to be protect them…” AD’s voice broke, and to their horror, fat tears began to fall.“You couldn’t have protected them from war.”“I WAS SUPPOSED TO!” AD screamed. “I WAS THE OLDEST, I HAD TO!”“That was your dad’s job,” Clementine said gently.“I couldn’t protect them!” AD wailed. Faces flashed in their mind. Dolly, Jim, Pat, Lily, Mum, Dad. Other faces, the ones who couldn’t take the training. The ones who got taken to war and didn’t come back.They’d tried. They’d tried so fucking hard. Even there, they were the oldest one. They had to try, and they failed. They failed at every turn.They gripped their hair and lowered their head, trying to stop crying, and failing. Their insides had turned into twisting lead pipes, heavy and painful.They should have tried harder. Should have stopped them. Should have should have should have-!Someone sat next to them, and touched their hand. Still crying, they relaxed their grip, and Clementine took their hand, her thumb rubbed circles into the back of their hand.“…I couldn’t protect them,” AD hiccuped.“That wasn’t your job.”“…it was,” AD quietly disagreed.“Dolly shouldn’t have been accepted when she was. Jim joined when he was old enough, three years in. Your dad was a grown man, it was his choice.”“And all the others?”“What others?”“The ones who failed. Who went to war and didn’t come back.”“…Other AD’s?” Clementine asked quietly.AD nodded. “I tried to stop it. I really did…”“That wasn’t your fault. You were a child. None of it was your fault.”AD’s sobs had gone silent, but their shoulders still shook. Tears fell and snot dripped. They didn’t want to believe Clementine. It had to be their fault! They were a child, yes. Until they weren’t. Until they were an adult still ordered and leashed like the teenagers.“It wasn’t your fault,” she gently insisted. “What they did to those other children, what they did to you… it should never have happened.”AD continued to cry, and somehow Clementine ended up holding them, letting them bawl into her shoulder. They sat there until the tears dried, and AD felt empty and hollow.“…it’s the second time we ended up doing this,” Clementine commented, still holding AD.AD gave a watery chuckle, but it quickly faded. “…I’m pathetic.”“No. You’re not,” Clementine suddenly held on tighter. “You are anything but pathetic.”AD wanted to believe that, but that little voice in the back of their mind was telling them that that was exactly what they were. What were they thinking, crying over these people? They’d become soft.“Do you still want to see Dolly tomorrow?”“…Yes, please.”

Tracy stayed later that day, just in case something went wrong. AD wasn’t expecting it to. It was Dolly, there shouldn’t be any dangerous memories likely come up with her. Still, they said nothing.AD and Tracy sat at the kitchen table, a pair of handcuffs around AD’s wrists and a longer chain looped around the support bar underneath the table.Clementine had gone to wait for Dolly by the door, so it was just AD and Tracy. AD was sat perfectly still, even though they wanted to fidget. They managed to let some of the nervous energy out by wiggling their toes. No one could see their toes.Finally, there was the sound of the front door opening and closing, and Clementine brought Dolly to the kitchen.As a general rule, Dustin’s were not tall. Their dad had been the tallest at 5ft 6’, and their mum was 5ft 4’. AD themselves was only 5ft tall, although not all of that was inherited. The woman who walked in was almost as tall as AD remembered their dad being, with the same mousy brown hair and face shape as AD.One hazel eye looked at AD, as the other was hidden behind a plain, black, eyepatch. Her hair was tied back into a plait, and as she got closer, Dolly’s mouth settled into a thin line. The two siblings took each other in, remembering the last time they saw each other. It was hard to put the little girl AD remembered, and the woman in front of them, together. There were some similarities, but if they’d passed each other in the street, AD didn’t think they’d have recognised her.“Aub… AD,” Dolly said.“…Dolly,” AD responded.Dolly pulled back the chair opposite, and sat down. she interlocked her fingers and rested her chin on them, hiding her mouth for a moment.“…Ya look like shit.”AD let out a surprised splutter.“Seriously, what the fuck is up with your eye?” she gestured to AD’s left eye.“I’ll tell you if you tell me,” AD nodded to her eyepatch.Dolly chuckled. “Fair enough. Got shrapnel stuck in it. Nothin’ big, just, painful.”“…Hit my head too hard,” AD shrugged. Candela generally wanted to keep monsters a secret, and both Clementine and Tracy had stressed not telling Dolly the real reason.“…That can happen?”AD shrugged. “It appears so.”“Huh.”Silence fell for a moment, and Dolly drummed her fingers on the table.“…Do you still have the toy?” AD asked.“What?”“From the fair. The boxer…” AD looked away for a moment, before clearing their throat.“…Oh, that thing. My oldest has it.”“Oh. That, that’s good.”“…I hate thinkin’ about that day.”AD just blinked at her.“The last thing ya did for me, was get yerself badly hurt all for some stupid toy. The last time I saw ya, ya still had two black eyes and a swollen nose.”“…That sounds like how I spent a lot of my time before then.”“What happened to ya?!” Dolly finally burst out. “What the fuck happened, Aubery? One day ya were there, and the next day, ya weren’t!”AD stared at Dolly, before being hit by the strongest urge to laugh. They lowered their face into their hands, shoulders shaking. They were laughing.“Mum didn’t tell you?” they asked, looking up and grinning.Dolly reared back at the look on AD’s face. They were laughing, but there was something hard there, something furious. They were grinning, but there was murder in their eyes.“What about Mum?”“She didn’t tell you?” AD stood up, handcuff chain clinking. “She didn’t tell you that she called me downstairs, and let me get dragged away? How she stood and WATCHED!?” AD slammed their hands onto the table. “Did it suddenly get better, Dolly? Was there enough food on the table? Were there finally some new clothes? Did Mum and Dad stop having hushed conversations when they thought we couldn’t hear them?”Tracy stood up and took AD’s shoulder, pushing them back into the chair with a thud. They continued to stare at Dolly, who stared back with a horrified expression. A fearful expression.It all faded at that look. Dolly was scared of them.AD shrank, all anger gone. “…I’m sorry.”“How dare you?” Dolly hissed, having recovered. “How fuckin’ dare you? ‘Get better’ my fuckin’ arse! YOU WERE GONE! Ya were the one we looked to to protect us! I had to step in! To protect Jim, Pat, Lily, Artie…” her voice cracked. “Why did you do it? Why did ya kill Arthur?”AD shrank in further on themselves. “I…”“Ya, what?” Dolly growled, and AD recognised that growl. Aubery had growled like that, when some dickhead was trying to shove them around.It had been three weeks. They still didn’t have a good answer.“I’m sorry.”“That’s not what I fuckin’ asked. He was a good kid! He had Dad’s humour with yer fire, when ya still had fire!”“…I…” the words got stuck, and AD swallowed heavily. They wanted to explain it all. The memories coming back, the disorientation, the flashes. How angry and freaked out they were when they confronted their mum, how Arthur had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time.“Look at me!” Dolly reached over and grabbed AD’s jumper, hauling them closer over the table. “Why did ya kill Artie? Why did ya kill our little brother?!”“Dolly, you need to sit down,” Tracy tried to break the two up, tried to intimidate Dolly.“Fuck off,” she growled.AD’s eyes glazed over. Suddenly, Dolly wasn’t there. Holding their shirt, towering over them, was a Trainer. They pulled AD off the floor, and AD tried to hold their anger, but they knew damn well what was coming.“Aubery!” Tracy called, and AD was back in the present. Dolly had let go, but was still glaring. Her face and a Trainer’s face kept overlapping.“I didn’t mean to!” AD burst out.“What?” Dolly growled, not helping with the blurring.AD gripped the chain, the cold metal biting into their palm. They were in Clementine’s kitchen. Dolly was right in front of them. It was Dolly.“He was… I didn’t know… I just… I just wanted answers. I wanted to scare her. I did want to hurt anyone. My head, I couldn’t…”Dolly leaned back, and sat back in her seat. “Start from the fuckin’ beginnin’.”AD pulled up their jumper to make sure the green light was hidden. “I… My memory came back. All at once. It was… I couldn’t tell what was past and what was present. I ran, I couldn’t…It took a day or so to begin to sort it all. Then I remembered Mum, and how she’d just… watched! So, I went to her, I wanted to know why. But my mind was still a mess, and I got angry. I was threatening her, I wasn’t going to actually hurt her, I just wanted to scare her. Arthur… He just wanted to protect her. He tried to shove me away. Then something flipped in my mind, and the next thing I knew…”“So that’s what ya are now? A dangerous fuckin’ mess?”“…Yes,” AD held up their hands, putting the cuffs in clear view, especially as the chain went taut. “A rabid dog.”Dolly huffed. “Ya know what they do to rabid dogs?”“I am aware. I did try.” The cut across their neck had healed rather quickly, it had been quiet shallow.“Don’t,” Dolly shook her head. “I lost ya once, don’t fuckin’ do it again.”“…I’m a stranger to you, now.”“Maybe. Ya lost your fire, and I seemed to have gotten it… Lily and Pat don’t remember you. All Vince and Marv know about you is that you killed their brother. Mum… fuck knows. And Jim and Dad… Did Clemmie tell you?”Something hollow opened in AD’s belly, and they nodded. “She did.”“Right now… I’m the only one who would see ya. There’s so much to tell ya. All those times I thought ya’d be proud of me… What happened, Aubery? What happened to ya?”AD shook their head. They couldn’t tell Dolly. They couldn’t.“I’m not a little kid, just tell me.”“I…” AD shook their head. “Aubery died. Aubery died, and I am what’s left. All the fight and fire they had, was beaten out of them, and it shrivelled up and went dark... calling myself a ‘dog’ wasn’t random.”“Who did this to you?” Dolly growled, in another Aubery like growl. “I’ll find them and destroy them.”“We’re working on it,” Tracy interjected, and AD started. They had forgotten that they weren’t the only two in the room. “And if you’re anything like AD here, we might be able to get you in.”“Good,” Dolly gave a sharp toothed grin. “I want to meet the fuckers who tore my family apart.”“That can be arranged.”

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Third Week Mid-Autumn

The addition to the routine settled over the next two weeks. Both Clementine and Tracy would try to help AD break through the orders, although there was still barely any progress. Tracy was still keen on sparring, and AD was having fewer and fewer flashes during it. That plan was at least working.Terrence looked tired when AD was next at his, so he didn’t reveal the information he had until they had lunch the next day.AD had pushed their chair into the corner as usual here, keeping both Terrence and Tracy in their line of sight. Although this time everyone was angled so that AD wasn’t staring at their backs. The skewers and dumplings Terry had bought from the food carts nearby were still hot on the plate. Too hot to put anywhere, they were looking anyway...Acorn padded around the kitchen, looking for somewhere to sit.Acorn still drew AD’s eye. They didn’t know how to read her, no one they knew had a cat when they were a kid, and there were definitely no cats during training. Dogs they were slightly more familiar with, they were common in the Soffit.Acorn wound her way around Terrence’s ankles, sniffed Tracy, then wandered over to AD. She sniffed AD, before placing her front paws on AD’s knee and looking at what was on AD’s plate.“Don’t give her any,” Terrence sighed. “It’s not good for her.”AD lifted their plate up, and Acorn gave a pitiful meow.“Acorn, come ‘ere,” Terrence called. “I’ve got your food, c’mon.”Acorn stared at AD’s plate a little longer, before dropping down, and wandering to her food bowl. Terrence had also gotten up to make sure it was full.“Honestly,” Terrence stroked the cat before going back to his lunch. “Alright… actually, AD, I finally managed to look into Elselands war heroes, and other military icons, if that’s the right word.”AD sat up, putting their plate down.“There are a few women ones, and… hold on, I’ll get pictures once we’ve eaten.”AD tried to match Terrence’s eating speed. It was another thing to work on; AD ate rather quickly. Even when the food was as hot as this. Carol had noted it early on in Candela, but hadn’t tried to stop them much. Now, Clementine was going on about it helping to ground them in the moment. It did mean it no longer felt like a baseball was trying to go down their throat after most meals, so an improvement.Even so, with AD taking what they felt was almost a comical amount of time chewing, they still finished long before Terrence and Tracy. They stared at an empty plate, nothing hiding in their pockets this time. They didn’t know how they felt about that.Terrence got up and left to bring pictures, and spread them across the kitchen table. There were five photographs of woman in military uniform, torn from a newspaper somewhere.AD instantly spotted Handler. The pictures were black and white, but the pale eyes were unmistakable, her dark hair tied back in a strict ponytail, rectangular glasses framing it all. She stared through the picture, like AD had deeply disappointed her.AD froze, staring at her. Their vision was fuzzy at the edges. She wasn’t here. It was just a picture.They gripped the edge of the table until their knuckles went white. Their breath plumed in front of their face. For a moment they were in a freezing room, a Trainer screaming in their face. Handler watching. Then they were back.Tracy had pulled the pictures out of immediate line of sight.“AD?”“…I am here.”“It’s one of them, isn’t it?”“…Far right,” AD pointed quickly at the picture in question, not looking at it.Terrence sucked in air through his teeth. “Oooh, I was hoping it wouldn’t be that one.”AD desperately wanted to ask ‘why’, but the question got stuck in their throat.Tracy turned the picture around to look at it, and swore. “I know who that is. Madeline Cunningham. Fuck. You’re right. Of all the ones… it’s the one we can’t touch.”The name, the name brought it all back. Captain Madeline Cunningham, defended a fortress with fewer soldiers than she needed. It should have been a massacre, and it wasn’t. Supposedly, when it was won and some enemy soldiers captured, she’d fought the opposing General with her bare fists. Or, maybe just beat the shit out of him because she could.The word, the question, the why she couldn’t be touched, still wouldn’t budge, so AD jerkily tilted their head to the side, as if that helped!“She’s old money, from a family with a lot of power and influence. As much as I’d love to watch your sister pummel her… we can’t touch her.”AD blinked once. Twice.An old anger began to simmer, so old they’d almost forgotten. The anger of a Soffit kid when they learned how the Eaves lived. When someone who worked for them was fired for some contrived reason. When they were throwing away perfectly good food and clothes while they starved and darned. How they acted like the Soffit was supposed to be grateful for their scraps.“She can’t be touched… officially,” Terrence thought out loud.Tracy raised an eyebrow. “Good luck with that.”“There’ll be a way. It’ll take a while, but we could…” Terrence’s eyes began to dart as he thought.“Don’t you have to get back to work?”“Fuck!” Terrence bolted from the table, running for the door.The curse and sudden movement caused a brief flash. AD stepped back out of a storming Trainer’s path, before coming back to the kitchen.Tracy frowned at them for a moment, before seeing that they were back. “I wouldn’t worry about it,” she said. “Whatever he plans, he won’t involve you unless you want to be involved.”The idea of coming face to face with that woman again made AD’s stomach turn inside out.Tracy watched AD’s face pale and nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure your sister will give you a full brief on punching this woman.”AD gave a tight laugh at the idea.“Might hire a sketch artist to catch the moment, what do ya reckon?”AD huffed a more general laugh, then had a thought. It took a few seconds for the question to make it through, but it did get past.“Did, did you know her?”“Captain Cunningham? No. I wasn’t in the Elseland’s war, and I never saw her in the Last Great War. She was probably busy with…er… you.”AD nodded slowly. Of course she was. Handler… Cunningham… would pop out of seemingly nowhere. Just when AD thought they were safe, there she was. Always when they were being lippy, or just not quite following orders. It was enough.She’d appear, tut, say how disappointed she was, and with a nod, a Trainer, or another AD, would attack them.Of course she was busy during that time.“What was she like?” Tracy probed.AD swallowed, and shook their head. Even thinking about it… They couldn’t decide if they wanted to throw up or scrub their skin raw.“Alright. Not touching that. I’ll get the book for the mini episodes you had.”Tracy left and AD stifled a sigh. This was getting tedious now.

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Terry had a break in clients, so was going through his notes, putting the puzzles together. This was the best bit, letting his brain whir and put the pieces all together. It didn’t always fit neatly, and those were frustrating, but if it fit, then there were happy clients. Or, at least, clients that paid him.Someone knocked on the front door, flinging him from his thoughts.He let out an irritated sigh and stood up, words falling from his mouth as he unlocked the door.“I’m sorry, I can’t take any new clients at the moment. I can give you details of other detectives or put you on a wait…” Terry trailed off, as Kodris loomed over him.“Oh? Are you certain you can’t fit me in?” Kodris gave a blinding smile, his canines looking a little too sharp.“…Sure,” Terry ground his teeth and stepped back. Kodris had to duck his head to get into the flat, and Terry closed the door behind him.“What are you doing here?” he hissed, before his father could say anything about his flat.“I have come,” Kodris smoothed down his suit. He wasn’t dressed in his usual red, opting for brown. It looked like he was trying to be discrete, which was not easy for a man of his size. “for a favour.”“…A favour?”“Yes,” Kodris drew himself up, head brushing against the ceiling, and reached into his coat for something. “I am attending a get-together at the end of Early-Winter, and I would like to borrow your AD.”Terry made a choking noise. “Excuse me?”“I want to borrow your AD. For one evening. Take them to the tailor I sent you to, I will leave some pointers to compliment me, and cover the bill, of course.” He handed over a piece of paper, and Terry automatically took it.“They’re not mine to… ‘lend’…” even saying it made him feel ill. “And they’re under house arrest!”Kodris wordlessly waved that away, unconcerned.“What do you even want them for?!”“To do as they were trained. To act as my shadow… mostly to make me look good. I find the whole thing rather inefficient, but I will need to look good in front of people who will have their own ADs. I cannot use my usual method, for obvious reasons.”Terry remembered the scaly creature that was with Kodris the night his squad was murdered. Some mockery of a dragon, like a child tried to draw it, but didn’t quite know what one was.“I can’t give you an answer… they’re…”“You know where I am,” Kodris adjusted his coat. “I expect to hear from you soon. It will hardly be taxing for them, I assure you. A few hours following me, looking pretty. I highly doubt I would need them to actually fight.”Terry shoved a hand in his pocket, hiding how tight his fist was. “They aren’t a dog.”Kodris’ lip twitched into a smirk. “That’s exactly what they are. There has not been nearly enough time for that to have changed. I’ll hear from you soon. And... I’ll owe you a favour.”Terry ground his teeth as Kodris tipped his hat, before leaving the flat. He managed to hold himself together until the door clicked shut, and he let out a snarl worthy of AD’s frenzy. The piece of paper crumbled into a ball in his hand. The piece of shit! Who did he think he was?!He wasn’t going to ask AD. He wasn’t even going to mention it. Kodris wasn’t going to get his way this time. It wasn’t fucking happening!…Even if a favour would be useful…No! Getting Kodris involved is one of the reasons he was suspended right now! Kodris was the sort of man who didn’t like being told ‘no’, he needed to learn.It also made him dangerous.Something cold settled in his belly. Kodris was a man who didn’t handle the word ‘no’ well. Was that how he and Mum…?He sat down heavily, feeling ill. Fuck him. Damn him. May his soul wander for eternity.If Kodris turned on him, he could make his life hell.He could make Carter’s life hell. He could send Ash into danger.Fuck.He would bring it up with AD. It was their decision, not his. He’d have to go behind… Fuck, everyone’s back. Candela, Clemmie... Clemmie would never agree to this, but none of them knew Kodris like he did.He was going to have to be so fucking careful.

It still took him two days to bring it up with AD.Tracy had left, he and AD were having dinner, with AD in the corner. It was weird having them eat there. He understood why, but it just felt wrong. AD was his guest, they should be at the damn table! He could hear his mother breathing down his neck at this, and yet, this was what was best.“…Kodris came the other day.”AD looked up, looking confused. It didn’t seem like they’d had a good day, as there was a clear question on their face, but they didn’t say anything.“He’s, uh…” could he just say it, fuck’s sake… “He’s a powerful man… he’s my, father.”AD barely reacted, and now he knew how little AD knew about his personal life.“It’s complicated, going after the memory monsters the second time was his fault. I owed him a favour, from trying to find you.”AD’s face went tight, and they gripped their plate with white knuckles.“Anyway!” Terry carried on, getting their attention before they vanished too far into their head. “He’s asked me for a favour. He… he wants to borrow… you.”AD gave him a look that clearly read ‘are you serious?’“For one night, for a few hours, really. For a party. He’s not expecting any trouble, it’s just to make him look good.”“I am under house arrest,” AD reminded quietly.“I know, I know. It’s a terrible idea, it’s just… Kodris is powerful… and too many of my family members are tied up with him. If I don’t do this, he could easily…” Terry swallowed. “Look, never mind. You don’t have to do this, being turned down might do that man some good honestly.”AD’s face scrunched up. “It would protect your family…”“It’s not your job to protect my family. I’ll warn them, it’ll be fine.”AD began to drum their fingers against their leg, thinking.“Don’t worry about it now. It’s… I guess it’s ultimately up to you…” Terry hated this. He felt like he was just making it worse, manipulating AD into doing this. They would do it. If he told them to do it, they would, and that was the worst bit. If they even felt like he was telling them to do it, then they would.“And, uh… don’t bring this up with Tracy or Clemmie, okay? They won’t like this.”“…Is this what you got in trouble for?”“Yeah,” Terry chuckled. “I’m officially suspended for lying on reports and going behind Candela’s back.”“Would this make it worse?”“If they found out… And who knows who’s going to be at that party,” Terry groaned and lowered his face into his hands. This just kept getting worse.

AD didn’t really say anything about it until the next day at breakfast.“…I’ll do it.”“Do what?” Terrence asked blearily.“I’ll go to the party, with Kodris.”Terrence spluttered in his coffee. “You-you really don’t have to-”“I want…” it was still hard to say. “If it will protect Ash… I will do it.”“I…” Terrence looked away. “I can warn Ash. You don’t have to do this. You said it yourself, you’re under house arrest.”AD gripped their plate tighter. They had spent much of the night turning it over in their head. It was a risk, they knew that. But they wanted to protect Ash, especially after what they tried to do in front of them.“I… Are they okay?” AD managed to ask. “I-I know you said… but…”“I think so? Why?”“I tried to…” the words became clogged in their throat, so they pressed a finger against their throat like it was the blade of a knife. “… in front of them.”“…fucking hell,” Terrence breathed. “Didn’t need to remind me...Look… I only saw them for a few minutes after the whole… thing… with you. I haven’t seen them since, so, probably...I don’t know. I don’t completely trust their group, but I know they care about Ash. They’re… probably, fine.”AD gave a small nod, and poked the remnants of their breakfast. ‘Probably fine’ wasn’t ‘fine’.Terrence got an odd look on his face, then sighed. “What was it like? When you got your memory back?”AD blinked, and thought back. “It was… messy.”“Okay?”“I couldn’t tell what…the past overlapped the present, and I couldn’t tell which was now. Whether I was seeing memories, or if the present had been a trick, and I was about to be hurt.”“Oh…”AD gave a little shrug. “I had some clarity… sometimes. I was aware when I threw my pin in the river.”“That’s where it went? I was wondering!”AD just shrugged again, but gave a small smile with it. It quickly faded though, as they thought back. “I was aware when I went ho- to my mum’s.” It wasn’t really home. After all this time, after what they did, how could it be?Terrence’s expression only slightly changed, he was doing a good job hiding his emotions. “I suppose that makes sense?”“I remembered the last time I saw her,” the memory still made anger flood their gut, but it was different, like they were angry on behalf of someone else. “I just wanted to know why, maybe, scare her a bit.”“She said you were crying.”AD jerked their head in surprise, looking at Terrence.“I was?”“She said you were angry, but crying. I don’t think she blamed you for going for her, at least, that’s what Clemmie thinks.”AD blinked. They know realised that they hadn’t even heard from the woman. They’d seen Dolly, but not their own mother.Although, they did kill her son in front of her, that would explain it. Dolly did say that she was the only one who would see them.“I didn’t mean to kill him.”“I think you’ve said.”Thinking about it, AD finally realised why this death kept sticking with them. It wasn’t just the unfairness of it, or the fact it was their brother.“I would have done the same.”“Huh?”“If… if it were me, I’d have done the same as him.”“Oh…”“I’d have gone to war too,” AD felt like they were rambling, but couldn’t stop. “I would have tried to protect everyone. I’d have been 19 and I would have died protecting someone, I know it.”“Do you? Or is that what they turned you into?”AD went tense. Was that who they were before? Were they protective before, or was that put in them?No. They did remember. They were constantly fighting off bullies… or did they just like to fight?No. No no no no no, they protected. They were the oldest sibling, they protected the rest. That had been perverted, twisted, but it hadn’t gone away.“You-you know, it doesn’t matter!” Terrence’s slightly panicked voice broke through before AD could sink too far. “Who you are now matters, right?”AD nodded slowly. “I cannot protect my family. Dolly had to step in. Most are grown, or dead,” they looked Terrence in the eye. “I will go to the party. I will protect Ash.”“We don’t… I don’t actually know if he would go after Ash if we didn’t do this,” Terrence admitted.AD still felt some rage stir up. They felt like they could see it now. Do this, or Terrence’s family could be in danger.“He seemed to like Ash!” Terrence had continued. “A lot of people do! Ash just kinda, inspires protectiveness, y’know?”AD nodded. That made sense.“I just… he’s a powerful man… and not used to being told ‘no’.”AD nodded again. They understood that.“Are you completely sure you want to do this? Even if it turns out that someone in Candela is at that party? Not to mention your eyes! They’ll stand out!”AD traced a finger under their left eye. They often forgot that it wasn’t the same anymore.Terrence was startled as someone knocked on the front door. “What? I’m not supposed… hold that thought for a minute,” he got up and shuffled out, carrying his mug of coffee. It was too early for Tracy to be here, so who was it?

----- CHAPTER BREAK -----

Terry opened the door, and his mouth fell open. He looked down to see the thick, curly hair, of his youngest sibling, and the subject of the conversation he’d just had.“Ash?”“H-hey, Terry,” Ash gave a nervous smile, adjusting the crown of red and yellow flowers in their hair. “Um, I-I wanted t-to check on AD. D-Do you know wh-where they are?”“Uh…” the sudden thought of Ash, with AD, sent a chill down his spine. He’d sparred with them, he’d seen them fight, he’d seen what had happened when they got lost in their head. The idea of Ash being anywhere near that…“I, uh… I just was worried… I-I hadn’t seen them since, er… you know…”“…Yeah…” Terry sighed. “They’re… they’re okay-”“Can I see them?”“Ash… I don’t…” Terry trailed off as they pulled out their ultimate weapon.Their eyes grew the size of dinner plates, their eyebrows perfectly framing them, while their bottom lip quivered ever so slightly.“Oh… damn it…” Terry groaned. “Whhhyyyy?”Ash managed to hold the face, bringing their hands into the effect as well, perfectly clasped like the little angel most people thought they were. They blinked, batting their eyelashes.“…Fine! They’re in the kitchen,” Terry could never resist that face for long.Ash flipped to a broad grin, and ducked under his arm to dart into the flat.“Wait wait!” Terry spun to grab the back of their shirt with his free hand and pulled them to a stop. “Just let me tell them that you’re here, alright?”“O-Oh yeah! Okay!”Terry closed the door behind them and kept a hand on Ash’s shoulder as they went across the room and he leaned through the door.“AD? Ash is here to see you!”There was scraping noise from the kitchen as AD scrambled to their feet and looked out the door. Their eyes widened as they saw Ash, who waved at them. AD staggered back a bit, and sat back heavily in their chair. No. This was a bad idea. Tracy wasn’t here, there were no handcuffs, they could-Terrence brought Ash into the kitchen, and AD sat stiffly, watching Ash carefully.“A-are you okay?” they asked, and AD almost laughed. Okay? They were pretty far from ‘okay’.Still, the rote response almost fell out. “I am-” AD made themselves stop. “…I’m okay.”“That… that’s good. N-no jum-jumping off bridges?” Ash tried a joke, which fell rather flat.“…I have not tried,” although the thought had still come flitting through.“G-good. That’s good.”“…are you okay?” AD asked quietly.“I’m fine,” Ash responded a little too quickly. “You just, um… kinda sc-scared me…” Ash shrugged. “B-but y’know? I-I get sc-scared ordering at, at a café! So, so…”AD looked at them for a little longer than likely comfortable. “…I thought you were brave.”“…oh…”“You were trying to…” there was a phrase, what was the phrase? “Talk me away? To help me… when I was…” AD got a flash, of Ash’s face, while they held their knife tight. Ash had been afraid, that was obvious, but they hadn’t left.When they were back in the kitchen, Terrence was standing between them and Ash, making sure the kitchen table was also between them.“Terry?” Ash asked in a small voice.“…I’m here, Terrence,” AD assured, and Terrence relaxed.“Terrence?” Ash struggled not to laugh, even if it was high pitched from nerves.“Oooh, you still call me that?” Terrence groaned. “I promise, ‘Terry’ is fine.”It felt too informal, but still.“I am here, in your kitchen, … Terry.”“There we go,” Terrence breathed.“Of course y-you’re in the kitchen. Wh-where else w-would you be?”“AD’s memories overlap, sometimes,” Terrence tried to explain. “It can make them think they’re somewhere else. Where they’re in danger, and where they might act to defend themselves.”“Oh. I-I see.”The look at Ash’s face made AD want to crawl into a hole and stay there. They’d gone pale, and were looking at AD like they might explode any moment.“It’s not random,” AD mumbled.“It just looks like it from here,” Terrence sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.“I was just remembering… the last time I saw you,” AD nodded to Ash.Their face was tight, and Ash gave a tight nod.“…would you like a drink?” Terrence tried to defuse.Ash gave another tight nod, and sat down opposite AD, keeping the table between them.“You don’t m-mean it, though?” Ash asked. “T-to hurt people?”“We’ve avoided it so far,” Terrence said from behind Ash, at the sink.“…we haven’t,” AD corrected.“We haven’t?”“…I hurt Clemmie.”“Ah, shit,” he sighed. “How?”“She woke me up from a nightmare. I reacted and tried to…” AD couldn’t say it, so they just rested a hand over their throat.“…That’s why she’s been wearing high collars lately, bloody hell.”“I didn’t mean-”“I know, AD. I know. But it does explain some things.”AD just shrank into their seat, beginning to wonder if jumping off a bridge was still the best idea.“Well, you haven’t done it since,” Terrence sighed, putting a cup of water in front of Ash. “Also, Tracy is going to kill us when she gets here.”“Why?” Ash looked between the two of them, as AD lowered their face into their hand.“…I’m not supposed… She’s…”Another knock on the front door.“AD, go to the bathroom!” Terrence hissed, and AD was out of their seat before they’d even registered what he’d said.They continued moving anyway, trying to work out Terrence’s plan.Terrence slipped out behind them, going for the front door while AD made for the bathroom. It was a small, pokey room, with just enough space for a sink, a toilet, and a raised square for a shower.AD hovered a bit, leaving the door shut but unlocked. The walls weren’t thick, so they could hear Terrence leading Tracy in.“…just got here. AD’s still in the toilet, luckily.”“Bloody hell. I’ll wait for them to come out,” Tracy sighed.“I’ll let Ash know the situation,” Terrence’s footsteps moved to the kitchen, and Tracy knocked on the door.“You okay in there?”“Yes,” AD called back. “A moment!”“Take your time. You know Terry’s got a guest?”“…I heard.”“Good. I have the cuffs, just in case. You know how it is.”“I do.”AD waited a good, long twenty seconds before flushing the toilet and washing their hands. Opening the door revealed Tracy, pair of shiny handcuffs ready and waiting.AD steeled themselves as they held out their hands, and the cold metal snapped on. The brief flash was expected, but it was just that, brief. Tracy’s face was temporarily replaced with a sneering Trainer, and less than a second later, it was just Tracy.Tracy carefully looked at their face, before nodding to herself, and leading AD by the chain of the cuffs back to the kitchen.Ash’s eyes went wide as Tracy and AD entered the kitchen. They began to stand up, but Terrence rested a hand on their shoulder.“It’s fine,” he assured.“My apologies,” Tracy said, and AD sat in their usual chair. “It is a precaution. AD, as I’m sure you’re aware, has killed and injured several, and it’s not my place to tell you if those were intentional or not. So, I’m sure you understand if they’re restrained like this.”Ash looked wide eyed at AD, who tried to give a reassuring smile.“…A-are you okay?” they asked.“I…” despite it, AD felt the urge for some honesty, although tried to make it light. “I’ve been better,” they shrugged, still trying to keep the smile.“Uh huh,” Ash squeaked. They took a breath, and looked at Tracy. “I-I didn’t th-th-think that AD w-would hurt me th-then. I-I don’t th-think th-they’ll hurt m-me now.”Tracy gave an amused smile. “You can think that if you want, but the cuffs stay.”Ash gave an annoyed huff, but just took a drink from their cup. “…I-I think I should go. Ir-Iryienn will be worried,” they said, standing up.“You just got here,” Tracy frowned.“I-I know. Ir-Iryienn worries.”“I’ve said it before, you do inspire that,” Terrence rested his chin on top of Ash’s head.“Shut up, Terrrryyyy!” Ash groused. “It’s not true!”“You ask Iryienn that,” Terrence smirked, before pressing a kiss onto the top of their curls. “C’mon, I’ll walk you to the door.”“I-I know where it is,” Ash continued to grumble, but let their brother lead them out.AD watched them leave, feeling something ache, deep in their chest. They swallowed, and for a moment… it wasn’t a flash, it was more wishful thinking. For a moment, they saw something that should have been. Them and Pat, or maybe Lily, maybe even Artie. What it should have been.Terrence was right. Ash did inspire people worrying about them. They would do this party. They wanted to.

Over breakfast on the last day AD was going to be there, Terrence asked again.“You still want to do the party?”AD nodded, and Terrence’s face went tight.“Are you sure?”AD nodded again.“…Okay,” he sighed. “I’ll… I’ll get it organised… somehow. But this is between us, remember?”“I remember,” AD assured. The idea of lying to Candela no longer sent the same bolt of fear it had when the Circle had lied about Natalie Armstrong. Instead, there was an exhilaration. If they could get away with this… they were almost giddy!Tracy noticed this on the carriage ride to Clementine’s. “You’re in a good mood.”“Good night’s sleep,” AD said. Their sleep was getting better. Not that good, but better.“Huh. That’s good, I suppose.”