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PROLOGUE “That's where you're wrong Robert because I am both. I am the Chief of Emergency Medicine and I am a lesbian. And if you pursue this matter any further, I will take it to the county board of supervisors, the ACLU, the press and anyone else who will listen!”At this point Malucci stopped breathing. Whoa! This was getting heavy and they still didn't know that he was in one of the stalls. Man, don't Weaver or Romano ever watch TV? Whenever some big important conversation is about to take place in the bathroom - always check the cubicle's! It's like mandatory law! “So I suggest you choose your battles very carefully!” she finished and stormed out. Malucci could feel the waves of tension even from his sheltered position. He had experienced first hand the force of Weaver's rage but nothing like what she had just unleashed on Romano, man - wait till the others heard about this! Weaver a lesbian - hospital scandal didn't get any juicier than this! He just knew something had been going on with her and Dr. Legaspi! And to top it all, he had another fantasy to add to his list - even if it did involve the Chief! A MONTH LATER As Elizabeth Corday swept along the E.R corridor, she glimpsed the temperamental redhead smiling. The sight was so unusual that it made her stop. She retraced her steps and tipped her head to see a crowd of E.R personnel surrounding a brunette in her mid to late thirties. Corday witnessed Weaver hugging the woman and then step aside, allowing the rest of the staff to embrace the mysterious stranger. The curiosity must have shown in her face because when Kerry caught sight of the surgeon she beckoned her over, declaring; "Elizabeth - this is Susan Lewis, she used to work here." "Ah... that Susan Lewis," Elizabeth said, smiling. She offered her hand and Susan took it. "You must be Elizabeth Corday - or should I say Greene?" Susan asked. "Corday." Elizabeth corrected, arching an eyebrow. Simultaneously they said; "I've heard so much about you." Susan laughed. Elizabeth's chest tightened, for some reason she greatly disliked this woman and why did Kerry keep touching her arm like that? Feeling the urge to remove Weaver from this intruder, Elizabeth leaned closely into the redhead. "Um... Kerry - can I see you for a moment?" the surgeon asked politely, her tone strained. Kerry nodded and turned to follow Elizabeth, calling over her shoulder; "Good to have you back, Susan." Susan grinned her reply and Elizabeth wanted to do something violent to wipe the smugness off of Dr. Lewis's face. The intensity of this ferocious thought disturbed her. Why did she feel so hostile towards the newcomer? Dr. Lewis couldn't be bad; otherwise Kerry wouldn't have a soft spot for her. This thought only made Elizabeth want to bludgeon Dr. Lewis even more. Taking Kerry aside, making sure she had the red head's full attention, Elizabeth launched into her carefully prepared question. "Hi... um, look... I just, uh, I was hoping to... uh, what I wanted to ask, Kerry... is that, perhaps... whether the, um... it's just... you - " Elizabeth paused. What did she want to say? God, she felt nervous. Her legs were dull and heavy and her mouth was refusing to co-operate with her brain. An endless stream of confused words continued to tumble out of her mouth. Kerry watched as Elizabeth stumbled in uncharacteristic form. This was more embarrassing than her initial I'm straight speech to Kim... ah, the delectable Dr. Legaspi. Her mind began to wonder, rehashing the past; she had gone over it so often in her head that she couldn't remember a time before the pain. She pulled herself back to the present as Elizabeth continued to stutter and stammer. She wondered what the Brit wanted to say, after all, they had barely exchanged a civil word since the whole wedding non-invite fiasco. Not that she'd expected to have been asked but the reality of being the only member of the E.R staff not invited was a little too much humiliation for Kerry to bare gracefully. The exclusion was meant to hurt her and it had. "Elizabeth?!" The huskiness of her voice silenced Corday for a moment. "Are the films back on Mr. Jarret?" the surgeon finally managed. Kerry looked surprised. "I don't know, why don't you check at the Admit desk?" she suggested. That's why Elizabeth had taken her aside? Mr. Jarret wasn't even her patient and the films always went straight to the Admit desk - Elizabeth knew that. Weaver put it down to post-labour, her hormones were probably still all over the place. Seeing the confused look in Weaver's eyes, Elizabeth wondered why she had asked such a dumb question... but the urgency of the situation had required her to think on her feet. And that was the best you could come up with?! She scolded herself. "Uh... thanks," Elizabeth mumbled. Kerry nodded uncertainly, then turned and went back to work. Corday rested her forehead against the wall in dismay. Why had she said anything at all? Why had she even learnt to speak? She had just wanted to get as much distance between the redhead and Dr. Lewis... Dr. Perky Lewis, with her stupid smile and her stupid... stupid... hair... and... Oh, I'm so special - Kerry hugged me! Elizabeth groaned - why was she reacting like this? Seeing Kerry so animated, so exultant with Dr. Lewis made her angry... but why? Was she jealous?! No! She couldn't be... jealous of what?! But her throat felt like she'd just swallowed the Sahara desert and her stomach felt like it was churning milk. That was her body's trademark sign of jealousy, she knew herself too well to be deluded. Now she just needed time to think, to work out why. A hand touched her shoulder. "Elizabeth? What are you doing?" The familiar voice belonged to Mark. Elizabeth sighed; she couldn't deal with him right now, maybe later when she'd had some caffeine... or morphine... "I'm inspecting the paintwork, Mark. Don't you have something better to do with your time than check-up on me?" she was aware of how curt her tone was but she didn't care. "Elizabeth, you know this doesn't change anything between us, right? I realise that you might think I don't understand, but I do," he claimed, his voice full of reassurance. Corday looked at him blankly. "What?" she asked, genuinely at a loss. "When I hugged Susan just now..." Elizabeth felt hazy. What hug? Was she supposed to notice every time he hugged an old friend? Was it supposed to bother her? She had more important things on her mind. "Yeah Mark, it devastated me - but I'm okay now," and she walked off, leaving him staring after her, dumbfounded. * * * * * * Kerry had returned to work somewhat distracted by Elizabeth's little ramble. Things hadn't been the same between them since Corday's verbal bashing over Mark's evaluation a while back. The surgeon's words echoed in Kerry's memory, stinging with the force of their viciousness. Even now, they upset Kerry. She wasn't as thick skinned as she like to be when it came to colleagues whose opinion she valued. After the event, she had put on her usual Dr. Weaver mask, but Elizabeth's words had found her vulnerable spot and rubbed it raw. Knowing Corday had been deeply upset at the time, Kerry excused the surgeon's behaviour, but it didn't lessen the pain of being reminded that she was inadequate in yet another area of her life, if anything, inadequacy was beginning to become a habit with her. Calling up to Psych for a consult, Kerry immediately thought of Kim. The ups and downs of their relationship had been so exhausting and yet there was an ease she had felt with Kim that she had never experienced before or since. When they were dating, Kerry had been nowhere near ready to admit to herself - let alone the rest of the world, that she was gay. Now she was. She'd always found that unfair - Kim had had time to accept who she was, to process it all, Kerry hadn't, and it had been difficult. She felt as though she had been rushed - and she'd tried so hard to keep up... to catch up with Kim... to stay with Kim. It was all for nothing in the end; the story of her life. Kim didn't want her and she wanted Kim. But there was no possibility of a reconciliation and so she focused her attention on work. After all, that was what she had sacrificed her relationship with Kim for, wasn't it? In a split second she had chosen her career over love. She just wished... She'd hoped that when Romano had re-instated Kim that things would go back to the way they were - Kim would forgive her, they'd get back together and everyone would live happily ever after. Cue the sunset and sappy music. The reality? Kim didn't even know about the men's room incident and Kerry wasn't in the position to tell her, she didn't have that right, not anymore. Kim had made it very clear that they should both move on, even Luka had told her to move forward. So she was. * * * * * * The sweat trickled down her moist skin; her hands trailed the length of his back, urging him on. Mark thrust faster, Elizabeth's eyes were closed and she imagined herself outside of this room, she let her mind soar, released her fears and let herself be free. "Kerry! Oh, Kerry!" she screamed as she climaxed. Mark immediately stopped. Elizabeth, returning from her lack of restriction, opened her eyes in realisation to look up at her husbands perspiring brow. She recoiled from him. Mark sat up. She didn't recognise the look on his face - shock, disgust and confusion struggled against each other to win him over. After a long silence, which neither of them dared break until they could form an actual sentence, Mark finally said. "Kerry? As in Kerry Weaver?!" His only reply was Elizabeth's action of pulling the sheets tightly around herself. Since this morning, everything was slipping out of control. Had she meant Kerry Weaver? She didn't know any other Kerry's... so she must have. She had just screamed another woman's name in the heat of passion, not just another woman, but that particular woman who had caused Mark so much grief. Of all the names... but she had meant it, she had wanted to open her eyes and see Kerry Weaver leaning over her, sweaty and naked and... Her silence was the only answer needed. Mark stood, taking the duvet with him and leaving her the sheet. "I'll stay in the spare room tonight, I think it's best." He left, quietly slamming the door - demonstrating his anger but not wanting to wake the baby. Elizabeth lay still. She wanted Kerry Weaver, man that was twisted! Why not Jing-Mei? Or Abby? Elizabeth had no problem with the prospect of desiring another woman but why did she have to go and crave the one furthest from her reach? Kerry was gay, everyone knew that... it was acknowledged but never really talked about. Everyone was trying to be supportive without appearing obvious and the result was no one (with the exception of Malucci) talked about it. Which meant that they couldn't unearth any details, for example, how long had Weaver known she was gay? How long had she and Legaspi dated? How had it ended? Was Kerry over it yet? Was she looking for a new girlfriend? These were questions Elizabeth would ordinarily never ask but circumstances had changed. * * * * * * At County General the following morning, Elizabeth was called down to the E.R for a surgical consult. As she exited the elevator her eyes automatically scanned the area in hopes of finding Dr. Weaver. Unsuccessful, Elizabeth turned her attention to Randi. "Someone paged me." Carter cut in before Randi had a chance to answer; he led the Brit down the corridor towards Exam Room 2. Kerry emerged at the Admit desk, just catching sight of Carter and Elizabeth as they disappeared around the corner. Since she had been the one to page the surgeon; Kerry limped after them, wondering what Carter was playing at. Malucci watched as Kerry moved down the corridor, swinging her hips expertly to accommodate her bad leg. "It's such a waste to have a woman that flexible batting for the other side," he sighed. Randi looked in Weaver's direction, then back at Malucci. "You're gross!" she said, pushing him away from her. Entering Exam Room 2 Kerry saw Elizabeth examining her patient, with Carter watching intently. "What's going on?" she demanded, her tone pointed. Elizabeth looked up sharply, then diverted her eyes... after last night she couldn't look Kerry in the eye. Carter took a step towards his boss, holding his hands up in surrender. "Doctor Corday was just - " "I can see what she's doing Carter but what are you doing? Don't you have patients of your own?" While Carter made his excuses, Elizabeth studied Kerry out of the corner of her eye. She was such a commanding presence, majestic even... the curve of her shoulders, the graceful flow of lines that formed her shape were striking; the sheer power of her body. The way her hair bobbed, just catching the collar of her shirt as she lay into Carter, the milky whiteness of her flawless skin, elegantly freckled... Elizabeth wondered if the freckles covered her entire body or if they stopped when they reached her - she halted. This isn't helping, she told herself, then stared down at the chart in her hands, grateful that she had something to pretend to be doing. Kerry's little rant ended as abruptly as it had started. Fortunately, the patient whom this was in aid of was unconscious, and thus undisturbed. Carter, having been completely Weavered, left the room, head bowed as he reminded himself why he stayed out of Kerry's way when she was in a foul mood. Elizabeth remained. "That was a little severe," Corday found herself saying before thinking. The last thing she wanted was to upset Kerry further, the woman was obviously under stress. Kerry glanced wearily at her colleague, as if expecting more condemnation to follow, it always had in the recent past - but only an awkward silence ensued. "Perhaps but as you yourself have been prone to the odd outburst, I don't think you're in any position to criticize," Weaver stated. Colouring at this reminder of the harsh words she had spouted at Kerry not so long ago, Elizabeth wanted so badly to throw herself at Weaver's feet and beg forgiveness. Instead, she replied softly. "I'm, very sorry about that Kerry. I should have apologised sooner... but, well - I'm sorry." When Elizabeth dared look at the redhead, their eyes met and Kerry's were filled with gratitude and a deep sense of relief, as though Elizabeth had removed a burden from her shoulders. Elizabeth's breath caught; she had made Kerry look at her like that. She felt proud of her achievement but also afraid. She was unable to resist a smile and Kerry returned the gesture - sending Corday into a state of panic that encompassed her whole being... she had to get out of this room, get away from the enticing redhead before she said or did something... Sensing the strange shift in atmosphere, Kerry cut their exchange short by heading towards the door. She glanced over her shoulder at Elizabeth. "I guess I'd better go see how Susan's settling in," and she left, not seeing Corday's head snap up at the mention of Dr. Lewis, or the look of bitter resentment that followed it. ***********This was too much for Elizabeth, Mark hadn't spoken to her all day and the only thing she cared about was when she would get her next Kerry fix. She spent the entire day waiting to hear that low, gravelly voice, see those beautiful eyes that she could blissfully drown in. When they were thrown together, Corday would linger with bittersweet anticipation for an accidental touch; a brush of the hand, an elbow grazing an arm, which would ignite sparks throughout her body. Elizabeth felt terrible, how could she just switch off her feelings for Mark like this? It scared her as she realised that she had never actually been in love with him. He had been a good friend and with all the trials sent their way she had mistaken their friendship for more than it was. Only, what could she do now? She was married to Mark and in love with Kerry.
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Elizabeth sighed with defeat at her image. Why was it that when she wanted to look her best, she had never looked worse? Her hair was doing a Shirley Temple meets Tina Turner kind of thing, her make-up made her look like a drag queen on crack and she wasn't even going to think about how unflattering her cleavage looked in the revealing top she had worn especially. She was nervous enough as it was without having to worry about her appearance. She had put in a special effort today; today she got to spend the morning with Kerry, alone. It was the first time since her arrival at County that she had wanted to kiss Romano for being such an arse; he had insisted that she and the Chief of Emergency Medicine began monthly meetings to discuss protocol and progress within their respective departments. Elizabeth knew Robert was trying to avoid Kerry but since it meant she got to spend more time with the Chief, she was all for it! Elizabeth reapplied her lipstick, took a step back and stared at her reflection, then waved a dismissive hand at it. She officially gave up. She would just have to do as she was, Kerry would just have to see her in this state. She looked down at her watch, shit! She was late. Kerry, the queen of precision, was just going to love that! She fumbled around in her bag and gave her hair one more brush through before hurrying out of the ladies. * * * * * * The administrative side of Kerry thought that these meetings were a good idea, while the practical side thought it was a waste of valuable time. She had agreed to them none the less, after all, it would give her more input into the way her department was run and Elizabeth should be easier to work with since they had put aside their animosity. If anything, over the last few weeks, they had been getting along famously. As Kerry sat opposite Corday's empty chair, waiting, she studied the room. It was impressively understated and tidy. There were no over-flowing stacks of files, like in Romano's office; everything was neatly filed away. Scattered on the walls were paintings; it made the office feel serene, homely even. Not an award in sight, most unlike a surgeon not to show off! she thought, but then, Elizabeth wasn't your average surgeon, she lacked the arrogance and ego that normally accompanied someone in her position. Kerry leaned forward, turning a photo frame on the desk to face her; it was a picture of Elizabeth holding Ella. The look of sheer joy on Corday's face was unmistakable and made a lump form in Kerry's throat. The surgeon looked so beautiful, so at peace with the world, it was something Kerry had yet to experience and she envied the other woman for a moment. But... where was Mark? Surely there was a picture of all three? The redhead's thoughts were interrupted by Corday's arrival. Elizabeth barged through the door of her office, smiling anxiously at Kerry. She took her seat behind the desk; glad there was a physical restraint between them, it would help with her self-control, which was becoming more difficult to maintain. As well as their budding friendship, there had been a distinct change in their working relationship. Whenever Kerry paged the surgeon, she came immediately to the E.R and was most accommodating. Weaver put it down to her reluctance to be around Mark. The two appeared to be in the middle of a lovers tiff, which was why the surgeon seemed happy to go along with Kerry's diagnosis - that way Mark wasn't called in for a second opinion. Whatever it was, she hoped they sorted it out soon; Mark was being very hostile to staff members, herself in particular. Maybe Susan's return was affecting him... Kerry hated to admit it but even she had reacted strangely to Susan's arrival. For some reason she had felt compelled to embrace the woman - they'd never been close; she had just wanted to hold onto something familiar. After so many uncertainties in recent month's, Susan's presence felt like a return to the days when she had known exactly who and what she was about. Lewis took her back to a time before she had become lost in the conflicting emotions and thoughts that were forming her new identity. Elizabeth didn't appear too thrilled at Dr. Lewis's re-instatement and Mark did seem to be spending an awful lot of time around her. Couldn't he see how lucky he was? Kerry thought of Kim, she hadn't realised how lucky she had been. As Elizabeth pulled the relevant papers from her filing cabinet, Kerry noticed that the tall woman looked different somehow. Was she wearing more make-up than usual? And her clothes seemed more... Whatever she had done it suited her; she looked more stunning than usual. Perhaps she and Mark had made up and were going somewhere nice to celebrate after work. Kerry hoped so; someone around here deserved to be happy. Corday picked up a pen and flicked it nervously when she realised Kerry was gazing at her strangely. She cursed her hair - dammit! Why today of all days did it decide to play up? She shifted uncomfortably in her seat; maybe Kerry wouldn't detect her uneasiness or have the politeness to ignore it. After all, Kerry Weaver never let personal feelings get in the way of business, so why should she? The fact that she urgently wanted to jump Kerry right now and tongue wrestle her to the floor should not interfere with their work. Watching Elizabeth shyly glance in her direction, then avert her eyes made Kerry aware she had been staring. Whoops! She hoped Elizabeth didn't think her rude. The younger woman obviously wasn't offended as she then proceeded to outline the main points she wanted to cover. Fixing her business cap firmly in place, Weaver began to voice her concerns to her receptive audience. Two hours later, the meeting came to a close. Kerry was surprised at how open-minded Corday had been to her suggestions, geez - if Elizabeth ever went for Romano's job - she'd back her! Real changes could be made around this place if she and Corday worked as a team, the thought made her smile. "What?" asked Corday, noting the amused look on Kerry's face. "Just thinking how well we work together." Elizabeth's grin shone like a sunbeam. Kerry soaked-up the warmth and then suddenly her body went numb. The words she had just spoken sounded familiar... when had she used them? Kim. She felt as though someone had slapped her in the face. That's how it had all started. They worked well together, one thing led to another, then pain and more pain. Still smiling, Elizabeth rose to her feet, accidentally knocking a folder off her desk. As she bent down to pick up the stray pieces of paper, her already low cut shirt exposed a little more flesh. Kerry's eyes were instinctively drawn to the uncovered skin. Kerry stood up abruptly. Looking startled, Elizabeth raised her head and said. "What's wrong?" Kerry's eyes betrayed her and Corday followed the Chief's gaze to her chest. Kerry's face flushed red. Busted! Elizabeth stood up straight, pulling at her shirt and pressing her hands against her upper body. She glanced down at the floor self-consciously. That was all Kerry needed to propel her out into the hall, she managed to mutter some form of goodbye as she fled, neglecting to shut the door after her. Great, now Elizabeth thought she was a pervert! She certainly did have a talent for distancing people from her, Well, when you got it - you got it! She thought sourly. Elizabeth was obviously disgusted with her; she probably wouldn't be invited to Ella's christening either! Kerry took off so quickly that Elizabeth didn't have time to call after her. Shit! How humiliating to have flashed Kerry! The poor woman must be mortified! Corday slumped into her chair. God, what must she think of me? She covered her face; this was not how it was supposed to happen! She had wanted to approach Kerry tactfully, tell her that she had feelings... very strong feelings for her. How could she do that when Weaver didn't even want to be in the same room as her? There was a faint knock at the half-open door, Elizabeth looked up hopefully, only to be disappointed by the appearance of Mark. "Oh, it's you..." she muttered, returning to her despondent frame of mind. Mark stepped hesitantly into the office, closing the door behind him. "I don't think you realise the momentousness of all this!" he began. Elizabeth hardly had the strength to raise her head, so he continued. "You screamed another woman's name while you were having sex with me!" he accused. Corday was unresponsive, which seemed to aggravate him further. "Elizabeth?! Do you have any idea what I've done for you? For you and the baby?" She looked up at him but wasn't really invested in this heart-to-heart. "Do you realise what length's I went to? To protect you from Fossen - I put everything on the line, for you..." Now Corday seemed to break through the mist that clouded her mind by declaring in a clear voice. "Mark - I want a divorce." * * * * * * Over the next couple of days, Corday went so out of her way to avoid Weaver, that she didn't notice Kerry was doing exactly the same. But, luck ran out when a trauma came in and they were forced together. Professionalism kicked in as care of the patient took precedence. "Two CC's of lidocane, IV push," Elizabeth ordered Lily. "Chem 7 and chest film - quickly people!" Weaver barked. The nurses scurried about, Kerry and Elizabeth exchanged a tense look across the patient. Corday's big blue eyes threatened to distract Kerry as she stabilized the patient ready for transportation to the O.R. As Elizabeth and Chuny pushed the gurney into the hall and waited for the elevator. Elizabeth cast a backwards glance in the direction of the trauma room, just in time to see Kerry emerge. She watched the Chief discard her scrubs and unconsciously run a hand through her short hair... god she was sexy! Weaver turned her head, catching Elizabeth's eye. They looked away from each other, going their separate ways. Elizabeth knew what she had to do, she'd tried ignoring Kerry and it was driving her nuts. They needed to talk. * * * * * * It was the end of her shift and the end of a strenuous day that she just wanted to forget. Everything that could go wrong had. Two patients had died today and she had suffered the hostility of both families, alone. As for her colleagues, well they were as unanimously unsupportive of her as usual. Was she really that bad? That unreasonable? If anything, Kerry Weaver had always prided herself on being fair and she was tired of circumstances being against her. Kerry slipped off her lab coat and hung it up in her locker. She heard the lounge door open behind her but didn't need to turn to see who it was; she already knew "Kerry? Can we talk?" came the familiar British accent. Kerry didn't answer. She picked up her bag. She didn't want to deal with this now. The mood she was in, she was likely to say something spiteful and Elizabeth didn't deserve that. "Okay, then I'll do the talking," pronounced the surgeon, her tone unsure, causing Kerry to turn and face her. Elizabeth's smile was so tentative that it melted Kerry's temper. Despite her announcement, Elizabeth didn't know what to say next - in the scenario in her head, she had never got as far as the door. They locked eyes. "This is my fault," Kerry began apologetically; trying to spare them both any further embarrassment. "No! I'm entirely to blame! I should have been more honest with you as soon as I realised the truth. Then, maybe we could have avoided this awkwardness." "When you bent over - I didn't intend to - uh, I don't know why I... looked down your shirt - " Weaver stopped, it sounded so much worse when she spoke the words aloud. "But I wanted you to!" burst from Elizabeth. The two women stared at each other; bewilderment and uncertainty filled the air. "What?" muttered Kerry breathlessly; her stomach became taut and her poise failed her. She hadn't been expecting that! Suddenly all the sideway glances, the little comments, in fact - every interaction between them for the last couple of weeks now made perfect sense. Elizabeth had been flirting with her - and she hadn't even noticed! Well, she had noticed but hadn't realised it was in any way sexual... Hell, the woman had just married Mark Greene - not a classic declaration of lesbianism... or maybe it was! "I have discovered of late that I have feelings for you, that I have had these feelings for... longer than I care to think about. And I say that because I'm angry with myself for the time I have wasted in not expressing them to you." The surgeon swallowed, nerves getting the better of her. "But now that I'm aware, I thought I should tell you..." She studied Kerry carefully, searching for a sign of scorn or encouragement - or something! Kerry's face was blank. "Elizabeth... I truly don't know what to say!" There was a pause. "Yes I do - I've recently broken up with someone and you're married!" the redhead stated. "And why do you think I didn't invite you to the wedding?" The Chief felt the pain of Mark and Elizabeth's rejection afresh, tears threatened to fall but she forced them back. She would not cry, not over this. Sensing the sorrow she had rekindled within the redhead, Elizabeth's voice lowered as she said. "Kerry, I didn't want you at my wedding because I knew that if you had been close at hand; there wouldn't have been a wedding. I would have taken one look at you and realised what a huge mistake I was making. Somewhere in the confines of my heart, I knew that I wanted you... that's why I talked Mark out of inviting you." Corday revealed, her voice confident as her eyes set on the one person she longed for. "I love you Kerry Weaver. I want to be with you, wherever you are, all of the time. I want to share my life with you, and I'm not afraid to admit it anymore. If anything, I feel liberated for the first time in my life... and it's all because of you." Kerry's eyes softened at this confession but she trembled at the enormity of Elizabeth's words. Corday lessened the gap between them, Weaver tried to ignore the sensations running down her spine at the nearness of the younger woman. "What can I possibly say Elizabeth?" she managed. Her senses powerless in the tempest that was her mind. She was shocked, flattered, scared, excited... confused. "Say you feel it too," Corday's voice was soft and alluring. Kerry hesitated. "But... Mark?" the reason for his behaviour now apparent to her. "He and I are separating," she muttered sadly. Dazed, Kerry gulped down a mouthful of air; this was all too much. She was on overload and Elizabeth's proximity wasn't helping matters. "But you can't! Not because of me!" "It would have happened anyway, it was inevitable. Kerry, you're not to blame - no one is - I don't love him in that way... not the way I feel for you. It wouldn't have lasted, I would have realised soon enough. He's a good man but he isn't you." The Brit moved even closer, their bodies came into contact, pressing together; they could feel each other’s pulse. Kerry felt like the lounge had been drained of oxygen; her breathing became shallow, her chest constricted and her hands felt tingly. Elizabeth whispered. "I'm scared of what I might do if I stay in this room with you for one more second. It would be so easy, losing myself in you..." Elizabeth's intensity was contagious and Kerry felt her resolve weakening as Corday's luscious curls gently brushed her cheek. Corday's sweet perfume enveloped the older woman, causing her to wish for the feel of Elizabeth's soft lips against her own. Corday slipped an arm around Kerry's waist, pulling her closer. The redhead offered little resistance, her breath was warm against the surgeon's neck, sending a shiver of excitement torrenting through Elizabeth's body. She traced a path along Weaver's jaw, running her fingers eagerly across Kerry's skin, hungry for more. They gazed at each other as the heat of the moment encompassed them. Elizabeth tilted her head towards Kerry. Weaver's eyes widened in alertness, seeming to come out of her haze, she raised a hand to cover her mouth, blocking the kiss. This was where her first kiss with Kim had taken place. She couldn't let anyone else kiss her here. Corday froze, suddenly turning cold. Kerry was rejecting her. The pain that accompanied this realisation was unbearable. Without a word, Elizabeth released Kerry and turned to escape the lounge. Weaver stayed rooted, trying to make sense of what had just happened. She wanted to run after Elizabeth... to apologise... to make her understand. But she didn't move.
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Elizabeth turned in bed for the third time in under a minute. Mark had taken to sleeping in the spare room; he'd said he would start looking for a place of his own tomorrow. She stared at the clock on her bedside table. It wasn't any nearer to morning and she wasn't any nearer to sleep. She closed her eyes but the image of Kerry haunted her. The simple action of Weaver raising her hand to protect her lips had put pay to all of Elizabeth's hopes. Funny how such a small movement could carry so much meaning. She opened her eyes only to have their entire conversation replay in her head. She should have given Kerry more time to take it in, before pouncing on her! Elizabeth covered her face with her hands, she had known this was going to happen; Kerry still wasn't over Kim - she'd seen it coming. But it was too late for hindsight; Kerry was in her head; in her heart. Why couldn't I just wait? She tortured herself. Why didn't I back off? She turned over again. The sheets were tangled up with her legs and her pillow had disappeared somewhere. She groaned with frustration and rolled onto her back. She wondered whether Kerry was awake right now... she hoped the redhead was, it was only fair that if she lay awake all night, then Kerry should do the same. The idea of Weaver unable to sleep because of her made Elizabeth feel marginally better. It was petty, she knew, but she didn't care. Lack of sleep often made her irrational. In fact, Elizabeth was tempted to phone her right now, just to make sure she was awake. No, be patient. Corday sighed resignedly, Kerry didn't want to talk to her anyway and even if she did - what could Elizabeth possibly say to undo the damage? She stretched her arm out, her fingers lightly caressed the empty space next to her, wishing that her hands could touch Kerry, that she could turn and the petite woman would be there, resting beside her. Just to see her would be enough right now. "You’ve got it bad Corday!" Elizabeth told herself aloud, rolling onto her side. * * * * * * Kerry didn't go home straight away, she hadn't wanted to stare at the wall all night thinking about it, so she stopped off at a bar. They were beginning to recognise her in there; it's where she'd spent most of her evenings when she and Kim had first separated. She'd had her usual - Vodka, straight, followed by another and another... until her good leg had become unsteady, then she'd got a cab home. Now she sat on her couch. She hadn't moved since she'd arrived; she wasn't sure she could without doing herself grievously bodily harm. So, she sat staring at the wall thinking about it. She felt like such a bitch. How could she have left Elizabeth like that? She should have gone after her - done something... Weaver could just kick herself, in fact, if it hadn't been for her bad limb and the high level of alcohol in her system, she would have given it a damn good try! This was like Kim all over again, only with a little re-shuffling of the cast. Kerry glanced at the phone, she had Elizabeth's number but she couldn't bring herself to pick up the receiver. There were too many uncertainties. What if Mark answered? What if Elizabeth didn't want to talk to her? What if Elizabeth did want to talk to her - what would she say? What could she say? Sheltered in the darkness of the room, Kerry decided to go to bed. It was pointless since she wouldn't sleep. She never could when she was submerged in guilt. Her leg gave a twinge, settling the matter for her. She retired to bed; at least lying down would alleviate the pain. As she undressed she thought of Elizabeth. Of the curves of her body, the way her hair fell over her shoulders, the shape of her mouth... those lips that she had come so close to tasting. Kerry stopped this trail of thought; it was only making her feel worse. She crawled into bed; the cold vacancy left by Kim made her wish for Elizabeth's nearness. * * * * * * The following day County General was, as usual, busting with chaos as Kerry Weaver made her way through the swing doors. She was met with a scowl from Mark who stood having an intimate conversation with Susan Lewis at the Admit desk. Kerry smiled at him, Mark spun on his heel and stormed off down the corridor. Kerry turned her gaze to Susan who simply held her hands in the air, washing herself clean of the situation. Sighing, Kerry deposited her belongings in the lounge and began work. Hopefully it would be a hectic day, giving her no time to think. As she scanned the board for a time-consuming patient, Weaver felt a light tap on her shoulder and turned with surprise to see Kim leaning over her. She was still unused to seeing the blonde back in the E.R - what with her suspension and general avoidance of the Chief. Legaspi gave her ex a half-smile. "There's a transfer patient coming in, ETA fifteen minutes, second degree burn victim, first level - set light to himself, I could do with a hand, if you're interested?" as she spoke, Kim held out a chart. Weaver took it; she never could refuse Kim. Legaspi grinned. "Thanks Kerry." "Any time," replied the Chief softly. Kim and Kerry locked eyes. After a moment that seemed to stretch into infinity, Carter inadvertently severed their connection by stepping between them to reach the board. Kim cleared her throat and took a step back, staring down at her feet. Why did she keep doing this? Putting herself out there for Kerry? Then she glanced up, remembering all the reasons Kerry had turned her head in the first place: smart, funny, sexy, loyal... she stopped. Loyal? Okay Legaspi, mental shakedown. Ex, keep thinking ex! But the redhead still possessed that magical gift of turning everything around and inside out. Just when Kim thought she had it figured out, Kerry hit her with another lightening bolt. Kerry studied the chart Kim had handed her, not daring to look up. She knew that these short, irregular encounters were the first steps in re-building their relationship. She hoped that at least she and Kim could salvage a friendship out of the wreckage, but part of her wanted to say ‘all or nothing’. It would be painful to be friends after having shared so much of herself with Kim, hell - it was painful to be this close and not be able to do anything other than say "any time." Maybe they just needed some more time apart. Maybe she needed to find someone new. Maybe... "Kerry?" Elizabeth called gently. Kerry's eyes lifted to rest on the slender figure of Elizabeth Corday; she looked tired. Kerry sensed Kim's presence beside her and she suddenly felt very aware of everyone's proximity. "Hi." Kerry greeted, pleased to see that Elizabeth was still talking to her but not wishing to reveal anything about last night in front of anyone else. "Can we go somewhere and talk?" the surgeon asked timidly, twiddling her thumbs. Kim shifted her weight, unrestrained curiosity in her face. The last time she had heard Elizabeth speak to Kerry it had been a thunderous eruption of rage. What had changed? They seemed embarrassed… were they both blushing?! "Sure," Kerry answered, scuffing her shoes against the floor. "But not now." Corday looked hurt. "Lunch?" offered Weaver. "The cafeteria at one?" Elizabeth suggested hopefully, now twiddling her hair. "'kay." Kerry nodded self-consciously. Corday retreated and went about her duties while Kerry refused to meet Kim's inquisitive eyes. Something was definitely odd, Kim decided. Short sentences; awkward looks, pre-pubescent behaviour, blushing... No way! Dr. Legaspi glared at the redhead, then realised there was nothing she could do. They weren't together anymore; she couldn't exactly put her foot down. But she wanted to. A surge of jealousy shot through her, she had expected Kerry to return to her heterosexual ways... not take up with another woman! The idea shocked her and she realised that she had only coped with their break-up on the basis that Kerry wasn't with another woman. She could get through it all if Kerry wasn't with another woman. Maybe Kerry was doing this to get back at her for Lori but as soon as the thought entered Kim's head, she dismissed it: that wasn't Kerry's style. When the Chief made no attempt to explain what she needed to talk about with Corday, Kim's intrigue was swallowed by envy. But then, she was always envious of anyone who got to spend time with Kerry - even Malucci. Before she could pry, the psychiatrist heard the doors of the E.R slam open and in rushed a gunshot wound to the chest. Chen and Kerry immediately began treatment, as they wheeled the gurney down the hall towards trauma room one, Kerry glanced over her shoulder at Kim, calling out, "I'll catch-up with the burn patient later." Feeling somewhat deflated by their sudden parting of ways and the unforeseen revelations concerning Elizabeth Corday, Kim gripped her clipboard tightly to her chest. Her shock was building, metamorphosising into something else... something ugly. Maybe she was over-reacting, being over-protective... or was that possessive? Kim let out the breath she had been holding. Why did being around Kerry always make her feel like she was back in high school? It was like she had all these hormones and feelings that she had no control over. But I have control over what I do about them, she counselled herself. All these stupid guessing games were doing her no good, she had enough insecurities as it was; she didn't need to add possessive jealousy of an ex-girlfriend to the list. She had to move on, she had moved on... or so she'd thought. Kim had the feeling that no matter how much distance or time separated them, there would forever be this thing between them. They had history... their pasts were entwined; they were a part of each other. Kim sighed. From what they'd had in the beginning to what they had now, how had they let this happen? * * * * * * After examining the burn patient on the psych ward, Weaver limped over to Kim. "His condition is stable," she reported. They started down the hall towards the elevator. "Blood pressure is normal, you shouldn't have any problems admitting him." "Good," remarked Kim. They arrived at the elevator and hesitated. It felt strangely normal to be discussing patient care and yet surreal at the same time. Kerry hit the elevator button; she was supposed to meet Elizabeth in five minutes. The blonde doctor looked down at her watch, acutely aware of the time. As the elevator doors opened, Kim felt the urge to stop Kerry - stop her from meeting Corday, something in her gut told her that this was her last chance - their last chance to have a future together. Kim had been so emotionally invested in this relationship; Kerry had been the one. Her one. Kerry stepped into the empty elevator, looking so small and fragile in the lonely expanse of the lift. As she watched Kim's face, sadness over-came her. It felt like this was the end of something. The doors were about to shut when Kerry held out her hand and prevented them; they withdrew obediently. "Accompany me?" Weaver entreated. Smiling warmly, Kim shook her head grievously, saying. "We're heading for different floors." Part of Kerry smiled back at the woman who had changed her life so completely and part of her mourned for what they could not have again. She removed her hand and the elevator doors closed. * * * * * * Elizabeth sat by herself, she had chosen as secluded a table as it was possible to get in the staff canteen. She had bought a cup of tea, she couldn't stomach any food; she was far too tense. Corday played nervously with a saltshaker. Suddenly worrying about her appearance, she looked at her image in the metal napkin holder. Damn, she looked awful! Insomnia really didn't do anything for her looks. Trying to smooth her wild hair, Corday balanced the napkin holder in her left palm and used her other hand to press her unruly curls down, then examined the result. It hadn't made a blind bit of difference! Why do I bother? She thought. Then the metal caught Mark and Susan's reflection as they entered the cafeteria behind her. She slowly lowered the napkin holder. This was all she needed - her husband and his... whatever Dr. Perky was to him now, while she was trying to make amends with Kerry. They didn't see her immediately and Elizabeth tried to duck out of their view but as Mark gathered his tray and turned to find a seat, he spotted her. Elizabeth swallowed her anxiety. She could deal with him. She prepared a defence in her head as he strode towards her. She was ready, however bad the outburst - she was a lying, cheating whore who had ruined his life - bring it on! She was ready. He marched straight past her table, followed closely by Dr. Perky. She didn't have time to recover because at that moment Kerry arrived.
Seeing Corday, she shuffled towards her table. Sitting opposite the surgeon, she rested her crutch against the table rim. She folded her hands on the table and looked expectantly at Elizabeth. "Kerry - about last night," Elizabeth began but stopped when Kerry glanced nervously about, ensuring no one was within earshot. Dammit! Elizabeth thought, she knew how sensitive Kerry could be, why hadn't she suggested they meet somewhere a little more private? Because then she wouldn't have shown up, Elizabeth told herself. Now she felt trivial... maybe she should make a scene - yell and scream her undying love, fling her arms in the air and wave them about - put pay once and for all to the notion that the British withhold their true feelings in a gallant, self-sacrificing manner. Emma Thompson had a lot to answer for! "Kerry - I don't know how I can put it any plainer than I did yesterday. And I know you didn't... well, you were... uninterested..." Elizabeth's words were like pinpricks in her own skin. Kerry squirmed in her seat, still carrying the burden of guilt that she felt from last night. It wasn't that she found Elizabeth unattractive - who, with eyes, could? She was stunning. But everything with Kim had ended in such a mess - how could she make a new beginning with Elizabeth when it was already a mess? There were so many lose ends she could make a goddamn Afghan rug! She worked with Mark, who Elizabeth would be leaving for her. She would be dating someone from work again - which could mean personal and professional clashes. Kim would know; that could be awkward. The staff of the E.R would gossip about them behind their backs - no doubt painting her as the heartless home wrecker - and the whole lesbian thing would be in her face every day... and that was before she even considered the baby... "To be honest, Elizabeth, I'm not sure how ready I am for a relationship just now, especially with you. There would be major consequences and implications if we were to date." "I'm aware of that but I'm willing to face them, for a chance to be with you," claimed Elizabeth. Her tone was so genuine, her expression so hopeful that Kerry half wished... "I can't! I can't withstand more heartache, not yet." "What makes you think I'd do anything to hurt you?" questioned the surgeon. "You may not intend to but something will happen and we'll both be miserable. It won't work out. Trust me on this, I have a track record... You're better off without me and I'm better off alone." "You mean safer, don't you? You'd be secure in your little secluded Kerry world where nothing and no one can touch you." "That's right," there was a hint of annoyance in Weaver's tone. "Well, it's not alright! Sorry to sound cliché but everyone needs people in their life, it's what makes life worthwhile." "That's just peachy in the movies or on TV but this is real life - my life - and I get to decide what I want. Not you. Not some bureaucratic, homophobic hypocrite like Romano - not even Kim!" "Why are you so scared of being loved?" Elizabeth's tone was so frank that it startled Weaver. "This isn't just about you Kerry. I have feelings too. I'm endangering the safety of my own heart... but it's worth it, to be loved." "Yes. For five minutes, but when you wake up in an empty bed with nothing but regret and an inability to look at your reflection because you're so disgusted with yourself; then you may view it differently," stated Kerry. Corday watched Weaver; her heart breaking for the redhead. "I don't want to scare you Kerry but I'm in love with you and whether you return the sentiment or not - it's still a nice thing to know, don't you think? That you have touched my life. And should you decide you want nothing more to do with me, then I'll learn to cope. All I'm asking for is a chance. You see; you're not the only one who gets to decide who and what they want. We all make choices and you are mine." Kerry was moved. She looked down at her hands, which had reached for a napkin and were folding it repeatedly. Elizabeth placed a hand on top of Kerry's, partly to stop her fidgeting and partly because she hadn't touched Kerry since yesterday. Weaver's hands froze upon contact and her eyes automatically lifted to meet the adoring gaze emanating from Corday's piercing blue eyes. "I don't know what I feel Elizabeth. This has all come as a bit of a surprise. I need time, time to figure it out." Nodding with understanding, Corday rose to her feet. "Then I'll wait." Smiling gratefully at her, Kerry said. "Thank you." The surgeon departed. As Kerry stood to leave, she noticed Mark and Susan at a table close by. From the look of anguish on his face, Kerry gathered that he had listened to their entire conversation. Mark met her gaze and for a moment she was unsure what to do but then Susan touched Marks hand comfortingly, causing him to look away from Weaver. Taking her cue to leave, Kerry quit the canteen. This situation with Elizabeth would take some serious consideration.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Romano was on the warpath. He had just heard the most vicious untruth about his Lizzie. She had finally come to her senses and separated from that dreary loser Mark Greene, but in order - and here came the outrageous lie - to take up with a woman! And who was this woman? Kerry frikkin' Weaver - that flame-haired, crutch-wielding, bitch-dyke from hell; who made his life the misery it was. She was the thorn in his side... the splinter in his paw... the homo in his hetro world. "Kerry!" he greeted with his usual belittling tone. "Robert," she recognised the egotistical little turd-man's voice and didn't bother to look up from the patient she was suturing. "We need to talk, now," Robert snarled. She hadn't heard that tone since the men's room incident; in fact, Robert had stayed out of her way ever since then. Who knew outing yourself in the men's could be such a blessing?! She finished suturing before following him into the hall. Neither of them noticed Malucci crouching down to find some saline in the medicine cupboard; he was out of sight but not out of earshot. "I've heard a rumour about you, and since the last one that circulated the hospital turned out to be true, I thought I'd better ask you straight out. Oh! Maybe that was badly phrased, hope you don't go to the county board of supervisors or the ACLU. But, you know what I mean, it's best to be open and forthright about these things." He stated. "Robert, I have no idea what you're talking about, as usual. So please enlighten me quickly, I have work to do, patients to see - " "You and Corday. True or false?" His bluntness grated her, her eyes narrowed as she said in a strained voice. "That's none of your business. Excuse me," she turned to go, but he caught hold of her arm. Kerry glared at him. "Is there something else?" she asked sharply. He was jealous, she could tell, and he hated having to come to her. He had always been somewhat possessive of Elizabeth Corday and as soon as he heard that his Chief of Emergency Medicine might be having a relationship with his English Rose, he couldn't bare it. "I'm thinking of starting a new policy where everyone employed by the hospital has to declare any personal relationships they have with other members of staff... to avoid sexual harassment lawsuits, should anyone misread the situation, you understand?" "You do what you feel you have to Robert, she still won't look at you twice," Kerry asserted, then turned on her heel, forcing him to release his grip on her arm. Romano glared after her. He hated her and respected her at the same time. Malucci waited until Romano departed before standing up, the saline forgotten. * * * * * * As soon as Malucci’c report reached the O.R Elizabeth rushed downstairs to find Kerry discharging a patient in Exam Room 3. She waited restlessly until the patient left, then threw open the door. Kerry glanced up at the surgeon who was grinning fanatically from ear to ear. It unhinged Weaver as she smiled back in automatic response. When Elizabeth remained silent, Kerry asked. "What? What's that silly smirk for?" "You!" replied Corday. Kerry's eyebrows raised questioningly. "Me? What did I do?" Elizabeth moved towards Kerry, but not enough to intrude upon her. "I heard, through the hospital grapevine, what you said to Romano." "Grapevine?" "Malucci." I swear this place has gossip radars embedded in the walls! Kerry thought. "Oh, that," the redhead shrugged. "It was just Romano blowing off steam!" "No, it was more than that," Corday beamed more deeply. "It was you not giving him a direct answer. You neither claimed nor disclaimed a relationship with me. That means you're still considering it, right?" she deduced, then sat herself on the edge of the bed and played with a flip chart. Kerry was suddenly flustered; she hadn't considered the motive for her avoidance of answering Robert's question. And it certainly hadn't occurred to her that Elizabeth would view it as a sign that she wanted to date the surgeon. "Elizabeth..." Corday held up her hands. "I know, you need time. I'm just so happy you haven't dismissed the idea of us out of hand. We could be something else Kerry; personally and professionally." With that she stood, did a quick dance step and glided out of the room. Kerry stared after her, a smile breaking across her face. * * * * * * Kerry walked out of exam room three still smiling to herself. "Dr. Weaver?" Carter called, feeling guilty for interrupting a moment where she actually appeared happy. She turned to look at him and smiled. "Do you have a moment?" he asked shyly. Eyeing him suspiciously, Kerry began to amble down the corridor, indicating for him to walk alongside her. "I hate to ask you this, but, my apartment is being fumigated and I need a place to stay for a couple of days. Is there any chance that I could stop in your basement? It will only be for a few nights - I promise, I'll cover any expenses. I wouldn't normally ask, only I'm desperate." He declared. "I'm touched!" Kerry teased, finding the humour. John smiled apologetically. "You know what I mean." Kerry thought it was unusual that he didn't stay with his grandparents, or at a friends house, like Abby or Jing-Mei, but... "Alright! Luckily for you, I'm in a good mood and I haven't advertised for a new tenant, so the room is free. When should I expect you?" "Tomorrow?" "I'll bring in an extra set of keys." "Thank you Dr. Weaver, you're a lifesaver! Thanks!" he started back down the corridor. Calling over her shoulder in her usual stern tone, Kerry said. "John, don't tell anyone else about this - I don't want any malicious rumours about my being kind hearted spread around the E.R! Is that understood?" "Completely!" he replied as he disappeared around the corner. * * * * * * When Malucci spotted Weaver heading towards him, he hastily gathered up some charts and attempted to look busy. "Malucci - do some work!" she ordered as she breezed over to the Admit desk. "Hey Chief! I'm insulted, I always work hard when your back is turned." "No, you make fun of me when my back is turned." "True but I don't say anything that I wouldn't say to your face - that's got to count for something, right?!" Kerry flicked through a selection of charts, pulled one out and slammed it into his chest. Dave gulped. "You just earned yourself an anal pericardial centesis!" she informed him. "Oh come on Chief!" "Curtain 2, Dave. He's waiting." Randi shared an amused look with Haleh. The punishments Dr. Weaver inflicted on Malucci made all the other Weaverism's bearable. Kerry sat herself down in front of the computer screen, a pile of papers at her side. Slipping her glasses on, she was busy punching keys when Corday approached. "Hello," the tall woman greeted brightly. "What are you doing?" Weaver glanced up. "Updating my notes," she answered, her eyes returning to the computer monitor. She pushed the rim of her glasses further up the ridge of her nose. "You're wearing glasses again?" observed Elizabeth, she'd always found that chain strangely attractive. "Yeah, I renewed my contact prescription, but there was a delay, so I'm back to using these for a couple of days," explained Kerry. "They look good on you, kind of adorable!" Elizabeth flirted, leaning on her elbows and gazing at Kerry. "Thanks," Kerry replied, half flattered and half embarrassed. She had learnt to be less self-conscious when being complimented, but it still left her feeling odd. Haleh raised an eyebrow, just catching the last part of their tête-à-tête. She had long suspected something was going on - Dr. Greene was spending an awful lot of time with Susan and Dr. Corday didn't seem to care... maybe because she had other things on her mind... or a certain someone... Haleh and Randi turned with curiosity to watch the doctor's conversation progress. "Are you near or far sighted?" "Far." "Can I try them?" Corday asked, reaching for Kerry's glasses. Weaver let her remove them; Elizabeth's fingertips lightly brushed against her temple, sending a tingle down the redhead's spine. She scolded herself for being effected by such a simple act. Elizabeth put the glasses on, her eyes widening comically as they tried to adjust to the magnification. Kerry giggled at the expressions Corday pulled involuntarily. "What?!" Corday asked, humour in her tone. "Nothing!" Weaver answered. "Tell me!" "It's nothing!" "Fine, if you won't tell me - then I'll keep your glasses!" With that, Elizabeth slipped the spectacles off her nose and into her lab coat pocket. "Hey!" exclaimed Weaver. She leaned over the desk, reaching for Elizabeth, but Corday withdrew quickly, edging around the desk. She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out the spectacles, raising them above Weaver's head. "Take them," Corday tantalized, waving them in the air. Kerry made an attempt to reach them, but Elizabeth raised them higher. Kerry stretched further, but Corday was too tall. "Hey, no fair - lanky legs!" "Then jump higher, short-arse!" Haleh turned to Randi, as if for confirmation that this was actually happening. "You're not dreaming," Randi assured the nurse. Randi had never been sure whether to believe Malucci's reports, and now, here she was - first-hand witness to this mating ritual. A triumphant "Ha!" came from Dr. Weaver, who hadn't recovered her glasses, but had managed to grab Elizabeth's stethoscope in retaliation and was now holding it hostage until Corday was willing to trade. Corday made a grab for her stethoscope. Simultaneously, Kerry made a move for her glasses. They found themselves with one hand on each item, their faces a couple of inches apart; sparks filled the air. Their eyes met. Without exchanging a word, they returned each other’s belongings. “Hot! It’s so damned hot in here!” Chen complained, fanning herself as she moved over to the Admit. Desk. This intrusion broke the spell, Corday and Weaver pulled apart. Kerry eyed Elizabeth nervously and then returned to her typing. Elizabeth hovered beside her, as if to say something, then thought better of it and walked away. Nearby, Haleh leaned into Randi. "I thought they weren't talking?" she whispered. "I guess they kissed and made-up - in the figurative sense!" replied Randi. "Mmm-hhmm!" muttered Haleh and they exchanged a covert smile. What no one noticed was the shadowy figure of a broken blonde who had witnessed the entire exchange. Lost in the sea of faces, no one saw Kim's saddened expression or noticed her heart aching as she turned and left the E.R.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Absently, Kim began her rounds. Ever since yesterday she'd been distracted by that... display... What the hell was Kerry thinking? So, she wasn't good enough for Kerry to admit to dating openly but it was all right to paw Elizabeth Corday in full public view? She'd heard the rumours... Mark and Elizabeth had separated and Corday had shown more than a passing interest in Weaver. Why do you care? You're better off out of it, she informed herself. Damn her! Kim cursed the woman she had once believed embodied perfection. Why can't you just stop thinking about it for five minutes? She was puzzled. They'd had closure, settled the score, so why was the idea of Kerry and Elizabeth together driving her insane? You're the psychiatrist, you work it out! She told herself. A high-pitched screech broke through her thoughts as the burn patient went into v-tach, Kim hit the alarm button and rushed over to his bedside. Kerry hurried up to psych since she had been the admitting physician. Forty minutes later, she called time of death. The nurses shared her look of disappointment, disappointment that they had used all of their capabilities and still been unable to save him. Sometimes, Kerry really hated her job. Kim stood outside the room, waiting. Weaver removed her scrubs tersely, then stepped into the corridor, putting her glasses back on. Kim held out the chart for her. "You did your best, Kerry." The words seemed to fall short somehow. "And it still wasn't good enough," Weaver muttered, looking defeated. Kim opened her mouth to speak, then clamped her jaw shut. She used to know how to make Kerry feel better. As the redhead penned in the patients details, Kim wore a strange look on her face. Kerry glanced up, one eyebrow arched. "What?" "You look good today, did you do something different with your hair?" the psychiatrist asked, a seductive smile unconsciously crossing her lips. Kerry shook her head wearily, briefly closing her eyes to the angelic vision in front of her. Legaspi exhaled. "What?" annoyance creeping into her voice. Why was everything between them such a drama? These days they couldn't get through a simple exchange without their entire history coming to the fore. "You can't do that Kim, it's not fair," Kerry looked directly at her wearing a hurt expression... no, it was more than that... it was a tired of being hurt expression. "Do what? It was just a compliment Kerry, geeze! Can't you take a compliment?" "Not from you," Weaver replied curtly and handed the chart back to Kim. A few weeks ago she would have walked across glass to hear that compliment but things were different now. They held eye contact. "I have to get back to the E.R, there's a double trauma - " "Why is it that we can talk about everything, except what's most important?" Kim interrupted softly, running her index finger across the top of her clipboard. "And that would be?" "Us." Kim's crystal blue eyes bore into her. "There is no us, Kim." Legaspi bit her lower lip, tilting her head to hide her face from Kerry's view. The redhead's words had ripped the vocal chords from her throat; rendering her speechless. Immediately regretting the harshness with which she had made her declaration, Kerry whispered. "Because it's too painful Kim, that's why we don't talk about us," and she walked away. She had to. * * * * * * Back in her own territory, Weaver hurried into the lounge for refuge. She needed to re-group after her encounter with Kim. She was shaking badly. For so long, Kim had been all that she could see, and now she, Kerry Weaver, had been the one to walk away. She had been strong enough to leave; this was some kind of milestone. She didn't know whether to cheer or cry. Upon entering the lounge, she was confronted with the image of Mark Greene sitting alone at the table completing chart reviews. He glanced up at her arrival. Instinctively, Kerry turned to leave. "Not so fast!" he called out. She stopped dead, her back to him. "I have something to say to you," he began. Kerry turned and moved towards the table. "Mark - I -" "Save it Kerry. Spare me your false empathy. I know you, don't forget. You can't play the innocent card with me. I watched you hang me out to dry over Romano's position as Chief of Staff, remember? I let myself be over-looked in favour of you for Chief of the E.R - dammit - I even supported you... but I will not turn the other cheek while you fuck my wife." Kerry's heart pounded erratically. "My family means the world to me, Kerry and you have single-handedly destroyed that family. This time, you can't blame it on a committee or hospital politics, you have nothing to hide behind except your cowardice. And I hope it keeps you warm at night because as soon as Elizabeth sees your true colours, she'll drop you so fast and so hard, you'll be begging me to squash you like the bug that you are, just to put you out of your misery." Mark gathered up his paperwork and left Kerry standing, barely, in the silence of the lounge. How long she was rooted there, she didn't know but somewhere in the back of her mind, she decided never to set foot in this room again. The door behind her opened. "Hey Dr. Weaver," Carter greeted cheerfully as he went about pouring a cup of coffee. When she didn't respond or move he looked over at her. She was unusually pale. "Are you alright?" worry evident in his voice. Kerry shifted her weight, feeling grateful for this small glimpse of human compassion. "Fine," she managed, although she could tell he didn't believe her. She moved over to her locker and pulled out a set of keys, handing them to Carter. "Let yourself in, I don't finish until late," she informed him. He nodded, smiling. "Thanks again. I owe you big time." Kerry turned and exited the cursed room. She needed to work... or shout at Malucci... or something! Anything to keep busy.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
By the time Kerry arrived home Carter had already settled in. His coat hung up in the closet and his suitcase rested in the hallway. It felt strangely comforting knowing that she had someone to come home to, even if it was only for a few days. She tugged her coat off and hung it next to Carter's and then limped into the front room, where John was seated with a drink in his hand. He glanced up at her and smiled. "Hi, fancy a glass of wine?" he offered. Kerry sighed and nodded. She sat herself down on a chair as Carter leapt to his feet to fetch her the refreshment. When he returned, he handed her the glass, she took it gratefully. "Thanks John." He sat on the sofa again, taking in her exhausted demeanour. "Tough day?" Kerry half smiled. "You have no idea!" she replied. Carter nodded. He didn't want to pry; he'd learnt not to push Weaver. She was a law unto herself, when she wanted to talk; she would. She took a gulp of wine, the liquid running down her throat and soothing away some of the days anxieties. She leaned back in the chair, getting more comfortable and kicking off her shoes; trying to forget Mark and his little tirade, pushing Kim and her confrontation from her mind. Out of the corner of her eye, Weaver noticed Carter studying the room, a dreamy look of nostalgia on his face. Carter looked over at her. "This is nice," he said simply. "It is," she replied, touched by the sentiment. It had been so long since they had exchanged anything more than civilities. After a pause the phone rang. Kerry couldn't be bothered to get up; there was no one she wanted to talk to anyway. The answering machine could get it. After the beep, Elizabeth's distressed voice sounded. "Kerry - if you're there - pick up the phone. This is important, it's about us. Mark told me what he said to you, he had no right..." Carter raised an eyebrow, trying not to stare at Weaver out of politeness. Kerry winced at the tone of Elizabeth's voice, she wanted so badly to comfort that voice... Only, now she had Carter as an audience. Well, this day certainly was on a downward spiral! Elizabeth continued. "You have every right to be upset... but, please, just speak to me..." There was silence, then Corday hung-up. Kerry glanced at Carter, who smiled pleasantly. It was too much to bear. She stood up. "I need a bigger glass," she said as she headed into the kitchen. John followed her; the hell with not prying, he thought. He watched with concern as she transferred the alcohol into a tumbler. "You know, whatever has happened between you two... or three... you should sort it out, you have to work together, it's not - " he stopped upon receiving the Weaver death-stare. "Excuse me? You've barely spoken a word to Abby Lockhart in the last month. Take your own advice before you start dishing it out!" she gestured wildly as she spoke, spilling a few drops of wine on the floor without noticing. That's when he realised how upset she was: two years ago, landlady Weaver would have been on her hands and knees, mopping the liquid off the floor before the drops had even reached its surface. "It's different with me and Abby," he tried to explain. "It's always different when you're personally involved," Kerry said as she topped-up his glass, took a large sip of hers, which half-emptied it, and then filled the tumbler to the brim. They made their way back into the front room. "So what could possibly come between you and Abby, I thought you were close?" Weaver inquired as they seated themselves. "Too close - but not close enough," John reported, suddenly feeling depressed. He downed his drink and instinctively held his hand out for a refill. Kerry obliged, then settled the bottle next to her. "I see. You want more - she doesn't?" "I don't know. I finally built-up the courage to tell her how I really feel and she hasn't spoken to me in a month. Maybe it's just me but I don't take that as a sign of encouragement." "Did you kiss her?" asked the Chief. "Almost. When we were by the river, I started to lean in but changed my mind. I mean; if she were single I probably would have but there's Luka to consider." Kerry nodded. "It's even more messy when there's an ‘other’." "What about you? Your love life seems to be complicated at the moment," he observed, wondering how long it would take her to clam up. Kerry leaned back. She knew she could trust Carter to be discreet, anything she told him would not be repeated. "Mark loves Elizabeth, Elizabeth is under the illusion that she loves me, I... am still not fully recovered from Kim, and Kim... who knows." "Quite a mess," Carter sighed. "Yes."They both took a sip of wine and stared into space. "So, Dr. Legaspi was the one for you?" "I don't know anymore. I just seem to be permanently confused; I don't even think there is a one. There are so many possibilities, so many opportunities to find love, why limit ourselves to one chance?" Carter shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it carries a certain romantic idealism. The concept of soul mates... having a connection to that special someone." "You're starting to sound like a Hallmark card!" Kerry joked, taking another sip of her drink. "Mock me all you like. But under that tough Dr. Weaver exterior is a desperate romantic screaming to get out!" Turning serious, Kerry replied. "I don't mock you Carter, certainly not where true love is concerned. It's anything but funny. A broken heart, be it your own, or someone else’s you were careless with can be the undoing of you. Your world shatters and the remains are barely enough to sustain you." "Someone took a happy pill this morning!" he teased. Kerry snorted into her drink. "What can I say? I'm naturally upbeat!"TWO BOTTLES OF WINE LATER "So, I'm hearing a lot of what Elizabeth feels and Mark and Dr. Legaspi - but what about you?" "What do you mean, what about me?" "What do you mean, what do I mean? I mean, what about you?" They stare blankly at each other for a moment. "I... think that Eliz -" "I said feel, not think." "I like Elizabeth... a lot. And who wouldn't be flattered by all the attention she's giving me... and she is very, very, very hot!" Carter laughed, it was weird to hear Weaver talk like this, but exhilarating. "We get on well and when she nearly kissed me... Humminah, humminah!" Kerry wiggled her eyebrows. "That good?" "Tingles." "Oh, I love the tingles!" John grinned. "But I still want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction... it would hurt so many people. I mean - it already has and we haven't even done anything!" There was something in Kerry's eye, some kind of repressed thought looming in the background. "But?" pressed Carter. Kerry looked directly at him. "She makes my knees turn to water and that's only happened to me once before." He held her eye and said. "You've known Elizabeth for four years. When has she ever pursued anything that she doesn't truly want?" Weaver thought about this for a moment. "Never," she replied softly. "And there's your answer," Carter smiled satisfactorily. "Why don't you call her back? She sounded..." Kerry looked sadly at the glass she was cradling in her hands. "She deserves someone better. I'm damaged goods." "No you’re not! You feel something for her and I've seen the way she looks at you - don't be so quick to throw that away," then he added. "Besides, my money's on you and Corday!" Weaver looked at him expectantly. "Randi's running a pool,” he explained. “The nurse's wager is on you and Corday becoming a couple, leaving Greene and Lewis to get together. Then there's Malucci's who gets laid first bet." Kerry nearly choked on her wine. "What?!" she spluttered. "Yeah, the favourites are you and Elizabeth getting it on before Mark and Susan. Something about the repressed ones are always wild in the sa- " he stops, realising the alcohol has loosened his tongue a little too much. Kerry's notorious eyebrow was arched. "And your money is on Elizabeth and I, in both bets?" Carter sipped his wine and tried not to look at Weaver. Was betting on your boss a sackable offence? "Carter?" "My money's always on you, Dr. Weaver," he stated. She didn't know whether to be flattered or insulted. she settled on smiling at the ridiculousness of it all. ONE MORE BOTTLE OF WINE LATER Kerry leaned forward in her chair, almost falling off it. "So, then she says – we all make choices and you are mine," her words slurred. Carter felt tears rising in his eyes. "That's soooo beautiful,” he almost sobbed. Kerry patted him on the shoulder. "Abby just gave me a vacant look and said what are you talking about?" Kerry sucked-in a sharp breath and shook her head sympathetically. "That's harsh"" she remarked. "Uh huh," John mumbled and pulled a tissue from his pocket, dabbing gently at his eyes. Kerry felt the urge to cheer him up. "Hey!" she exclaimed drunkenly. "Why don't you call her? It's not that late, phone her now!" Carter looked uncertain. Kerry continued her encouragement, emphasising every word she felt was important, loudly, for extra measure. "Just tell her... clearly, what you want and see what she says. A month is a looonnnngggg time for someone to reconsider things - believe me! If she's staying away from you - it's probably because she feels something. She just needs to know for sure what it is you feel." Suddenly inspired, Carter broke into a smile. "You know, you're right!" He got unsteadily to his feet. "But if I call Abby, you have to call Elizabeth." "I don't think - " "Wimp!" he mocked. "What happened to fearless Weaver? Laughs-in-the-face-of-Romano Weaver?" "She's brow beaten and broken hearted," answered Kerry. "So was Gloria Gayner!" he exclaimed. "But she got off her ass and did something constructive!" The redhead looked puzzled. "So you're telling me to solve my problems by writing an internationally famous gay disco song?!" "No!" Carter laughed. "So the moral of the story is?" "Call Elizabeth." FIVE MINUTES LATER It rang twice before Elizabeth picked up. "Hello?" came the weary voice. "Hi, Elizabeth, it's me... um, Kerry." Carter bounced excitedly up and down on the sofa beside her, giving her the thumbs-up. "Kerry! Hi!" Corday's tone brightened. "I wasn't sure you got my message." "I did." "I'm sorry about what Mark - " "That's not important now," Weaver declared. She hesitated. She didn't know how to say what she wanted to. "So, it's late, you must be tired..." the redhead copped-out. Carter rolled his eyes and Kerry whacked him with the back of her hand. "A little, the baby's been keeping me up all night, she's cranky and since Mark's not here - " "Where is he?" "Staying with Dr. Perky." "Who?" "Dr. Lewis." Kerry laughed. Carter gave her the thumbs up again. "After what he said to you, I told him in no uncertain terms where he could go," reported the surgeon. Kerry's heart swelled with the knowledge that Corday had defended her. "So you've separated for good?" Weaver asked gently, trying to be sensitive. This whole situation was so delicate. Carter nudged her, indicating for her to get a move on. She covered the receiver. "Alright, alright!" she hissed at him. Uncovering the receiver, Kerry said. "Look, Elizabeth, we're getting so much grief for dating when we're not. I thought we might as well get grief for something we're actually doing.” Corday was silent. “Okay, that sounded more romantic in my head!” Kerry exclaimed, then continued. "I can't give you anything concrete. No promises, no guarantees... but I would like for us to try. To have a chance." The other end of the line remained eerily quiet. "Elizabeth? Are you still there?" "Yes." "What do you think?" "Have you been drinking?" Corday asked. "No! Well, maybe... a little. Yes! But I'm of perfectly sound mind and judgement. In fact, for the first time in a long time I know what I want - I want for us to try, to find out what's between us." Carter mouthed the words, ‘You go girl!’ "I’d like that too, very much," replied Elizabeth ecstatically. Kerry nodded triumphantly to her partner in crime. Carter leapt to his feet, circling his arms and gyrating his hips, chanting in a hushed tone. "Go Chief! Go Chief!" "I can't believe we're actually doing this!" Elizabeth exhaled nervously. "Me either!" Kerry laughed. They felt equally scared and excited at the prospect, this was new territory for them both. "How about dinner, tomorrow night?" Corday suggested. "Sounds good," replied Weaver. "An actual date, in an actual restaurant," confirmed Elizabeth. "Yes," Kerry consented. "I have to go, Ella's getting fussy again... So, I'll see you tomorrow, at work." "Uh huh, bye." "Bye." They hang up. Kerry handed the phone to Carter. "You might just win that bet after all!" she said as she winked at him and took a sip of her wine.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Through the drowsy dimness that clouded her brain, Kerry felt an echo invading her senses, assaulting her fragile submergence into unconsciousness. She managed a moan before forcing open an eye. She was lying flat-out on the sofa. She prised open her other eye to see Carter sprawled out on the chair beside her. The relentless echo was now a high-pitched screeching. Carter stirred, covering his ears. "What the hell is that?" he demanded. They both winced at the loudness of his voice. Suddenly kicking into function mode, Kerry realised it was her alarm clock. She sat up slowly. Her back hurt; her head hurt... everything hurt. An empty wine bottle rolled off her stomach and onto the sofa. Carter tried to straighten out, only to find that sleeping in the chair had rendered him incapable of moving without pain. Kerry staggered up to her room to shut off the terrible noise. She returned downstairs to find Carter in the kitchen, drinking a pint of water. He held out a glass he had poured for her. She knocked back the water, her head swimming in the haze of a hangover. They sat at the kitchen bench. Carter rested his head against his forearms and Kerry slumped forward. "It seemed like a good idea at the time!" John muttered, being careful to keep his voice low. "We have to be at County in an hour," Kerry warned. Carter shook his head. "I can't feel my legs." "Get a shower - I'll make breakfast." Carter looked up at her, pale with nausea at the thought of food. "It'll make you feel better!" she assured him. Carter stood up, about to make his way to the shower, when he stopped abruptly. "Did we make any phone calls last night, I seem to remember talking to Abby..." Kerry tried to think - it stung her brain. The damned clouds were in the way... she didn't remember speaking to anyone on the phone, of course, after the fourth bottle of wine her memory was pretty much shot... "Oh!" escaped her mouth. Her eyes widened. Carter grimaced. "Oh God!" he said. "I was hoping that was just a dream!" Kerry sat frozen as Carter stumbled off to have a shower and wash away his sins. She had spoken to Elizabeth, now if she could only recall what they had... Date. A date. With Elizabeth. Tonight. Restaurant. Tonight, a date with Elizabeth in a restaurant. She rested her pounding head in her hands. * * * * * * Carter and Kerry arrived at the hospital wearing long over-coats and matching sunglasses. As they walked in the door, they caught the nurse’s attention. "Oh look - it's The Blues Brothers!" exclaimed Randi. Kerry approached the Admit desk and forced a smile. "Oh look - it's the receptionist who used to work here!" The grin faded from Randi's face and she busied herself with answering the phone. Just then Abby walked past. "I'm not talking to you!" she almost shouted at John. He had to stop himself from flinching. "Then could you not talk to me a little quieter?" he pleaded, lowering the sunglasses to make eye contact. She scowled at him and stormed off. Kerry caught a glare off Mark as he picked up a chart and then disappeared down the corridor. Carter and Weaver made their way into the lounge: it was going to be a long day. * * * * * * The hours went by surprisingly quickly. After her third aspirin, Kerry's head began to clear and she ate a hearty lunch. She was looking forward to dinner with Elizabeth. After all, how many gorgeous, intelligent surgeons did she date? This was her chance to actually move on from Kim rather than just pretend to. She even found a note from Elizabeth in her pigeonhole, it had a time, place and was signed Love Elizabeth. The end of her shift came soon enough, she had just enough time to return home, have a shower and change before meeting Elizabeth. She decided on simplicity, she didn't want to over-do it on their first date. A pair of black slacks, a white tank top and a purple blouse constituted her outfit. Kim had always said purple was her colour... in fact; Kim had thought every colour was Kerry's colour. The surgeon was already at the table waiting when Kerry arrived. Her hair was loose and flowed over her shoulders in waves; she wore an elegant red dress set-off by a loose black shawl draped leisurely across her shoulders. She looked stunning. Kerry smiled as she approached, the candlelight softened her features, highlighting her cheekbones and making her emerald eyes shine. Corday gripped the table edge to steady her inner trembling. She had looked forward to this moment all day... all her life. Now it was here, she was swept away in a tide of nerves and expectation. Weaver seated herself. She glanced at the menu; afraid that if she looked at Elizabeth the instinct to give in would rear it's head again. Kerry didn't know how ready she was for intimacy with Elizabeth, but she was tired of thinking, questioning... tired of doing everything but react. Kim had taught her that life was too short, if you want something - go for it. It was a valuable lesson and Kerry was grateful for it, now. "I ordered the wine," Elizabeth informed her, "I hope you don't mind." "Not at all," replied Kerry. There was a residual awkwardness between them but there was bound to be. As if on cue, the waiter arrived with a bottle of white wine. He poured some into a glass for Elizabeth to taste; she did so, then smiled at him, indicating for him to fill both their glasses. He performed his duties diligently and then retreated. Kerry held firmly onto her menu, as if for protection, the words swimming before her; she couldn't concentrate. She decided on the safe options of prawn cocktail as her starter – every restaurant did prawn cocktail, right? Elizabeth, who had grown exceedingly nervous the longer Kerry buried her head behind the menu said in a weak voice, "I think I'll have the prawn cocktail." Weaver grinned. "What?" Elizabeth questioned, feeling self-conscious. "You nervous too?" Kerry asked. Elizabeth returned the grin. "Uh huh!" she muttered. Weaver put down her menu. "This is ridiculous, we've known each other for years - and here we are acting like school children." "You're right!" Corday agreed, "How about we skip the fuss-arsing around? I could certainly do without the head games." "Agreed," said Weaver, raising her drink in a toast. Elizabeth raised her wineglass to meet Kerry's. The glasses clinked together and the two women drank to honesty. * * * * * * "So Cleo's holding the step-ladder, Peter's clinging to the ultrasound for dear life and Malucci is still crouching behind the screen with a banana, when - guess who walks in?" "No!" "Carter!" Elizabeth finishes, her eyes dancing with mischief. Both women exploded into laughter. Kerry covered her eyes for a moment, picturing the scene and feeling embarrassed for Carter. Weaver looked at Elizabeth and they fall into whoops of laughter again. "It was priceless!" Corday giggled. They order desert, Kerry watches Elizabeth intently, "You have beautiful eyes." She says suddenly. Elizabeth blushes happily at this unexpected compliment and Weaver finds herself pleased by this response. "Does this mean I get a second date?" The surgeon asked. "Only if you bring your u-haul!" joked Kerry. Elizabeth looked confused. "...but I have a four-wheel drive..." Weaver half-smiled. "Never mind!" * * * * * * They had talked the night away. Well, laughed for most of it. Elizabeth was so patient with her, she'd made no reference to their becoming a couple, no pushing to hurry their budding relationship, no sign of growing tired at the pace Kerry was setting. It felt comfortable; it was refreshing to feel equal in this relationship. So often with Kim, Kerry had felt out of her depth - as though Kim were watching her, waiting for her to call for a life jacket before she actually threw one. Making Kerry work for what she had taken for granted in previous relationships. Neither Kerry nor Elizabeth wanted the evening to end, so, as the taxi approached Weaver's home, the redhead acted on impulse and invited Elizabeth in for tea or coffee... or whatever it was the English drank these days. She felt confident that once inside, with Carter to chaperone them, things wouldn’t get out of hand. * * * * * * Carter was sat on the sofa watching television when they entered. He greeted them cheerfully; glad to see that at least Weaver’s impromptu phone call had amounted to something positive, Abby had refused to speak to him for the rest of the day. The surgeon sat in the nearest chair while Kerry set about fixing two cups of coffee. “You sure you don’t want one, Carter?” she called from the kitchen. “Yep, thanks,” he replied. Kerry peered into the room. “What about something else? Orange juice? Milk? A banana?” Weaver paused, trying to keep the smirk off her face, Elizabeth stifled a giggle. Carter stared in disbelief at Elizabeth, then turned to his ex-landlady. "She told you?!" He frowned at Elizabeth’s treachery. The two women tried not to laugh, Weaver shook her head and tried to look innocent. "I don’t believe it!" Carter declared indignantly, then stomped, blushing, from the room. Elizabeth and Kerry shared an amused look. Then, Kerry continued with her task of coffee making. She soon returned with two steaming cups. The surgeon took hers gratefully; glad to have something to do with her fidgety hands. She wanted to be at home with Ella, simultaneously, she didn't want to be parted from Kerry. This made her uneasy, after all, how often did you find, let alone recognise, the person you were supposed to spend the rest of you life with? Weaver retreated slightly, sitting on the sofa that she had called Elizabeth from the previous evening. Carter’s departure worried Kerry, after all, their chaperone was hardly doing his job. Weaver suddenly felt the anticipation of the situation upon her. With no one to protect her from the inevitable, did Elizabeth expect a goodnight kiss? Did she want a goodnight kiss? Maybe she wanted more... Maybe she didn't expect anything... "I suppose this counts as our first date," Elizabeth pointed out. Kerry nodded. "I suppose," she echoes. Sensing her agitation, Corday leans forward. "Do you want to call it a night? Without the whole awkward will-they/won't-they kiss thing?!" the surgeon asked. "I did," Weaver admitted. "But now you've gone and made me want to kiss you." Corday smiled mischievously. "Then what's stopping you?" Kerry moved forward. She looked at Elizabeth, entranced by the younger woman's calmness. Corday fixed the Chief with one of her soul-searching stares and Kerry's uncertainty fell apart. Elizabeth reached out, ensnaring Kerry's neck with her hand, pulling the Chief's face closer to hers. Their lips met in a tangle of emotion. Their mouths fused and the kiss deepened at the excitement of the unexplored. After a few heated moments, they drew slowly apart and smiled bashfully at each other. “I’d better get home.” Elizabeth whispered, wishing she could stay. Kerry walked her guest to the front door, her voice husky as she bid the surgeon farewell. They kissed again, briefly, then Elizabeth turned and disappeared into the night. Kerry closed the door, leaning against it for support. She felt tingles rising through her body and sighed happily.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Their first date had been a success but something left Elizabeth feeling unsettled. Perhaps it was Kerry's residual feelings for Kim, perhaps it was worrying about the baby sitter - whatever it was, something was definitely not right. At County, with the usual rush, Corday and Weaver barely had a moment to breath let alone speak. They smiled at each other over patients, exchanged a nod over charts, but nothing more. Weaver appeared to be walking on air and none of the staff thought it was due to the over-load of patients creating a flu epidemic in the waiting area. Nope, the Chief was definitely in a good mood about something. The nurse’s banded together and cornered Carter in the lounge, having been stood by the coffee pot with his back to the door, he was unprepared for the barrage of hospital staff as they made their move - driving him against the counter. John immediately held up his hands. "No!" he said firmly. "Come on Carter, we're family... we tell each other everything!" Haleh pressed, pulling her best puppy-dog eyes. "I'm not saying a word about Weaver. She'd have me." Randi's eyebrows quirked. "I thought she already had!" the receptionist teased. Carter cast a frown in her direction, but kept his hands in the air. "Come on guys - I don't know anything, when Elizabeth popped by last night she just had a cup of -" "Last night?" "Were they on a date?" "How long did she stay?" "What time did she leave?" “Are they going out again?” John, feeling guilty for relaying Kerry's private life, quietened the chorus of voices. "It's really none of our business," he told them guardedly. "Did you see or hear anything?" Carter honestly hadn't, he had been so devastated by the whole banana incident that when he'd run shame-faced from the room he had gone straight to bed. Disentangling himself from them, he made his move towards the door. Only the voice of Randi reminding him of their wager followed him as he broke free of the lounge and headed towards the Admit. Desk. He had just picked up a flip chart when Kim approached. John glanced up, then quickly down again, his eyes skimming the patient’s medical history. Kim cleared her throat, causing Carter to look up again. She smiled tentively, but didn't speak. Carter felt awkward, now that he knew she had been Weaver's girlfriend he felt put-on-the-spot, as though Kim were going to use him to get information about Kerry. Realising that he was being paranoid, Carter put the flip chart down. "Dr. Legaspi, can I help you?" he asked politely. Kim nodded, she leaned forward, her tone so soft it was almost difficult to hear. "Is it true?" the blonde finally managed. Her eyes wearing the expression Carter recognised only too well. It was the expression he had worn these past months while pining after Abby, knowing she was out of his reach. "Yes," he replied. Hospital gossip had a nasty way of spreading through County. Kim gave him an appreciative but sorrowful half-smile and turned, walking slowly towards the elevator. Carter watched her with concern, his heart went out to her. He had been so enthusiastic about Kerry and Elizabeth getting together that he hadn't considered Dr. Legaspi. He didn't really know her, that's why it had been easy for him to influence Weaver towards Elizabeth. Now he felt a pang of remorse. The elevator doors closed on Legaspi's sunken figure, Kerry breezed over to the Admit. Desk, grinning mischievously. Seeing the gloomy expression on his face her brow immediately furrowed and she followed his gaze to the closed elevator doors, then looked back at him. "John?" concern filled her tone. He shook the unpleasantness from his mind and turned to Kerry. "Hi," he greeted, returning to normal. Kerry, sensing the shift, grinned again. A broad, the cat-that-got-the-cream smile that radiated vivacity all through her. Carter pushed Legaspi to the back of his mind, his loyalty was to Weaver - now she was happy and it was about time. Kim had had her chance. "Dr. Lagaspi was looking for you," Haleh said as she strode past, carrying a suturing kit. Kerry’s face dropped, she leaned into the Admit Desk. "Did she say what she wanted?" Kerry called after the nurse. Haleh glanced over her shoulder. "Ask Carter - he was just talking to her," and she disappeared behind curtain two. The redhead turned her cool gaze on John. They didn't speak for a moment. Kerry, eyes focused down, asked uncertainly. "You spoke to her?" "Um huh," he replied awkwardly. "What did she say?" "Just... wanted to know if the rumours about you and Elizabeth were true." Kerry cringed; she nodded, then trailed her way towards the elevator. She needed to clear this up, once and for all. * * * * * * Kim picked the cucumber out of her sandwich. She hated the canteen food, but she couldn’t bring herself to order out anymore – she always thought of Kerry whenever she ordered Kow BLAH chicken. She laughed internally at herself. She was seated at the main desk in the psychiatric ward, her eyes resting on the doors across from her, but not really concentrated. She wondered where Kerry and Elizabeth had gone on their first date. She wondered what Kerry had worn. Had the redhead made more of an effort for Corday or her? Had they laughed together? Had Kerry told Elizabeth childhood stories, about her husband… about everything that she knew and more? She put the sandwich down. She wasn’t hungry. She sighed. This was too much; she couldn’t cope. She wanted to scream at someone, hit something – scratch her way out of the bubble she felt trapped in. The sound of the buzzer interrupted her reverie; she looked up to see Kerry standing on the other side of the security doors. Kim automatically smiled, but Kerry could see it was a sad smile. Kim reached out her arm and pressed the door release button. Kerry pushed the door open and limped over to Kim, who didn’t stand, just gazed up at her. Kim never knew what to expect from her ex, she didn’t even try to second-guess her anymore. “If you have any questions about my personal life – I would prefer that you ask me directly,” Weaver said pointedly, keeping her voice quiet. The blonde stood up, automatically becoming defensive. “And if you have anything of a personal nature to say to me – I would prefer it to come in the form of a letter. It may be spineless, but you’re better at expressing what you actually feel that way,” Kim turned her back on Kerry and walked away from the desk. Kerry stared after her, taking a moment to recover. Legaspi marched into the hallway, Kerry followed her, grabbing hold of the psychiatrists arm and making Kim face her. “What?” snapped the blonde. “You’re the one that came looking for me – so come on – what is it you wanted to say?” “I don’t have time for this Kerry – games aren’t my speciality.” Kerry laughed unkindly. “Well you play them very well for a beginner!” “Hey – you’re the one who keeps chopping and changing – you’re the one with issues about who and what you are. You’re scared and you’re still running from yourself!” Weaver shook her head. “No. Not anymore.” She sounded so sure, so confident that Kim thought her heart would burst then and there. Why couldn’t Kerry have been so self-assured when they were together? Why had it taken Elizabeth Corday for Kerry to come to her senses? It wasn’t fair and it hurt. So Kim lashed out. “You consider pawing Elizabeth Corday in public a step forward? Have a little dignity Kerry; you just made an ass of yourself while trying to prove how O.K you are with your identity. It’s pathetic!" Kerry’s eyes watered at the sharpness of these words, she barked back, "Don't you dare lecture me on how to conduct my relationships Miss Jump-into-bed-with-someone-else-a-week-after-we-broke-up! Yeah Kim, you were obviously distraught! I'm surprised it took you so long to recover! You hypocrite!" Their voices grew louder. "Hey - Lori was a re-bound girl, okay, and unlike you, I kept her out of the way - you only found out about her by accident, I didn't bring her to the hospital and rub your nose in it." "You think I'm rubbing your nose in it with Elizabeth?" Kerry questioned. Kim nodded. "But Elizabeth and I aren't - " Kim held her hand up to silence her ex. “I don’t need to know how special what you and Elizabeth have is, Okay. Save it for the E.R – I’m sure they’ll appreciate the show better than I ever could!” “Why are you being such a bitch?” hissed the redhead. They glared at each other, bathed in silence, which washed over them and seemed to calm them slightly. Kim’s breathing was shallow: her anger began to dissipate. Her eyes softened as she gazed at Kerry and said quietly. "I just... Kerry, you're everywhere I turn. I can't escape you. We have to work together. And it would just be easier for me if you didn't put on a live show with your new girlfriend every five minutes. That’s all." "I'm sorry if I hurt you, Kim. It was unintentional. But, you have no right to tell me how to live my life.” She paused; she couldn’t bare the tension anymore. She wanted it over, finally over. She looked directly at the psychiatrist. “You don't want me in your life; you've made that very clear. Move on, that's what you said - that's what I'm doing. I’ve found someone who makes me happy, I have no intention of hiding that – from anyone. And if you have a problem with that, it’s your problem." And with that, Kerry walked away. * * * * * * Elizabeth and Kerry had planned a quiet dinner, John was making himself scarce and Kerry had gone to extraordinary lengths to get Elizabeth’s favourite flowers, wine and food dish. Not an easy task, but Kerry was a perfectionist. The knock at the door announced Elizabeth’s arrival, smiling contentedly, Weaver opened the door. Elizabeth stood sheepishly on the doorstep, a baby-basket over her arm. Ella was snuggled into the basket. Kerry glanced down at the baby and automatically smiled, there was something irresistible about babies. Elizabeth shrugged apologetically, “I couldn’t find a babysitter at such short notice, I hope you don’t mind.” Kerry shook her head, opening the door to allow the surgeon and her baby in. Corday placed the sleeping Ella into the darkness of Kerry’s bedroom. She switched on the baby-com and joined Kerry in the front room. * * * * * * "It's nothing that I understand," Kerry confessed, just as confused as the first day she met Kim. Elizabeth was sympathetic and her hands reached out and gently took Kerry's, the redhead didn't resist, if anything, she wanted to immerse herself completely in those sky blue eyes. "Kerry you loved her. You're allowed to grieve - it's perfectly natural. How else can you move on?" "But my heart is still sore, Elizabeth." "I know," Elizabeth cupped Kerry's face in her hands. "Let me soothe it," she whispered and kissed the hot tears streaming down Weaver’s cheeks. The tenderness of the feather kisses made Kerry continue to weep. She didn't deserve kindness. As if reading her mind, Elizabeth stroked the hair away from Kerry's face and smiled warmly at her. "I want to make it all better," said the surgeon and leaned forwards, her lips brushing Kerry's, barely touching. They stayed in limbo for a moment and then Kerry drew Elizabeth nearer, returning the kiss. It was soft and tender, then deepened as lips, tongues, and arms meshed into one, all sense and reasoning evaporating into the abyss. Electrical charges raged through Kerry's body, their assault was delicious. She felt herself collapsing into Elizabeth, breathing in her scent, reaching for more, wanting more. She slipped her hands under the surgeon’s shirt, running her fingers up Elizabeth's smooth back, and clawing a path down again, feeling Corday quiver. Kerry trailed kisses down Elizabeth's arched neck and then retraced the journey with her tongue up to Corday's lips. Elizabeth broke away, their faces an inch apart. With her left hand, Elizabeth cupped Kerry's face and stroked her fingertips slowly down Kerry's throat, across her collarbone, running her hand over bare flesh. The contact was so light, it almost tickled and Kerry felt her own breath catch. Corday smiled. Elizabeth's hand continued down to the first button of Kerry's shirt then playfully ran over the top of the material to where Kerry's breasts pushed against the silk blouse. A barely audible gasp escaped Kerry's throat as Elizabeth massaged her hardened nipple through the material. She felt Elizabeth's warm breath against her ear as the younger woman's exhaling shortened and quickly became irregular, Elizabeth's longing building with her own. Corday could resist no longer and moved to press her lips against Kerry's, but Weaver halted her. Elizabeth gazed deep into Kerry's eyes, sending shivers down her spine. It was Kerry's turn to explore. She gently slid her hands under Elizabeth's top, pulling it upwards, revealing Elizabeth's skin at a tantalizingly slow pace. Elizabeth raised her arms and Kerry removed the top completely, taking her time to drink in the image of Elizabeth. She was beautiful. She was perfection, and Elizabeth could see it in her eyes. They kissed again, all doubts and fears forgotten as they found refuge in each other arms.
----- CHAPTER BREAK -----
Their first date had been a success but something left Elizabeth feeling unsettled. Perhaps it was Kerry's residual feelings for Kim, perhaps it was worrying about the baby sitter - whatever it was, something was definitely not right. At County, with the usual rush, Corday and Weaver barely had a moment to breath let alone speak. They smiled at each other over patients, exchanged a nod over charts, but nothing more. Weaver appeared to be walking on air and none of the staff thought it was due to the over-load of patients creating a flu epidemic in the waiting area. Nope, the Chief was definitely in a good mood about something. The nurse’s banded together and cornered Carter in the lounge, having been stood by the coffee pot with his back to the door, he was unprepared for the barrage of hospital staff as they made their move - driving him against the counter. John immediately held up his hands. "No!" he said firmly. "Come on Carter, we're family... we tell each other everything!" Haleh pressed, pulling her best puppy-dog eyes. "I'm not saying a word. Weaver would have me!" Randi's eyebrows quirked. "I thought she already had!" the receptionist teased. Carter cast a frown in her direction but kept his hands in the air. "Come on guys - I don't know anything, when Elizabeth popped by last night she just had a cup of -" "Last night?" "Were they on a date?" "How long did she stay?" "What time did she leave?" “Are they going out again?” John, feeling guilty for relaying Kerry's private life, quietened the chorus of voices. "It's really none of our business," he informed them. "What did you see and hear?" Carter had been so devastated by the whole banana incident that when he'd run shame-faced from the room he had gone straight to bed. Disentangling himself from them, he made his move towards the door. Only the voice of Randi reminding him of their wager followed him as he broke free of the lounge and headed towards the Admit. Desk. He had just picked up a flip chart when Kim approached. John glanced up, then quickly down again, his eyes skimming the patient’s medical history. Kim cleared her throat, causing Carter to look up again. She smiled tentively but didn't speak. Carter felt awkward, now that he knew she had been Weaver's girlfriend he felt put-on-the-spot, as though Kim were going to use him to get information about Kerry. Realising that he was being paranoid, Carter put the flip chart down. "Dr. Legaspi, can I help you?" he asked politely. Kim nodded, she leaned forward, her tone so soft it was almost difficult to hear. "Is it true?" the blonde finally managed. Her eyes wearing the expression Carter recognised only too well. It was the expression he had worn these past months while pining after Abby, knowing she was out of his reach. "Yes," he replied. Hospital gossip had a nasty way of spreading through County. Kim gave him an appreciative but sorrowful half-smile and turned, walking slowly towards the elevator. Carter watched her with concern, his heart went out to her. He had been so enthusiastic about Kerry and Elizabeth getting together that he hadn't considered Dr. Legaspi. He didn't really know her, that's why it had been easy for him to influence Weaver towards Elizabeth. Now he felt a pang of remorse. The elevator doors closed on Legaspi's sunken figure, Kerry breezed over to the Admit. Desk, grinning mischievously. Seeing the gloomy expression on his face her brow immediately furrowed and she followed his gaze to the closed elevator doors, then looked back at him. "John?" concern filled her tone. He shook the unpleasantness from his mind and turned to Kerry. "Hi," he greeted, returning to normal. Kerry, sensing the shift, grinned again. A broad, the cat-that-got-the-cream smile that radiated vivacity all through her. Carter pushed Legaspi to the back of his mind, his loyalty was to Weaver - now she was happy and it was about time. Kim had had her chance. "Dr. Lagaspi was looking for you," Haleh said as she strode past, carrying a suturing kit. Kerry’s face dropped, she leaned into the Admit Desk. "Did she say what she wanted?" Kerry called after the nurse. Haleh glanced over her shoulder. "Ask Carter - he was just talking to her," and she disappeared behind curtain two. The redhead turned her cool gaze on John. They didn't speak for a moment. Kerry, eyes focused down, asked uncertainly. "You spoke to her?" "Um huh," he replied awkwardly. "What did she say?" "Just... wanted to know if the rumours about you and Elizabeth were true." Kerry cringed; she nodded, then trailed her way towards the elevator. She needed to clear this up, once and for all. * * * * * * Kim picked the cucumber out of her sandwich. She hated the canteen food but she couldn’t bring herself to order out anymore – she always thought of Kerry whenever she ordered Chicken chow mein. She laughed internally at herself. She was seated at the main desk in the psychiatric ward, her eyes resting on the doors across from her but not really concentrated. She wondered where Kerry and Elizabeth had gone on their first date. She wondered what Kerry had worn. Had the redhead made more of an effort for Corday or her? Had they laughed together? Had Kerry told Elizabeth childhood stories, about her husband… about everything that she knew and more? She put the sandwich down. She wasn’t hungry. This was too much; she couldn’t cope. She wanted to scream at someone, hit something – scratch her way out of the bubble she felt trapped in. The sound of the buzzer interrupted her reverie; she looked up to see Kerry standing on the other side of the security doors. Kim automatically smiled, but Kerry could see it was a sad smile. Kim reached out her arm and pressed the door release button. Kerry pushed the door open and limped over to Kim, who didn’t stand, just gazed up at her. Kim never knew what to expect from her ex, she didn’t even try to second-guess her anymore. “If you have any questions about my personal life – I would prefer that you ask me directly,” Weaver said pointedly, keeping her voice quiet. The blonde stood up, automatically becoming defensive. “And if you have anything of a personal nature to say to me – I would prefer it to come in the form of a letter. It may be spineless but you’re better at expressing what you actually feel that way,” Kim turned her back on Kerry and walked away from the desk. Kerry stared after her, taking a moment to recover. Legaspi marched into the hallway, Kerry followed her, grabbing hold of the psychiatrists arm and making Kim face her. “What?” snapped the blonde. “You’re the one that came looking for me. So come on – what is it you wanted to say?” “I don’t have time for this Kerry – games aren’t my speciality.” Kerry laughed unkindly. “Well you play them very well for a beginner!” “Hey – you’re the one who keeps chopping and changing – you’re the one with issues about who and what you are. You’re scared and you’re still running from yourself!” Weaver shook her head. “Not anymore.” She sounded so sure, so confident that Kim thought her heart would burst. Why couldn’t Kerry have been so self-assured when they were together? Why had it taken Elizabeth Corday for Kerry to come to her senses? It wasn’t fair and it hurt. So Kim lashed out. “You consider pawing Elizabeth Corday in public a step forward? Have a little dignity Kerry; you just made an ass of yourself while trying to prove how OK you are with your identity. It’s pathetic!" Kerry’s eyes watered at the sharpness of the words and she barked back. "Don't you dare lecture me on how to conduct my relationships Miss jump-into-bed-with-someone-else-a-week-after-we-broke-up! Yeah Kim, you were obviously distraught! I'm surprised it took you so long to recover! You hypocrite!" Their voices grew louder. "Hey - Lori was a re-bound girl, okay and unlike you, I kept her out of the way - you only found out about her by accident, I didn't bring her to the hospital and rub your nose in it." "You think I'm rubbing your nose in it with Elizabeth?" Kerry questioned. Kim nodded. "But Elizabeth and I aren't - " Kim held her hand up to silence her ex. “I don’t need to know how special what you and Elizabeth have is, Okay. Save it for the E.R – I’m sure they’ll appreciate the show better than I ever could!” “Why are you being such a bitch?” hissed the redhead. They glared at each other, bathed in silence, which washed over them and calmed them slightly. Kim’s breathing was shallow: her anger began to dissipate. Her eyes softened as she gazed at Kerry and said quietly. "I just... Kerry, you're everywhere I turn. I can't escape you. We have to work together and it would just be easier for me if you didn't put on a live show with your new girlfriend every five minutes. That’s all." "I'm sorry if I hurt you. It was unintentional. But, you have no right to tell me how to live my life,” she paused; Kerry couldn’t bare the tension anymore. She wanted it over, finally over. She looked directly at the psychiatrist. “You don't want me in your life; you've made that very clear. Move on, that's what you said - that's what I'm doing. I’ve found someone who makes me happy, I have no intention of hiding that – from anyone. And if you have a problem with that, it’s your problem," and with that, Kerry walked away. * * * * * * Elizabeth and Kerry had planned a quiet dinner, John was making himself scarce and Kerry had gone to extraordinary lengths to get Elizabeth’s favourite flowers, wine and food dish. Not an easy task but Kerry was a perfectionist. The knock at the door announced Elizabeth’s arrival, smiling contentedly, Weaver opened the door. Elizabeth stood sheepishly on the doorstep, a baby-basket over her arm. Ella was snuggled into the basket. Kerry glanced down at the baby and automatically smiled, there was something irresistible about babies.
Elizabeth shrugged apologetically. “I couldn’t find a babysitter at such short notice, I hope you don’t mind.” Kerry shook her head, opening the door to allow the surgeon and her baby in. Corday placed the sleeping Ella into the darkness of Kerry’s bedroom. She switched on the baby-com and joined Kerry in the front room. * * * * * * "It's nothing that I understand," Kerry confessed, just as confused as the first day she met Kim. Elizabeth was sympathetic and her hands reached out and gently took Kerry's, the redhead didn't resist, if anything, she wanted to immerse herself completely in those sky blue eyes. "Kerry you loved her. You're allowed to grieve - it's perfectly natural. How else can you move on?" "But my heart is still sore, Elizabeth." "I know," Elizabeth cupped Kerry's face in her hands. "Let me soothe it," she whispered and kissed the hot tears streaming down Weaver’s cheeks. The tenderness of the feather kisses made Kerry continue to weep. She didn't deserve kindness. As if reading her mind, Elizabeth stroked the hair away from Kerry's face and smiled warmly at her. "I want to make it all better," said the surgeon and leaned forwards, her lips brushing Kerry's, barely touching. They stayed in limbo for a moment and then Kerry drew Elizabeth nearer, returning the kiss. It was soft and tender, then deepened as lips, tongues, and arms meshed into one, all sense and reasoning evaporating into the abyss. Electrical charges raged through Kerry's body, their assault was delicious. She felt herself collapsing into Elizabeth, breathing in her scent, reaching for more, wanting more. She slipped her hands under the surgeon’s shirt, running her fingers up Elizabeth's smooth back and clawing a path down again, feeling Corday quiver. Kerry trailed kisses down Elizabeth's arched neck and then retraced the journey with her tongue up to Corday's lips. Elizabeth broke away, their faces an inch apart. With her left hand, Elizabeth cupped Kerry's face and stroked her fingertips slowly down Kerry's throat, across her collarbone, running her hand over bare flesh. The contact was so light, it almost tickled and Kerry felt her own breath catch. Corday smiled. Elizabeth's hand continued down to the first button of Kerry's shirt then playfully tugged, her left hand trailed down... to where Kerry's breasts pushed against the silk blouse. A barely audible gasp escaped Kerry's throat as Elizabeth massaged her hardened nipple through the material. She felt Elizabeth's warm breath against her ear as the younger woman's exhaling shortened and quickly became irregular, Elizabeth's longing building with her own. Corday could resist no longer and moved to press her lips against Kerry's but Weaver halted her.
Elizabeth gazed deep into Kerry's eyes, sending shivers down her spine. It was Kerry's turn to explore. She gently slid her hands under Elizabeth's top, pulling it upwards, revealing Elizabeth's skin at a tantalizingly slow pace. Elizabeth raised her arms and Kerry removed the top completely, taking her time to drink in the image of Elizabeth: she was beautiful. She was perfection and Elizabeth could see it in her eyes. They kissed again, all doubts and fears forgotten as they found refuge in each other arms.