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A sudden shot of nervousness crept up the back of Arin’s neck as he slumped in the passenger seat of his Mom’s car. “Just remember to call when you want me to pick you up, okay?” With a start, Arin almost jumped out of his skin and instantly tried to settle down. He had been staring blankly out the window at nothing in particular except the passing scenery, dread building in his stomach as he idly played with the seatbelt strap. “Huh? Oh, yeah. I don’t know how long we’re hanging out for so...I’ll call you when I’m ready to go.” Arin’s gut churned. He hated lying to his mother like this but the mall seemed a public enough place to do this. He wasn’t stupid. He’d never done this before but he knew enough that when meeting up with somebody you met online, you didn’t just agree to meet at their house or invite them over to your own house. Still, it only drove home how little he actually knew about the guy. He knew the guy was his age, he lived in Florida too and they both liked the same kinds of video games and anime. Other than that...he wasn’t even really sure what he looked like. But the guy knew what he looked like: Arin’s avatar was one of the more flattering pictures he had taken on his cheap hand-me-down digital camera and one a whim, he had even sent a shirtless pic of him making a goofy face that he immediately deleted but the guy had called ‘cute’. The memory of it made his face grow hot. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he hastily checked it with clumsy, sweaty hands. 
>hey i’m at the mall now. I’m in front of the game stop. See you soon :)
 Arin’s face broke out in a blotchy flush. The only reason he was nervous was because he had bared his soul to this guy, this stranger. But he had felt comfortable doing it at the time. It was so nice to actually talk to somebody who knew what it felt like to not just like girls but sort of like guys too…but not gay. He’d tried to make it perfectly clear but it was hard to explain, even to the friends he convinced to make the D Club with. He’d always hidden it and it didn’t help that he liked cute, ‘girly’ things like pink and Sailor Moon. Just thinking about the painful memories of high school (how little he was actually there) made his chest feel tight. The car slowed to a stop and Arin impatiently fumbled with the seatbelt as he unbuckled it and then immediately slowed down, realizing his mother hadn’t unlocked his door yet. He didn’t want his mom knowing this was anything out of the ordinary or that he was nervous about meeting the guy in person. He’d already lied and said it was one of his other friends, one his mom knew already so she wouldn’t ask too many questions. “Have fun, sweetie.” Arin let out a breathy laugh. “ ‘Kay. Thanks, Mom.” He hopped out of the car and watched his mom pull the car away from the entrance and go back down the busy street. With a steadying breath, he squared his shoulders and strode through the glass doors. Immediately, the overpowering chill of air-conditioning went up and down his bare skin and he crossed his arms, wincing as he went inside. Luckily, he knew where the GameStop was. He’d been to this mall a couple of times but GameStop was one of the only places he knew how to get to get to without looking at the map kiosk at the front. His feet moved automatically towards the store, his mind in a fog. They hadn’t really agreed to what to do once they met up. Part of him was afraid once he knew what the guy looked like, the gay (or whatever they were) feelings he’d tried to hide would just explode out and he’d embarrass himself. Maybe he had hoped that the conversations they had were some kind of fluke, an elaborate game of gay chicken. Maybe the guy would back away; realizing the anonymity of the internet meant that they really had nothing in common but those superficial things they’d talked about on instant messaging. He hadn’t even really thought of dating the guy seriously. How would he even go about it? What would he tell his family or his friends? Would he have to hide it or come out of the closet? Well, if he did, he would have to own up to the fact that the whole reason he started the D Club, to prove he wasn’t gay, didn’t work, if he was into guys after all. But what if it was all a trick? What if this was all set up? There was nobody to meet him or better yet, it was somebody there to laugh at him and call him a stupid fag, thinking he was coming to get a hookup and getting his hopes up for no reason. Arin’s stomach rolled in nauseous waves and his arms began to itch. This was a mistake. He shouldn’t have done this. By now, he was far enough away from the GameStop where he could see it but if there was anybody inside, they couldn’t see him from where he was standing. At the last moment, he veered from his route and slouched towards the food court, running his trembling hands through his hair. ‘God, I’m such an idiot.’ By the time he was in sight of the food court, he immediately regretted his decision. ’I should have at least texted him to say I changed my mind. What if he’s there waiting for me after all and he thinks I’m the one who played a big trick on him?’ He had totally blanked on what to get and just got a huge order of fries, carrying it over to a far table to be alone with his thoughts. Once he sat down, he took out his phone and stared at it for a few moments before putting it on the table in front of him. The guy hadn’t texted him back and he felt too cowardly at the moment to take the initiative and text him first. What would he even say? ‘I’m sorry. I changed my mind. I’m not really gay. Please don’t be mad at me. Can we still be friends?’ Arin sighed heavily through his nose, twisting his hair around his finger. This was torture to his ADHD. His mind was racing in a million different directions and his skin was creeping with shame. The overpowering icy cold chill of air-conditioning and the faint, annoying mall music wasn’t helping either. He didn’t hear it at first but he became aware of a pair of voices loudly laughing and joking behind him at one of the tables. He should have moved but he didn’t feel up to it at the moment. Besides, why should he have to move just because of two assholes? Absentmindedly, he crammed fries into his mouth as the voices behind him seemed to settle down. Why did he leave the house without eating anything? Why not a lot of things? He occasionally glanced at his phone but it was completely silent and still. “Pst. Pst. Pst. Hey. Hey...” At first he didn’t hear it. It was so quiet but he could feel the hairs on the back of his neck prickle up and his ears perk in the direction of the voice. It was coming from behind him, from the table with the obnoxious voices. Rolling his eyes, he tried his best to ignore it. “PST. HEY. Cutie, hey...” Arin frowned in growing irritation. He looked up from under his fringe of hair, hoping maybe whoever the guy was calling to would answer or acknowledge him but everybody he could see were lost in their own little worlds. Then who was the guy calling out to? Again, he tried to ignore it but the whispering lost what little subtlety it had before, tumbling in out-of-control giggles and slurring a little. “Heeeey. I know you can hear me. You in the pink shirt.” Arin’s eyes widened and stopped chewing. He was wearing a pink shirt. Glancing quickly, he scanned the rest of the crowd in the food court again. Maybe one or two people were wearing pink shirts, none of them women and almost none of them nearby or in earshot. Then who…? “C’mon, turn around, baby girl.” Arin almost choked on his fries. Baby girl. The only one who called him that was...him. 
Tangerinedream82 >hey you getting ready to jo?

Egoraptor >lol you know it ;)

Tangerinedream82 >what are you thinking about?

Egoraptor >idk. What about you?

Tangerinedream82 >you know how you said you wanted to get fucked?

Egoraptor >yeah?

Tangerinedream82 >lol i can’t stop thinking about it tbh. I bet you’d look so cute under me, ego babe
 It was kind of silly. Despite knowing his first name, the guy still insisted on calling him ‘egoraptor’ or ‘ego’ for short. Maybe because it was it ironic? He wasn’t sure. By now, he was so far in his crush on the guy; he didn’t complain and found it cute, in a way. He slipped a hand inside his pajama pants, his ears always trained for any noise outside his bedroom door just in case he was caught with his hand down his pants by either his parents or his brother Nate. 
Egoraptor >heh. How do you know i’d be under you? ;)

Tangerinedream82 >lol you know you’d love it. Don’t lie :P
 Arin licked his lips, his heart jack hammering his chest as he felt along his inner thigh. Not touching himself in earnest yet. He could just be joking. Sometimes he did that. 
Egoraptor >lol ok you caught me. How would you do it?

Tangerinedream82 >however you’d want, baby girl ;)
 Arin’s mouth went dry, his cock going from half chub to rock hard in two seconds flat. “Oh my god,” he murmured aloud, his chest heaving slightly. 
Egoraptor >’baby girl’? *eyebrow raise*

Tangerinedream82 >sorry, is that too much? :/

Egoraptor >no. I like it...a lot ^_^;

Tangerinedream82 >heh. You’re such a dirty girl, ego >:)
 And it went on from there, Arin becoming so dizzy from horniness, his hands were shaking and he thought he’d pass out. After that, It became half a running inside joke between the two of them, as well as a indicator the conversation was going to go into roleplaying, which they were always on the verge of doing anyway. What could he say? He was a horny nineteen year old and the guy made him feel wanted and he didn’t make fun of his weird tendencies and he found he liked pretending to be somebody’s “baby girl”. He almost felt guilty that he was kind of half-cheating on his girlfriend Suzy with this guy but he knew if she ever found out, or god forbid, he cracked and told her himself, he’d say it was nothing serious. Wasn’t it? Arin’s throat went dry as a desert, heat flooding his face. There was no doubt in his mind now that the guy behind him was trying to get his attention. He was utterly frozen. What should he do? He hadn’t expected the guy to publicly out him and humiliate him like this. There was lower murmur and a choking laugh. “Dude, leave her alone. She probably thinks you’re being a creep.” This was a different voice than the one calling out to him. There was a moment’s pause and then the sound of sneakers squeaking against the linoleum floor before Arin couldn’t help letting out a high-pitched yelp of surprise as he felt a large hand suddenly clap him on the shoulder. “Whoa, shit! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” the voice laughed. Arin looked up, nervous and wound up. The owner of the voice was a guy, long and lean with short curly brown hair framing an amiable face and sparkling hazel eyes that were slightly red and glassy. He was wearing a long-sleeved plaid shirt with a ratty Def Leppard shirt underneath that hung loosely off his frame and distressed jeans. “Ohh…” the guy laughed again in sudden understanding, his cheeks dimpling in a bashful smile. “Shit, you’re not a girl. Totally my bad, man.” Arin’s eyes went wide with mortification. “Um...what?” The guy laughed again, tilting his head to the side and scratching the back of his neck. “I mean... I dunno? From the back, you...and you’re wearing pink so...hah, explaining it, it sounds even stupider.” Arin let out a laugh, embarrassed. “Oh...okay.” He brushed his hair away from his face, pursing his lips and putting his elbows on the table, leaning forward before saying. “It’s okay. I never thought...I looked like a girl from the back.” The guy laughed, his eyes brightening. “I dunno, though now from the front, you’re weirdly hot...for a guy I mean.” The guy’s eyes trailed down Arin’s body and then back to his eyes with a weirdly serious expression. Arin let out a breathy scoff. “Dude, are you fucking serious?” he trailed off and shook his head. Was this guy for real? By the reddened eyes, he must be so stoned that from far away, Arin must have looked like a girl to him, albeit a rather curvy girl. The fact that he was growing his hair out long and wearing a pink unicorn shirt, an impulsive decision on his part, probably didn’t help. The guy must be so out of his mind, he wasn’t aware of what he was saying. Saying those kinds of things to a guy you just met just...wasn’t normal, especially around here. But there was just something so warm and guileless about the guy. He almost felt bad for getting defensive about the whole thing. “Thanks, I guess? Sorry, I’m kind of in a shitty mood. I was supposed to meet someone and…” he trailed off and gave a shrug, hoping that would say enough. He’d probably keel over and die of embarrassment if he had to admit, even just in passing, to another person this whole pathetic state he was in: chickening out on a date with his Internet boyfriend and hiding in shame out in the food court, stuffing his face with greasy, over-salted fries. "Actually...you wouldn't happen to him, would you?” he said, raising a hopeful eyebrow. He was going out on a limb but by now he was curious. If he just called Arin 'baby girl' thinking he was a girl from a distance, it was such an oddly specific thing to call somebody. It couldn't just be coincidence, could it? The guy smirked, chuckling. "Naw. I’m just passing through, taking a little road trip.” "Oh." That would explain it. Surely nobody from around here would say stuff like that to somebody they ran into at a mall food court. "Where are you from?" "New York but originally New Jersey." "Oh," Arin's voice was more impressed. "What are you doing in this shit hole, then?" The guy laughed out loud and sat astride the seat next to him. "Oh come on, it doesn't seem that bad..." "Hey, I live here so I'm totally allowed to call West Palm Beach a shit hole." "Okay, fair enough." The guy's eyes shifted from his face down to his tray of fries, enough for Arin to notice the hungry, distracted expression on his face before he said anything. "Go ahead, dude. I'm not hungry. I don't know why I got so much." And with the side of his hand, he pushed the fries in front of the guy. “Oh my god, are you sure?!” The guy's eyes were wide with such unabashed gratitude, as if Arin offering his fries was the most kind and selfless thing to do. Arin chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure…if you're that hungry..." "Oh fuck, dude, thanks! I am STAR-VING..." and with that, he dove right in, grabbing a fistful of fries and then stuffing them into his mouth. "Heh, no problem." The guy grabbed a packet of ketchup and was tearing it open with his teeth when he seemed to remember Arin sitting next to him and swallowed, wiping his hands off his pants before holding out his hand to Arin. "Oh yeah, my name is Dan, by the way." "It’s Arin,” he said, shaking Dan’s hand, trying to be unaffected by how hot and greasy it was. Dan smiled. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Arin." He looked down at himself and shrugged, realizing how much of a slob he was acting. "Sorry, I get the munchies and I just HAVE to eat, y'know?" "I-I mean, its okay, really." He didn't get it, having never smoked weed before but he wasn't in a position to judge. He’d never spent any extended time around stoners to know anything about them except that they stunk and sitting next to Dan, he could make out the overpowering spicy plant smell coming off him strongly and oddly, the smell of candy. "How long have you been in Florida?" "Um...here? Not long. I’ve kind of just been driving around. I just sort of stopped here to get gas and chill out." Arin nodded. "Ah. Are you heading anyplace in particular? Miami or Daytona or-?" "I think I drove by Miami. Almost every place with beaches was way too crowded." "We have a couple of beaches here but they're not as crowded..." Arin said with a roll of his eyes. "…or as nice as those places." Dan wrinkled his nose in amusement. "Okay, Mr. Native of West Palm...whatever." “Hey, I’m just saying…” Dan turned his head back to his table before turning back to Arin. “Actually...I could use your help getting to a garage. My car has been acting up since I’ve been driving through the Everglades.” “You’ve been to the Everglades?” Arin raised an eyebrow. “Yup. I went in a big…” Dan gestured in the air. “U-turn, going right back up to New York but I pretty much rode here on fumes.” “Well…” Arin bit his fingernail in thought. “I think I know one that’s close…” “Sweet!” Arin jumped as Dan clapped him on the shoulder as he got up and adjusted himself. “Do you mind showing me where it is?” Dan gave a shrug. “I figure...you live here and I don’t know my way around so…” Arin spaced out for a moment. He was momentarily tempted to just get up in leave but his eye fell on his cell phone sitting on the table. "I mean...only if you're free to, unless you're still waiting for your..." "Friend," Arin hastily added and sighed inwardly. He didn't really feel much like wanting to meet the guy today anyway. The window of opportunity opened and closed and with no ride, he was pretty much stuck at the mall with only $20 in his dorky Pokemon wallet. Getting up, he grabbed his phone and dashed off a quick text. 
>hey, something came up. i can't meet you today. hope that's ok. we'll hang out some other time, ok?
 "Well, I don't have anything going on now so...I'm fine with showing you where it is." 'God, I hope I made the right decision', Arin thought with dread but Dan smiled back at him, albeit in a spaced-out, distracted way, and it put his mind at ease, somewhat.  "Cool. Let's get out of here." As they passed the table with the other guy Dan was with, Arin raised an eyebrow. "What about him?" He gestured to the guy, who was staring intently at his phone. "Huh? Oh, I just bought weed off him. He's not coming with us. Said he had ‘shit to do’" Dan said with a snort, as if he didn’t believe that himself. “Oh…” Arin bit back the impulse to say “good”. He already felt uncomfortable leaving the mall with Dan but at least he seemed nice. Arin fell in step alongside Dan as they went towards the exit. On the way, Arin felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He thought about telling Dan to stop but Dan had already turned and paused, smiling at him in that same dazed, out-of-it kind of way. 
>k ttyl then :/
 Arin couldn't help feeling bad. They had planned to hang out for a few days and he was excited but also dreading it like crazy. He shook his head and put his phone back in his pocket. "It's nothing." "Alright. Let me know where to get out. This place is like a maze," Dan said with a laugh. The corner of Arin's mouth quirked, not sure whether to laugh or smile at that. "It's okay." He walked on ahead and gestured for Dan to follow him, intentionally taking a route that didn't pass the Gamestop. He had no way of knowing if the guy would see him with Dan and think the worst or, God forbid, get jealous. He laughed nervously under his breath, apropos of nothing, and soon they were at the exit doors, pushing it open and being immediately enveloped in the thick, humid afternoon air. "My ride is this way," Dan said, loping ahead to a dark blue sedan sitting parked at a cock-eyed angle against a concrete road marker. Arin stood by the passenger side door fidgeting as Dan went around the other side, unlocking the door, stooping down and sliding into the boiling hot seat, his eyes watering at the overwhelming smell of smoke and many greasy fast food meals long past but still absorbed in the upholstery. Dan slid in soon after with a grunt. "Ah, sorry, man. I need to air this thing out at some point." He chuckled and fished for his keys as Arin put his seatbelt on. "It's okay..." Arin mumbled, doing a cursory glance around the car. At his feet, he could feel a crumbled paper bag that had rolled underneath and wedged under the seat.  Dan turned the key in the ignition and the car rumbled to life sluggishly, making Dan cluck his tongue. "Shit. Don't tell I'm going to have to get out and push this piece of shit." Arin murmured a noise of understanding but otherwise said nothing, sitting stock-still in his seat with his hands on his knees. Dan leaned over and at first Arin thought he was checking something in the car until he sat back up with a blown-glass pipe and a lighter in his hand and lit it, taking a pull from it nonchalantly and then immediately dissolving into deep-throated hacking coughs. Arin's eyes bugged out. "Oh!...um, should you be doing that before you...drive?!" Dan turned to him, squinting with curls of smoke escaping his lips. "Hmm? Oh, sure. I'm cool for it. That's how I got through..." He hummed in thought. "…90 percent of this trip." Arin frowned until he felt Dan clap him on the knee and almost hit the roof. "Chill out, man. I'm not gonna crash or anything." He gave the key another turn and looked behind the seat before pulling the car out of the space. "Um, the garage is down that street..." Arin mumbled, pointing ahead. Dan squinted ahead before nodding. "Oh. Not too far, then." He turned to Arin and smiled, making Arin panic briefly (Dude, don't take your eyes off the road!) "Thanks, Arin. You're a lifesaver." Arin laughed softly, shrugging. "Passed by it often enough." They pulled into the garage with no problems except Dan's car was starting to slow down to a crawl. Luckily, neither of them had to get out and push. Arin idled behind as Dan went to one of the mechanics; his tension cranked up to eleven. He'd never been in a situation like that, having not gone very far out of the state before, but he couldn't help fearing the mechanic would take one look at Dan, a skinny pothead (reeking with the smell, even) who was clearly from out of town and give him shit, but if the mechanic noticed, he didn't say anything. Since Dan was sort of his ride, Arin sat on the curb and waited, kicking his shoes against the asphalt and watching the anoli lizards retreat into the shade until Dan came back, scratching the back of his head thoughtfully.  "Soooo, the guy said that my car is full of love-bugs?" Arin nodded in understanding. "Oh yeah. Florida's full of 'em, especially during the summer." Dan scoffed. "Well, shows what I know, then. Since I drove through the Everglades, they all flew in and clogged up the radiator so they have to go in and clean them all out." With a weary sigh, Dan sat down beside him on the curb, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a Marlboro, giving it a light and blowing the smoke through his nose. "Well...guess I'm stuck here for a while." Arin blinked, admiring Dan’s profile as the smoke left his parted lips. God, he’s…handsome, he thought before sneering to himself. God, what was wrong with him? ---As Dan lead the way to his hotel room, Arin couldn’t help the pang of disappointment sink heavily in his stomach. He really wanted to spend more time with Dan. He was starting to run out of places in West Palm Beach to show him around. Places that were cheap and didn’t require a car to get to were hard to come by, especially places they could get to before the afternoon showers and thunderstorms. Despite that, he didn’t mind what they did or where went. Dan had a way of making anything and everything entertaining and fun. “I’m sorry to cut this short, man.” Dan drawled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his room key. His expression went blank for a few seconds as he stared off into space. “I’m feeling kinda tired so I’m just going to smoke a bowl, jack off and fall asleep.” Arin couldn’t help a pouty sense of indignation flare up inside him. He wants to call it a day just because he just wants to jerk off? Then the thought occurred to him, too quick for him to put it aside and he felt momentarily brave but also panicked enough to voice aloud. “Um! That’s fine! How about...we...jack off together?” Arin laughed, trying to make it sound like a casual offer and totally normal for two guys to do. It was normal, right? He couldn’t be mistaken: The D Club was sort of like this, except jacking off wasn’t the main objective of the whole thing. Dan looked at him and for a moment, Arin wished he hadn’t said anything at all. At first it seemed a lot like a look of suspicion or disgust but it was hard to tell for sure. It just looked unsettlingly blank before the life seemed to creep back into Dan's face and he shrugged. “Yeah, alright.” He opened the door and Arin walked inside, trying not to lose courage as Dan closed the door and shed his olive green army jacket. He turned back to Arin and scratched his head. “Uh...how do you want to do this?” Arin sobered his expression. He shouldn’t look like this way anything more than just a means to an end: Jacking off in each other’s company because they were both bored and horny. It had nothing to do with an impulse to see Dan take his dick out in front of him and touch himself... He bit the inside of his cheek, fighting back the images that swam into his head. “Um...I could just sit here…” Arin motioned to a ratty, upholstered chair that happened to be facing the bed, where Dan was going towards, taking his shoes and socks off and sitting on the side of the unmade bed. “Okay…” Dan muttered, swinging his legs onto the bed and putting a pillow behind his back. He sighed heavily through his nose, rubbing his crotch through his jeans with the heel of his hand. Arin gulped with difficulty. Should he start touching himself too? He wanted Dan to set the pace, not going too quickly ahead of him but his hands were fidgeting too much to actually do what he wanted. Dan sighed again, letting his head fall back against the wooden headboard, lazily rubbing himself before he opened his eyes, blearily looking in Arin’s direction. “I’m sorry. Arin, could you...sit in the bathroom or something? I can’t focus on what I’m doing…” Dan said with a wince. Arin nodded, rising from the chair and walking around the bed and into the cramped bathroom. When he was part of the way through the doorway, he called out. “Should I close the door or-?” “If you want?” Dan’s voice was unsure and high-pitched. “I don’t know…” “Okay…” Arin muttered, retreating into the bathroom and wrinkling his nose at the overpowering smell of lemon-scented cleaner before he shut the door and closed the toilet lid, sinking down on the cold porcelain. Was he doing something wrong? Sure, he didn’t expect Dan would let him touch him or anything like but he knew he could try to make his presence as unobtrusive as possible and maybe just watch Dan. He didn’t even feel especially horny at the moment but he could quickly catch up. He stared at the grimy tiles spreading under his feet as he tried to gather his thoughts but it was only a few minutes before he heard Dan’s muffled voice call out to him. Twisting on the toilet, he opened the door. “Yeah?” “I changed my mind. You can come back in.” “Okay…” Arin’s heart thudded with foreboding as he opened the door and shuffled out, until he was standing at the foot of Dan’s bed. The older man’s legs were sprawled out in front of him, his jeans unzipped and his fist closed around his dick but Dan himself was struggling to look him in the face. Then he understood. Not only that, he knew how to turn things around. “Dan?” Dan’s hooded eyes shifted under his brows. “Yeah?” “Are...are you nervous about me looking at your dick?” His nose wrinkled but he tried desperately hard not to laugh and risk Dan making feel worse. Still, he couldn’t help but find it a little funny. Dan’s brow creased and he let out petulant, “No! God, don’t be silly…” Arin chuckled, as quietly as he was able, wedging his tongue between his teeth as he climbed onto the bed. The mattress creaked under his knee and Dan raised an eyebrow at him. “What are you doing?” Arin thought for a second on how to word things. Then again, he may be misjudging things and Dan was so uncomfortable, whatever he did would make things worse. “I want to show you something…” Despite himself, Dan looked up and then just as quickly, his eyes darted away as Arin started unzipping his jeans. “Jesus, dude!” Dan laughed, his voice rising in a squeak of embarrassment. “What? It’s just a dick. Seeing a dick doesn’t make you gay or anything.” Dan scoffed breathlessly, as if it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “Really? Are you absolutely sure about that?!” Arin frowned. “Well, have you ever seen another guy’s dick? In real life, I mean…” “No…” Dan muttered, sounding so much like a guilty child, Arin almost felt bad…almost. “Then you don’t know shit about what’s gay and what’s not. Just…” He unzipped his jeans all the way down and pulled his own dick from his boxers. “Just look at my dick.” “What?!” Dan’s voice rose an octave in disbelief. “Just LOOK at it. I promise it won’t be weird.” “Arin, I’m not…” Dan scoffed. “I’m not looking at your dick!” Arin rolled his eyes. “Well, you agreed to jack off together. I dunno how you can do that we can’t look at each other.” He knew that wasn’t a rule. If anything, his impression of jack off sessions you tried not to look at the other guy but that didn’t make sense to him at all. Dan sputtered and Arin was amused (and a little pleased) to see that Dan was blushing furiously. “Whatever! It’s not like I’ve done shit like this before!” “Dan...just look at it….” So gradually that it seemed to be happening in slow-motion, Dan met his eyes and then looked downward. “...oh…” Arin smiled with relief. “See? It’s not weird!” “Um…” Dan licked his lips and chuckled nervously. “I dunno about that. It’s still pretty weird.” “Well...here…” Arin scooted forward on his knees, making Dan flinch in his spot on the bed. “Lemme see yours.” “I…” Dan shook his head and paused. “Okay. Just...don’t laugh…” Dan was so twisted up in a pretzel trying to cover himself, Arin could barely see Dan’s dick at all, just his long fingers curled protectively in his lap. With a steadying intake of breath, Dan uncurled himself and held his dick in his hand for Arin to see. “Oh.” Arin snickered. “That’s all?” Dan’s eyes went wide with mortification. “You fucker! You said you wouldn’t laugh!” “No, no, no, I didn’t mean like that, I just...I kinda thought you were small and that’s why you didn’t want me to see it but...shit, dude.” “Oh. Heh.” Dan’s lips curved into a nervous, flattered smile. “You’re...not too bad yourself.” “Thanks.” He leaned over. “You want to see whose is bigger?” “Um, sure. Just…” Dan sat up with a grunt, still gripping his dick loosely in his hand. “Like side by side or…?” “This way is fine.” Arin tried as best as he could to act like this was no big deal and act like an authority on the art of looking at another guy’s dick without it being a big deal but he was incredibly tempted to do...something, but he wasn’t completely sure what. Mostly he was trying not to come off like he was looking at Dan’s dick any more than necessary but he couldn’t help marveling at it, so long and thick. Once he was moving closer, he realized they weren’t going measure each other head on like this. He was too distracted by the open window of Dan’s jeans, the way they were starting to slip down his slender hips. Feeling momentarily goofy, he angled his dick and poked the head of his dick against Dan’s. “Boop.” Dan’s face started to scrunch up as he tried to catch himself but failed as helpless laughter spilled out. He let out a sigh as he recovered. “God, you’re fucking weird.” “Heh. I know but-” Arin thought about stopping himself but they were already in a weird situation. Why not own up to it?” “...you love me.” “Mmm…” They stayed locked in that position for maybe only a few more seconds but it seemed like an eternity to Arin until Dan looked down, his expression oddly serious. “...whoa.” “What?” “Check it out, here…” Arin looked down as well, not knowing what Dan was expecting to show him, mostly likely that Dan popped a boner without realizing it, which he was more or less prepared for. “What?” Arin asked again. “You don’t see it?” “Uh…” “No...See. Your dick curves down and mine curves up.” “Oh…” Arin turned his head to the side and sure enough, where their dicks touched there was a gently sloping arc. “Heh. Look at that…” “It’s like a...what do you call it? The black and white things. Not a peace sign but-” “Ying yang?” Arin suggested. “Yeah! Exactly!” Dan seemed way too excited about this but Arin could feel a strange fuzziness in his stomach looking at Dan’s face, stoned but so proud and in awe. “This must be why we get along so well. Our…” Dan giggled, his eyes crinkling around the edges. “...our dicks are in harmony.” “Heh. Now who’s being weird?” “What? You don’t think it’s cool?” “Naw...it is cool…” Arin admitted. Arin wasn’t sure what spurned it on but he could feel Dan move closer, his jeans slipping down even more until Dan was playfully nudging him in the shoulder. “Stop…” Arin laughed, his voice whisper quiet. “Stop what?” Dan giggled back, nudging him more insistently and jerking him off-balance. Arin snorted. “Oh, you want to have a cock fight? Is that it?” “A cock f-?” Dan snorted back, unable to finish with a straight face. “What the fuck, dude?” Arin nudged Dan back. “You heard me.” He smirked in challenge. “Think you can beat me?” “Oh, it is ON!” Arin let out a surprised laugh as Dan lunged at him, knocking him backward. He tried to fight for some kind of control on the narrow bed but they were both tangled up in their pants until they wordlessly took them completely off and tossed them to the floor. For a few minutes, the only sound in the room was the soft smacks of hands hitting skin, their giggled half-muttered swears and the bump and squeak of the mattress. It was less of an actual cock fight than a combination slap/tickle fight and Arin was losing badly. He had underestimated how strong Dan was, possessing a wiry strength that made him impossible to budge. He kept telling Dan to stop, gigglier and more out of breath each time but Dan laughed it off, his voice just as out of breath with a devious smile playing on his lips. All he was aware of was Dan grabbing him by the wrist when he was on his knees with his back to Dan, too weak and spent from laughing and tussling around before Dan was pushing him down onto his face. Dan’s breathing was harsh directly behind him and right in his ear as he leaned his full weight onto him, holding both of Arin’s wrists down and making the hairs on the back of his neck prickle up. “Heh...I win…” he panted. Arin tried to say something but his mouth was muffled by the cheap quilted blanket under him. “I’m sorry? What was that?” Dan giggled. Arin turned his head, sputtering and his mouth full of cotton. “I said ‘Okay, you win.’ Asshole.” “Heh.” Dan pressed closer, becoming aware of Dan holding his legs down with his own, hairy legs sliding against his calves. Arin grunted, shifting around trying to buck Dan off but Dan had him completely pinned down. He swallowed, feeling his cock press harder to the mattress and a trickle of shameful arousal coursed through him. One of his more secret fantasies involved being helpless like this while being fucked by a guy, but Dan couldn’t possibly know that. Then why was Dan still on top of him? Wasn’t he done lording over his victory? “...huh.” “What?” “...I thought…” Dan swallowed thickly. “It was weird before but...you really do kind of like a girl from the back.” Arin blinked rapidly, heat spreading through his face. What should he say? What COULD he say? Dan released Arin’s wrists but didn’t move from where he was, hovering closer behind him. He was ready to breathe a sigh of relief, roll over and they about could maybe share a laugh about the whole thing...until he felt Dan’s hands move down his sweaty sides slowly, tugging up the bottom of his tank top. Arin fidgeted, his fingers digging into the blanket under him. Dan was moving dangerously close to the parts of his body that were ticklish but his lungs and stomach were aching hard from laughter and his body was already over-stimulated and twitchy. “Please...d-don’t tickle me anymore, Dan…” Arin whined but Dan didn’t say anything. All he was aware of was Dan’s steady, low breathing and his hands gently trailing down his back, making Arin cringe in embarrassment at being touched sweaty and sticky and gross like this. Arin squeezed his eyes shut, blood pounding in his ears. Please don’t say anything. Don’t do anything. He’ll snap out of it. He HAS to. He can’t know I’m enjoying this… “Mmm...Your skin is really soft, Arin…” “Uh...t-thanks…” He tried to laugh but his was completely out of breath, his cock pressing thickly against his stomach. Blood started to surge down his body faster as Dan’s hands settled on his waist. “Arin…” “Y-yeah?” The contact was like an electric shock as Dan nestled his dick in the cleft of his ass and his body went completely still. A noise came out but it was utterly incoherent and cut off, just “A-!” before it seemed like his entire brain had overheated and shut down. “Oh, OH, Shit, I-” Dan hastily backed away and Arin groaned as he tried to lift himself up, his whole body trembling all over. “Arin, I’m SO fucking sorry! I just...I didn’t know what…” Arin turned around and tried not to look as shell-shocked as he felt, with his hair disheveled and matted to his face in wet tendrils. “It’s okay. I...it happens, I guess…” he murmured, brushing his hair away from his face. Dan sighed heavily, passing a hand through his hair. “Does it?!” They both stared at each other for a while as Arin tried to catch his breath, trying to will his erection down. “I...I think you should go…” Dan said finally, looking away and biting his thumbnail distractedly. Arin’s heart sunk. “I…” As much as he could make a case for either picking up where they left off and just jacking off like they planned or doing something else, Arin could feel enough had been done and it seemed impossible for them to move past this, at least right now. “Okay...I’ll go.” He swung his legs off the bed and gathered his clothes and underwear in silence, shame washing over him hot and heavy. Dan didn’t move or say anything until Arin was across the room, putting on his sandals when he felt Dan’s hand grab him by the arm. “Dude...I’m so sorry...again. I just…” Dan sighed before looking back up at him, his bloodshot eyes wide and apologetic.  “I think I just need some time alone.” Arin pulled his arm away, ruder than he meant. “It’s fine. I stayed too long anyway,” he said flatly. And with that, he left. ---The text alert on his phone chimed again and Dan pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. He didn’t need to look at it to know who it was: It was Arin. He also didn’t need to check it to know what it said. He’d read every single one and numbly listened to every voicemail. Each one was its own microcosm, cycling from genuine concern to annoyance and frustration to defeat and then going apologetic and back again. It tore at him but he understood, though it didn’t make him feel like any less of a flake. It had hit all at once, in the middle of the night, like a ton of bricks and it kept him from sleeping soundly: he liked Arin, a lot. More than a lot, in fact. It had dawned on while he was replaying the events of the previous day over in his head and he could feel himself swooning, leaving him with a warm, full, fuzzy feeling inside despite the chill seeping into his poorly insulated hotel room. He didn’t know if he had just actively ignored it or he was too stoned over the past few days to really think about it at all but being around Arin made me him feel happy, deliriously happy. Every time they had to part ways, he could feel his heart sink and he wanted every little moment he could grab with Arin, even if they were doing nothing at all. Despite the minor setback that left him stuck in West Palm Beach, there was something...right about the two of them together. Then the wave of embarrassment at the thought of what they had done the day before washed over him. He’d never done anything like that before with another guy but it had just happened without even realizing it. He and Arin had touched dicks and saw each other naked, or almost naked. Hell, he’d mimed fucking Arin in the ass. What was wrong with him? The memory of that moment made his face flare with heat. Fueled by a weird morbid curiosity and the sense of a joke going too far, flipping Arin onto his stomach, putting his hands on Arin’s bare waist, the way Arin’s skin felt, soft and almost scalding hot to the touch. Then he’d put his half-hard dick between Arin’s ass cheeks and Arin’s wriggling body just FROZE. The quiet, stuck noise Arin made sent a depth charge of arousal plummeting deep into his gut and he felt drenched in hot shame. He backed off quickly and apologized but he desperately wanted to know Arin’s reaction, if everything was still cool between them or if he had made a terrible mistake. The vocalized half-choked noise, he couldn’t tell if it was a good noise or a bad noise so he scanned Arin’s face. The play of emotions on his face seemed to happen in an instant but he tried as hard as he could to conjure it back up again. Arin had seemed to laugh it off with his face flushed (from exertion, maybe?) and his mouth half-opened but something in Arin’s eyes was harder to read. Was it shame or was it something like...disappointment? At least from the texts and voicemails Arin had been sending him in a steady stream meant Arin wasn’t mad at him. When he left, the look Arin gave him, that flat, cold look, cut right through him like daggers, chilling him right to the core.  Dan hugged his knees to his chest. His heart hurt. Thinking about Arin after not seeing him all day made him realize how much he just loved being in Arin’s company. He missed his helpless, infectious laugh, his slightly crooked smile, his sparkling brown eyes, and his sense of humor, even his long hair that looked so soft and silky. God, he must have it bad if he was sent reeling thinking Arin’s hair, of all things. He groaned and burrowed further under the covers, squeezing his eyes shut, trying not to think about Arin at all but the memory of him was always hovering in the periphery of his mind. The fact that housekeeping hadn’t been by yet to clean and change the sheets was a mixed blessed: he could still make out Arin’s scent clinging here and there, among the rumpled sheets and pillows, underneath Dan’s own bodily funk and the smell of cheap weed was a sweet, sporty smell (deodorant, most likely) and the sour tang of Arin’s sweat. Then he started thinking about it, what if they hadn’t leapt off each other at the realization of just how...gay what they were were doing was? He knew he was going down a long dark road and his breath caught, grabbing and twisting the sheets around him. He tried to go back to the head space he was before everything broke apart but it was full of intrusive, half-formed thoughts. He was about to say...something that seemed important at the time but he couldn’t, for the life of him, remember it. Arin was wriggling underneath him half-heartedly and he was completely lost in the sensation, watching Arin’s body heave and staring in fascination at the beads of sweat clinging to his smooth skin, resisting somehow the urge to lean over and drag his tongue down Arin’s back and taste him. The thought made him shudder aloud. That was probably the scariest thought: if he hadn’t snapped out it and realized what he was doing, he would have just gone ahead and fucked Arin and except for wanting to know if that was what he wanted, he didn’t have a problem with the idea. But he wasn’t gay or at least, he didn’t think he was...then this happened. Dan groaned again. His chest ached, his heart clawed at by invisible, razor sharp talons. Why did this have to happen? Was this because he took this spur-of-the-moment road trip by himself? Just one day away from Arin made him realize just how lonely he had been. He coughed into the blanket, too numb to cry and feeling too guilty about the vague stir in his loins to do anything about it. Suddenly, several sharp knocks on the door made him jump. He frowned in thought, thinking quickly. He knew he’d had paid for the room up through the week and the cleaning lady wasn’t coming in today. He pulled the covers off his bare legs. He hadn’t even gotten dressed. He spent almost the whole day in bed, only getting up and dressed to get food from 7-11 and then immediately shedding his clothes and getting back into bed, eating sandwich wraps sadly in his blanket cocoon. He crossed the floor slowly and that was when he heard the voice. “Dan? Are you in there?” His breath caught. He hadn’t expected Arin to come himself to check on him. As cautiously as he could, he pressed his ear to the door. There was another series of sharp knocks. “Dan? Are you okay? I’m not mad, I...I just want to know what’s up. You haven’t called me back or texted or…” There was an exasperated huff and the sound of Arin’s sandals shifting around behind the door. There was a pause and another series of knocks, softer this time. “Dan? Are you even there?” Dan swallowed, slumping against the door. He couldn’t tell him. All day his mind spun in circles, sometimes trying to find the right words to tell him but he erased every text he tried to send Arin and put his phone back on the bed in defeat. Why was even avoiding him like this? He squeezed his eyes shut. God, I’m such a coward. “Okay...never mind. I guess I’ll go. Sorry to bother you.” Then he could hear Arin’s footsteps retreat. Panic welled up inside him. He couldn’t let Arin go like this. What if he never came back? Frantically, he fumbled with the chain on his door and swung it open. “Arin! Don’t go! Please!” Arin hadn’t gotten far, luckily. He was slouching his way towards his bike, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his hoodie. “Dan?! You…” Dan didn’t even realize he was standing in the doorway wearing nothing but his boxers until he could feel the balmy night air hit his bare skin. He didn’t even realize how late it was. “What...what are you doing here?” He said, trying to reign in the panic in his voice. Arin’s brow furrowed in annoyance as he turned fully towards him. “I...was worried. I was wondering why you weren’t answering your phone or anything. Are you okay?” Dan’s brain was struggling to find the right words, his breath coming short and his heart beating frantically in his ribcage. “I...I dunno,” he finally said dumbly. “I mean...are you sick or something?” “I...no...” Dan ran a hand through his hair, struggling to look Arin fully in the eye. “Then what?” Arin took his hands out his pockets, throwing them up in defeat. “Are you…”Arin swallowed, his voice softer now. “Are you mad at me or something?” “What?! No, of course not…” Dan wanted to move closer but stopped short. He wanted to touch Arin, make him feel better but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Touching Arin was what started this whole crazy mess. “Then what? Why wouldn’t you tell me what’s wrong?! I fucking...thought we were friends…” Arin was looking up at him with his eyes full of frustration and hurt, glimmering like he was on the verge of tears and then Dan couldn’t take it anymore as he felt his heart shattering into a million pieces. What kind of monster was he to make Arin almost cry? “Oh goddammit, Ar…” his voice came out as a choked sob and he grabbed Arin suddenly in a tight hug as the dam burst and tears coursed messily down his face, soaking into Arin’s hoodie. Arin let out a surprised noise of protest but he didn’t pull away as Dan buried his face deeper into Arin’s shoulder. He was vaguely conscious of Arin weakly patting him on the back while his body heaved with sobs. "God, I’m sorry...I'm such a fucking mess...,” Dan croaked, sniffling between his words, trying to stem the flow of tears. "It's okay..." Arin murmured turning his face towards Dan, tickling his cheek with his eyelashes as Dan's long arms wound tighter around Arin's shoulders, fearing the younger man might disappear if he didn't hold on for dear life. "It's not okay...I've...I've messed everything up..." For a moment, Arin didn't say anything, but he could feel Arin's breath hit the side of his neck. "Why? What’s the matter?” Dan sniffled. It's now or never. I need to tell him. “I think I’ve...fallen in love with you…” He could hear Arin gasp and his heart seemed to stop beating altogether but finally Arin laughed softly. “Um...It’s funny you say that ‘cuz...I came to tell you the exact same thing…” Dan pulled away, searching Arin’s face in disbelief. “I...I mean, shit, really?!” Arin laughed and nodded. “Yeah…more or less. I’ve fallen for you too.” Dan couldn’t stop himself, propelling his mouth towards Arin’s in an excitable kiss that made Arin squeal and stumble backwards but he didn’t care. His heart was pounding out of control, singing its own song. He LOVES me. He REALLY loves me. Arin pulled away slightly, his cheeks stained with a pleased blush. “Wow, okay...easy, there. You almost knocked me over…” “Oh…” Dan swallowed, wiping away the tears with the side of his hand. “Um...sorry.” Arin’s eyes danced playfully, running his teeth along his bottom lip. “Do you maybe...want to take this inside?” Dan nodded quickly. Taking in his surroundings, the ground floor of the hotel was empty but it would seem a tad inconspicuous on his part to be doing anything outside almost half-naked, no matter how mild the weather was. "Yeah, yeah, come in..." Once they were inside, Dan closed the door and immediately pushed Arin against it, grabbing him by the waist and kissing the younger man feverishly, drinking him in like he was dying of thirst. He hadn't kissed a lot of people (men or women) but Arin's lips were so unbearably soft and warm and he was immediately lost in the sensation, wanting to feel them everywhere. So lost, in fact, that he wasn't consciously aware of Arin's lips twisting and pulling away or Arin's hands pushing on his chest until he broke free, leaning his head against the door. "F-fuck, Dan...Slow the fuck down...I'm..." he panted and Dan stopped immediately. "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just..." He gulped, touching his forehead to Arin's, trying to catch his own breath. "You taste really good," he said with a chuckle. "Oh. Heh...is that all?" Arin closed his eyes, smiling shyly. "Well, that's not ALL but..." He straightened up, running a hand through his hair. "We can get on the bed, if you want." "Okay." Dan hovered nearby as Arin kicked off his sandals. Once he had Arin back in his room, he wasn't sure if he should have made it more...presentable? His glass pipe, open baggie and shredder were sitting in plain view and his bedside table was covered in sandwich wrappers and empty Skittles bags. He hadn’t even smoked at all today. He was running low and in a rare show of restraint, he decided to save it for another day when he felt more up to it. It made the day’s heartache that much more acute, spending it dead sober. "I...was going to ask you why aren’t wearing any clothes but…” Arin mumbled, looking around. "Um...I...didn't feel like it, really..." Dan muttered. "I just spent all day in bed." "Oh...'cuz...I kind of thought you were...with someone and I didn't want to-" "Oh no, nothing like that…" Dan wasn't the most observant person in the world but it sounded like Arin was a little...jealous? Arin was still standing on the far end of the room, playing with the zipper of his hoodie before quickly unzipping it and impulsively letting it fall to the floor. Dan shouldn't have felt his heart flutter just because of that but since he discovered his feelings for Arin beyond a purely aesthetic appreciation for another man's looks, Arin seemed to radiate in the dim hotel room like a beautiful little star. "Soooo...what did you do all day?" Arin said, stepping forward, seeming to sway his hips a little until he was standing in front of Dan. "I...nothing, really. Mostly...think about you..." he murmured, ducking his head guiltily. Arin's lips curved in a slow smile. "Really? What kind of things...did you think about?" "...This..." Cupping Arin's face in his hands, he slanted his mouth over Arin's and true to Arin's request, kissed him slower, feeling Arin's heartbeat pulse against his fingertips and his whole body melt against him. "Mmmm...you didn't shave either..." Arin murmured, his hands moving to Dan's shoulders and pushing him gently onto the bed until Arin had him on his back, both of their legs dangling over the edge. “Yeah, I didn’t really...feel like it…” "It's okay. I...kind of like it. It feels...different but...nice..." Dan chuckled, moving his hands into Arin's hair. "Heh, I'm afraid of scratching you, though. Your skin is really soft, I might give you beard burn..." Arin growled low in his throat and Dan could feel his cock instantly spring to life at the sound. "Oh fuck, dude..." he groaned. He chuckled again, trailing his mouth to the side of Arin's neck, feeling his body press in closer as his stubble caught against the tender skin, giving it teasing little kisses and licks. “You like that?” “Mmm...mmhmmm…” Arin whined, his hips shifting down against him as Dan continued to kiss down Arin’s neck and behind his ear, one hand carding through his long hair and the other on Arin’s lower back where his shirt had ridden up, holding him steady. Dan groaned as Arin’s warm weight fully sunk onto him, his body heat seeping through his clothes and into his very bones. He wasn't even sure if it was his own faulty body temperature issues that made the hotel room feel like a fucking freezer but he wanted Arin, more completely than he ever thought he could ever want anybody.
 
"Fuck, Arin..." He couldn't even finish his thought, skirting his mouth around the neckline of Arin's shirt, his fingertips playing along the bottom hem until he had made contact with the warm, soft skin of his lower back. So suddenly it surprised him, Arin's shirt was off and hitting the carpeted floor with a quiet thump and he practically shivered as he dove back down and the contact of their bare chests sent electricity coursing through him, his lips moving smoothly down to the skin now exposed to him. "Dan..." Arin whined again, rocking his lower body against Dan's underwear covered crotch, which were starting to feel hot and confining. "What do you want, baby? Tell me what you want..." Dan's voice came out low and husky as his mouth migrated down Arin's chest, his hands sweeping over Arin's back. "I...um..." Arin sighed, his voice coming in heady, breathy pants. Folding his legs, he crawled over Dan's prone body until he was on the bed and Dan took the hint to wriggle himself into a better position, sitting up and then leaning his back against the pillows now squished out of shape from a whole day spent lolling around in bed. For a moment, he sat there just drinking in the sight before him: Arin's sandy brown hair hanging over his face, his brown eyes dark and burning with hunger, his lips parted and red, his pale skin looking so soft and biteable. Arin's mouth quirked to the side as he knelt on the bed, eyeing him pointedly. "What?" "Nothing, just...you look really..." Dan scoffed, too giddy in the moment to choose the right word. "...really fucking hot like that." Arin laughed low. "Heh. I feel bad, 'cuz...I'd say the same thing but your eyes are still of kinda puffy." "Oh." Dan snorted. "Gee, thanks. I was only crying over your stupid ass." Arin crinkled his nose, laughing harder as he crawled over. "I'm sorry! I didn't want to say anything but..." "It's okay..." With the heel of his hand, he rubbed his eyes, still feeling the wetness of his tears under his eyes and on his cheeks. "I just..." A litany of things came to mind. 
I'm just a mess when I'm not stoned out of my mind all the time. I feel so sad and lost and I can pretend everything's okay when I'm high but when I'm not, I'm afraid every emotion I feel is fake and everybody knows it.
 What did come out was the more guarded but succinct "I'm a wreck." Arin sighed, leaning over and kissing him so tenderly; Dan thought his heart would burst. "I'm just as much of a wreck as you are." He sighed again and shook his head. "Man, all day, I was just thinking 'did I do something wrong? What did I do to make Dan not want to talk to me?' and I kept...every text I sent I was beating myself up because it's just such a clingy, needy thing to do to keep bugging someone all day but..." Cupping Arin’s face in his hands, Dan silenced Arin with a kiss. “Shh. It’s okay...you’re going to make fucking cry again…” he said and laughed thickly as he bumped his forehead against Arin, feeling his ticklish breath play over his skin. “Heh, I didn’t realize you were so fucking sensitive…” Arin laughed, catching Dan’s eye fondly. “Mmm…” Dan hummed but didn’t elaborate as he cupped the back of Arin’s head, letting the soft strands of the younger man’s hair fall through his fingers. Arin's lips pressed to his more firmly as he nuzzled closer, fitting his body on top of Dan's as his hands moved from his shoulders down to his chest, his warm hands pressing him firmly down onto the mattress. With a crisp noise, Dan broke from the kiss. “You didn’t answer my question…” Arin made a soft, inquisitive noise as he opened his eyes, unfocused with his pupils dilated. “Huh?” Dan exhaled, trailing the pads of his fingers down the curve of Arin’s back, enjoying the way his eyes fluttered shut and how he arched to his touch like an affectionate cat. “I asked what do you want…” “I…” Arin huffed, his eyes shifting. “I don’t fucking know…” Dan frowned slightly. “Well, give me some idea. It’s not like I’ve done this before.” Arin’s gaze became more pointed. “Neither have I.” Dan’s eyes darted at Arin’s face and then to his chest. He didn’t think Arin was lying but he was kind of hoping he had some idea, some clue of where to go and what to do. It had only been several months since he lost his virginity but she was able to guide him through the whole thing and then rest was his own intuition and things he’d learned from porn. This was entirely uncharted territory, made up of crude whispered jokes and snippets of “OZ” reruns and the thought scared him, more than a little. Arin snapped him out his thoughts with a cough. “I...kind of want to...suck your dick, if you're cool with that...” He ducked his head, fussing with his hair.   As much as his cock throbbed with interest at the idea (Arin’s soft, supple lips gliding wetly down his shaft, looking up at him with those deep brown eyes…), it gave him pause. “Have...you done that before?” “No! I...it can’t be that hard, right?” Arin laughed, shooting him what seemed to be a confident smile but Dan could see a quiver of nervousness just under the surface, the need to please. Dan opened his mouth and closed it at the last moment as he readjusted himself on the bed. “Okay...just...go slow, okay?” Arin scooted back on his knees as Dan reached down and eased back the worn-out elastic waistband of his boxers as he slid them down his narrow hips and tossed them to the floor. Licking his lips, he gave his dick a few quick pumps as Arin crept in between his spread legs. Dan had noticed it before with the way his body moved to his touches but now Arin’s halting but curious movements and way his body hunched and the subtle way his shoulders rolled, his eyes wide with interest, he looked like a cat ready to pounce on a jiggling stuffed mouse. He wrinkled his nose, trying not laugh out loud but once he had the image in his head, he couldn’t shake it. Reached down, he brushed a lock of hair back from the younger man’s face, their eyes meeting. “Relax, big cat. Just go slow.” A shudder went through Arin’s body as he smiled bashfully, the bridge of his nose scrunching up like he found the nickname funny and he was trying not to laugh but at the same time was trying to act serious. Whatever it was, Dan found it impossibly adorable. Dan drew in his breath as Arin lowered his head over his lap, feeling the tickle of Arin’s breath before he involuntarily cried out as the tip of Arin’s tongue lapped at the head of his dick. Arin’s head jerked up, flashing with concern but Dan waved it away as he chewed on his lips. “ ‘s okay...just...keep going…,” his voice coming out high and pinched. God, he must be really on edge. The other day was going to be his “day” to jerk off but that didn’t end up happening as he had planned and once Arin left, he wasn’t in the mood anymore, feeling too guilty about what had happened to even go through the motions of it. He leaned his head back, trying to steady his breathing. The last thing he needed was getting so overwhelmed that he shot his load before Arin even started doing anything. Gradually, Arin leaned back down, licking and lapping at his dick with clumsy swipes of his tongue, one hand resting on his bare thigh and the other loosely wrapped around the base of his dick. Dan let out a shaky sigh, keeping one hand in Arin’s hair so it wouldn’t get in the way. “Is...am I doing good?” Arin asked quietly, his eyes darting upward and Dan laughed, his voice feeling husky and stuck in his throat. “Yeah, you’re doing good.” He knew if he was in Arin’s shoes, he’d want enough feedback to know he was doing a good job. He hadn’t even considered the reverse situation: going down on Arin. All of this was completely new, so new it made his head spin. It continued like that for a few moments. His body was so queued up, he could feel everywhere Arin made contact with his body: not just his lips, mouth and tongue but his hands fidgeting and crisscrossing over his legs and lower stomach, the side of his cheek bumping and sliding against his inner thigh, the fine strands of his hair dangling over and tickling the tops of his thighs. He was so wrapped up in the new sensations, he didn’t even notice Arin pull away before he felt lava-hot heat and wetness engulf him, jolting him right to his spine and making his hips involuntarily jerk upward. “Oh fuuuuuuck, baby...goddamn…” Arin let out a low, devious little chuckle as he slid his mouth down, his tongue curving against Dan’s shaft. Dan bit his lip, leaning his head back, caught between looking away and maybe pacing himself and looking down and probably coming immediately from the sight of Arin diligently sucking his dick. ‘Fuck it,’ he thought. Exhaling, he looked down and all he could see was the top of Arin’s head. He panicked and hoped Arin wouldn’t try to deep throat him on his first try. That would be a recipe for disaster. Drawing his hand to the side of Arin’s face, he murmured. “Arin...look at me.” Arin looked up and Dan’s heart almost stopped at the sight of Arin’s blown wide brown eyes, so deep and rich he thought he was falling in a deep warm abyss. His lips were juicy red and glossy with spit as they were wrapped around him, the outline of his dick poking against the inside of his cheek and slowly, he smiled up at him, looking so innocent but so wicked. ‘God, I love you so goddamn much,’ Dan thought. “Are you enjoying it?” Arin blinked slowly, his lips widening in a sweet smile and looking more cat-like than ever. “Mmhmm…” Dan chuckled. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, babe.” Arin hummed in acknowledgement and pulled his mouth away with a wet ‘pop’, a loose string of saliva hanging from the corner of his mouth. “Yeah...it’s good. It’s...more complicated than I thought but y’know…” He gave a shrug. “Do you...want to stop?” Arin snorted. “You kidding me? I love having your dick in my mouth.” On the surface, it seemed like sarcasm but Arin seemed so...excited to do be doing this. He hadn’t expected that. “Okay, just...don’t try take the whole thing in at once and tighten your lips so you aren’t drooling all over the place.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright. Whatever,” Arin said dismissively, lowering himself so he was on his stomach between Dan’s legs, making Dan snort laughing at how eager he was to get back to this but he wasn’t one to complain. What Arin lacked in experience he made up in sheer enthusiasm and that was good enough for him at the moment. Dan hissed through his teeth as Arin dove back down and the younger man seemed to heed his advice, gripping the base of his cock while taking his it as far it could go inside his mouth and pulling his lips closer so it made a tight but flexible seal around him. “Fuck, Arin...you’re doing so good…” he sighed, watching Arin through half-shut eyes. The only sound apart from his soft words of praise was the liquid sound of Arin’s mouth bobbing up and down on his dick and hums and other muffled noises of enjoyment coming from the younger man. From his vantage point, he could make out Arin’s body spread-eagled on the mattress, the slope of his bare back down to his jean-clad lower half. If he hadn’t been looking, he wouldn’t have noticed the subtle movement of Arin lower body squirming and grinding down on the bed and his muffled noises become sharper and more strained. “A-arin...stop for a second.” Arin pulled his mouth off quickly, his eyes blurry and unfocused, his mouth pliant and slack. “What? Is something wrong?” “Do you…want me to take care of that for you?” “Oh…” Arin sat up into a kneeling position and it was plain to see a stiff erection pressing insistently to the front of his jeans. “But...I wanted to finish,” he said with a quiet whine. “Just…” Dan huffed and reached over to Arin’s waist. “Just fucking let me, okay?” With shaking hands, he popped open the button of Arin's jeans, pulling down the zipper and slipped his hand inside, feeling Arin's hot length in his hand. Arin whined, leaning in close and pressing his face into the hollow of Dan's neck as he tried to tug Arin's jeans down before Arin pulled away and fought them off, his boxers following closely behind. Dan didn't have the time to look at Arin's now fully naked body before he was climbing on top of him clumsily, panting hard. "Fuck...touch me, Dan...please..." Dan groaned low, kissing Arin hard. "Like you even need to ask..." They moaned into each other's wet mouths as Arin slid himself between Dan's legs, his cock pressing close to his own. Reaching between their two bodies, Dan drew his fingertips around Arin's cock, making the younger man's eyes flutter shut in pleasure and his breath to hitch. "Dan..." "I got you baby, I got you..." Dan murmured as Arin rutted against him, panting and murmuring incoherently as his hips jerked into his fist. Arin laughed breathlessly. "I really like that, y'know..." "Hmm? Like what?" Arin looked up him through the curtain of messy hair, half-smiling. "The way you call me 'baby'. It makes me feel..." He huffed, as if trying to find the best possible word and then shrugged. "Good." "Heh. Well..." Dan purred and passed his hand through Arin's hair, brushing it away from his face. "How about I make you feel REALLY good, baby?" "Mmm, not before I make you feel good, too..." Dan let out a hiss and a groan as Arin squeezed his hand around his wet, slippery dick, his mouth popping open. "Fuck, Arin..." Dan tipped Arin sideways so he could get a better handle on Arin’s cock, crushing his lips against the younger man's as he re-adjusted his grip. It seemed to go on for hours but at the same incredibly fast. Dan was so backed up, he didn't see himself lasting very long. Everything about Arin seemed to turn him on and set his very soul on fire and he drank down every little sound spilling from Arin's lips like he was dying of thirst, needing it to stay alive. Their lips collided messily, open-mouthed and sloppy and they pulled away to greedily move elsewhere: each other's faces, down necks, over shoulders and collar-bones and then back to each other's mouths, like diving underwater and back up for air. Dan's free hand roamed over Arin's body, feeling blindly while he had his eyes shut, occasionally peeking to catch glimpses of Arin swimming before him, his face flushed and shiny with sweat and strings of hair lying tousled over his forehead. Crossing his hand over Arin's chest, he felt his body give a jerk as his fingertips passed over his nipples, gasping sharply. “Dan! Oh fuck…” “Here?” He reoriented his hand so that his thumb was right over Arin’s left nipple, circling over it with the pad of his thumb. Arin nodded spastically, his chest heaving under Dan’s hand. “Just...suck on my tits, please…” In any other circumstance, Dan probably would have laughed, maybe raised a curious eyebrow at the fact that Arin referred to his nipples as ‘tits’ but his mind was shot at this point, except for the part of his brain that heard Arin and responded quickly with a “OH HELL YES”. It didn’t take much doing to get Arin on his back before he dove down and gave the tender bud of Arin’s nipple long hungry swipes with his tongue, rolling and twisting the other with his finger while he continued to pump his fist over Arin’s erection despite the growing ache in his arm and wrist. Arin’s breath hitched hard as his body bowed off the bed, his head thrashing from side to side against the pillow, his hand going still on Dan’s dick. Except for the persistent throb of neglect, he was completely focused on Arin’s pleasure first. “Fuck, fuck, FUCK, DAN...I’m close...please…” he pleaded and Dan hunkered down, pumping his fist faster, licking Arin’s nipple harder and lightly tugging on it with his lips before he felt Arin’s hips colliding hard with the side of his fist and him let out a choking cry before he felt the warm wetness gush over his hand. Arin only collapsed back onto the back for a moment before he was reaching between Dan’s legs and grasping his straining cock, wedging his head against his shoulder as he pumped him desperately. It didn’t take much for Dan before his whole body seized and he shot his load with a string of half-shouted curses onto Arin’s quivering stomach. "Arin...baby..." he sighed, feeling himself go limp before he felt Arin's lips kiss him searchingly, wet and salty with sweat. "Mmmm..." As he started to sink down onto Arin's body, Arin's hand nudged him firmly in the shoulder. "Dude, don't fucking fall on me." Dan chuckled, out of sorts. "I'm not gonna. Christ...give me some credit." With a groan, he slumped on the bed next to Arin, realizing his hand was covered in cum and quickly wiped it on the sheet next to him. "Mmmm...fuck, man..." he murmured, still breathing hard and trying to catch his breath with a sleepy, satisfied smile playing on his lips. He made an inquisitive noise as he felt Arin nudge the side of his arm before he looped it around the younger man's upper back and pulled him close, laying Arin's head on his chest. They laid there for a few moments, their breathing starting to slow, their bodies still running hot. "Dan?" "Uh huh?" Arin wriggled against him, adjusting himself. "What were you going to say to me yesterday...before?" Dan sighed heavily. Arin didn't have to elaborate. He knew exactly what he was referring to. "I don't remember, honestly. A lot of stuff was running through my head, at the time." "Like what?" Dan sighed again. "Shit that scared me. Like...wondering if you would let me fuck you if you were a girl." Dan felt Arin tense against his body. "Really?" "Yeah, I-" Dan rubbed his hand over his face. "Fuck, I just...I felt like shit because...I didn't know you were uncomfortable or that you wanted me to stop. You just...you make me feel really good, Arin, I wanted, I guess, to make you feel good too but I really didn't know how and you didn't tell me to stop so I just...kept going and you felt so good, I just...wanted to keep going and when you left, I thought you were pissed at me because I almost...took advantage of you." Dan rolled over, his eyes wide and earnest as he cupped the side of Arin's face, stroking his cheek with his fingertips. "Arin, you have to believe me, I would never do anything to hurt you or do anything you don't want me to do." Arin nodded, gulping. "I understand. I..." He lowered his eyes. "I didn't say anything because...I didn't want you to know. Nobody really knows I'm...like this." Arin's brow furrowed. "I thought I could hide it and pretend but..." he laughed thickly.”I have a stupid fucking crush on you, like-" He laughed and because they were so closely tangled together, Dan could feel Arin's whole body shaking with his laughter. "You know what I did all day besides call and text like a fucking dumbass?" Dan smirked. "What?" "I..." Arin giggled, so much that he could barely get the words out. "I drew this...stupid drawing of you as Tuxedo Mask and me as Sailor Moon and I was just imagining you coming to rescue me from monsters and just...ugh, just bullshit." "Awww, that's sweet," Dan cooed. Arin rolled over and groaned, covering his face with his hands. "No it's not! Because I didn't have any good pictures of you to use for reference so I was just rolling around on my bed trying to imagine your face looked like from memory. I just...couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Dan giggled back, rolling over and pulling Arin's hands from his flushed face, peppering it with kisses as Arin squealed and wiggled against him. "It IS sweet, shut up." He went back over Arin's upturned face, lingering over his features: his perky nose, his round cheeks, and his soft mouth. “Nobody’s ever…” he laughed, pulling away to catch his breath. “…drawn me before.” Arin scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Well, clearly you’ve never been with a lovesick weaboo before.” “Mmm...a hot, wet, sticky weaboo, even…” he said with a playful growl, diving into the space between Arin’s neck and shoulder and attacking it with smacking kisses, making Arin squirm harder. “Ew, stop it. I need to-” Arin pulled away. “Wash myself off. I’m all sticky and gross.” With a shrug, Dan let him go. “Alright, alright.” Arin hopped off the bed and padded into the bathroom and Dan settled back on the bed, now much more rumpled and damp than before but he didn’t mind. As he heard the tap running and water splashing, he sank into a thoughtful mood. What happens now? The idea started yesterday of fucking Arin came back to him but it still seemed daunting. He wasn’t even sure if that was what Arin wanted. He didn’t want to assume anything and Arin was just as new to this as he was. The idea of it seemed...painful and he didn’t want to hurt him or force him into something. He needed to take things slow, for both of them. The only thing he didn’t have was time.
 
The bathroom door creaked open and Arin stepped out and Dan couldn’t help staring, as he could remember doing many times before, even if it was just zoning out while stoned in Arin’s direction. Hell, the only reason they’d met was because he was fucking gawking at Arin like a creep but he couldn’t help it. Arin was just so...striking, in an androgynous kind of way. Even looking at him up close for the first time, Arin’s brown eyes blown wide with astonishment, made his chest feel tight in a way that had nothing to do with been stoned, he realized in hindsight. Except for a pink rubber bracelet, Arin was completely bare before him and his eyes couldn't help roaming over every spot of the younger man’s fair skin, memorizing every soft dip and curve of his body. Arin sneered, shifting on the balls of his feet. "Jesus, Dan. You need to stop fucking staring at me." Dan snorted and shook his head. "Sorry." He scooted over and patted a spot on the bed. "Come back to bed, baby," he purred, pursing his lips playfully. Arin smirked and climbed back onto the bed, nestling beside him and humming happily as Dan rolled over, wrapping his arms around his back and pulling him close. After a few moments of silence just listening to each other breathing, Arin hummed pensively. “What happens now?” Dan sighed. That was a loaded question if ever there was one. “I...honestly don’t know. It’s kind of up to you. I really don’t know...what the fuck I’m doing. This is all really kind of new to me.” Arin shifted against him. “Would...you still want to fuck me...even though I’m not a girl?” Biting his bottom lip, Dan finally nodded. “Only...if you want me to.” Arin sighed. “Yeah, I do. I just want to know what it’s like. I’ve always been curious but I’ve just been too scared to actually…” Arin sighed again. “Come out and ask anybody. I just thought it made me weird, wanting to get fucked by a guy.” Dan’s mouth quirked to the side as he wound a finger around a lock of Arin’s hair. Now that they had crossed that threshold, he couldn’t help unconsciously touching Arin now, memorizing all his little textures. “It’s not that weird...I do want to, I just don’t know anything about...that.” Arin snorted. “It’s not THAT hard.” Dan rolled his eyes. “Well, shit, I want to know what I’m doing! The last thing I want to do is…” He swallowed, his eyes shifting away from Arin’s gaze. “Accidentally hurt you or something. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did that, after you spent so long wanting it.” Dan’s hands moved up and down Arin’s back soothingly as he leaned his forehead against Arin’s shoulder. “The last thing I want is to be the asshole pothead Jew who blew into town, broke your heart and turned you off on buttsex for life.” “Oh...Shit. I didn’t know you were Jewish,” Arin said quietly before quietly snorting with laughter. “ARIN-” Dan groaned. “What? I didn’t know! You never said you were.” “That’s not the fucking point. The point is...I want to know for sure what I’m doing. I...wish this didn’t happen so fucking fast. If things were different…” Dan sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know. I could have more time to think about it, we could maybe take this slower but…” Being reminded that his time in West Palm Beach was limited stung now more than even. Their relationship now had an expiration date. “It is what it is. I don’t know how much time I’ll be able to stay here but...I want to do one thing right, for you.” Arin dropped his gaze down bashfully, nodding slightly. “Okay. I understand. Are...we going to have to stay away from each other for a while?” “What? No! I’ll just…” Dan exhaled hard and shrugged. He couldn’t take one day away from Arin, and that was before he realized how he felt about him. “I guess I’ll have to look it up or something. But I promise, we’ll make it a night, just you and me and...We’ll do it.” With a smooth, fluid movement, Arin slid in closer, wrapping his arms around Dan’s neck and kissed him slowly and deeply. “I love you…” he murmured. “I love you too.” God, it felt so good to finally say that out loud. ---The only thing to keep in mind was coordinating the night itself. Dan had already earned the trust of Arin's mother so it didn't take much doing to agree to have a "sleep-over" at his hotel but she insisted he pack a sleeping bag since it was as a single room with only one bed. Arin rolled his eyes at that but packed it anyway, putting a change of clothes and other little things in a small duffel bag in preparation for that night. The whole car ride over, Arin was silent with nervousness, bouncing his leg impatiently on the floor as they got nearer to Dan's hotel. His mom didn't need to see him off as she dropped him off in front and he shuffled sideways, with the rolled up sleeping bag under one arm and the duffel bag hanging from the shoulder of his other arm. He knocked on the door to Dan's room and almost instantly, the door burst open with Dan standing in the doorway wearing a black Led Zeppelin shirt and skinny jeans, slowing looking Arin up and down with glazed eyeballs and reeking of pot. "Come on in..." Arin swallowed, his heart flipping out of control as he crossed over the threshold, dropping his sleeping bag on the floor as Dan closed the door behind him. "I'm going to shower real quick," Arin murmured, his voice coming out high and squeaky. "Alright. I'll just watch TV until you're done, okay?" Dan said, giving him a kiss on the temple before plopping down onto the bed and reaching for the TV remote. Arin nodded distractedly and hobbled into the bathroom, taking a steadying breath as he closed the door and started the shower. ***Dan flipped through the channels, too preoccupied with trying to find anything before settling on a "Friends" rerun. He may have overdid it, smoking too much before Arin came but he could feel lucid enough to focus on what they were going to do but at the same time feeling totally frazzled, listening to the water splashing in the shower and Arin's muffled voice humming something he couldn't make out. He ran his hands over his thighs, fighting to calm down. The article he found online seemed straight-forward enough (he felt too embarrassed to search for a video and a video wouldn't have step by step instructions anyway) but he couldn't help feeling he was going to mess up somehow. He was too busy trying to be smooth and confident to notice Arin took the duffel bag he brought with him into the bathroom. Why was that? Was Arin nervous about being seen naked, after they had that night together? He thought about calling out to him but decided against it. He sighed, leaning his head against the headboard, staring past the TV in front of him. The wait was driving him up the wall. He tried as hard as he could to be civil at Arin's house while his mother was home but they ended up grabbing quick make-out sessions on the living room couch, enough to pacify each other in the moment but leaving him aching for more, going back to his room hard and leaking into his boxers. But he wanted to wait. He had to do this right. For Arin. He heard the water turn off but Arin didn't come out immediately. Behind the door, he could hear the rustle of clothing. "Arin? You okay in there?" He called out, trying not to let the worry be heard in his voice. "Yeah, just give me a sec." "Okay..." Zoning out in front of the TV, he forgot about Arin for a moment until he heard the bathroom door creak open and out of the corner of his eye see Arin step out, leaning shyly against the doorframe. Dan turned his head and his jaw dropped. Arin's hair hung damp down to his shoulders, wearing an almost filmy pink tank top that hung somewhat loose but clingy to Arin's body and shorts of the same color and material cut high and tight with a lace border around the bottom, giving Dan a clear, unobstructed view of Arin’s milky thighs. "Ho-ly shit," he murmured, his jeans feeling like they just instantly shrunk a size. Arin straightened, frowning. "What? Is this too much? I just thought...fuck it, I'll go change..." Arin started to back away and Dan hastily stumbled off the bed, grabbing Arin by the upper arms. "No, no, no...It’s not too much. I..." Dan looked up and down at Arin's outfit again, his mouth going dry at the sight. "It's not too much..." His voice trailed off, unaware he had repeated himself. "I just...wanted to be cute for you..." Arin said softly. "I kind of...ordered this but I never wore it so I didn't kn-" Even though Dan didn't want to interrupt Arin, his fingers pulled aside the thin spaghetti strap on Arin's top and brushed his lips against the soft dip of his shoulder, feeling Arin go limp against him. "Fuck..." Dan groaned, his hands moving over the soft silken material as he buried his face deeper into the crook of Arin's neck, kissing him harder and hungrier. "Goddamn, I want you so fucking BAD, Arin..." Arin's arms wound around his neck, sighing with pleasure as he teetered forward. "Fuck...I want you too..." he whined. Dan hissed against Arin's skin. "Yeah? You want me inside you?" Trailing his hand down, he passed his hand over Arin's ass, his breath catching at the feeling of the firm flesh pushing against the silky shorts. Arin gulped wetly and he felt him nod frantically as he cupped the globes of Arin's ass, giving them a squeeze and then a small open-handed smack, making Arin cry out and push against his front more insistently. "Yes! Fuck, Dan...please...I want you inside me, please!..." Dan chuckled darkly. So far, so good. He pulled away from Arin's neck and planted a burning kiss on his lips. "Get on the bed before I rip this off you." Panting, Arin scrambled to the bed and started to take off his clothes before Dan stopped him, standing in front of the bed and smirking down at him. "Uh uh, baby. That's my job." Never taking his eyes of Arin, sitting sprawled out on the bed, he climbed down, pulling Arin by the waist and tugging him against his crotch, right in between his legs. Arin gasped, squirming against the bulge of his jeans. "Feel that?" He didn't wait for a reply before he rolled his hips against Arin's body, the body heat pouring through the thin material in waves. "That's what you do to me, baby." "Oh my God," Arin whined, rocking himself back up against him with need and Dan stared in fascination as the silk material rippled, pulling taut against Arin’s thick thighs and gaping open at the bottom. It was women's lingerie so it didn't fit Arins body completely, especially with his dick poking through the shell-pink softness and the bottom of the camisole pulling up to reveal the pale band of skin of Arin's stomach. "D-Dan..." Arin went still for a moment as Dan released his grip, running his hands up the side of Arin's thighs. "Yeah?" Arin swallowed, pushing his hair away from his face. "Um...could you do me a favor?" "Yeah, sure." "Could..." Arin huffed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Could you call me 'baby girl'...d-during?" Dan smiled, leaning over Arin's body and kissing him sweetly. "Of course." Gently, he trailed his hand down Arin's side, pulling up the bottom of camisole. Halfway through, Arin held his arms up so Dan could take it off completely, tossing the scrap to the floor and fixing Arin with a sensual gaze. "Now, does baby girl want me to suck on her lovely tits?" Arin purred. "Oh, fuck yeah...." Maybe as early as a week ago, Dan would have found the whole situation weird: calling Arin 'baby' or 'baby girl', referring to his nipples as 'tits', just the fact that Arin wore women's lingerie and he found that incredibly arousing instead of funny at best or fucked up at worse was strange. At the moment, he didn't feel the brainpower to think about it in any philosophical capacity, not with so much blood leaving his brain and going straight to his cock. What a weird road-trip this was turning out to be. Arin wriggled sideways and grabbed the remote, turning the TV off and then letting the remote slip out his hand and fall to the floor as Dan delicately tugged on Arin's nipple with his lips, passing over it with the edge of his tongue. "Haaanh...fuck...god...Dan..." Arin's body heaved upwards, his head whipping from side to side as Dan flicked his tongue over the sensitive nub, humming as he felt Arin's hands hold the sides of his face as he moved to the other nipple, groaning and panting softly against Arin's clean, sweet-smelling skin. "So good to me, Dan...So fucking good..." “Hmmmm…” His mouth trailed hotly down Arin’s chest, relishing in the pants, sighs and murmured curses as he moved further down, his hands greedily tugging at the waistband of Arin’s shorts before sliding them down his hips and tossing them to the floor with a muted slither. He sat up as Arin let his legs fall open invitingly, stroking the tops of his thighs. 
Now I just need…
 Dan’s stomach plummeted sharply. “Oh...oh no…” He wasn’t even aware he was speaking out loud as he sat up, running a hand through his hair in agitation. “Oh NO…” Arin opened his eyes blearily, sitting up as well. “Hmm? What’s wrong?” Dan shook his head. He couldn’t be that scatter-brained, could he? “I forgot…” He groaned. “I fucking forgot the stuff we need.” Arin gaped. “What? What stuff?” Dan panted. “The lube...and the fucking condoms...goddamit, I’m such a fucking…” He hopped off the bed and paced, holding his head in his hands before looking back on Arin lying on the bed. “Just...give me five minutes. I need to get the stuff.” Dan huffed and gathered up his shoes lying discarded under the bed. “I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.” He didn’t wait for Arin to say anything or react before he was heading to the door. It was only luck that the door happened to close behind him. He started to run at first, his heart pounding and his brain frantically searching for his train of thought from the day earlier. He remembered so much stuff but the other stuff, the important stuff, completely slipped his mind. Dan groaned and slowed down, panting hard as soon as he was in sight of the 7-Eleven, nudging open the door with his shoulder. The cashier smiled at him. God, he really wished he hadn’t frequented this 7-Eleven, where they recognized him and knew he came in all the time to buy junk food and sodas. He didn’t want the whole fucking world to know he was buying condoms and lube for his...what did that make Arin? Was Arin his boyfriend? No. Somehow, that didn’t seem right. He shuffled to the coolers in the back, hitting his head against the frosty glass. Not hard enough to hurt but just enough to maybe transfer the coolness to his brain. 
Calm down, Dan. Focus. Focus.
 He closed his eyes and slowed his breathing down. That seemed like it helped. Another shot of panic welled up and he quickly patted his pocket. Good, he remembered his wallet at least. God, I’m such a fucking screw-up.  “Goddamit,” he muttered to himself. With a final, steadying breath, he straightened up and made his way through the aisles. He’d passed by it often enough to know where they had the little bottles of lube. Stooping down, he examined the labels. Water-based or silicon-based? He tried to remember what the article said but it didn’t specify what lube was best for this. He was using a condom and condoms were made of silicon so it made sense to pair it with silicon-based lube, right? He couldn't help thinking if Arin was a girl, this would be a lot easier. The prep work alone seemed completely insurmountable even knowing now exactly how it would be done with the less possible pain for Arin. God, he didn't even ask Arin if he'd ever done butt stuff before. Would he be one of those guys that considered butt stuff to not "count"? What if even one finger would be too much for Arin? Would they have to stop? He squeezed his eyes shut. The overly bright fluorescent lights weren't helping, making him feeling like he had an unnecessary spotlight on him. Even though 7-11 seemed like a judgement-free zone, he couldn't help feeling that the cashier was looking at him and maybe he was. From where he was, he couldn't see him but he could feel eyes boring into his back. Suspicious eyes. Deep breathes. He opened his eyes and grabbed one of the smaller bottles, hoping it would be enough and went to the condoms, taking a box of Magnums. The thought popped into his mind of whether he should get pre-lubed or ribbed or something similarly fancy but decided against it. He was already taking too long. Regular would do. He made a beeline to the back for his usual bottle of Pepsi and was about to get a bag of Skittles when he ground to a halt. Should he get something for Arin, too? Was he really so selfish to get stuff for himself but not for Arin? He had to make it up to him for almost ruining his special night. Turning on his heel, he went back around to the freezers and then paused again. What soda did Arin like? He searched his memory. Did Arin mention he had a favorite, or just one he preferred over another? Dan swallowed guiltily as he stared at the cloudy glass. God, I really don’t know a thing about him. And he probably knows just as much about me. Things were happening so fast and he hated that he was going to do this and then probably leave Florida and never come back like some asshole. But he knew he couldn’t stay. It just wasn’t possible. He had school and his family, his crappy job and just a million other things. God, what would Avi and Deb think if they found out he ran away and dropped out of school to live in sin with a nineteen-year-old guy in Florida?  He paused before opening the freezer door, passing his hand over the bottles before finally grabbing a 7-Up. He was almost positive he saw Arin drinking 7-Up at his house while they played “Contra”. He shifted sideways, readjusting the box of Magnums and the bottle of lube as he held onto both bottles of soda; the bag of Skittles nestled precariously in the crook of his arm. The thought popped into his mind that he should also get some candy for Arin too, since he was already getting Skittles. He spent another almost eternity just staring at the racks of candy, his own guilt punching his brain from the inside about why he never bothered to ask Arin what kind of candy he liked or that maybe he did but he was too stoned or distracted to remember. Not only that, as soon as he picked up one item, he’d go to the next one and start considering that one as well until he had made his way to the end of the aisle with an armful of almost every kind of candy there except anything with peanuts. He couldn’t risk getting something and having Arin be allergic to it. The cashier raised his eyebrows as Dan made his way to the counter, unloading the candy and letting it cascade onto the countertop, putting down the box of condoms, lube and bottles of soda as well. The cashier laughed nervously and Dan unconsciously mimicked it (albeit in a more nervous, almost crazed kind of way) hoping and praying the cashier wouldn’t ask about why he was buying condoms, lube, soda and a shit-ton of candy, maybe make a crack about it being “some party, huh?”. As the cashier rang up the items, Dan glanced at the magazine racks but didn’t see anything worth even pretending to look through. Miraculously, the cashier didn’t say anything except how much everything cost. Dan breathed a sigh of relief and pulled out his bank card and swiped it through the machine. The items were bagged and Dan stepped back out, his heart eased somewhat but hurried as he felt a raindrop hit the side of his arm. By the time he got back to his hotel room, the rain was starting to trickle down but it wasn’t anything more than bothersome. He opened the door to find Arin lying propped up on the pillows on his bed asleep while “Toonami” played in the background. “Arin?” His voice was soft and he closed the door as quietly as possible but Arin didn’t stir. He padded across the room, easing on the side of the bed and put the plastic 7-11 bag gently on the floor and then he could feel Arin shift around. “Hmm? Dan...what the fuck? What took you so long? You were gone for like...twenty minutes.” Arin mumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “I was? I didn’t think I was gone that long…” Dan turned around, his shoulders slumping forward, sighing heavily. “Do you...just want to order a pizza and call it a night?” Arin sat up and bumped his body sideways against Dan’s side. “Yeah...after.” Dan turned his head. "After what?" Arin smirked, rolling his eyes coyly. "You know..." Dan raised an eyebrow, scoffing. "No...after what?" "After...you..." Arin snorted, his lips twitching in amusement. "You know...paint my insides white.” "Oh my god, Arin...where did you fucking hear shit like that?" Dan sputtered in between giggles. "I don't fucking know." Arin said with a naughty little smirk. Dan turned around more fully and met Arin's gaze. "You still want to?" Arin shrugged. "I mean, you bought the lube, right?" Dan nodded. "Then...yeah! I mean, I was wondering why you were gone so long but...that didn't mean I changed my mind. Do you?" "Yeah...I do. I just..." Dan sighed heavily, passing his hand over his head. "I feel so messed up. I wanted this night to go perfect. Trust me, if I wasn't so sure I'd make a mess and then have housekeeping clean it up, I would have gotten a shit-ton of candles and like...rose petals on the bed, the whole nine yards." Arin rolled his eyes, a blush coloring his cheeks. "Oh, c'mon..." "I'm serious! Plus...that would be a lot of money and I'm kind of on a tight budget right now." Dan sighed as he cupped the side of Arin's face, leaning in close and brushing his lips against the younger man's, making him draw in a shaky breath and weave his fingers into Dan's curly hair. “I want you, Arin…I’ve never fallen so hard or so quickly for anybody before." Arin blinked. "Neither have I, but at least I haven't psyched myself out by thinking this was going to be like a Skinemax movie." Dan pursed his lips. "Says the guy who came out wearing fucking lingerie." "I said I wanted to look cute, okay?! Is that a crime?" Arin pouted but Dan pulled him closer by the waist. "I'll say it's a crime. Getting me that rock-hard so fast should get your cute tuchas sent to jail." Dan purred against Arin's neck, feeling Arin giggle and squirm against him as he nibbled on the soft flesh of his neck and shoulder. "Fuck...did you like it, then?" Arin panted, pressing his naked body firmer against Dan's clothed body. "Yeah, though I also dig when you're not wearing anything at all..." He briefly pulled away to admire the rosy patches he'd left on Arin's fair skin, hearing the younger man whine from the loss of contact. He gave Arin a loving but brief kiss on the lips, locking eyes. "Lay back on the bed, baby." Arin bit his lip and complied, watching Dan expectantly as Dan got off the bed to take his shoes off and reached into the plastic bag by the bed for the bottle of lube. Exhaling, he climbed back on the bed, putting the bottle to the side as he crawled over Arin's supine form, Arin grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him into a wet, needy kiss. His hands trailed up and down Dan's chest, pulling and plucking at his T-shirt before impatiently wrenching it off and throwing it to the floor, passing his hands greedily over his chest and shoulders and for a moment, he hummed in pleasure, basking in the attention. After not getting a lot of positive attention from women lately, it was nice that Arin thought he was attractive. "You ready for me to start, baby?" Dan panted and Arin immediately nodded as Dan passed his hands over Arin's lower body, giving his dick a few pumps before trailing his hands over Arin's thighs and gripping them under the knees, easing them open. "God, I'm so fucking ready," Arin groaned, looking down at Dan through his messy fringe of hair, half-smiling and and scooting around restlessly on the rumpled sheets. Dan chuckled as he reached for the bottle of lube, uncapping it with his thumbnail. "I can see that. Just sit still for a sec." He drizzled what he gauged was enough onto his free hand, spreading over his fingers before setting the bottle aside for the moment and settling in between Arin's legs. 
You can do this, you can do this. Just breathe. Relax.
 He suddenly remembered something and reached up for a pillow from the head of the bed with his non-messy hand and gestured for Arin to sit up before wedging the pillow underneath his bottom, elevating his lower half. Now he could see a little better, just...actually seeing it left him feeling just as out of his depth, despite doing research. Arin must have sensed this because he sat up on his elbows. "Dan? You okay?" "Y-yeah, I'm just...I don't know..." Before he could finish the sentence, he realized just how stupid he was being. I can't find the hole.  Arin smacked his lips. "Here...lemme..." Dan started as Arin grabbed him by the wrist, pulling his hand down between his legs, maneuvering his fingers until he could feel a puckered ring of muscle under his sticky fingertip. "Here?" Dan asked, unsure. "Mmm hmm...I..." Arin tossed his head and shrugged. "I've sort of...stuck a finger up my ass before when I jerk off. Not all the time, just...sometimes, it's not enough just stroking my dick, y'know?" Dan couldn't relate to that notion at all but he nodded, staring in fascination as he circled his lubed fingers around the hole, hearing Arin softly hiss under his breath as he got it nice and slick. He sighed inwardly. First step down. He uncapped the bottle again, pouring more lube on his fingers, spreading them over so they'd be evenly coated and dove back down. Bracing himself, he pushed the first finger in and instantly heard Arin hiss louder. "Relax, Arin. Relax..." he whispered, more a reminder to himself than to Arin as he pushed past the tight opening, feeling it ease a little around his finger. "That's good, just breathe..." as he pushed his finger in up to the knuckle and then gradually pulled it back out, then back in again. "Good?" "Yeah," Arin panted, his voice higher pitched than normal. "You...your fingers are longer than mine so..." He laughed breathlessly. "Okay. Let me know if you want me to stop, alright? "Yeah, okay" Even with Arin's inner muscles beginning to relax and ease around his finger, it was still incredibly tight, making Dan's cock throb inside his jeans hungrily. Despite his head swimming and his dick already two steps ahead of his own brain, he continued steadily fingering Arin, letting him adjust as Arin's pants grew in intensity. "Ca-can you put another finger in, Dan?" Arin whined. "Alright..." Pulling his finger out all the way out (earning him a pathetic noise from Arin), he pushed two of his fingers back in, making Arin lift his hips up slightly off the damp pillow. "Dan..." "Yeah?" "Love you..." Arin cooed, meeting his eye and batting his lashes at him cutely. Dan chuckled, breathless. "Love you too." He pushed his fingers in a little harder, holding them there for a second before retreating part of the way and repeating the process, grunting under his breath with effort. "Does it feel good?" "Oh fuck yeah, I love it when you shove it inside me..." he growled, making Dan's pulse race. Arin lifted his head up, his chest heaving and strands of his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. "Does it feel good, huh? Having me wrapped around your fingers like this?" So suddenly he couldn't help gasping, Arin backed up onto his fingers and clenched his muscles tightly around Dan's fingers, groaning wantonly. "Holy fuck..." For a moment, Dan was at a loss for words, feeling his precum seeping into his boxers at the sight, sound and feeling of Arin just squeezing his fingers like a hot vise. "Goddamn...you've been holding out on me, baby?" "Keep going, Dan..." Arin panted hotly, staring at him with his tongue hanging against his reddened lips and honestly, he couldn't argue with that notion. He still hadn't found Arin's prostate yet, or he didn't think he had. He wanted to keep a level head but his patience was running low and he just wanted to dive right in and fuck Arin, especially with him squirming and wriggling against his hand, sucking his fingers in greedily. He could see Arin tilt his hips downward, hollowing out his stomach. "Almost there...so close..." Dan gave a half-nod, biting on his lower lip as he probed in deeper. He didn't really have an idea of what he was looking for, just that he'd know it when he'd found it and he was a bit grateful Arin could at least guide him to where it was. Until he hit it without realizing it and heard Arin gasp loudly, his whole body arching off the bed. "Fuck, Dan...right there, right fucking there!" Dan gaped and pressed his fingertips to the same spot, or what he guessed what the same spot, drawing a deep groan from Arin. "Oh fuck...fuuuuuck..." he sobbed, lolling his head against the pillow senselessly. In awe, Dan pressed his fingers harder at the spot, rubbing it at and for a moment marveling at the feeling while Arin lost his mind, moaning and thrashing around on the bed before he felt Arin clasp a hand on his wrist hard, effectively halting him.   "I...I know you're having fun there but...could you...put your dick inside me now, please?" Arin panted, laughing a little. "Heh, yeah. Sorry." Arin mewled sadly as he pulled his fingers out; wiping them on his pants before quickly wriggling out of his jeans and letting them slump to the floor along with his boxers, now sporting a huge damp spot in the front. Dan knelt on the bed panting for a second before he remembered something, rolling sideways off the bed. "Oh, I just remembered. I...it's stupid but I made a playlist for...tonight." Arin looked over at him, raising an eyebrow. "You fucking serious?" "I did!" Dan insisted as he pulled out his iPod, frantically scrolling through with his thumb before sucking his teeth. "Really? It didn't-" and sighed heavily before turning back to Arin. For some reason, the playlist didnt sync from his laptop. Un-fucking-believable. "Is Hendrix okay?" Arin shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. As long as it's not distracting or anything." Dan frowned in thought before putting the iPod on the nightstand and plugging in the speaker, putting it at least a low enough volume that it wouldn't be a potential mood-killer. With a sigh, he circled back around the bed and rummaged around for the box of condoms, tearing open the foil wrapper and rolling it onto his aching cock with trembling hands as Arin fidgeted on the bed, eyeing him with a mixture of anticipation and nervousness. He poured a final, healthy drizzle of lube onto his hands and spread it over his cock as Arin smiled expectantly at him. "You ready?" Arin smiled wider and nodded, licking his lips. With his heart thudding in his chest, Dan crawled forward on his knees, parting Arin's legs gently, leaning over and giving him a teasing kiss before leaning away and pressing the head of his dick to Arin's entrance. Sucking in his breath, he pushed it past the quivering opening. Immediately, he could feel Arin tense against him, whining and rolling his bottom lip over his teeth as he kicked his heels against the mattress. "Shh, shh. Its okay, baby girl. I'll go nice and slow, okay? Just relax. Deep breaths, okay?" Arin nodded frantically, parting his lips and panting slow, watching him steadily as he put his hands on Arin's wide hips and gradually pulled them towards him, groaning as Arin's virgin tightness engulfed him until he was fully sheathed inside. "Stay still, baby girl," Dan murmured against Arin's cheek, soothing him with gentle kisses as Arin mewled and whined incoherently, his eyes half-lidded and liquid with desire. "You're so big, Dan...god...it's not fucking fair..." Arin tried to laugh but it only came out as halting hiccups. Dan tried to laugh as well but his voice was feeling similarly stuck while Arin's muscles continued to squeeze him mercilessly from the inside. "Like I said, I'll go slow, okay?" "Mmm..." Arin passed a hand over his face, down the side of his neck, gazing him so lovingly, he was already having trouble breathing. Drawing his body into a better position, they started to kiss passionately, tongues gliding wetly against each other as Dan's hips started to shift, moaning as he felt Arin unfold his legs and squeeze his thighs around his waist, pulling him in deeper as he felt Arin open up around him bit by bit. Not by much; Arin was still tight as hell and burning hot to the point that he feared in the back of his mind he might get heat stroke but all the more reason to take things slow. Arin's hands migrated to his shoulders, pulling one leg over his hip and holding him close as their kisses got wetter and sloppier, Dan occasionally tugging on Arin's bottom lip, earning him a delicious drawn out moan from the younger man. "Can you go faster, Danny, please?" Dan shouldn't have found that significant or even worthy of much thought (So Arin decided to say a slightly sexier version of his name while they were having sex. Big fucking deal.) but just the thought of "Oh, all my friends back home call me 'Danny'”  bumped into his mind and for a moment it made him feel a little homesick but he quickly snapped out of it. This wasn't the time to get distracted and feel sorry for himself. He had his lion's share of that already tonight. "Anything for you, baby girl. You're doing so good, you know that?" As he started to roll his hips and push into Arin faster, Arin made an curious noise. "What do you mean?" Dan laughed breathlessly. "You know...taking my cock like this." He pinched one of Arin's nipples between his fingers, making him throw his head back and whine piteously, his hips bumping back against Dan's needily. "Dan-neeeee..." Dan hissed, rubbing his thumb over the reddened nub, watching in awe as Arin furrowed his brow and bit at his lips. "You look so fucking good like this, baby girl. I can't fucking wait to make you come for me..." Arin moaned helplessly as Dan winced when Arin's short nails bit into the flesh of shoulders but he didn't mind the slight pain. "Uh huh...all for you..." Dan didn't know if he should keep playing the possessiveness angle but he could feel Arin's prostate within reach and he was trying unbelievably hard to pace himself and not come first. "I'm the only one who gets to do this...let everyone know you're all fucking MINE..." Diving into the crook of Arin's neck and sucked hard at the flesh of his neck as he continued to pulse his hips into Arin steadily. Arin gasped hard, his sweaty hands moving down Dan's back and clutching at him for dear life as he bowed his body upwards, his whole body giving a hard shudder as Dan accidentally (again) grazed Arin's prostate. "Don't stop, Dan...don't you dare fucking stop..." Arin's voice was a harsh whisper, going raw at the edges. Dan gulped; trying to catch his breath and passing his tongue over the bite, seeing it grow red and purple around the edges. "I'm not stopping until you come. I can go all night if I have to." That was a big, fat lie and he knew it. He really thought not being a virgin anymore himself, he'd have at least a fighting chance but this was a whole other ballpark entirely. Arin was way tighter and more responsive than the girl he lost it to and he was starting to get light-headed as he pounded away, drowning in the sounds of Arin's desperate sounds of pleasure, their bodies slapping against each other, the mattress squeaking, the wooden headboard clattering against the wall and the squealing bluesy guitars coming from his iPod. Also, if he was not mistaken, he could hear faintly the sounds of the TV, which he had forgotten to turn off. Dammit. Nothing he could do about it now. If he had ignored it up until now, he could ignore it a little longer. Dan planted his hands on the pillow on either side of Arin’s head gazing down at Arin twisted around underneath him, panting harshly through his open mouth and his eyes shut tight, wrapped from every direction in Arin, pulled into the hot, wet undertow of his body as his arms and legs held onto him. All that was coming out of Arin's mouth were desperate babbles, curses and his name, chanted over and over like a mantra as he pumped his hips against him in time with his own thrusts. He couldn't help looking on in awe that Arin caught up so quickly, babbling his own words of praise to Arin but not sure if he could even hear him over the sound of his own helpless, incoherent pants and choked out sobs of pleasure. Licking his moist lips, Dan murmured, "Arin, baby...are you close?" Arin's lips twitched. "Maybe? I...I don't know..." Dan gulped, thinking quickly. "Pull my hair, baby..." Arin hesitated. "Really?"
 
Dan nodded quickly. "Yeah! Just...tug on it a little." " 'kay..." He shivered as Arin's hot hand migrated to the back of his head, passing over the close-cropped curls before grasping a small handful and gave it a light tug. Dan tilted his head back, his brow knitting. "C'mon, Arin. A little harder, baby. You're not going to hurt me, I promise." "Okay..." Arin mumbled, unsure, in the same cadence as 'Well, you asked for it' but he cupped the side of Dan's head and gripped his hair tighter, sending a hot spike of arousal arcing down his spine and making him jerk his hips even harder into Arin, giving him the much-needed boost to hit Arin's prostate square on with fierce thrusts, making the younger man throw his head back and wail so loudly that he was afraid his neighbor in the next room might knock on the wall and tell them to quit with the noise...or possibly think he was murdering somebody in his room, then he realized he didn't give a shit. As surprising as it was to hear Arin lose his mind this loudly, it also filled with him with an unbearable hunger to see Arin come apart for him, just for him and if somebody else heard them, he found the idea of somebody else hearing Arin moan like a whore a huge turn-on, oddly enough, spurring him on.  Dan dug his nails into the downy pillow under Arin's head, panting hard with exertion. "That's it, baby...I want to hear you...let everybody in this hotel know what a little slut you are for my cock..." Arin whined, turning his face towards him and puffed hot air into his face before pulling Dan's head down and kissing him sloppily, all tongues and teeth, feeling saliva dribble over each other's over-sensitive lips. "D-d-dan...ple-...I'm so..." Arin choked out and Dan complied wordlessly, bucking his hips harder as Arin floundered against the damp bedding before snapping his hips hard against Dan and crying out as he drenched his stomach in hot, sticky cum, his legs shaking hard around his waist. Huffing hard, Dan grabbed Arin's hips roughly and pounded into him a few more times before gasping out Arin's name as he spilled himself into the condom so hard, he thought he’d pass out. Dan's body slumped to the side, loosening his grip, still panting hard as his vision went fuzzy around the edges. "Fuck...god...Dan..." Arin panted softly as he unfolded his legs but otherwise didn't make an effort to move from where he was. Dan gulped, still trying to catch his breath before he pulled out of Arin with a quiet grunt and flopped boneless onto bed beside him, vaguely aware of Arin’s jizz drying tacky on his stomach but not much caring at the moment, too tired to even take the condom off.  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Arin fumbling around beside him and heard him turn off the iPod before easing back down onto the bed. "God...heh, I might not be able to shit right for a while," Arin murmured before chuckling, bumping into Dan's shoulder. Dan furrowed his brow. "Ugh...jesus, Arin...why you gotta remind me about that? It took me at least a day to get over the idea I might have your shit on my hands...." Arin hummed. "Well...I mean, you're the only guy I'd let have my shit on his hands." Dan snorted. "That's flattering...I think." He sighed. "Can you hand me that bag on the floor?" With a grunt, Arin leaned over him and grabbed the plastic bag, setting it between them. Struggling to sit up, he fished for his bottle of Pepsi and handed Arin his 7-Up. "Thanks, man." Arin purred as Dan sat back down, uncapping it and gulping down the cool Pepsi greedily. Arin continued to rustle around inside the bag before pulling out a package of Twizzlers. "Aw, sweet! I love Twizzlers! How did you know?" Dan bobbed his shoulders before taking another sip, basking the warm glow as he could faintly make out "Cowboy Bebop" playing on the tiny hotel TV. "I'm just observant, that's all." ---“Hey, uh...Mr. Avidan? This is Walt from West Palm Beach Auto, calling about your car. Sorry for the long wait but man, those lovebugs really got in there good. Luckily they didn’t strip the paint, which they tend to do. Anyway, the good news is everything is good to go so you can go pick up your car sometime today. Have a good one.” Dan pushed the button, ending the voicemail. This was really happening. He had to leave. He put his forearm over his eyes, squeezing his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry from sheer frustration. He knew this day was coming but part of him, a big part, hoped it wouldn’t. He sighed wearily and dialed in Arin’s number.***Unloading all of Dan’s stuff into the car didn’t take too long, after Dan did most of the packing himself before Arin arrived. He didn’t have a lot of luggage or bags; just a suitcase full of clothes, his laptop, his phone and his “secret stash” as well the plastic bag of leftover candy from 7-11 that was going to have to tide him over for a while alone on the road. Shuttling the stuff back and forth from his room to the car, he was caught between wanting to do a quick job and getting it over and done with faster or taking his time to make the most of his last day in town with Arin. When it was finally done, it was mid-afternoon and boiling hot, Arin’s face flushed red and sweaty and his hair sticking messily to his forehead. Dan shut the trunk with a click of finality, sighing. “Well, that’s everything.” Arin sighed as well. “Yep.” The garage wasn’t busy by any means but there still people around, either working or just milling about. As much as he wanted to be more affectionate with Arin now, maybe give him a hug or a goodbye kiss, he couldn’t risk doing that in public and gaining unwanted attention. He felt Arin move closer, shifting around on the balls of his feet and not looking him fully in the eye. “Will you come back?” Dan smiled sadly. “Yeah. Not right away, and maybe not for a while but I will. I promise.” Arin looked up him, his brown eyes shimmering. “Yeah?” Dan scoffed. “Of course, dude. You’re...well, wrestling an alligator is up there but you’re easily the best part of this whole trip. I’ll have a hard time forgetting you.” Dan unlocked the driver’s side door and was about to step in when he had a flash of brilliance. “Wait a sec.” Arin looked up only to see Dan make a mad dash inside the garage’s main building and then come back out a minute later, fiddling with a plastic capsule. “Uh, what is that?” Arin said with a laugh, quirking an eyebrow at him. “Um...it’s since I don’t have anything to give you...well, it’s something to remember me by, I guess.” Dan popped the plastic top off and emptied the contents onto his palm before handing Arin a cheap plastic ring with a gaudy pink star-shaped gem in the center, also plastic. Arin laughed again, soft and flattered. “What, is this some kind of promise ring?” “Well, the sentiment is still there, I guess. Here…” He took the ring back and took Arin’s hand in his, fitting in onto Arin’s ring finger with a grunt of effort. “This better not get stuck on my finger, Dan.” Dan scoffed, rolling his eyes. Oh, Arin was going to hate him but he didn’t care. “It doesn’t matter. You’re already stuck on me so now we’re even.” Arin scowled and smacked the side of his arm, making Dan laugh harder. “Oh shut up, you big dingus!” Dan’s laughter subsided and he sighed wistfully. “Damn, I’m going to miss you.” Arin’s expression softened. “I’m going to miss you too.” Dan sighed again and stepped into his car, closing the door. Arin was still hovering by the door so he rolled the window down; still not ready to leave just yet. “Hey...we’ll keep touch, okay? I’ll give you my email, friend each other on MySpace. It’s not going to be forever.” He said that but he could feel deep down that this may be the last time for a while, maybe ever. Arin blinked rapidly, his eyes looking a lot more watery than they had before. “You better come back or I swear to God, I’ll-” Arin laughed humorlessly, his voice thick. “I will, big cat.” They stared at each other for a few moments before Arin quickly looked over his shoulder and leaned in through the window, kissing him on the lips. It happened only for an instant but Dan felt all the blood vessels in his face pop like firecrackers. “Heh, sorry but...I wanted to get one last one before you go.” Dan gave a shuddery laugh, his heart pulsing like crazy. “ ‘S okay, just...you almost gave me a fucking heart attack.” Dan started the car; looking back up at Arin with his wide shoulders slumped, putting on a brave face. The words stuck in his throat and he swallowed, trying not to let his voice wobble. If he started crying, he was afraid he might never stop. "Take care, Arin." Arin smiled back. "You too..." he murmured. No sense putting this off anymore, he reminded himself. Grabbing the gearshift, he put the car in drive and eased out of the garage slowly. A panic started to consume him. Please, let the car stall. Let it break down. Something, anything to get me to stay a little longer, but no such luck. The car was running perfectly and that actually pissed him off a little. His breathing was coming short, his mind spinning in senseless circles. 
Don't look back, don't look-
 Cursing under his breath, he glanced at the rear view mirror and he could see Arin standing in the distance, getting smaller and smaller...waving to him sadly. "Oh fucking...god dammit..." he groaned, gripping the steering wheel hard, an avalanche of tears falling down his face as he merged onto the highway. Desperately, with his free hand, he groped blindly in the bag of candy sitting on the passenger seat and tore off a piece of Laffy Taffy, his heart imploding in a million, messy pieces. Now I know what it feels like, to leave a piece of your heart behind, he thought as his “Hysteria” tape segued into, appropriately, “Love Bites”. ---And for a while, Dan made good on his promise to Arin, at least to a point. Arin was disappointed to learn Dan was one of those people who updated their MySpace very sporadically, if at all. They exchanged emails but it felt very...cold and impersonal, despite knowing just a little more about the guy he fell in crazy, stupid love with over the summer. Dan was going to college so it left him too busy to write or message as often as he liked. Out of the blue one day, he sent a email saying "for reference :)" with a zip file of pictures of him, hanging out and goofing off with his friends in New York as well as some pictures of Dan with his shirt off or staring into the camera (at him) with such a heavy-lidded gaze it made his heart race. He still couldn't listen to Jimi Hendrix without blushing uncontrollably or popping a guilty boner, being transported back to when Dan was hovering above him, his molten hazel eyes boring into him and panting such sweet, dirty things to him.  But eventually, they lost touch. Phones got replaced, emails went unanswered, MySpace pages began to collect dust. Still, part of him couldn't forget Dan entirely: his soft curly brown hair, his eyes sparkling with laughter, his childlike giggles at everything, his lithe swimmer's body, his hands rough with guitar calluses, his...everything, even the stanky pot smell that hung off him like a cloud. He never told anybody about Dan, why whenever his mother would bring him up in passing, he'd shrug and hide behind vague blanket statements. He never even told his girlfriend Suzy, and he made a point to tell her everything. He trusted her but he couldn't trust himself to re-open that old wound.  He moved to California with Suzy and eventually his friend Ross told him about a band called Ninja Sex Party that he had to check out. He contacted their Youtube page and was surprised to get a response back and soon, one of the members said they'd come to LA to talk to him about maybe collaborating on something. He was on pins and needles, chewing on his thumbnail outside the restaurant. What if they were stuck-up assholes? What if nothing came from this meeting? His head was turned away when he heard someone approach him. "Hey, uh...are you egoraptor?" "Huh?" He turned as was greeting but a softly smiling tall guy with curly brown tangles of hair. "Oh...yeah! I'm..." he scoffed. "Yeah, that's me. Nice to meet you..." and held out his hand to shake. His face brightened. "Awesome! It's nice to meet you too! I love your cartoons, they are so damn funny. Oh, uh, my name is Danny, by the way." Arin scoffed again, dropping his hand to his side. "Thanks. Nice to meet you, Danny." He was about to gesture for them to go inside and get a table but he say Danny tilt his head to the side like a curious dog. "Nice ring. You married?" "Huh?" Arin looked down at his ring, the cheap plastic ring Dan gave him. He didn't wear it all the time (he had to take it off when he showered or when he was going to bed or it'd get stuck) but age had stripped the silver finish in spots and the star-shaped gem had dulled. He shook his head. "Naw, it's just..." he rolled his thumb over the band, smiling fondly.”...someone...really special gave it to me." Arin sighed and shook his head again. He didn't feel like getting sentimental over something as silly as his ring. He didn't even know why he still wore it. "Anyway, do you want to-" Danny was squinting at him before sputtering. "Yeah, sure, it's just...weird. I think I've seen a ring like that before." Arin shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you, dude. It's a cheap vending machine thing." "Yeah, but..." then Danny broke off in a sigh. "It's weird to ask but...did you used to live in Florida?" "Uh, yeah. Why?" Then Danny's eyes went wide, stumbling backwards a little. "In...West Palm Beach?" "Yeah?" Arin looked around, confused. "Why?" "I...is...your name, I mean, your real name...Arin?" Arin blinked. "Yeah? I mean, how did-?" Danny huffed in frustration, brushing his hair from his face. "Because...we've met before. Remember?" It was Arin's turn to squint at Danny, really looking closely this time. The hair was a big longer but the face, the eyes, the body shape, even the voice... "Dan?" he murmured, unsure. Dan nodded. "Yeah...it's me. You know..." his cheeks dimpled. "The former...asshole pothead Jew." Arin gave Dan no time to react before he launched himself at him, not sure what to do with his hands or body as the feelings surged through him. People were staring at them and for the moment he was too chicken-shit to attempt to do the the cheesy rom-com spinning in place move but he was sorely tempted to anyway. "Oh my fucking god, it's you..." he murmured, still not believing it. “It’s really you…” Dan chuckled softly, rubbing his back. "Yeah...it's a-me." Arin pulled away and frowned, smacking Dan in the side of the arm, earning him a surprised "Ow!" "You said you'd come back. You..." He furrowed his brow, willing himself not to cry. "You promised me." Dan's face fell and for an instant, Arin felt guilty for pulling that card, putting Dan on the spot like that. "Ar, I...I did. But..." he sighed, lowering his eyes. "You weren't there. And...I didn't have your number anymore." He rolled his eyes heavenward. "Believe me, I spent an entire day just going around town looking for you and I couldn't look you up in the phone book because I didn't know your last name. Or your address." Dan looked back at him with such forlorn puppy dog eyes, his heart crushed inside. "It was like...losing you all over again." That was right. He was probably in California by then. He was the one who didn't hold his end of the promise, not Dan. Arin hung his head until he felt Dan's arms winding around him, crushing him to his chest. "Hey, it's okay. It's not your fault." He cupped Arin's jaw, tilting his face up. "I was right about one thing, though." Arin searched his face. "What's that?" "That it wouldn't be forever...for us to find each other again." Arin scrunched up his face, trying to stem the emotions threatening to leak out of his eyes. Damn Dan for getting sappy now. "Shut...shut the fuck up..." Dan laughed, his breath hitting his face as his lips pressed gently against his wrinkled forehead. "Mmm, not a chance...baby girl."