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It was a dark and starry night when my eyes fluttered shut for the last time against the image of my quarters. Now stretched wide in front of me was a forest thick with trees, their rich greens and pregnant branches. Again tonight I will look for him, call to him the same as every night for more than two years. I step forward, my long gown rustling over forest floor behind me. I see him here often, far away. His fur black, and his many eyes red, ferocious, protected. When I reach for him, run to him he turns from me.“Vhenan!” I call, only to be answered by the songs of the forest. “Where are you?” my voice is small and though I have only been searching for a few moments it sounds defeated.I indulge myself into the woods to find myself at a well. I look into my reflection, and gaze upon myself. The years have done me many favors, I do not look as old as I feel. Here in the fade I still have both of my arms, the anchor still glows softly in my palm, the elegant Vallaslin still gone from my face serves only as a reminder to what, who, I have lost. When I trace my fingers over the graves of the markings I picture the paintings of Fen’Harel freeing the evanuris, blind to the destruction he would cause. I hear the disruption of leaves behind me, and when I look to inquire about my company I was expecting a wild hart, a halla even.“You are beautiful.” Solas say softly, his face solemn.My eyes are wide open in doubt, and I cannot believe what is before me. “Solas… is that you?”“It is I, Vhenan.”“Where are you Solas?”“Tonight I am here with you.”“Solas, please” I start, but am interrupted.“I plead with you to not ask any questions, Vhenan. I ask of you to forget what you found when you followed me through the eluvian. Please, Ellana, listen to what I say.”He steps closer to me, and he is himself right now, he is who I remember. His simple clothes are worn now like a sad memory, right now he is not Fen’Harel, he is Solas, ma Vhenan“Solas,” I reach for him but he puts his arms up defense“Can you hear what I have to say, Vhenan?” his expression is serious as he looks away from me.“Yes, I can.”Finally his eyes meet mine. They are wet and heavily lidded as he gazes upon me through his long lashes.“I have not stopped thinking of you, Vhenan. My heart- my spirit is weighted by your presence in my journey. You are everything I did not expect to find when I woke from my slumber. This you already know, but I need you to believe me. I ask you to know what I tell you is truth.” He pauses for a moment letting the silence around us build the weight of his next words. “Ar lath ma, Vhenan. That is my truth, never did I intend to do so, never did I mean for this. Nothing that I did or said was a part of manipulation in regards to our close and personal relationship, though I fear it may seem that way.” He was stepping closer to me now, his hand reaching for me. Tears were threatening to spill over his cheeks. “You leave me to desire a realm in which I did not have walk my path.”“Solas, you don't have to do this... Please...”“Tonight is not the night to change my mind, I fear.” His hand enclosed around mine as he pulled me from my seat, and embraced me. Tears are running hot against my neck as he says, “If you would have me, Vhenan, tonight I desire to show to you my love, now that you know all that I am, all that I intend to become, however regretful it is. Let me lay with you. Here in the fade I know it is not as real to you, but this is my last and only chance.”A long and full silence fell like the veil over us. My cheeks were as hot and wet as my neck and shoulder now. My long arms grasped tight around Solas, clutching him as we wept, the familiar fabric of his tunic leaving me a desire for simper times. His hands fisted my gown at my back. I doubt whether I can resist myself this offer, this chance to be with the only man I have ever loved. But what stands in front of me, weeping in my arms is no man. He is the rebel god, the wolf that plans to tear the veil down, shred it with his teeth and leave the rest of my world in flames, me left behind in it.In my ear he whispers, “Vhenan, Vhenan, Vhenan,” as he shakes. “I have thought of you every day, I have craved your wisdom and beauty. Missed your laughs and thirst for knowledge. Regretted a dalish could change my mind about them, about the whole world.” His arms release me, and I reluctantly do the same. When my arms fall to my sides, he takes my hand in his and runs his thumb over my knuckles. His other hand leaves his side and he wipes my tears from my cheeks and holds my face. I cannot do the same for him, his tears are the only thing that keeps me distracted from the wolf I know is inside.His thumb runs over my cheeks as I turn my face into his hand, my lips find his palm and it is there that I place a full and tender kiss. His eyes widen at my silent decision and more tears come silently from him now. “I know you must not be able to forgive me for what I must do.”“I would come with you if I could, Vhenan.” I know that with my words I forsake my world, forsake all that my people have built for themselves since the veil destroyed our kingdom, but I do not care. I love this man before me, I did not meet with him for two years and still I loved him. His path was to be bloody, violent, disturbed, but his purpose was to restore our people, to recreate the land in which we walk in the fade. Regretfully it was a path I would walk along.“Come with me tonight, Vhenan.” I followed as he led me into the forest. We walked silently for some time until we came upon a temple, not unlike the ones I found when I walked through the eluvian. Solas guided me to a room, it was large and dim. The open windows were breached with overgrown vines and tree limbs and leaves littered the floor. If Solas had been staying here it was hard to tell.“Do not bother remembering this place, Vhenan. It is unlikely I will ever return here after this night.” He leaves my side to sit at the desk in the room. “I should not have brought you here, Vhenan, I am selfish far too often.”I walk to him carefully and hold him again in my arms, his face rests against my chest.“Let me be selfish too.” I whisper as I gift him with small kisses along his head, cheek, and neck while I kneel before him on the floor. He has to lean to meet me when he kisses me, it is slow, agonizing. My heart fills with love at the same time it shatters like glass to a million pieces. I open my eyes as I hear his chair scrape back against the floor, expecting him to leave again, but his weight presses firm against me, urging me to the stone floor. He is gentle, and passionate, between us are no hot and hurried kisses. He removes himself from me and suddenly I am shivering with cold from the absence of his body. He returns from the closet with a fur and lays it on the bed behind me. Then he comes to me, kneels at my side and cradles me in his arms.“Ir abelas, Vhenan.”“Hush now, my love.” I sooth him while I pet his cheeks.He lifts me in his arms and stands to carry me to the bed. He joins me there, and caresses me as he sobers his eyes from tears. He runs a hand over my hair as he peppers my neck with kisses.“Ar lath ma, Solas.” I tell him, I need him to know. Suddenly he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his lap. He sits up as I lean to meet his mouth with mine. After moments of open mouthed kisses, he reaches his tongue out for mine, and I comply with a soft and quiet moan. All I wish for is to be a part of him, to weld our bodies together as one, so we can never part again. Too quickly he parts from me, reaching to pull his tunic over his head, and attentively I set to the side of his lap and make to untie his breeches. I pull them off slowly along with his boots, watching him watch me, his face full of affection and spilling with sorrow.I reach for his small clothes and wait for his answer, he nods to me approvingly. Once he sits bare in front of me, he reaches his hand back to me, pulling me back on to his lap leaving my gown to pool around my waist, flowing over both our legs. He moves his mouth against my collar bone and slides his fingers under the straps of my gown, moving them down over my shoulders. I respond to his request, lifting my arms out of the strap, exposing my bare breasts. Solas is tender with his movements, dressing me in kisses and attentive caresses. He is hard beneath my lap and he groans as I rock myself against him.“Take me, Vhenan.” I beg, my voice breathy and thick between kisses, lifting myself high enough from his lap to grant him the space to move into me. We rock together, held tightly in each other’s arms, his head tucked loving in the crook of my neck. His groans spread hot breath over my body. I cry out with each thrust in pleasure as my core is ignited in such a heat it can only be compared to the breath of dragons.Well past the time to depart, we stay entangled in one another, laying under the fur, whispering quiet words of stories. Living like it is still two years ago, and nothing sinister has ever transpired around us.“Vhenan, it is time for us to go.” He tells me. “You have duties to attend to, agents of Fen’Harel to find, armies to lead.”“No, Solas, please do not make me let you go. I desire nothing more than to stay here with you in the Fade.”“I wish this could be done. Alas, we must return to our opposing duties.” He looks longingly at me and his eyes fill with tears again as he says, “It is time for you to –wake up-.”