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This morning was the first morning that Dean had been able to start his day with a calm cup of coffee. Cas was back to being, well, being Cas. Dean relaxed at the kitchen table, looking over his silent companion.
Dean was happy to have the ‘old’ Cas back. He hadn’t been prepared for Castiel being trapped in a female vessel. It really shouldn’t have been an issue. Castiel wasn’t his body; he was an angel, huge and without gender. Dean knew that, reminded himself of it every morning when he’d walk into the kitchen and a woman with auburn hair and supple breasts stood at the coffeemaker fiddling with the buttons, waiting for her unnecessary coffee.
The female body had been beautiful, absolutely stunning. If it hadn’t been Cas, Dean may have been interested. Fuck it, he had been interested. He’d been so interested that he had been visiting the bathroom on a doubly frequent basis during Cas’ time in the other vessel.
Really, Dean should have been grateful, grateful that Castiel hadn’t completely been obliterated when the monster used the hex-bag-bomb. He should have been grateful that another angel was willing to ask and persuade one of their own vessels to house the somewhat incompatible angel until his own vessel was healed, regrew? There had been VERY little of the Jimmy-shell left after the nasty magic of the hex bag had obliterated it.
All of the evidence pointed to the obvious conclusion that Dean should have felt relieved to have Cas safe even if that meant that the angel was in a different and extremely attractive, female vessel.
But male Cas was what he was used to and as much as Dean argued for the opposite, he didn’t like change. He liked the idea that the female vessel, or rather the human that possesses full control over the body yet again, was back where she was supposed to be. He was glad to be rid of her tempting visage.
He liked Cas. He didn’t want Cas to think that he likes him for his body. Part of Dean ran over the idea in his head late at night, possibly early morning. The idea of falling into the welcoming arms of lust and sex, taking Castiel up on that offer he’d once made, ‘We can be whatever you want us to be, Dean’.
He wanted to make Cas his.
But, he knew that Cas would get the wrong idea if Dean fell to that temptation as soon as he hopped into a female vessel. Castiel would use his analytical brain – or whatever an angel has – and come to the wrong conclusion that Dean was only taking that physical step because he’d taken a female form, which was not the truth.
So far from the truth.
It was strange to describe. At first, Dean had been completely repulsed by the female vessel. It hid his friend in unrecognizable movements and stances; it hadn’t been Cas. The woman didn’t move like Cas. She was too soft around the edges and too hard on others. Her frame was slighter, so even when the gestures matched those of his friend, they had looked alien, like a cheap replica.
That poor copy kept Dean’s reflexes at their peak. He felt as if it was some sort of copycat monster that he had to fight or get rid of. He repeatedly had to smooth down his own hackles to keep his hunting instincts in check. This was Cas. This wasn’t some intruder or enemy; this was his nerdy, little angel.
But that wasn’t quite right either. The constant reminders to himself also reminded him that Castiel was anything but a naïve, harmless creature. Every time he calmed the hunter inside of him, agitated by the strange dance that Castiel had taken in his new form; he would also become intensely aware that Castiel wasn’t connected to a certain body, that he was superhuman. The idea was foreign to Dean after so many years of Castiel fighting by his side.
But that poor copy of Castiel had gradually learned the movements. It started to become the same wonky Castiel that he had been in the Jimmy-vessel. The day that the female vessel managed the Cas-squint was the day that Dean had fallen in love with his friend all over again. It was like he was relearning Castiel.
In actuality, it was more like Castiel relearning himself, er, herself, but Dean still found a sort of growth in it.
Through this experience, he realized that Castiel was it. He was smitten. He was irreversibly in love with this creature, this superhuman being. This Castiel.
His Castiel.
But shortly after falling in love with his best friend all over again, he had found that that love spread from his heart to his groin. But the timing was wrong. As much as Castiel had experienced on earth, as much as the angel had studied humans and interacted with them, Dean knew that the next step in their relationship had to be taken carefully.
“Where would one get their ears pierced?”
Dean almost spit his coffee across the table. Castiel had been spending his morning perfectly intent on silence and, honestly, Dean had too much to think about, to plan, to spend his time talking unnecessarily. “Wha- what was that?” Dean put his coffee mug down on the table, preparing in the case that he had heard Castiel correctly the first time and was about to hear the same thing again.
Turning a semi-squint in Dean’s direction, Castiel leveled him with his blue eyes.
That was one thing that Dean hadn’t missed when Castiel was a woman, the eyes. The female vessel’s eyes had been green but they had managed to be Castiel. The hopelessly romantic part of Dean that he kept buried under layers upon layers of whiskey and devil’s traps couldn’t help but take notice that Dean could undoubtedly recognize Castiel. Perhaps Dean would be able to find Castiel no matter what shape he took; perhaps Dean was so hopelessly in love that he would recognize that gaze anywhere. Even from the deep green eyes of the auburn-haired woman.
Castiel jerked his head a little, cocking an ear toward Dean, one of his usual movements looking entirely at home on his recovered frame. “Where can I get my ears pierced?”
Okay, so Dean hadn’t been going crazy. “I dunno? Claire’s? A tattoo shop?” Dean shifted in his chair, taking the extra step to also shift his pajama pants. Ever since his brain had made the decision to tell Cas that he wanted to take their relationship to the next step, the rest of his body had become impatient. “Why?” Dean’s voice dipped down in concern.
One of Castiel’s hands came up to his ear and he fiddled a little with the lobe. “I kind of liked the ornamentation that it allowed.” Castiel looked over at the wall and continued to worry over his ear lobe.
Dean couldn’t even be upset. He was… enchanted, charmed. All he could do was sit there with a stupid smile on his face. He was so happy to have his Cas back; to have the man that he’d grown accustomed to. This sort of question was so very ‘Cas’ that it couldn’t possibly make him anything but happy. “That is one of the reasons people do it.”
“There was other reasons?” Castiel’s hand fell away from his ear and he returned curious eyes to Dean.
Nodding, Dean picked up his cup and grinned over the lip of it. “A lot of young girls see it as a rite of passage. Some boys too. Some parents have their baby’s ears pierced at birth as a sign of wealth or luxury.” He shrugged a little and leaned onto the table with an elbow. He was so happy that his Cas was back that he felt drunk, inebriated, high on happiness. He lazed forward until his nose was close to Castiel’s. “Other people do it to be pretty.”
Castiel didn’t move away. He didn’t back down from Dean’s advance and, honestly, Dean hadn’t expected him to. Castiel wasn’t as aware of personal space, especially when it came to Dean’s. “When you put it like that…” Castiel shifted his gaze away, but didn’t move his head.
“What?”
Eyes resettling on Dean, Castiel gave a little huff that Dean could feel across his face.
Dean groin insisted on how extremely inviting the warmth felt. Luckily, his brain was still, mostly, in control of all of this. He really wanted to discuss the change in their relationship before he made any sudden changes to it. He wanted to make sure that Castiel was on the same page before anything happened. Maybe Castiel had changed his mind about Dean; perhaps when Dean wasn’t paying good enough attention he had retracted the offer.
A cool shift in the air where Castiel sharply inhaled, pulling air across Dean’s face, brought Dean’s attention back to his friend. “You make it sound so vain.” His eyes look a little sad.
Schooling everything about his body, Dean breathed out, “It’s okay to want something for yourself every once in a while.” He closed his eyes tight. He was really trying not to do something stupid.
Dean’s eyes snapped back open when he felt something brush his nose. It was Castiel’s nose; the angel had basically nuzzled him, rubbing the tip of his nose up the side of Dean’s. Then Castiel froze, nose still touching, and poised to kiss him.
In a whisper that almost sounded like a growl, Castiel grit out, “Why don’t you take your own advice?”
With a whimper, Dean did.