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Kageyama Tobio never takes time for granted.At this point, it’s not even an opinion anymore. It’s just a universal fact. Everyone who knows him knows that and appreciates it. The coach of the Japanese Volleyball Team is always pleased with him because Tobio is very punctual and has never missed a single practice. His friends unanimously agree that this quality makes him the most reliable person they’ve ever met because he gives his all without wasting a single moment and commits to attend every get-together he agrees to. His mother loves that he’s prompt about visiting her every weekend that he doesn’t have practice or a game.No matter what, Tobio handles time with care. Today is no different.Well, it is different. It is the one day of the year when he gives all his time to the one person that matters the most. It’s definitely a special day.Every year, without fail, Tobio ensures that he is absolutely free this day; his coach has marked it as his designated holiday ever since Tobio joined, his family does not ask him to come for dinner if the day falls on a weekend, and he turns down all invitations to spend time with other people.Today, he takes his time waking up; it’s rare for him to wake up this late, at least for the past few years. As he gazes at the alarm clock, which is a few seconds away from ringing, a memory from his first year at Karasuno comes to him.
“How can you possibly wake up this early? You must be superhuman.”
“Heh, such high praise for a commoner like me. Your Highness must still be half asleep.”
Eyes widening at the recollection, Tobio quickly shuts the alarm off before it can ring and rushes off to the bathroom. He spends about 15 minutes in total but makes sure to clean up properly. It’s an important day, after all.
“So this is the secret to your perfect hair, spending 20 minutes in the shower, huh? Not that I mind; the strawberry-scented conditioner I gave you is driving me insane, and I want to make a complete mess of you right now.”
“I don’t have practice, and you don’t have to be at the lab. So what’s stopping you?”
Tobio makes himself a light breakfast consisting of toast and a glass of milk. One sweeping glance around the kitchen and the living room confirms that the house is clean.He frowns at the dining table for a moment. I need to buy flowers today, he thinks to himself and mentally adds the task to his list of things to do.He doesn’t need a single moment of contemplation to know which flowers he wants.
“What’s your favorite flower, Tobio? I wanted to get you some since our very first date, but I didn’t want to pick incorrectly, so. Hahaha, I bet it’s something cliché like roses.”
“I don’t really have a favorite flower… OI! What do you mean by cliché, huh?!”
“Ow, that hurt. Professional volleyball players should realize how strong they are."
“And professors good enough to be offered a job at the best university in Japan should be smart enough to not poke fun at their boyfriends, yet here we are. Ah, but since we’re at the florist, what’s your favorite? I’ll pay.”
“Orchids.”
As Tobio drives, he notices how sunny it is outside. Nice and warm, he notes, just as he would want it to be.His lover never did like the cold weather, even though he always made sure the bedroom was cool, too cool for Tobio, at night. Tobio only found out the hidden benefits later that first night, as they lay in the bed they had gotten custom-made for taller-than-average people, which they were.
“If it’s too cold for you, we could cuddle together, you know.”
Till date, Tobio keeps the room much cooler than he would have preferred before they started living together.It’s a long drive; his destination is on the other side of town, but he doesn’t mind the distance or the effort. He has always been the designated driver, regardless of how drunk or sober his fellow passengers are. Some of his best memories are associated with driving too, such as rushing Hitoka to the hospital when her water broke, looking for a convenience store open at 2 AM because someone was hungry, or getting away from the city on a holiday and going to the beach.
“I’m glad we come here so often, I like the ocean a lot.”
Let me guess, is it because the ocean is blue like my eyes or something?”
“Well, that’s the obvious reason, sure. But look at how powerful it is. It stays within its limits now, and everything looks calm, just like you. But a wave high enough could drag me under, you know. Just like your love did.”
“Ugh… your sappy lines will drag me under someday. You’re lucky you’re beautiful.”
“You don’t even mean that jab, do you? You just really wanted an excuse to compliment me, isn’t that right, Tobio?”
Presently, Tobio parks his car, and after examining his appearance in the rearview mirror, picks up the bouquet of flowers from the backseat and heads off. He’s right on time.The memories that have been playing in his mind like songs on a playlist are overflowing now as if the person with the control has pressed fast forward somewhere inside him.And if it was slightly overwhelming before, now he feels like he’s drowning.There’s an odd buzzing in his ears, and his legs seem to have gone numb, and he knows why. It’s because of the gravestone he’s looking at right now.
Tsukishima Kei
Beloved son, brother, husband, and friend.
"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.”- Benjamin FranklinKei hadn’t wanted anything he’d said on his own gravestone, to Tobio’s consternation, when his parents had finally plucked up the courage to ask. Tobio doesn’t have a particularly good memory for this kind of stuff, but he remembers this specific quote perfectly.He recalls hearing it for the first time about five and half years ago, in Kei’s voice, as the latter read it aloud from his book, sitting in the hospital bed.
“This is one of my favorite quotes. I heard it as a child, and have tried to implement it in my life as much as I can.”
“Hmmm, so the guy just wants us all to be efficient and manage our time well, right?”
“Basically, yeah.”
“Is this why you’re do everything in such a timely fashion, Kei?”
“Ah, now you know my secret.”
Kei passed away five months from that day.Tobio’s head is spinning now. He’s just barely aware of the tears flowing down his cheeks, and broken sob that has just escaped his mouth. The hands clutching the bouquet are shaking violently.Please stop, he thinks.
“Tobio, whatever you do, don’t waste away. I know you will grieve, but the important thing is to go on after that. Live a full life for me, okay? Don’t stop hanging out with our friends, and be a good godfather to their children. Play volleyball on the international stage, and be sure to defeat Shrimpy at last. Meet someone someday that you want to treasure like you have treasured me. Pass on those enchanting blue eyes, the silky black hair, the passion for volleyball to children of your own. Promise me.”
“I promise.”
Make it stop, Tobio urges himself. The memories only cross his mind faster, now in the form of images.
Kei’s side of the bed in their apartment, his set of keys, meticulously placed on his bedside table, Kei’s alarm clock from high school that Tobio has refused to stop using even today, despite how old it is. Kei’s record player that has witnessed several episodes of Kei’s graceful and Tobio’s clumsy dancing, the wall covered in bookshelves that hold Kei’s graduate dissertation, the textbooks he wrote, and the many books he bought for his research, as well as the novels they both liked to read. His glasses tucked away in a corner in the drawer of Tobio's bedside table.
The photograph hanging above their bed, taken on their wedding day.
Kei’s many expressions that no one had expected from the otherwise stoic man.
Kei’s smile, something that had shown itself more and more often over the course of his life. According to Tobio, it should be a crime to look that good by performing an action as simple and effortless as that. No one was spared from its breathtaking charm, not even on the day he died.
Kei, now buried six feet under for over five years.
And when the montage ends, Tobio finds himself on his knees in front of the grave, a soothing voice in his ear. It’s Hitoka.“Tobio-kun, please calm down… can you hear me?”He says nothing, throat raw from the crying, and simply nods in response. He can't remember when they got here. Tadashi appears at her side, a somber expression on his face as he gently frees the bouquet from Tobio's hands and sets it down next to another bouquet of pink carnations. That color must've been Hitoka's idea, Tobio reasons absentmindedly. Shouyou appears at Tobio's other side, takes out his handkerchief and hands it to Hitoka, who starts to wipe Tobio’s face.For the first time since he got here, Tobio can hear the birds chirping in the trees planted along the perimeter of the cemetery. He feels peaceful.His friends must have sensed that he wants to be alone with Kei for a few minutes, because they are now standing further away, granting him privacy.Taking a deep breath, Tobio lets his thoughts flow.“It’s been another year, and I’ve been adhering to most of your wishes, Kei. Hitoka and Tadashi had a son they named after you, and they named me his godfather. And the four, well five of us, if you count Shouyou, each lunch together at least once a week. They’re all here, by the way. I still don’t drink much, even though I know that no amount of me being sober is going to make me your designated driver ever again. And no, I am still not dating,” Tobio says in a rush. “I just don’t know how much longer I can do this for because none of this can ever restore the time that was stolen from you. No matter how efficient I have become, no matter how punctual I am, you're not here. I don't even know who I'm living by your principles for. Because all the time in the world cannot bring you back to me.”He chokes back a sob when he realizes the meaning of the words he has just said.He also realizes that his voice got progressively louder over the course of his monologue and that his three friends are all crying now.Getting ready to go to sleep, Tobio looks at the orchids he bought on the way back home, in the vase on the dining table. As he dwells on how the vibrant purple sharply contrasts the white backdrop provided by the walls, he realizes something important. And it makes him amend his statement from before.All the time in the world cannot bring you back, but even in your absence, you still manage to add color to my otherwise lackluster life.For the first time in five years, Tobio smiles as brightly and openly as he used to in Kei’s presence.